Sexual Addiction: Real or Invented?
"My husband spends time on the Internet looking at pornography. He has "objectified" me and I am a means to his orgasm, not a person with needs and feelings. I have fed his addiction for years, so I am a co-addict. Our therapist says that sexual addiction is probably the most shameful of all the addictions and the most difficult addiction to recover from.
I still have so far to go, and I believe that with someone else's understanding and support, I will be OK. I just don't have any support now. Sexual addiction isn't socially acceptable. It's not like talking about alcohol addiction, because it is personal and it is more than self-inflicted. Everyone in the relationship suffers.
What do you think about sexual addiction?"
I think you might be surprised by what I think. I believe there are people who become obsessive in their behavior and neglect their responsibilities. Do they deserve the special category of "sex addict"? Not in my opinion.
I hold the viewpoint that the concept of sexual addiction was created by factions of the mental health community who were personally uncomfortable with robust sexuality and who possibly also wanted to create a new way of attracting therapy clients. The problem is, those who "treat" sexual addiction, by their own admission, are treating something that is "untreatable." Read any of the literature from the sex addiction field and one finds that it cannot be "cured." That's a nice way to keep a full therapy practice.
In the 1950s, Alfred Kinsey, the lead author of the famous "Kinsey Report,"was credited with having said, "Someone is 'promiscuous' when they've had more sex partners than you have." Of course, he was speaking about the issues of perceptions and personal standards. The use of the Internet today for sexual purposes offers a current day sexual philosopher a similar opportunity to comment, "Someone is a 'sex addict' if he (the usual gender of the labeled party) spends more time online looking at sexual images than his mate does." In some cases, the "more time online" needs only to be greater than zero.
The issue of sex addiction didn't begin with the advent of the Internet, but it sure has been fueled by it. Prior to the Internet, people used magazines, books, and videos to create arousal when they didn't feel like resorting to their own minds. The ease with which a person can click from one image to the next does invite some people to spend a great deal of time looking. Prior to the Internet, it took more "dedication" to create a large collection, but that didn't mean that some people weren't spending a lot of time.I think that the use of explicit images can be very beneficial to some people and to some relationships. Generally, when people see it somewhat similarly, that's when the benefit can occur. When there's a large discrepancy between the two viewpoints, that's when a relationship can get into some difficulties.
Next: The reason the 12-step model won't workRelated Topics: Sex on the Net, Cybersex: Is it Cheating?
91 Comments:
This is nuts, of course there is such a thing as a sexual addiction ! When one puts their own life and security in jeopardy, in pursuit of sexual liaisons, for no other reason than sexual gratification, then this is certainly a lot more than just “ peeping at girlie magazines” , or having more sex than the other guy does.
The danger ,and the risk of losing it all , if they are caught, the rush of brain chemicals that are similar to those found in certain elicit drugs, are just some of the clues that a sexual addiction is just as destructive as alcoholism. People lose jobs, families, community respect, worldly possessions, their health, and sometimes their lives. Don’t say this isn’t an addiction. Just look at the chemical profiles of the sex addicts brain.
I have a couple of comments.
First, Louanne, behaviors may be compulsive, but are not obsessive (thoughts may be obsessive).
Secondly, for a sane approach to sexuality, I'd like to recommend Dr. Marty Klein. The URL to his web site is:
http://www.sexed.org/
Teresa Yager, MA, LMHC
Louanne is absolutely right, and it is a pleasant surprise! The "sex addiction" cottage industry is very much about insurance reimbursements for treating a nonexistent disease seasoned with a deep marinade of sex negativity.
The woman who wrote in is being badly served indeed by her counselor. He is helping her pathologize her own behavior and that of her husband, instead of helping them adjust more comfortably to using explicit materials as aids to their mutual sexual pleasure.
Kudos to you for telling the truth!
Jim Fleckenstein
President
Institute for 21st Century Relationships
The way sex addiction was presented in the article, I agree that the definition of "sex addiction" through viewing pornography and such is bunk. Sounds like porn addiction. However, when I think of "sex addiction", I think of, perhaps, young females who were sexually abused in the past or mistreated by a male role model, and they look to the act of sex as something giving them worth and value, as if this is the only way they can be truly loved. It's a lack of self-worth and a problem with identity. Very sad, I admit, but here we have a misconstrued view of sexuality, as opposed to an excuse for lewd behavior.
I guess I would like to ask what is the definition you are using of "addiction"? There are chemical changes that occur in the brain as a result of viewing sexual images. If that is not addiction, then what is. Porn is a big money industry and they count on that addiction - that's why they offer a little and then tantalize the viewers to "big Money" sites with more explicit material. It escalates in the true nature of an addiciton.
Obsessive, compulsive, out of control and dangerous behavior are what 'sex addicts' live with. Often this compulsion is a symptom of depression. There are many people who think of sex constantly, and their obsessive thoughts leave them in a state where they are not able to lead stable productive lives and carry on healthy long-term relationships. Drug addicts and alcoholics face the same painful cycle of dependency; and they also live with the same deep shame that sex addicts do. To suggest that obsessive sexual behavior does not resemble addiction is ignorant.
Sex addiction is a lot like a breathing addiction - i.e. bunk!!! It is impossible to be addicted to a natural human urge.. Brain chemicals arereleased wigth almost every thing we do as humans so that definition is bunk too.. What a load of c*&p.
WOW..I am so shocked by what has been said. I am married to someone labeled as a "sex addict" and has been through two 28 day programs.
It is a pathologic behavior, whether you want to label it an addiction or sexual compulsiveness. It does destroy families and jobs are lost. To say it is normal is nuts. These men LUST...they go after younger girls, and spend so much money on this compulsion, that the family falls in to financial ruin.
My ex husband had to have his fix so bad, that he took our children with him. I was on call in the hospital, and he pretended to go to his work. At work he was meeting younger co-workers for sex. My oldest child was exposed to this covert sexual abuse for 10 years. She had to lie and deceive. She is now a cutter.....and very emotionally damaged from this. SHe is in therapy.
He was so good at hiding this behavior for years.....I had no idea.....he is like a sociopath. My son injured his leg when he was taken with his Dad on one of his sexual excursions. I found out when my daughter became ill.
Soooo...it is a horrible mess to deal with and it is heartbreaking, as it destroys families and breaks hearts. I am so sad for the woman who wrote in.....this sexual compulsiveness is rooted in childhood abuse, and her husband needs help.
My husband's fix got more risky to get his high....so next came prostitutes and strip joints after I left him. He is now very sick, yet still wants his family back.
This is not healthy sex people!
when a behavior becomes a cycle of feeling good, then feeling shame and guilt, and having to repeat the behavior to feel good again, it seems to fit addiction. i am a sex addict, and it was clear an addiction in my mind. it began young, after sexual abuse and then the acting out that followed. unhappy with life, i escaped using sex. it was rush, a high for me to do this. then after, i felt sick and abnormal. i knew i was different from my 'normal' friends, and felt ashamed and guilty. to feel good, i would fire up another fantasy, or porn or whatever and escape and feel the rush again. over and over. sound familiar? i am sure any addict can tell a like tale.
is there a cure for any addiction? no. once an alcoholic, always one. sex addicts cant be cured, but can any addict be cured? no. they can cope and hold to a defined soberity, but no addict is ever cured.
in the end, label it compulsion or addiction is unimportant. those are only names. the real issues that need adressed are those that drestroy families and people. names become kind of mute when you are the one hurting.
As the wife of an addict, and may i add, a wife currently waiting for the results that may confirm I have an std from my husband's activity, I was appalled at the initial comments by what is obviously a text book psychologist. Please acknowledge this woman's pain and suffering- please acquaint yourself personally with somebody with this experience, and see for yourself the experience and its impact on both parties, just because it is not convincing in print in some text book does not mean it is not true.
This kind of attitude keeps the victims suffering in isolation.
I think I am so mad and disappointed i dont know what to say.
To Dr Cole-Weston,
Your position is untenable and poorly informed. Read just one book, In The Shadows of the Net by Carnes et al and acquaint yourself with the faces of sexual addiction.
If you can read the case reports documented in this riveting book and be unconvinced of the legitimacy of this clinical entity, I would seriously question your objectivity.
Your position on this issue most assuredly does NOT serve your readers.
Addiction to sex and pornography is as real as any other type of addiction and there are different levels of addiction. Long term conditioning exercises will eventually reverse the process that results in this type addiction but few addicts are sufficiently motivated to persevere until their addiction is eliminated. More information at www.sexualaddictionsinternetclinic.com
I think Dr Weston's comments and perspective are better suited to a professional discussion than one for the general public. I believe the "addiction" approach is one kind of frame for addressing problematic behavior, and for many it gives a helpful perspective and a way to deal with shame, at least in the short run. I am an alcoholic and have been helped immensely by a 12-step program but do not have to think this is the "whole truth" about where my behavior comes from nor the only way it could be treated. (In fact I have experienced a number of different therapeutic approaches.) Speaking of cottage industries, a lot of ink has been spilled on criticizing AA and offering "secular" or clinical alternatives. I wonder what reasons will be offered on why 12-step programs "won't work". Potentially a 12-step approach can help with most anything, provided there is a strong community of folks committed to helping others and with some advanced recovery among them. And, most of all, "Ya Gotta Wanna". (Pretty much true of all therapies). IMHO professionals who criticize 12-step approaches are in territory which is very difficult for them to understand- unless they've "been there" and really worked a program. These are completely different frames of reference, and individuals can benefit from either, or often both.
I hope the good doctor hears the pain in the comments here and questions her motives for promoting a single therapeutic theory in this space.
Sex addiction is very real and very powerful. Although my own past counselor thinks it is bunk himself. I do know better just sitting at this PC at 3 am is very dangerous. As I do research just coming across the wrong image could send me down a path that I do not want to go simply for my good and my families good. This does not mean that I do not enjoy viewing this poison but I know it is not good for me.
Self inflicted conditioning of viewing pornography from age of 12 has caused some sort of change in me that originates in my head not further south. And it can be unbelievably powerful. I am not powerless against this trigger but it has overcome me or shall I say I have submitted to my desires far more then I like..
My point in all this though is that it is real. I also believe it can be controlled probably very much in the same way that it started through some sort of de-conditioning. I am not interested in a 12 step program because I do not really care to share face to face with anyone this dreaded affliction. My wife is somewhat supportive, but she really does not understand how deeply this resides in me. And it just causes pain that she does not deserve.
For the skeptics “believe it” for the addicts learn to “deal with it” in a way that works for you. It can and probably will trash joy in you life.
This is what makes it different from chemical addictions - 18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.
Best regards to all!
Kirk
Well yes there surely is a thing called sexual addiction and I am one big addict.I am a practising Muslim and was brought up in a very conservative home & society where the word sex was a big taboo forget pre-marital sex and I had sworn to be a virgin till I get married. I stuck to resolution till the age of 29 and then finally I gave in to my ever increasing libido. I had sexual relations with a man for nearly 2 years and then one fine day he dumped me for someone else. I was hurt and disillusioned and I swore to become a born again virgin.Its been 6 months since I last had sex and frankly my resolution is wearing off.Once you taste sex, its next to impossible to refrain from it. I sinerely believe that sex is the biggest addiction of all, more than smoking, drinking and drugs. I love sex and I can do anything for it..
Saying sexual addiction is bunk tells me either the person is in denial themselfs or does not have a great understanding of it. If you have ever been in a relationship with someone that has sexual addiction, or have been through it yourself u know that it is very real.
And it is extremly hard to over come, sex is in our face everywhere we go now days, radio, billboards, local tv, even our gas stations have porn magazines out RIGHT NEXT TO your childs coloring books! And it is the small things thru out your day that can make you crave it, till you fill like your going to explode.
this addiction is like any other drug, it may start as a "porn addiction" but left alone, will turn into "sex addiction"
Thankfully my boyfriend (of over 5yrs) was in the porn stage, and going strong when it came to my attention that there was a serious problem, if I would not have ask him to give up porn 5 years ago, i know we would not be dating, but i dont know if i want to see what his life would have been like, he is a GREAT guy, but without a lil' help he could have ended up on a diffrent track in life.
And just because it seems alot of people are doing it, doesnt make it right, or normal!
I treat a lot of men and women who struggling with sexual compulsivity - many of these client's have been sexually abused, raised in homes that were extremly sex negative and - more often than not - excessivly conservative in both religious and political ideology. I've also worked with many men who were "sexually compulsive" with men only - and later began addressing issues related to shame about sexual orientation - The longer I do this work, the less important the terminaology becomes to me - the fact of the matter - at least from my perspective - is that men and women who are strugglin with these issues need assistence in addressing how they use sex to regulate emotional pain, and help in addressing how they will determine what "normative" sexuality is for them.
I am not surprised at the denial that goes along with sexual addiction. My husband has been in denial for a long time. I have begged and pleaded until I am blue in the face. The thought of losing everything we have drives me to feel that I am going insane. It can take a wonderful, trusting, loving father and husband down a road that is bleak and mindless but still he does it. Where does it end? When he is arrested for what he does and his family is ruined? I know I am not alone in this but I can't talk to anyone especially people that know him. He would never forgive me. I hate the internet and the porn that is so easy to find. I hate what it makes me feel like at 3am when I know he is looking at it or on the web cam having a mindless encounter with a total stranger. I hate the lies and the betrayal....try being on the receiving end of the lies and betrayal.....it is heartbreaking. Deny it all you want but it is an addiction and can ruin everyone's life involved with the addicted.
The denial of this addiction does not surprise me, since we live in a culture that is obsessed with and addicted to sex. Many of the addicts in the meetings I attend are in AA or NA as well, and THEY always say that their Sex Addiction is the hardest to get under control.
And, yes, the chemical activity in the brain of a sex addict is frighteningly similar to a cocaine addict - meaning that when a sex addict is acting out, their brain is producing dopamine and similar chemicals in similar amounts and places as someone who has snorted cocaine.
I believe my ex boyfriend was a sex addict. Although he was loving and attentive, he had a dark side. He told me stories about how he cheated on his ex by visiting massage parlors and getting happy endings during his lunch hour at work. He visited strip clubs often and became consumed with the idea of having multiple partners simultaneously. As it turned out, he was cheating on me. I also found him on several sex sites soliciting himself for sex. After our relationship ended, he met a new woman 2 days later and immediately began a new relationship. The scary thing is this is the type of man that you would bring home to mom. He was very sweet, soft-spoken and caring. I wanted to hate him, but I realized that he had a problem. I try not to blame myself, but I still wish I had been able to see the red flags sooner. It's been 3 months now and I'm still hurting over this.
My understanding of any "addiction" is that it can only be categorized as such by the extent to which it has impacted your life. Sexual addicition has come very close to all but ruining my life. If I'm not a sex addict, nobody is. If it can't be treated, or if I can find a way to cope or deal with it I'm basically screwed, punned intended.
i found this article very interesting. i am married to a wonderful man who is "obesessed" with women/sex. he spends a couple of hours a day online talking to strange adult women about sex. i believe he does this behavior because he is INSECURE. this might sound funny to someone else but it's not funny to him. female attention and discussing sex makes him feel more worthy as a man. might sound stupid but it's how he feels. he likes these fantasies about women wanting him. this has nothing to do with me. he's a very successful man with a fragile ego.
i used to let this behavior bother me but he has never cheated on me, is a wonderful provider, family man and keeps his internet activities with these other adults very private from the rest of the family.
sometimes, i don't like the amount of time he spends on the net but he is not breaking any laws. never misses work and is very attentive to our family. i know he's not the only guy in the world on the net talking sex or looking at porn in private.
i do think it's sad that this is so important to him but he's a grown man. i'd prefer that he was obsessed with golf but maybe i'd resent that too.
is it an addiction? i don't know. i do know that men are wired much differently than women when it comes to sex. i also know that i am an attractive, sexy woman so it's not about me.
men are driven by sex in a way that women aren't. it's nature. i'd rather have him on the net than having affairs or worse.
i think this addiction word is way overused. what ever happened to people being responsible for the choices they make? right now i choose not to bug my husband about him choosing to play on the net.
there was a time that i lost three family members in a five year period. i felt very insecure for a long time after that. my answer was to shop for clothing to an extreeme. i did this for several years before i realized it was taking resources away from my family and our future. did my shopping make me a "shopping addict"?
I am a progressive liberal, both politically and socially. I am not actively religious; I was never taught that sex or masterbation was bad. I used to be a pro-porm feminist...until I moved in with my porn-addicted boyfriend who I eventually married. For two years I never really took seriously the wierd behavior of spending hours and hours online late at night printing up binders and binders full of BLACK & WHITE porn pictures. My friend edited a porn magazine; I thought people uptight about porn were puritanical. But as the porn usage increased, our sex life got worse and worse, and his behavior became more and more compulsive. Eventually the porn usuage led to online personals and to actual real world cheating. Couples counseling helped eliminate the cheating, and part of the deal was also eliminating on-line pornography. Six years and a wedding later, he still struggles to keep this promise. It seems to me that an addiction is anything that you have tried to cut down on but cannot; anything you continue to do despite the damage it does to relationships you care about. I wasn't a believer before I experienced it. Believe me when I say that sexual addiction is a real and potent force in people's lives.
im a 40 yr old man i consider myself to be gentle nice easygoing,respectful and most of all a christian.after watching niteline how to catch a predator i realized that people find themselves doing things unheard of.like chasing after a 12 yr old girl. now i think that is sick...but im reminded what the word of GOD says about sin.if we follow after fleshly things we'll reap everlasting death a fleshly thing is our lust,uncontrolled desires and self gradification but if we follow after the SPIRIT we'll reap everlasting life this is the only true answer to an addiction becouse it requires a selfless additude its no longer about me me me but about him him him if we read the bible and meditate on it daily our addictions will began to fade away as long as we don't feed them like watching porn are reading sex books are masterbating so stop feeding your flesh and you will began to heal and GOD will restore broken relationships and give you a new future lets stop throwing stones and pray one for another MAY GOD RICHLY BLESS YOU ALL..
IAM IN A SRTRANGE POSITION,,,,,I'VE COME TO REALIZE THAT MY HUSBAND HAS A ROLLER COASTER EMOTIONAL PROBLEM,,,,HE'S JUST FINE, BUT IF 2 DAYS PASS W/O SEX HE BECOMES GRUMPY, THEN VERBALLY ABUSIVE, ARGUMENTATIVE, MEAN,,,,,,,,,,,THEN HE GETS TOUCHIE-FEELIE, MAKING VERBAL REMARKS ABOUT SEX,,,,,THEN IF WE HAVE SEX HE'S ON AN EMOTION HIGH,,,,SEEMINGLY. IT LASTS A COUPLE OF DAYS THEN IT STARTS ALL OVER AGAIN,,,,,,,,,,,,DOES ANYONE ELSE HAVE A HUSBAND LIKE THIS.??? I COULDN'T FIGURE OUT WHAT WAS WRONG WITH HIM FOR A FEW YEARS, THEN I NOTICED THE PATTERN.....IT SEEMS ONCE HE "STARTS" HIS GRUMPINESS,,,,,HE CANT BE STOPPED,,,HE SEEMS TO HAVE TO GO THROUGH THE WHOLE CYCLE,,,,,, COMMENTS ON THIS PLEASE
To the last anonymous poster who posted at 11:16 p.m., we encourage you to post your questions (without all-capitals please) on our Sex Matters®: Louanne Cole Weston, PhD board. :-)
My husband (ex) and I just recently got back together after getting a divorce. I have just realized that it is very possible that the reason we ended up divorced was that we did not have sex for 4 months and then started fighting. We are now going in that same direction. I have noticed that he masterbates every morning while waiting for the shower to warm up, he is on the internet looking at porn and masterbating in the afternoon and he watches porn movies alot. He seems to prefer masterbation to having real sex. When I ask him about it he denies it, tells me I am a prude or that I am crazy. He says he doesn't do very often. But I know for a fact he does it at least 2 times a day. He is never interested in sex which makes me feel undesirable and then he throws it up in my face that I don't initiate sex so that is why he doesn't want to have it. I have caught him a couple of times and he just says oh I guess you caught me, when I get angry he gets defensive and says it is the first time in months. He just lies about it. I hate lying especially when it is denial. I really do think he has an addiction but I don't know how to get him to realize it. I am seriously considering leaving again but I don't want to for my kids sake and because I love him.
Any suggestions on how to get a guy to realize that it isn't normal to prefer masterbation?
Dr. Cole-Weston obviously has not had her life turned upside down by someone who cannot connect with a normal human and have a relationship with something other than a computer. She has not been told that she "is not woman enough." To publish an article like this is professionally irresponsible.
To the person who posted at 11.16pm who's husband suffers severe mood swings when he does not have sex for two days - you are not alone. I have been enduring exactly the same patterns for the 3 years that I have been married. I thought it would get better - but it is not. He displays sarcasm and is argumentative after one day w/o sex and if a there is a rare occurrence of three days w/o sex he asks for a divorce. My sexual appetite use to be very healthy - it use to be fun, but now I feel it's mechanical and it's as though I have to do it on demand just to keep the marriage going. If there is a gap of two days, he feels that we also have to make up for the times on the days missed - it's as though he keeps a register.
Interesting debate. I consider myself as having a very healthy sex drive. I am a 37 year old woman and have had several serious long-term relationships, in which sex was never an issue. Earlier this year I met a man who most definitely has to be a sex addict. He told me he needed to have sex at least twice per day, sometimes more often. Fair enough, but he made sex feel like a mechanical act, as if his needs were being met and it was nothing to do with me. He would expect it each morning (sometimes twice in a row), on returning home from his first shift from work in the afternoon, sometimes twice, and then on returning home from his second shift late at night (he was a chef), sometimes two or three times. At the weekends he would want/expect/demand it even more! If I was busy with work (I work from home and am self-employed), he would label me "frigid". One time I had a really bad cold and he accused me of not being a real woman! Eventually he started to bully me about it, was verbally and physically abusive and it wasn't until he actually hurt me that I realised something bigger than an exceptional appetite for sex was going on. Sure, at the start it seemed like he really wanted me, we'd spend all weekend in bed together sometimes, but looking back I see this was really all about him. Nine times out of ten the sex would finish with him masturbating, as if real making love was not enough. When I did not want sex with him, he told me he masturbated at least 6 times a day. I think there is such a thing as sex addiction, the minute I kicked him out he did exactly the same thing with a co-worker and I'm sure he was unfaithful while he was with me, I found evidence but denied it to myself, even before I started to see he had a problem. I think this issue is as difficult to heal as any other addiction such as alcohol, drugs, compulsive shopping, but it can be healed, only if the individual sees he/she has an issue and wants to sort things out. In my case I had to end my relationship, although looking back I realise there wasn't really much of one in between all the physical activity/fighting about it!
my husband is addicted to pornograhpy, he's slowly getting better but it has been hard for him, we both watch it together and seperately so there's no issue with him watching it but he used to watch it heaps of times a day, he even lost a job because of it and no, like sex addicts, it's not something they can help.
and yes, there is such thing, it's good to see we have professionals running this blog lol
According to this article, sex addiction is not "fixable".
According to criminal psychologists, neither is pedophilia.
I guess that's not a problem, either.
I just found out three day ago that my husband of 5 years has been frequenting chat rooms, ecort services, massage parlors, strip clubs and sending e mails to women he has met on dating sites to meet him. I confornted him with this and he said it was so they woyld just send him naked pictures--it then unfureled into massage parlors with extras and even meetinf some women from floridq in a hotel room for oral sex. i am devastated. I thoguht I knew him-We have an infant son so I dont know what to do. Iread these postings and it looks like it cant be cured or even controlled easliy. He wants to come home so badly but I cant deal with watching for un accounted for time constantly-being his warden-I dont know if I should take him back
Ok, for all you saying sexual addiction is in fact "not" an addiction, here is what I have to say about that. I am a sexual addict. It probably stems from me being sexually mollested when I was 8 by my grandpa, but could have absolultly nothing to do with it, I don't know, I am not a therapist.
What I do know is that looking at pornography since I was 8 has warped my view of reality. When I gained access to the internet when I was 17 only made pornography easier to access, and compounded my addiction. Which let to more serious and harder forms of pornography.
I was raised in a good church going family, and was instilled with good values, being taught that pornography was wrong.
For those that believe that there is nothing wrong with it, that is your opinion. But any person with any spirital beliefs must shurely know of it's evil. Almost all religious beliefs look at it as morally wrong!
Through time the problem just kept getting worse. I got married when I was 23, and that time I began to look at very hard pornography, and eventually was led into child pornography. And although the first view of it felt realy wrong, and gave no sexual gratification, I could not look away. That was the next step, the next hardest thing, the coke to my marijuana. my wife found the porn on my computer within our first year of marriage, and it almost cost me my marriage. Did love my wife? With every fiber of my soul! I tried to stop, knowing that if it happened again that my marriage would be over.
She suggested that I get help. Me being pridefull rejected her help, believing that I could do it on my own. It worked for a while, but soon I was back in the same boat. Telling more lies, and decieving my wife more than before. Even my love for my wife and children could not keep me from the instant sexual gratification of pornography. After three years of marriage the porn led me to sexually abusing 8 year old niece. Am I to blame? 100% We are put on this earth with free will and are responsible for 100% of our actions. But the pornography and its evil influence put me in the path of temptation. I have now lost my job of 6 years, my house, and my wife and kids. I am facing 6 to 15 years in prison, and have lost all my friends and family.
Me and my wife are working through our problems and she has agreed to take me back if I am able to get help and stay clean. I know there are women out there saying, how stupid! But the bond me and my wife share is eternal. There are people that say that there is no help for child sexual offenders, and I say that there is, but only if the individual has a reason to reform, and will accept the help of everyone around him and allow himself to be dragged into the depths of humillity.
I am currently going though counselling and and awaiting trial. The courts have agreed to reduce the charge to a misdameenar if I go through a phycosexual annalasis, wich will test to see if I "prefer" children. Which I don't.
I love my wife and kids more than anything in this world and I tell you that pornography will cause a person put everything at risk.
Without the mercy of my wife I would have commited suicide already. But I believe that I have a greater purpous meant for me on this earth. I am not sorry that I have gone through my many afflictions. I am only sorry that my innocent niece was harmed by my gross moral negligance.
I tell you all with 100% assurity that pornography is evil, and if you do not believe it is evil, just know that it will not bring happiness.
If something is not good, then it is evil. There is no "grey" area. This belief is what keeps people from choosing good.
If I end up going to prison, then that is it for me. I will most likely die there. But I want to let as many people know while I am on this earth the evils of pornographic material.
If anyone else is suffering from pornographic addiction, I offer help if you want to talk.
my e-mail is levilyoder@yahoo.com
God bless you all.
Help. My husband is a sexual addict. I moved out of the house 8 months ago. We continued trying to save our relationship by dating, talking and still had sex. Two months ago was the last time we had sex because I caught him still cheating on me. Fact is he was with his mistress up until 2 wks ago. Problem is I still love him and he tells me he loves me and doesn't want me to leave him. I'm not willing to spend my life with him if he continues to cheat but I'm willing to consider if there is any hope of him recovering. He said he is willing to seek professional help and said (?) he ended it with his mistress. Now he is claiming he needs my help and we need to continue having sex. I feel stupid just asking but does any one know; If he is going to go through the program, talk to a therapist, when should I let down my guard and become physically close to him again?
is there any positve sucess stories out there? My husband slept with 5 ugly women and he said it was not about attraction ND he was powerless over these acts. I just dont know if his promises and actions will keep him form slipping again. I hav one leg in this marriage and one leg out right now---is there hope?
One thing about sexual addiction is if, such a thing exists, then all fingers point on the so called addict. However has anyone ever considered external factors, aside from unstable history. In a relationship both members have an influence on the other, perhaps it is the addict's partner that is pushing him/her towards such acts; possibly through neglect, rash behaviour, even physical appearance, all contribute to the overall reaction of the addict.
Also, many people, who engage in sexual activities do not spend time looking for published sexual content; they are preoccupied with establishing short term relationships which they hope will ultimately lead to a sexual reward. Back to topic, ruined relationships occur ( specifically in these sex add. situations) because the 'normal' partner overemphasizes on the his/her partner's interest in sexual activity and published sexual content. This constant pressure on the 'addict' drives the person to loose interest in his/her partner leading to excessive dependency on published sexual content ( net porn, magz, videos, etc.), and also leads to cheating as a form of both sensation seeking and retaliation. There is no actual addiction to sex, it's natural to want it, and simply thinking about it more than the average person implies that you are not sick but rather need a hobby, or a job... People who are inclined to criminal acts such as rape and prostitution, might be the classified as 'sex addicts', and i think it is crucial to include these individual into this new term.
My husband loves porn and even the slighest chance to see a naked women on cable tv makes him stop surfying any other chanle he causally comments " what's the big deal all guys look at naked chics, it's normal! I'm not a homo I'm normal so therfore I'll see naked girls"
one time we had a fight (just recently) and I was horrified to see the porn sites he'd vistied that same night when i was crying... instead of making up and talking out probelms he chose to go to his computer and watch porn ...next day when I "caught " him he forgot to delete "history" he went balistic on me and shouted "so what it's only porn I'm not a addict"
it upsets me I'm a very attractive wife who loves him, cooks and cleans and works and this I cannot take... I don't know what to do , he's just turned 40 and watches high school girls crossing the street and lusts... and stares
help, suggestions
is it going to get worse? is he in denial of his naked women and their privates upclose addiction?
My husband is in denial when it comes to porn addiction... he watches hard core porn on satlleite t.v. and porn on computer whenver i'm in the other room...he knows I hate it when he tries to convince me it's "normal" and surfs the t.v. chanels to jerry springer naked rumble, girls gone wild ads, car racing with topless girls flashing...just so that I cannot comment it's porn, basically anything with a naked female...he's 40 and lusts all the time and shouted at me when I confronted him today " what's the damn deal it's okay chil out " just because I MARRIED YOU DONSN'T MEAN I STOP WATCHING PORN!!
It hurt me as we love each other and he's caring othersie it's his ill habit of lusting after other women all the time, he was even upset to why I stoped subscribtion to victoria secret...so you can imagin
It is curious to read all of these comments without disclosure. It makes sense to understanding each posting framed with an understanding of sexual experience.
Some comments seems to be hysteria and others good thoughts indeed. I (42 male) simply want to stop viewing online porn. I am having trouble doing so... I feel so much of my life is consumed by it. One answer is to fill time with other activity (which I've tried to do with some success); however, I am often alone with keyboard and that oh so secret and seductive ability to watch. It really is difficult to stop. Yet I don't believe impossible.
I HAVE A BOYFRIEND OF 3 YRS AND FOR THE PAST YR HE HAS BEEN GOING THROUGH THE MAXIM WEBSITE POSTING THESE GIRLS ON HIS COMPUTER, HE HAS BOUGHT DIRTY DVD'S, HE HASTHIS VAGINA I FOUND IN HIS CLOSET MADE OUT OF SOME SORT OF GEL,I KNOW IT'S A TOY BUT E WAS NOT THIS WAY WHEN I MET HIM IM A SPANISH LADY AND ALL THE DVD'S AND WOMEN HE IS POSTING ARE FROM A LATIN BACKGROUND I DONT KNOW WHAT IS UP WITH HIM OR DO I HAVE TO BE CONCERNED HE LOOKS AT ALL THE WOMEN TRIES TO MANIPULATE THE SITUATION WHEN I CALL HIM ON IT, I FEEL DISTGUSTED BY ALL THIS MAYBE IT'S A MID LIFE CRISIS IM CONFUSED BY THE CHANGE IN HIM, IM I JUST PARANOID OR AS HIS SAYS IM JUST A PRUDE....... TO ME THIS IS A MENTAL PROBLEM
alright so i have sex at least 3 times a day, and i masturbate like 35 times per week (7 times daily,8 on a good day) How do i know if Im addicted?
call it sex addiction or restless leg syndrome the truth is, it's a multi-billion dollar industry.
To Dr Weston - The following is my story. Since you don't believe that there is such a thing as sex addiction, perhaps you can tell us exactly what you think the story describes, and what treatment would be effective?
As a teenage boy I used masturbation with pornography and fantasy to avoid feelings of boredom, loneliness and isolation. When I became sexually active with women I found that I was less and less interested in relationships and the personalities of my partners, and more interested in gaining lots of experience from as many partners as I could manage. When I was 29 I had my first experience with a prostitute. After that I realized that gaining sexual experiences didn't need to involve girlfriends, relationships and dates - I could simply show up, pay, do what I wanted and leave. But the experience was never quite satisfying nor fulfilling, so I always ended up going back for more.
When I was in my early 30's I decided I really did want emotional intimacy, and I met the woman who became my wife. We bought a big house, we had good well-paid jobs, and looked like an ideal couple. A couple of years into the marriage I started going back to massage parlors and having sex with prostitutes there. In 2003 I did this roughly 20 times. After each time I felt dreadful - guilty and ashamed, and wondering what was wrong with me that I couldn't resist the temptation and craving to go back. I tried all sorts of tricks to convince myself that I didn't have to go back - I thought about all the negative consequences - STDs, arrest, public humiliation, divorce; I tried telling myself that I was bored with it, that I would never find satisfaction in it; I tried thinking about how much money I was spending, and what I could do with that money if I spent it on my other (healthy) hobbies and interests. But when the craving hit me it was irresistable. Only those who have an addiction will understand what I mean here - those who have not lived the pain of addiction will just think "this guy has no willpower". Believe me I have plenty of willpower - other achievements in my life stand as testiment to that.
Just over a year ago my wife found out what I had been doing. We are now getting divorced - I am losing my house, my wife and my 2-year-old son. Despite this loss, my life today is full of hope. I started attending 12-step meetings of SA and SAA, and I have met people who face the same cravings and temptations that I do. Their stories and fellowship told me that I wasn't alone, that there are ways to break out of the addictive cycle and live a life of recovery. I have also started a therapy program with a counselor who specializes in addiction recovery. It has now been almost 14 months since I have had sex with a prostitute (or anyone else for that matter). My life is calmer; I feel the temptations to go back to prostitutes less and less. I objectify women I see less and less. I am looking forward to the day that I meet someone special and having a relationship where sex is an expression of emotional intimacy, and not a tool for massaging my own ego, avoiding boredom or loneliness, or dealing with my insecurities. As I progress in my recovery I realize I have a lot of work to do on my own issues arising from family of origin, faulty core beliefs, etc, however my 12-step program and therapy give me the tools and support to do that.
To those who feel that their sexual compulsive behavior is controling their lives, I would encourage them to come out of isolation, find a 12-step meeting (SA, SAA, SCA, SLAA - take your pick), and meet other sex addicts who have turned their lives around and rediscovered healthy sexuality and a healthy way of living.
I'm not really sure how to embrace this. I have never actually commented on anything before but for some reason I feel compelled.
Do I believe in sexual addiction? Absolutely. Let me tell you all a story. MY dad...was molested at a young age...he never turned into a child molester or anything like that...however he did develop an insatiable need for sex. Him and my mother married 20 years ago and had me and my three younger siblings. I had the opportunity to witness firsthand the countless affairs my dad carried on. I never understood how he could keep hurting my mom so much. There was the porn, the women, everything, he just could not control himself I never understood this.
Until it happened to me. Yes. I am 20 years old and a female, and I am sexually addicted. The thought of sex is constantly in my mind. Sexual addicts have distinct personality traits. They are their own culture really just as alcoholics are. In order to be an addict someone must not be able to control their impulses and usually these impulses can lead to life threatening diseases and illnesses. This is what sex does. I have never gone long without some kind of sexual satisfaction. When I was younger I, too was sexually molested. I put it behind me and actually was afraid of losing my virginity because I was already an avid masterbator from age 9 and I knew that once I lost my virginity I would turn into a sex feign. Sure enough...when I was 16 I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. That was 4 years ago and I am actually still with the same guy however the things he doesn't know would tear us apart. I have cheated on him 19 times. Yes, I have had 20 sex partners in my short life. I don't have any diseases miraculously, but I am definitly not proud of all I have done.
See, the problem with sex addicts is we have no consciouse (Sp). I can cheat on my boyfriend and face him the next day. In fact, it hurts me that it doesn't hurt me. I love him with all my heart but I just am not capable of the kind of bond shared between normal people. My thoughts are engulfed in sex and I can interpret anything sexual. I am constantly on pornography websites and these include ANY combination of sexual intercourse. The saddest thing is I accuse my boyfriend of doing just what I do on a regular basis. I seek fulfillment in sex, I know that I am good at it and this makes me want to do it even more. I don't see how anyone can have a good time without the company of whatever sex they are interested in.
So I guess in my case, it's like father like daughter...as my mom has noticed. I am a compulsive liar and I am very good at it. I have a problem and I know that I share it with thousands of others. Granted, I would never go get help for it because I am not weak. Through the years I have embraced this problem and I have learned to live with it. I am happy to say that I have been faithful for almost a year now. There have been minor relapses but I manage to focus. I am a woman with very low self control if any at all so the process is very difficult but I would never use it as an excuse for myself. I believe addictions are weakness and too many people use them as an excuse. Maybe my story will enlighten you all as to the life of a sex addict, and maybe inspire those who consider themselves an addict to anything really that it is up to them to quit. Therapy and psychiatry does nothing but get you hooked on medication, it's all in your mind.
I believe sexual addiction is a true disease. I believe I am one of the rare people who acknowledge this disease and know that it is a problem. My dad, he will probably never acknowledge he has a problem and sometimes I want to talk to him about it but I know the subject is taboo.
Maybe you all will disagree but in my case, I know that it is real and it is something I must battle with for the rest of my life.
sex addiction is real. my husband is a sex addict to the point he abuses me. that's an addict. he can get emotionally abusive in order to get what he wants. he keeps me up hours and hours at a time even though i have to work. it is destroying me. There are people who are addicted to sex. It has destroyed our marriage and my career.
I am a 20 year old male in college. I masterbate at least 3 times a day, and never miss a day unless I am at a friends house. I feel like it's an addiction. Can this at all hurt my future physically or sexually. I think I am going to start going once a day for the next month and then gradually decrease how often I do it. But my main question again, is this at all hazardous to my health? If anyone can answer this, I would appreciate it.
I can't see how so many people have brought themselves to claiming sexual addictions when the logical and more accurate path would to be that they place their sexual gratification above their morals. I don't see how you can be addicted to something that does not introduce a chemically altering substance into your body.
Alcohol, yes. Drugs, definitely. Sex, what substance is being introduced into the body that forms a chemical dependancy?
I believe it all comes down to this. A man/woman either has strong morals that mean a lot to them, or they don't. Period.
I can tell you addiction is definitely true. I am a recovering one. Let me explain my story.
I've been married 10 years. During that time, and in fact through all my adult life, I've masturbated hardly at all, have 0 interest in pornography, find the idea of visiting a prostitue sickening, think strip clubs are puerile.
What I am addicted to is my wife. I have recurring intense fantasies about her and have since I met her. This disrupts my daily schedule. I am a software developer but find it difficult to concentrate on work because of these fantasies. I spend money lavishly on her. As a consequence I have been fired from several jobs, my house has been repossessed, and I am literally at my wit's end.
We've had to hide all the wedding and family photos I have of her. Simply having a photo of her on my desk at work would be too much temptation. At work, I have to be extremly careful when browsing the web. It's so tempting to go to one of our family reunion pages and look at a picture of her (too ashamed to share this problem with my relatives so they haven't taken down their photos).
She is fortunately understanding and has been supportive during therapy. We are considering medication as a last option similar to what is given out for sex offenders.
Please realize that this is addiction is very real. God bless.
I think that no matter you are an expert who can know about some topics, you can't deny that in some other cases it may be a sexual obsessive, compulsive and dangerous behavior. At that point you may fall down on irresponsible comments guided by a reality that America is flooding on merchants of the health field -long time therapist- who empty pockets everywhere. How a sexual addiction can be?It may be possible when a man or woman have sexual extramarital relationships with several ocassional partners, when they risk their jobs, relationships and other type or responsabilities by watching for long periods of time TV,movies or internet about sexual content. That is my point of view and I think something have to be done when somebody get out and say: This is happening to me and I don't feel good. And please don't tell me that everything about married people have to end on divorced another myth created for American lawyers.
A latinamerican, well educated woman who knows what it is.
I read on a web site that excessive masturbation can cause memory loss, loss of concentration, and even premature hair loss. Is there any truth to these claims?
sex addiction is real and i believe its connected to mental illness. my husband was secretly addicted to sex, porn, and voyeurism and he ended up committing suicide. Dont underestimate what it can do to someone and dont buy that line of crap "all guys look at porn."
WOW! A lot of interesting letters here... after 20+ years of drinking & drugging, I hit A bottom. I did finally find help in NA and I have been clean from alcohol & drugs almost 20yrs now... yea! As any addict will atest... this is no small achievment.
However, I've been married about 2-1/2 years and my sexual addiction has creeped into our relationship... it's not a good thing. So, with 20yrs of 12step work, I know what I need to do... and anybody can do this. Take out a pencil & paper(more like a notebook) and write it down! In your own handwriting... and read it after you're finished. No, don't type it on ya'computer... I said WRITE it down!
Of course, this would mean, you'll have to ADMIT your addiction first... it's called HONESTY. That's certainly a tough part... but if you are honest about it... this type of personal awareness process can change your life... for the better. If you're married, share your "writing" with your spose.
I know I've got to work through this with my wife... being married, everything is a "WE" process. Having been 50 before I got married (for the first, only & last time) there have been alot of... shall we say... bad habits in my life. The 12 steps (atleast of NA) talks about "switching one addiction for another". I worked steps on drugs, alchohol, cars, technology, music, and alot of other things but never got to the porn issue until recently... and it's not in "degrees" for me... either it is or it ain't. This last year, I would only check out teaser stuff on things like these general purpose video websites... ofcourse I would ALWAY end up checking out little stripper films and the like. Nothing "hard core" but it was still just a teaser to my porn addiction.
I love my wife, and I want to be with her always... I will, no, WE will work thru this and she & I will grow from this. It's not a process I'm thrilled with, but it's got to be done. The only choice is divorice, then I can go back to active sex addiction and hiding in my little computer room jerking off. I don't think so folks. Life is good. Porn... well, it's just destructive.
I do know the internet was technologically advanced because porn has financed it... still, that don't make it a good thing.
Best of luck to all of us working for a better US! We are all in my prayers.
George
I was always under the impression that WebMD was a reputable medical website. After reading Dr. Cole's advise about sexual addiction, I have changed my opinion.
I think it it is quite irresponsible to give out opinions in the guise of medical fact that are remarkable in their lack of insight.
Surely, just the personal stories that have been posted should give the good Doctor some pause. People's lives are being destroyed by an unhealthy pattern of sexual behavior that is beyond the individual's ability to control. The pattern of behavior is indicative of a need for more and more - hence progressive.
If this is not addiction, what is?
I believe the Doctor's opinion is borne out of a desire to be liberal and progressive, and not out of genuine care for people.
Hippocrates would be ashamed!
heh heh, SEX RULES!
Heh heh, yeah, scoring kicks ass!
How many angels can fit on the head of a pin? I'd rather see the psychologists debating this. They'd have more credibility. I have been looking at porn sites on the NET for many years. My primary motivation was none of the major reasons cited. I grew up in a time and place when any knowledge of sex was considered prurient, off-limits, disgusting albeit fundamental. Even as a child, it was apparent there was something wrong with the concept of God-given equipment and libido being proscribed for use by God. I never heard of a marriage service in the garden of Eden. The first few months of Internet porn were accompanied by nervous excitement, sexual and otherwise, heightened libido, a feeling of guilt, fear of being caught and sundry other carry-overs from my childhood. Since I knew that these were all based on nonsense, I was able to persevere hoping to get to a point where I could say " This is where I should have been then, if I weren't surrounded by fools who believed in witches, sorcery, incantations and various other superstitions ". Slowly but surely, I reached the point I had hoped to reach. I love looking at beautiful naked women, close-up, whether engaged in sexual activities or not. I love to see beautiful breasts, erect nipples, and all vulvar aspects. Age is not relevant. Nor race or color. Many are not beautiful. So what! I like the company of women. I like talking with them if they're not superficial. I respect them if they're capable. Porn no longer influences my perspective. It has taken more than a few years but I feel quite sure I am now close to where I could have been if I hadn't been subjected to all of the cultural perversions relating to sex ( I believe mostly derived from power ploys, religious, monarchial, tribal etc ) and further that the same applies to the vast majority of men. Addiction? Put a hundred Psycho-babblers in a room, tell them they can't come out until they all agree on a definition and see how nmany decades it takes.
I'm 18. I have been masterbating since kindergarden. I know that this is an addiction. I've been addicted since before i even knew what sex was. I have masterbated since i was 4 years old. Raised in a mormon family and knowing that what I beleive is true, I learned that masterbating was wrong. so I decided to stop.
That's when I first realized the grip the addiction had on me. No matter how I tried to stop, no matter how badly i wanted to live up to my standards i could not stop.
My masterbating led to weakness in my relationships. and with every relationship i gave in to a little more. And once you experience the further, you are addicted to that as well.
I have been through therapy and it did help, I had control for a short time. But once i stopped going it all started again.
I'm worried because so far i have only been sexually invloved with my boyfriends. And though I have not had sex. The one time I was single i almost let down my guard to near strangers.
I constantly crave physical touching. whether it is just cuddling or hugs I have to touch people. I feel out of control and sexual thoughts consume my mind.
It is insulting and hurtful to dismiss this as a made up problem.
Dr Westen what a profound and utterly incorrect and ignorant article on sexual addiction. Your article reflects poorly on your education and perhaps you may want to rethink your position, as well as considering how you also blasted professional colleagues who are masquerading as charlatans, treating untreatable and fake problems. You probably also believe that those who treat and alcohol and drug addicts are also wasting their time? Those who are struggling with sexual and physical abuse from childhood and rape should who have channeled their anger and shame to sex and pornography do not qualify for help in your opinion. I feel sorry for your patients.
Waw, some of these stories regarding how sexual compulsivness or addiction consumes my life and achievements which are still amasing considering this faulty trait and how it prevents me from establishing true intimate relationships are soooooooooo amasing. The most depressing part is i really thought i was alone in this and thus a freak but apparently it's not an uncommon behaviour....thanks to all who shared their stories. i wish i can connect with u as a support group.
Are you kidding me? There is no right and wrong when it comes to sex...ANYTHING GOES when activities are between two consenting adults and to think any other way is going against free will, free speech and human rights. As far as sex addictions go, just because your husband finds something at the office because you can't keep him happy doesn't mean he is addicted...it means YOU ARENT DOING YOUR JOB ANYMORE...A happy guy doesnt stray, and sex is not an addiction, no matter what conservative bible thumpers make of it.
when I Was 14 years old i was sex abuse my father,
And 10 years old i was abuse.
I still feel as if i am dirty at 48 old.
Even when my councillor said it is not my fault.
My mum Died At 57 year of o/cancer.may 1.1997
To the last Anonymous commenter, we invite you to talk with others on our Sexual Abuse Support Group board.
You are not alone and it is possible to heal.
And since you posted your comment on to a blog which is discussing sexual addiction, you may want to also post about this aspect on our Sexual Issues: Member to Member message board.
Yes, it's ugly and I don't have certificates on my wall that read that I'm a psychologist or a psychotherapist, but sexual addiction is REAL!!
I also have a suggestion for those that just discovered this and don't know what to do. Well, for starters there's a great website with a message board for men and one for women where you can find support and encouragement. www.everymansbattle.com-go to Communities, Every Heart Restored and sign up with a protected username and password. It's great!!!
sexual addiction? maybe some people
just like looking at porn and yanking their crank more than others, but if you want to get all
these people off (no pun intended) they should legalize prostitution so the people who which can leave
their computers alone. Funny how
a it's illegal for a woman to "sell" something that other women give away for free.
I'm a 52 year old male who was sexually "used" when I was 5 or 6 years old. A "friend" of my Mom and stepdad spent the night and had to sleep in the same bed as me. This friend was a male in his late 20's or early 30's.
All night we slept undisturbed, however, I woke up in the morning when he used the bathroom and fell back asleep. I woke again when I felt him pulling my pajama bottoms down, however, I pretended to stay asleep as I wasn't really scared as I was curious to what this person was up to. This man did NOT hurt me in any way. In fact he was so gentle and careful when he performed oral sex on me that I actually relaxed enough to have what I firmly believe to be my very first orgasm (no ejaculate, of course). Even though I pretended I was asleep, it was obvious to him that I had had an orgasm and apparently, that was his goal. He pulled up my pajamas, covered me up and left...I never saw him again.
I never said a word about this to my mother since I wasn't hurt and in reality, had never felt so good without laughing at such a young age. I hadn't a clue what just transpired. You can bet as the years went by, I pieced it all together and really think very little of that man.
It left no behavior scars on me as I am a very loving and caring heterosexual man and am happily married to my soul mate for almost 30 years now.
If I had to blame anything on that experience, I think it may have had a small psychological effect on me about oral sex. I love to perform oral sex and I love receiving it. However, even though I can make most women climax, I cannot achieve and orgasm when a woman performs fellatio on me. Yes, that frustrates us both but considering all of the more horrible lasting effects that I could have ended up with, THAT is very small potatoes.
I have been a higher than average sexual being all my life. I can only compare myself to all the male friends and relatives I've had. I've probably had sexual experiences with over 70 different women in my life (and I've gotten a wonderful education by doing so. My wife is enjoying the "benefits" of my experiences for the past 30 years and many more to come. God willing.
I've always considered myself a gentleman and have never done anything that the woman didn't want to. And yes, I do find sexually explicit material on the Internet or wherever more facinating than anything. I think the reason I enjoy it is because I learn some new ways to do old things and it keeps our marriage lively. Plus, I tend to get a bit "excited" as I get an education on this subject, unlike the Economics and Accounting classes I took in college! HA-ha! Sex has NEVER interferred with what I should do and never will.
I know that our sexual "urges" stem from the most primitive area of our brains and basically we are still dealing with the stone age way of thinking and even the way we FEEL about all things sexual. Plus, the United States was founded with so-called Puritan 'values' and until we shed those outdated morals, there will always be people who think that anyone who has more sex (love making is what I prefer to call it; whether with a pertner or solo!) than them is "oversexed" or "obsessive" or an "addict". It's all psychological, so those who truly believe they have some sort of "problem" should seek treatment until they feel better about their way of being sexual, in every way.
Aloha and Mahalo!
Let me begin by saying that I love my husband of 9 years, whom which I have 3 beautiful girls with, very much. We have a very good friendship that has always been a very stong basis of our relationship. I am a voluptuous 34-year old woman that enjoys sex. I would probably