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Why Doesn't He Want ME?
Are you a woman who is in a committed relationship wondering why your partner seems uninterested in sex? It does happen, and more often than you'd think. Much is made of low sex drive in women, but the same can be true of men.
There are a handful of common reasons why men choose not to be sexual with their readily available and interested sexual partner.
Related Topics: Creativity May Boost Sexual Activity, Spicing Up Your Valentine's Day
There are a handful of common reasons why men choose not to be sexual with their readily available and interested sexual partner.
- They are masturbating instead because it's easier to do. The ease of locating sexually stimulating material has led a number of people away from sex with a partner. The intimacy required to have sex with a partner is too much for some people.
- There is sex occurring with another partner.
- The person has hormonal problems that predispose them away from wanting any kind of sexual expression at all.
- The sex with the partner is unfulfilling. There may be a problem like poor genital hygiene or bad breath. Or it's possible that the sexual interactions are not to the person's liking. Perhaps they want more or better kissing or they're interested in sexual activities that a partner has nixed. Or perhaps the partner does something that conveys something (whether mistaken or accurately) that is a turn-off to the person.
Related Topics: Creativity May Boost Sexual Activity, Spicing Up Your Valentine's Day
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223 Comments:
Wow. Although those are all reasons a man may not be having sex with his partner, they all seem somewhat narrow-mined reasons for a doctor to post. There are a number of medical reasons that there may be decreased interest in sex such as depression, high-blood pressure, medication being taken,etc. Not everyone in this society turns to another partner for sex, other avenues should be explored and open lines of communication should be established between partners first and foremost!
I think these are some great things to think about. We always hear about the depression, high-blood pressure, medication being taken,etc. But you don't really hear more behavioral/social reasons such as mentioned here. humm...
he says he loves you then refuse to touch you I walk up naked to him and he turns away
What can you do when your partner won't talk about why we not having sex? My partner and I have not had sex in over 2 years. We use to have some of the most incredible, passionate, and pleasurable sex and lots of it! The years have taken their tole especially the past 5. We have cared for 3 parents during their last few years of life. It has been stressful no doubt but I can't get my partner to talk about what they are feeling. I have told them that I understand if it is me. I am over weight and I've had severe depression for over 2 years. I don't like to look at myself and the depression makes it very difficult to make changes (exercise, diet, etc). I would like to continue life with my mate of almost 15 years but don't know what else to do to get them to share their feelings. I've also told them I'm going to have make some changes soon with or without them. If they would just share their feelings and thoughts...
Don't know what to think. He has said in the past that he wasn't very turned on by me as i was overweight after having our 2 children in two years. i have recently lost a significant amount of weight and our sex life has become even less. I feel like there is something wrong with me that I want it and want that closeness with him often.
To those of you asking specific questions about a condition or concern, try visiting our Sex Matters®: Louanne Cole Weston, PhD
for more information.
Thank you.
Perhaps its not your fault - maybe you just don't have what he really wants. I spent years trying to 'fix' my marriage. He continued to reject me and refused to talk about it or get professional help, until finally I found out the real reason was that he preferred MEN!!!!
I also had a partner who did not want to have sex with me. Although, we did the petting thing. He did not think that this is sex. He claimed that he was NOT sexually attracted to me. That hurt so deeply, that it ended the relationship. He was the only man that has EVER said that to me. The other men in my life, usually meet me at the door with alot of hardness, already there.
zI dated a man for four years, in the beginning he was sweet, sexy and would respond. Then his mother died and he was another person. No kissing or petting just nothing. He would just shield away when I tried to even kiss him. Then I found out he was going with all kinds of women but he still wanted to be friends and call me and talk to me while he had a younger live-in women living with him plus going with other women on the side. He got tee off when I would not answer his calls & emails. He wanted me there for him when he had no other women around but he was getting his sex and turn on from his other women. Needless to say,I dumped player and his womanizing ways altogether.
Hey ladies when you've gained 30, 40,50 lbs or more it says "I don't care what I look like anymore." If you truely love your man and want to keep him at home lose the weight. I work at keeping my weight near the norm. My wife is always complaining of various aches and pains but seems unwilling to connect those to the fact that she is far above her normal weight.
my partner and i used to have sex 3 times a day, now i'm lucky to get it once a week. we've only been together for 9 months. he says that he needs to keep his guard up because he doesn't want to get hurt. he had 2 former wives cheat and then leave him. now i may know the answer why.
I think saying that just because your not getting it means your signifigant other is cheating is just plane wrong.
Your taking the worst possible scenario and putting it out there like it's 99% true. I agree with the other posters there are a variaty of reasons Stress being a big one. Some women is going to read this and go home and accuse her boyfriend or husband of cheating on her because of this post. You should be ashamed for posting such a narrow viewpoint on this subject
definitely not true about the cheating husband. We lose interest because it just gets boring. The same thing, day in and day out. I love my wife with all of my heart and I'm not cheating on her BUT the sex has gotten very boring, almost like a chore. I will definitely try to make things better though, I don't want her to think I'm with someone else..
I was married twice. My first wife and I had sex at least 3 times a day for years until our first born. and we slowed down to once a day. Then when our second baby was born, it went down to once a month. I stayed around another seven years trying to make our marriage worked but it failed anyway. I would have sex maybe once a week if I insisted or was irritated without getting it, then she would "give in". I used to actually cry before I would fall asleep. I was a State Trooper, told I was very good looking, exercise nut and I never fooled around. One day I found myself on another Law Enforcement job and during the training, I fell in love with someone else and in time I got divorced and I married my second wife. There was not a day in my new life that my wife was not hugging me and telling how much she loved me and vice versa. Our sex life was every night (really every night) for 15 years. We went out together wherever the destination was unless one was unavailable due to employment. The last two years she was diagnozed with cancer and even then she wanted to be sure we had sex. Many times I felt she was not feeling that good but she insisted. She recently passed away. Were soul mates and perhaps not all or even a majority of couples are not soul mates and that may be a huge stumbling block with their sex lives.
Goodness. I'd be interested to know the most common of those reasons you listed. While I agree with you (and some of the others on this blog) that we do hear a lot about the medical reasons for loss of sex drive, the social aspect isn't commonly talked about. That said, as a man, stress seems to be the culprit for me. Seems the older I get the more work weighs on me, the less energy for or interest I have in sex. So when I read your list, I wondered why you put the social reasons first and the medical/other reasons last. And stress wasn't on your list at all. I would guess it's among the "handful" of most common reasons? Obviously I'm not the expert for the area - just the expert for me.
All your responses are why I choose to be single.
I don't suppose you ever considered that it might just be stress? Maybe the person is just tired. Maybe work has been hectic. Maybe they have something they're worried about.
-Gene.
ive been with my bf for almost 2 yrs, living together now over a yr.. at first for months we were intimate daily.. and as time has gone by its one excuse after another, and his actions show me he has no intentions of effort to be intimate like we used to.. his excuses are stress.. he ate too much, he is tired..i am a person who wants that closeness very much, i dotn want sex with anyone else but the man i love.. and i am emotionally dying inside anymore for the lack of... the latest thing he tells me is oral sex doesnt do it for him now.. basically dont offer it .. he said because he would rather make love ..but you tell me what man doesnt want the most intimate action for the woman you love.. but its ok for him to want to do that to me.. i cry alot at night.. especially like tonight..i told him earlier today i want to makae love tonight.. adn asked him if he wanted that as well.. he tells me yes.. and i put on something new ( lingerie ) and didnt say anything.. nothing happened.. it got late.. we went to bed.. 3 min later he is snoring.. i lay there and cry to myself..and here i am.. writing ..how pathetic!
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Thanks for keeping the comments free of profanity.
Men are ridiculous..most anyway.. they cant handle having one woman.. look at half the crap they comment back with.. its boring making love to the same woman you claim to love? ok so.. being with someone else will make it better? or just til it gets boring with them as well right? seems to me that BORING would not be in the picture if people would actually love the person they claim to love and be intimate.. it takes 2 to make it NON boring.. so yeah if all you can do is hop on and hop off.. id be bored as well. men seem to have to cheat..look at porn.. adn think bein with someone else makes it better.. the porn you watch or the porn pics you look at isnt how real life is..and if it was.. most of you men probably couldnt keep up anyway! you whine about stress as well.. life isnt that big of a deal.. sex is a great release as well.. make time with the person you love..making love doesnt take all day or night either ! half these excuses are lame as heck! to the women who feel neglected sexually from the man who claims to love you.. i suggest talking first and asking in a loving way whats going on.. if it seems to be like pulling teeth.. if your mind leads you right off the bat that he is losing interet or cheating.. beleive it t hat he is adn dont put up with livig your life trying to make it better.. it never works.. they just do what t hey want anyway while we make ourselves into fools bending over backwards..and possibly still getting rejected.. theres men out there that actually DO want to be with ONE woman and doesnt lose interest, or come up with lame excuses of why they arent wanting sex over and over again.. so stand up and quit lying down for these idiots.. if they dont see that it hurts, and is making the relationship stressed and seeing its tearing you apart.. they arent worth hanging around for!!
I wish I was married to a woman who wanted me. Last year I asked every week, but we only had sex twice. She is my first, my only, now going on eight years. Your husbands are lucky to have you.
some of the social reasons listed make sense, however if you love your partner you should tell them if they have bad breath or whatever the problem may be. I really enjoy sex with my husband when he wants it, but that is only once a week lately. He claims to be tired and I understand because he does work 10 hour days 6 days a week,yet I still have the need to make love. He is also lazy during sex I basically do all the four-play and hope he will join in but he will just lay there and enjoy it,unless I mention to him that he needs to reciprocate. I feel really cheated by our sexual realtionship. Sometimes I just wonder if its worth continuing the realtionship at all.
I don't know what happened with my husband of 20 yrs, but we had sex frequently while dating then we said our "I do's" and poof, nothing since then. Its basically been a sexless marriage and I'm too embarrassed to talk with my family or doctor for support. I masturbate daily and he hates it, but I NEED IT and do it when he's not around. The past 10 yrs he's slept in another bedroom to keep from having me bug him about sex or hear me masturbate. I want sex so bad that I'm seriously considering having an affair just to feel alive. My husband is older than me and thats part of the problem, but lately I've been wishing for him to die so that I can get back into a real intimate, sexually active life. Sad isn't it. I do love him thats why I haven't left him and divorce seems cruel at his age so I wait patiently for the end to near and go on loving him in spite of no sex.
I don't know where to start ... I have been dating this man off and on for 2 1/2 years. We spent one or two nights together every weekend for the first six months. But then two things happened, I lost my job and had the stress of finding another one and I let "I love you!" slip in a passionate moment. He immediately came up with this excuse that he wanted to cool things down, because he needed to get his financial life in order before getting into a serious relationship. Sex was very hot and I let him know I wanted him. He told me I was the only woman to ever be so turned on by him. We spent time together and but there was never any true emotional intimacy. I have said I love you a few times, and he says it back, but never says it first. Right now my kids are away for the summer and the only date we have had was to go to a party that I was invited to. I miss having a real romance. I am beginning this guy will never get his act together and be able to spend time with me -- he is always complaining about work, finances and this web site he has been developing for the past 5 years. I don't know if I should continue to stick it out and accept that he doesnt have enough time for me right now. But I am sadly wondering if he ever will. He doesn't seem capable of making changes in his life to improve his finances or have more time. I drove to his work and brought his favorite pie thining that would put him in a good mood. All he could say is he had to get home becuase of an early day tomorrow. I drop off very angry. I am not sure what to do next. Just like on article says, you feel like a fool for putting yourself out there and then getting rejected.
Okay, so I too am currently experiencing this kind of dead relationship. I have been seeing my guy for about 3 years now. I probubly should have known form the beginning that there might be sexual problems because he was not very good and knowlegeable about sex. It seemed he must have learned every move from a porno. He was never into kissing or perfoming any alternate sexual things on me. Now he tells me that he doessnt want ot have any other kind of sex (o. sex)! I cant believe it ...a man not wanting that sort of thing done to him! I think it is only because he doesnt want to do it to me. I know his sexual history and understand that he has never been in real commited or long realtionship which.. I believe that explains the bad sex. However, he seems to not want to try anything new, and hates it when I talk dirty or bring-up anything new. I am very experinced with sex. I am also very open and comfortable with trying anything new. He just doest want to do anything new yet tells me it is boring and he is uninterested and not very turned-on. I am totolly fed-up with it all. It is terribly painful to want your boyfreind so much while he could care less about you and your needs. I know what it is like to be in a happy sexual realtionship and I miss it so much. I DONT understand what is going on. What I do know is that my bf was very addicted to watching porn , and used to masterbate regularly to it. At first he wanted the porn on during our sex but I said no to that quick cuz he wouldnt pay attention to me. We broke-up over this and he tells me he will never look at porn again because he knows how bad it hurt me to know he was doing this. He says he wasnt s us to have a better sex life. He says he doesnt know why he is not interseted in sex. I love him but he sucks!!! Like I said I am sick of it. We are going to see a counselor in few weeks. He is supposed to be an expert on sexual difficulties between couples. I hope he can tell me the truth or give him a pill or talk some goddamn sense into him. I am very attractive and so is he. Maybe that is why it bothers me sooo much!?
Just wanted to thank this website for answer my email.. i wrote to ask if you would kindly take my email address post off of here that someone else had posted.. and as i see.. still... its STILL here.. thanks again
well try this one on for size.. be in a relationship for a long time, and from the get go THINK you were having a great sexual relationship with the man you love, which led you on to believe in yourself in that area.. to then be told later on that all you were doing.. wasnt ~ doing it ~ for him.. THEN.. get all messed up in your head emotionally about it, wonder always that what ever it is that DOES happen in your sexual realtionship with the man you love- if that ~ does anything for him ~ OR~ wanted ~ then after you havbev all that going on.. try to feel good about yourself! It doesnt happen. THEN.... try to talk about it and humiliate yourself some more..aslking why your partner doesnt want this or that and basically just wait until its okay with him to initiate anything.. meanwhile be told that even though youre the one wanting to be intimate often, that you are not sexually aproachable!
it doesnt make sense.. but in this story- im seeing the woman feeling like shit, not knowing what to do,feeling like a slut for begging /wanting to be sexual with the man she loves in one hand, to feeling and BEING a non functional sexual woman and day by day, feeling more and more worthless as a complete woman from the great fortune of mixed messages... but somehow shes the blame.
thanks for removing my email - it would have been nice to have recieved and email letting me know that you finally had come around to do so- instead i had to keep coming back here to check up like a babysitter. So feel free to remove this as well if it tickles your ass.
I am a tall, blonde up and commming swimwear model. Now that you've got a picture in your head my bf of two nd a half years refuses to have sex with me. I love him with all my heart, but everynight he's too tired or doesn't feel like it and just pushes me away. I know i have to be understanding as he workes 10-13 hour days but even during time off he still rejects me... Another excuse is his short attention span??? I know he'd never cheat on me but the sex we do have is anything but intimate. three times in the last 9 months. I think it's a fear of getting too serious when we're so young. I love him so so much, but i think enough is enough. I can't take the constant rejection any longer...
I've bee with my boyfriend for just over 3 years and much like a previuos comment my boyfriend isn't always interested in sex either. we have a gret relationship we love and care for eachother we don't fight. we live together. but during the course of our relationship he has looked at porn on my computer. i have asked him not too not because it's porn but because it is on my computer. I don't want virus's or any one tracking my computer activity. but he can't seem to stop no matter how much it upsets me. This last time the thought of leaving him crossed my mind after he blatently lied about it when he knew i had caught him. Is this something i should be worried about?
so no one has ever really responded to anyone elses post. HELP PLEASE SOMEONE.ive been with my boyfriend for a year. i know he loves me but he has never brought up sex..ever. so i did a few months ago. I KNOW hes attracted to me and ive made it CLEAR that i want him. im a virgin, hes not, he had sex with some random girl last summer. i know hes nervous cause we talked about it once and he said remember even if its not good say it is. everytime we have a chance he always has an excuse..no condom..or he just apologizes. tells me he loves me. i dont know what to do. i dont know what hes thinking..is he not ready..does he think im just trying to please him..he he too nervous AND SHOULD I TALK TO HIM ABOUT IT? obviously he wouldnt tell me he doesnt want it so then i would just feel like im forcing it and he would just do it cause he feels he has to. what should i do. HELP PLEASSSSSE.
To the last anonymous at 2:28. You sound young as does your partner. I think that you should realize that it sounds like he is scared of two things: Having sex with someone he cares about, and not being good at it. As a virgin, you donot know what to expect and may not know what you really want from a sexual relationship. Instead of talking to him about when to have sex, maybe you should adress the reasons why he doesn't want to. Just because he is not a virgin doesn't mean that he is always ready and willing to have sex. His experience with the last girl may not have been what he was hoping for. after your relationship develops further of you are able to work past his issues with sex, then maybe you can consider it. You don't want to push him into something when he may not stick around. Don't forgot that a lot of guys don't want to have sex with someone they care about (I know it sounds odd!) a lot of times it is because they respect you more than to hurt you after the sex has happened, especially since you are a virgin. Hope this helps
What a web of confusion. The more I communicate the reasons why I'm not attracted anymore the more offended and depressed my wife becomes. Now she resents me and feels like I'm not attracted to her anymore because she's just older & overweight. I don't think her weight is a problem because I've seen many overweight women that seem attractive to me that I wouldn't be embarrassed to be with. I feel she doesn't do anything to make her appearance appealing anymore. She dresses sloppy, doesn't do her hair, no lipstick or makeup. She doesn't cuddle up to me or try to get fresh with me like she did in her younger years. She has bad breath and bad genital hygiene. She's clean otherwise but this is a turnoff. Being overweight is bad enough but when she puts on a hotpink and white tie died short polyester nightgown with a short robe to match thats cheaply made to indicated to me that she wants sex tonight its a turnoff. I like to kiss and cuddle. I can't kiss because of bad breath. Bad genital hygiene or odor eliminates some foreplay. I'm not interested in wham bam thank you mam. I want foreplay, intimacey, kissing, cuddling, closeness. If I tell her any of this and try to be tactful as I can she becomes a little offended and will correct what ever particular problem I have with her but 6 months down the road her problem returns. Being she has several I can't get to the next problem because the old one comes back. Meanwhile she's still offended. I feel trapped like its never going to get better that I'm stuck supporting someone I don't love anymore who is not willing to try and help make the situation better. If she would try, be sincere by keeping problems corrected and not be vindictive I would be willing to do my best. How can I continue to care if she doesn't.
I have been with my partner for nearly 3 years and i am having problems, he doesnt know i feel this way.I love him so much and i think he loves me even though he has never told me. In the past we have both been married, his wife left him and i left my husband,but these did not coincide.After his marriage,he met someone else,and after 5 years she left him for someone else.He was very hurt by this.He has told me that he loved her so so much.The problems are ...he will not have full penetrative sex with me..he uses porno mags and looks at online sex sites..he doesnt snog me..but he does cuddle me in bed.When we do sexual stuff it is extended foreplay but with an orgasm at the end.His penis sometimes becomes soft as well during anything we do.I've also found that quite often the foreplay is one sided for his pleasure only.He likes his own independant life which i think is all part of him putting up more intimacy barriers.It's almost like i'm not allowed to enter his own private life away from me.This has been going on for over 2 yrs,and i cry almost everyday.I'm frightened to even tell him how i feel.My heart feels bereft,and i desperately NEED to bond with him by making love,and get closer..but it's just not happening.The stuff we do is never loving..only dirty..it's almost mechanical in feeling.I realise he has intimacy issues,but is the lack of full sex mental?I believe he had this no sex problem before i came on the scene,because i found an unposted letter to his ex..which stated that his girlfriend of 5 months left him because he wouldn't make love..he followed with...boohoo..as though his 5 yr ex knew all about his problem. This upsets me..she knew..i think...and he won't communicate with me at all...about many things,never mind the sex problem.Can any one help me with some good advice...i don't want to be without him..i'm 32,and have never felt this kind of love...HELP!
Okay, so I am getting back to this post after a few months. I was the one who had been with my guy for about 3 years. He used to be addicted to porn. He never initiates sex. He never is really aroused during sex and always has excuses about everything from "the sex would be better if I ...", to "I have no idea why I can't get turned-on", to "i'm tired". He doesnt spend anytime on foreplay, and has no patience for sex lasting longer than 10 min. He and I do not have oral sex. Well, actually occasionally I will give it to him but he never ever intitates it on me anymore. He used to but must have realized that if he asks for it then I will ask too...and he must not wwhat to do it. Understand I am beyond asking WHY anymore because he always comes up with some reason. It used to be that the excuses were about my body like I was not atractive in some way to him. He actually used to say cruel things...now he has told me these were all untrue. The excuses are still here they are just not so mean anymore. The current reason why he is never hard, and why we only have sex for like 5-10 min at most is because...are you ready..."the condom hurts/ is too small for him and is uncomfortable and he cant feel anything". We are just begining counseling now. I hope it works. So far nothing has changed and we are not focused on talking about our sexual issues only about our fights? I guess this ties into our bad sex? What about great make up sex? Not with my boyfreind. I firmly believe in porn addiction!!! My bf admitted in counseling that although he does not look at porn anymore nor masterbates that he knows it has done something to him permanantly. He says he finds me attractive but that it is no use...he cant get aroused and into it. So whats up doc? I am so certain that my sexualtiy is healthy and fun. He is messed up! I am not sure if anything will get better. I will let you all know what happens. As far as commenting on your posts...to the girl who is the blonde swimsuit model...I feel for you hun! Sounds like you and I are very similar. i think i said before that I too am attractive...but I am comming to realize that I dont do it for him. Maybe no one woman can? I never had a problem with porn , and used to enjoy it, untill NOW. NOW I hate anything that I see that is oversexualized! Tell him to stop and make certain that he does for a awhile then go see a therapist or print off some stuff on porn addiction for him to read so that he finally gets it.
I don't understand? I love my guy so much...the last time we made love was over a year ago...aside from the oral sex I literally forced upon him to try and urge him into the mood...oral sex he actually fell asleep during on 2 occassions...there are no words for the loss felt by his rejection...we have a son, and I won't remove him from his father, still how does one live successfully in a sexless relationship? I have tried everything, nothing works...I truly just don't understand why he won't touch me anymore
I am in a very ideal relationship now jsut over a year, and we practically live together. I thought my situation is extraordinary - until I found this website. My Man is everything woman can ask for : loving, sweet, generous, down to earth, funny, big heart, good looking, financially stable - except on 2 counts: He is NOW obese, 50 lbs overweight and had compeltely lot interest in sex. I felt totally rejected and unloved - but what he does for me and with me are all signs of affection. He told me that Love was not enough for me and that I shold look for someone else, but I am not giving up - he took the initiative to take testosterone supplement and started exercising. Truth is, this is a denial of a problem that may be deeply rooted that is not even within the context of our relationship - trauma, for instance. Just the same, I am looking into the possibility of him being an internet sex addict - as I can see him advertising himself on all dating personals. Rather than confronting him, I am giving ourselves the chance to work things out and resolve these temporary problems. Only time will tell, and only oursleves will know when It is "time." What really matters is how long we are able to sustain what is important. Releasing this feeling in writing knowing that there are hundreds of cases like mine is helpful enough. I'd still ask him to take Viagra and I'd BJ him anytime. When he gets in the mood, he is fine.
• I know what you mean, m husband sneaks around to watch porn. I told my him that I would rather have a open library of Porn, I just could not handle the sneaking part, I continue to find albums of Porn, I knew nothing about. It is like he has to be sneaky about it. He also lies about it constantly. We have not had sex in 5 months, I sm an attractive person and very sexual and I do not understand why this is going on. I also discovered he had been talking constantly on chatlines and getting rub downs,when he is out of town. He claims (because he got caught) that he is not doing it anymore and that the reason we do not have a sex life is because i am always angry, i am hurt and yes i wake up unhappy because he sleeps on the opposite side of the bed or in the other room. so yes it is destoying my marriage too.
Thank you to everyone for sharing your stories. I am in my 60s and have been in a relationbship for four months with a man my age. He tells his friends and family that I am the woman of his dreams. But after the firsrt month, he began refusing to slet me sleep at his house or he at mine. Now he refuses to touch me under any circumstnaces but indicates to others that we are a couple. My heart is broken, as we otherwise have so much in common and his family (siblings and his children) and my children and my grandchildren adore him and support our relationship. When I try to talk to him about the lack of physical intimacy and the impact of me, he says that we are "just friends." This is making me c-r-a-z-y because he intitiates contact continuoulsy and in all likelihhood if he did not contact me first for each occasion we are together, I would not contact him at all!
Thank you to everyone for sharing your stories. I am in my 60s and have been in a relationbship for four months with a man my age. He tells his friends and family that I am the woman of his dreams. But after the firsrt month, he began refusing to slet me sleep at his house or he at mine. Now he refuses to touch me under any circumstnaces but indicates to others that we are a couple. My heart is broken, as we otherwise have so much in common and his family (siblings and his children) and my children and my grandchildren adore him and support our relationship. When I try to talk to him about the lack of physical intimacy and the impact of me, he says that we are "just friends." This is making me c-r-a-z-y because he intitiates contact continuoulsy and in all likelihhood if he did not contact me first for each occasion we are together, I would not contact him at all!
I been with my loving boyfriend now for about 2yrs, 3 months and about 3 weeks now and we use to have the BEST LOVE MAKING...now its been 3 months since I last had sex with him. I ask him if he has ever jerked off since the last time we did it and he looked into my eyes and said flat out "NO".. I however believed and didnt believe it. I wouldnt have a problem with it if I myself masterbated but I dont know how.. nor do I see the need for it if I have a partner.. in the end I caught him jerking off and I also suspect that he's cheating on me and not sexually attractive to me. Which hurts cause I did have two misscarrige's while I've been with him. He blames me for having the misscarriages and that's one of the reasons as to why he dont want to touch me anymore. He doesnt want to go through the pain again. What should I do?? I'm depressed and thinking of sucid not only did I lose my kids but my man too? Why?
I can't tell you all how much your posts have helped me. I have been struggling to make a decision wether or not to leave my boyfriend of seven years because of the lack of sex. I have found porn on the computer several times. He gets angry when I bring the subject up and always has excuses for why he doesn't approach me. Reading every one elses posts helped me realize that I really do need to get out of here. Its so damaging and neglectful to be rejected for years on end. None of you deserve to feel unattractive or crazy, and I don't either. Good luck to all, and thanks again.
Actually, I'm not afraid of my husband looking @ porno, what I am afraid of is that he lies about it and doesn't know that I know he masterbates to it. You see, when I started feeling the effects of his non-interest, I left my webcam onto remote monitoring. He doesn't know a thing. I'm watching what he does every minute, without him knowing. For now, he thinks I'm just the little nice wifee who doesn't know a thing. As a result, I've started wondering why the wives are alway griping about this kind of behavior when we should be looking for our own compulsions/obsessions. If it starts to get bad enough, I'll find someone else who will give me what I want, and if the little hubbee gets angry, I'll show him the pics to beat off to.
To continue... I just feel turn about is fair play for such deception. I just act like nothing is going on, and am able to drag things out of him without him really knowing. Wonder though, why men are mostly the one's with such obsessions. I know many women whose husbands drink, gamble, take drugs to the point of messing up their relationships and lives of others. I've been trying to understand why so many men and not women want to lead these secretive lives. Some that obviously distructive and deviant.
What I see is lost trust. My wife and I have had dry peroids but it comes back. We dont bust on eachother about it. I dont lie to her, she doesnt lie to me, and we do well. Its death to try to bushwack and lay blame. If he is looking at porn , maybe he isnt seeing anything stimulating at home and he is at least not out banging some girl from bar. We guys dont just spontaniously burst into song at the mere sight of what USE to be a cute chick in the bedroom. 50 pounds is a clear sign, she no longers cares how I feel. Toss the Carbs, lose the fat and start taking some responsibilty for your own sexuality. Cute will lose out to stink, take bath, and get some mouth wash. If your over fifty look at some hair maintenance. See@ Helen E Fishers page.
Your mother lied when she said we come crawling like dogs and we can be controlled this way. Nope, you control, we are packing up for Iceland. So many guys married in Vietnam because those girls behavied like women not like a banker. They made a significant impression by being submissive. You yell at me because I am not doing what you want,, I am headed for greener pastures. So if he is holding hands with himself, hes not gone yet. You show him the girl he fell in love with and he will come back up the steps. Rule One, a man falls in love with a woman that makes him feel good about himself and screaming you aint doin me some face is a ticket to another town.
Bye
I will say a few about "She is unapproachable" we " the Guys " if we love you we try to be considerate. If baby is having a bad day and is grouchy we will backoff thinking you need a moment to unwind, then when you dont we figure tomorrow is another day, but our boys sometimes have a mind of their own and before our instincts start aiming us at the secretary, we might shake hands with the unemployed. BEATS, being caught getting pizza deliveries while we are on the phone.. :)
Its our little way of being patient
he could also be tired from work, stress or just not in the mood, funny how when men don't want sex they must be cheating.
my husband works a lot and gets very tired, times like this he doesn't want to have sex because he can't do it, yet when he's not tired there's nothing that can stop him.
Mine is more of why don't I want him? Been married almost three decades. Had problems on and off with sex but there were times when it was very good. Have not had sex for over two years now. Why? Had a really bad fight once about finances and he said something I don't want to say here but it really hurt. Since then we have our good times and bad, we go away on vacations together, spend other time together but the bed is only for sleeping! I dream about sex, usually not with my husband but I don't think I completely want it out of my life-but don't know what to do about getting it back! What's sad too is that there are people who know us and look up to us for being married so long but you wonder what would happen if they knew the truth about what our marriage was really like. Also, to these men who complain about woman being overweight-I am overweight too but I see the way some men look at me and I know I am not that unattractive just because I am overweight! I do keep myself clean, I do wear make up when I leave the house, I do keep my hair nice too!
I cry as I write -- I am so sexually frustrated. During the day he is always huggy-kissy and lovable -- but at night he wants nothing to do with me. He has to make sure the dogs are up on the bed and when he cuddles with the dogs, he is happy. When I see he took a Cialis, I get so excited because I'm thinking he is going to make love to me tonight, but nothing. I don't get it. Why take the Cialis?? Before we lived together, sex was GREAT -- he was adventurous and exciting. Now -- that we live together NOTHING!!!! I'm tired of talking about it with him. I don't buy it when I hear a person had a long day at work or they're stressed out. BULLSHIT!!! Nothing makes me feel better if I had a bad day or under a lot of stress or pressure then to have my man put his arms around me, hold me tight, kiss me passionately and make love to me. I don't even know what a real kiss is anymore. Frustrated??? You bet!!
Quite honestly, I have mixed emotions about my situation after reading a lot of these postings. Me and my fiance, (getting married in less than 4 weeks) have been together for over a year now and sex has never been real exciting, but I guess you could say it was satisfying. However, he is the most attentive man I have ever been with in every other way though. He calls me over 20x a day, just to say hi and tells me everything I want to hear. That he loves me and I am his best friend and that I am beautiful. We are both overweight yet attractive people. He is actually much more overweight than me. He works 60+ hours a week and drives a tanker. I know his job is stressful along with tiring with the amount of hours he works. At night, it is very rare for us to have sex. He says nite time for him is not his time because he is so tired. In the morning, he is pretty much always up for it. But lately, it's been rare to have sex no matter what time of the day. I honestly think it may have something to do with the fact that now we live together. He sees all my beauty secrets (and not so beautiful). I dunno, I think us women tend to let ourselves go after a certain amount of time together. It's time to face the facts and see not only the problem, but a possible solution may be to just simply take the time to keep ourselves maintained, smelling like a woman should and stop the whining. Nagging a #1 turnoff to men. We do it though-admit it! Ok, I'm going to take my own advice and go back to being the woman he met. I always took care of myself. But since we moved in together, I don't as much. I'll let you all know the results if you are interested, think of this as a science experiment. I love my man and he deserves the woman he met and fell in love with.
i do modelling, i am stunning, we have been together 2 years! i buy sexy underwear, cook us romantic suppers and get waxes done! yes we have good sex about once a week, but when i try suggest it during the week he says i am sex obsesed, because i suggest it! it make me feel un wanted!
We were quite close to the decision to divorce when I made the last attempt to improve something. I had bought him Extagen (pills to increase man's desire) and asked him to take it. He refused three months. Then I had found a way to persuade him to do it. And... That was the solution. We returned our sex relationships and our family. Soul depends on body.
I am a young attractive woman, I have no problems with hygiene or overweight. I just got married 5 months ago, sex with my husband was good before married but not frequent because we lived very far from each other, (so I didn't think much of it), not we are married and lived together and he is always sweet and cuddly and kisses me and tells me that he loves me often. But we only have sex once or twice a week, this really makes me so depressed, I cry I am irritable, and I think that I may have made a mistake, I know that many people have said that they have less sex then me, but I feel that I need a lot more, we are just married and have been together for just over a year all together! I don't think this is normal.
I don't know what is wrong I have talked to him about it, and he got really offended and then after he calmed down he did said that he would try, so he did for about a week (when we had 4 times sex)... but as the time when it all when back to once or maybe twice a week! I am starting to think that he can be gay?!! Other thing is that my husband does have a small penis,which doesn't bother me at all, but could this be the reason of his low sex drive??? PLEASE HELP !!! I don't know what to do.
I'm 49 years old had a hysterectomy 3 years ago I've been married for 25 years And am very sexy and my sex drive have increased but my husband has no interest what so ever If I don't ask him or raise hell we would never be intimate at all Im'm still fine and pretty help?
For me not desiring sex is in relation to medical problems & medicatons I have been taking for pain management.
Wow, it is iteresting to read the comments here. I am a young woman who is in great shape and I am experiencing a low point of my relationship. We used to have so much passion and wonderful sex! All the time! Now after a few years we are not as active and I wonder why? I run, and do pilates and yoga, and feel that I am in better shape that when he met me. Even though I work out, I still have the curves, and look womanly with the hour glass figure. I am a very curvacious woman so I have to work out to stay fit and trim, but I am still a woman, and not too hard-bodied. But I wonder why my boyfriend doesn't want me? I get a lot of attention at the grocery store or gas station and out in public. Other guys I have dated want sex more than he does, so I can't help but wonder after reading these posts, is he gay or emotionally scarred or something? I don't know, but it hurts me that he doesn't want me more. I don't know what to do.
It is hard when you are a healthy and in shape attractive woman, and your man does not want you as much as you want him. I agree with one of the posts that it makes you feel slutty to always be initiating sex, and sometimes men don't like this. For me personally once a week is just not enough. I would like to hear from the guys as to what would make them lack desire for sex. Is it stress? I know my man is not into porn, or cheating. He does not even masturbate as a lot of men do. I can't help but wonder if that is odd as well? I am in great shape and try to keep good hygene and do everything that would drive a man wild. I have sexy clothing but he never asks to see me wear it. I desire sex more because it makes me feel closer to him, closer than ever. It is something very special. But I also have fun with sex, because if you are willing to be a little "risque" or "naughty", it can be so much fun and so stimulating! I am not one to ever cheat, but it is hard when you have unfullfilled desires and then you start dreaming about sex, and being touched and aroused. I can't help but want that feeling, it is both fun and intimately pleasing. I am with a guy who would never cheat, and I don't want to either, but what the heck do you do with all that pinned up passion? Guys, I would like some comments on this one.
Help!
Maybe this, maybe that. Whatever. I am so sick of feeling rejected. I am 23, attractive, and have been with my boyfriend for 1 year and some change now. He is the first "nice guy" I have dated, and let me tell you, I am missing those "bad boys" a lot on nights like these where I get rejected. I am not fat, I am pretty and curvaceous, and a lot of guys drool over me. I had sex on demand when I was single, and when I was in my last relationship for 5 years, I had sex very, very frequently. I am not used to being turned down for sex, and I do not like it one bit. I just don't get it. All of the "reasons" sound like excuses to me. No matter what goes on in my life, depression, being tired, being stressed, working a lot, blah blah blah, I always want sex with the one I love. It's a way to express love, to feel love, and experience intimacy with the one you love. I don't understand how you wouldn't want that. How I take it is that the person I love does not want me. They are not attracted to me. I am sick of feeling like this. It lowers my self-esteem. It's too infrequent. Rejection from someone you love feels terrible.
Thank you for these posts. I used to think I was missing out not having relationships but now I know I have zero interest.
It's funny that women complain that all men want, think about is sex. Then when they meet one who is not always interested, doesn't place a high amount of importance on sex, women complain still. You ladies really are never satisfied no matter what. So why should we bother? Whatever we do you will always want more. That in and of itself tires us out.
For those that believe the reasons given here are nothing more than "excuses" please seek psychiatric assistance ASAP. Either that or do some googling, go to a library and do some research. Yes. Stress is a BIG factor.
To the last person who posted that sex is a way to express love, that's YOUR side of things. Men have sex because we are horny. Period. That's why we shy away from it too. We don't want the one we love to be just another girl we have sex with. You are special. Different from the others so we treat you differently.
There are MANY reasons why the problems people are having exist. To say it's one thing or another is wrong and it's stereotyping. Not all men have sex with everything that moves. Some only sleep with women they love. Some don't care about it at all. Some just don't want it every day.
The one theme of all these posts is that their relationship hinges on whether her panties come off or not. How pathetic. You claim it's love but it isn't. If all you have is sex, then all you have is lust. How about being friends. Hanging out. Sharing common interests, hobbies. Develop a deep caring for eath other while exploring each other's hearts , minds and goals. Then when sex goes awry you still have a base foundation to rely on.
All you people care about is sex. Stop making it so important when it isn't. Pushing for it won't make it happen. Focus on the other things or realize that you are in lust and not in love.
I have to say I'm extremely offended by your answer to this important question. I came here knowing my partner was not cheating, that my partner loves and respects me but concerned about what all of that meant. You gave no advice in changing it and ended it by saing it really is probably me. Where is his palpability in this? There was nothing about the medical reason, there was a small part about his insecurity but I am leaving here feeling worse about myself. If you are a doctor you should be thorough enough to not just blame me!
I have to say I'm extremely offended by your answer to this important question. I came here knowing my partner was not cheating, that my partner loves and respects me but concerned about what all of that meant. You gave no advice in changing it and ended it by saing it really is probably me. Where is his palpability in this? There was nothing about the medical reason, there was a small part about his insecurity but I am leaving here feeling worse about myself. If you are a doctor you should be thorough enough to not just blame me!
To the Anonymous who posted at 5:42 p.m., you'll find a more in-depth list why he may not want sex here:
Top 10 Reasons Men Don't Want Sex.
We hope this is helpful to you.
OK lets start at the begining my bf and I are 11 yrs apart I will be 22 and he will be 33 in a month. We have been together (living and dating) for 2 and a half years. I am an insecure mess right now. I am mean to him and at times I want to move out.
We recently got a computer and he is constantly downloading porn or becoming a member of imates or whatever the newest dating chat lines. I know he would never cheat on me. But he might as well tho he used to call phone sex lines and date lines. We fought and fought and fought about that. He lies about them which is the worst. He lied to me about going to a strip club he lies to me about money missing in his accounts.
Its has gotten to the point that I want to leave. I love him more than myself, which if you knew me means a lot!
A subject noone has touched .... we had a threesome with a friend of mine a year and a half ago. I thought it would help because it was at the begining of the down fall of sex. But since then it got worse. I don't know what to do anymore. I am bi polar and have been living off meds for 3 years. I have gained weight since we got together but thats because I was just getting off a coke addiction when we met. I need help
To finish the above message... we never were that physical at the begining but we had sex 3- 4 times a week and occassionally a couple times a day. Now its like if I touch him its an annoyance. We have sex maybe once every 2 months just recently we had sex 2 times in one month. I hate that sex feels like a reward and that he holds all the cards. Like even if I am not in the mood I have sex because I never know when the next time it will happen will be.
I feel completly worthless and ridiculously selfish and then I am angry at him for making me feel insecure. Is it time to pack up and leave? Or should I wait it out?
Extagen is a wise solution. My husband had big problems with sex desire and this drug helped him to be sexually active again.
We've not been married even a year yet. My husband is addicted to porn to say the least, and masturbates by himself and never seems interested in me unless I come on to him. We've talked about this and he promises he desires only me and just masturbates so that he can quote "last longer" with me. Even if I were to forgive this behavior, how in the world can I ever believe that I am attractive and desirable to him anymore. Whenever we're intimate, I'm only going to think about him, his porn and his "handy" friend. What is there left to do to make our relationship work again? Is it all lost?
I have been there in all these situations & I was just told i was not attractive anymore less then a year now of getting married.He told me he does not want me here anymore.
My husband and I have been sleeping in separate rooms because of his snoring problem. He compains about me not being there next to him but yet he won't take any steps in correcting his snoring. So am I supposed to lay next to him and get no sleep so he can feel better that I'm next to him? Regardless, we don't go to separate rooms angry at each other. And according to my husband, this is the reason for our next problem. He's been watching porn, always has. But just recently I learned he has been self pleasuring himself instead of coming to me. His excuse is that he doesn't feel loved because we sleep in separate rooms. Is this a good enough reason not to want to have the real deal with his wife? I'd love a man's opinion AND a woman's opinion on this one. If we're not going to bed angry, then why wouldn't he come to me and with actions, show me that he needs/wants me? Is it he was just being lazy? or is there a bigger problem here? Someone please respond, need opinions!
Im glad to see I am not the only women feeling lonely and unloved in a relationship. Tonight I got a bomb droped on me. We have been together off and on for 3 years now and living together for the past year. We are supose to be married in June of this year, not sure now. Sex between us was maybe once a week then it became less and less and less. Friday night I tried being romantic, candles and all, he came to bed laid on top of the covers fully dressed and I well let just say let him know I was interested, he made up and excuse about something he needed to get down for work the next day and was up till well past three. The next night I didnt bother, and he was up till 4:30am. Last night, I went down, put on something sexy and come up to ask him to join me in our bedroom. His response was........well Im really not horny but I could come cuddle for a bit if you want. Well that lead to a conversation and basicly he told me he loves me and doesnt want to be with anyone else but says I have gained weight and hes just not sexualy attracked to me anymore. I have to say, this hurts, how can one love someone and be so insensitive?
My boyfriend says he is 'just not sexual' and it's infuriating to me. I need sex. And deserve it in a relationship. And he gives no reason why he doesn't want it. I"m an attractive, young woman and he says he's attracted to me. We've had sex numerous times in the past and he has no problem getting it up or orgasming. I don't think he's gay although that could be an option. Who knows? I'm breaking up with him. In 10 years I won't be so hot and I'll have missed out on a lot of good sex.
I think every man is different, but then I know I'm not the typical man in any sence. Often times if our relationship is going well, I don't have to have sex, but if our relationship is going well, I do. There are times where I don't want to do anything sexually for about 2 weeks (that includies doing anything to myself). We have been together for 6 years, and married for 1.
Besides the relationship not going well, the other most common reason how come I don't do anything sexual with her is because I want her to kiss on me, and love me, and say she wants to do things with me. I know she sometimes feels the same way. We always talk about our problems, but often times we both forget about eachother, or sometimes can't tell exactly what kind of mood we are in, such as want sex all the time, or sometimes, or none at all. But whenever we talk about our problems we usually cuddle together, and feel great, which usually leads to pleasing each other.
im sure she wants me , but im curious to know why a woman stays so dry during sex. is there some miraculas cure for this, could (I) be doing something wrong?....I mean if we use some lubricants we tend to go and go.....but still i wonder if theres something im not doing for my partner that she is not getting to keep from being so dry.
I think one thing that it would be nice for men to help their women from being dry is foreplay. Although some women may like a little rough and some may like a little softer foreplay. And I think variety of actions always very important, some men keep doing the same thing and the same place over and over again -- it can be quite boring. You need to think about keeping it interesting and be creative.
Everyone like to know that their partner care and paying attention to them. Don't keep watching TV, or trying to read a book when your partner is trying to seduce you. Please show her that you care and you are paying 100% attention to her.
I'm also currently experiencing this kind of dead relationship. And doesn't matter how much I tried with improving my self image. Or different options with porn, or suggesting brining in others .. whatever he may want. I tried communicating. I tried dressing up or being nice girl/bad girl. Nothing happens. There are just excuses after excuses ... so to all women before rushing in to say I-do, please think about it. If it's not great now, it's only going to get worse.
Well I tell you I have a real "heart" problem...My bf and I stopped having a relationship about 4 months ago and we were together 10 months. I thought we were deeply in love...he told me all the things I wanted to hear. H then decided to go back to Art school at the age of 39. I had no problem with that, but I guess I had built his self-esteem up, because he is "hot" and then he didn't want a committed relationship. I have been so hurt by this and just want no one but him. We still see each other but not as we did at all. He might go a week and never call. I'm sure he is seeing other people. The other day he told me he wanted me to get another girl to have a 3 some with for his birthday coming up on April 6...he knows how much I love him and I think it is terrible that he would ask me to do this...Does this mean he really doesn't love me at all? He knows I have done anything sexual he ever wanted, but this is something I just don't think I can watch...What would you do?
I am still in love with my ex-bf. I still see him and we have sex. His birthday is coming and he ask if I would get another girl and have a 3 some. He said that is a fantasy. He says I am the only one that would ever do that for him. He knows that I never refused him sexually, but I don't think I could stand seeing him with another girl. I feel that he must not love me at all if he asks me to do this....what does anyone else think?
There's another article I think in conjunction with this one that lists in detail the top ten reasons men do not want to have sex. Stress is among those reasons, along with many that are listed here. Infidelity, lack of sleep, boredom, the feeling of no longer being attracted to their mate, etc. Just talk to your partner, and if they won't talk to you then maybe it's time you re-evaluate your relationship and move on.
I have been dating a man for 3 years. He was never that great in bed and his penis is small. Despite this i love him very much. When we we first started dating we had sex atleast twice a week and now in the past year he does not even try to touch me! I cry and feel bad for myself but i know it is hi own issue because i am very sexy and beautiful. I have asked that he seek help but he tells me it is my fault because i am always fighting about it and that all i think about is sex. I have never heard such a thing from a man? It is a horrible feeling to fall in love with some one and have them turn into this. I have heard of this madonna/whore syndrome where a man cant have sex with a woman he is in love with because in his eyes she is too pure...i think this may be the problem - because at time i feel like his cuddly ways seem like he is treating me like a child rather than a woman. Has anyone dealt with is and do you have any suggestions on what we can do to get help? and is it even worth it? Will he ever change?
I am 37 years old. And I have been put through the ringer with guys. I'm suprised I even want to be with a guy at all. What are woman suppose to think about men when it comes to sex?? I mean when I was 7 years old my step father was having his way with me and my sister and would make us go into the bathroom with him and look at playboy magezines while he was jacking off. It was proven that we had been messed with and nothing got done about it. It has affected me my whole life, but yet I still search for that 1 man that can give me a feeling of security, and yet I feel used and worthless. I have been with the guy I'm with now for almost 3 years and I quote, "Everytime" I am not around he watches porno. And he made a promise to me when he said he understands what I went through as a kid that he would give the porno up because he loves me and respects me that much, and I find out he is doing it behind my back. I got the dish bill in Febuary it was $497.00 it had every channel you could imagine, oh my god I was freakin pissed and when I confronted him on it he said he didn't know it was on there. I said bullsh*t for 1 month all he wanted to do was have sex and before we did have sex,but it was different and meaningfull and during that month it was more aggressive and not to my liking.But when I bring it up about him watching porno he gets real defencive. I don't like my man hiding stuff from me let alone lieing to me. How would it make him feel if I was doing that to him? Wouldn't it make him feel like less of a man? I am sure it would. Well I am telling you that I do everything I can to make my man have the best life he can. He has been in trouble his whole life until he got with me and I helped him turn it around and show him that life is not about getting into trouble and going to prison and crap. Its about love, honesty and deticadtion. Not just to someone but also to yourself. And he needs to understand that if something like porno emotionally hurts me and effects our sex life then he needs to let it go. I would let it go if he asked me to.To me that is being very selfish on his part because its a mental situation that will never go away.I always say don't make a problem if you know it is a problem.
I really need to know what to do...My fiancee and I have been together for a year and a half. In the beginning of the relationship he couldn't get enough of me...now he hardly ever wants to make love to me. He hugs and kisses me alot..he is always telling me how much he loves me...when he's not at work he's with me so i know he's not cheating. We don't have any big stress issues...I have foudn evidence of him looking at naked pictures on the net. I am not unattractive....this is not bragging i'm just saying I turn more than my fair share of heads....I am at the optimal weight for my height....I just don't get it....I will deny him nothing...I will do whatever he wants me to do in bed and will enjoy doing it...he dosn't have health problems that cause it..he gets regulr check ups and is healthy...I don't understand it...we are going to be getting married in june and there is no one else I would rather spend my life with...to be more precise I can't imagine my life without him...I just don't know where to turn or what to do....
another thing is about the porn...I have no problems with watching porn I actually enjoy it if I am with him...but he dosn't get it and share it with me he keeps it a secret until i find it then says he only got them because he was "curious"
I need a some help with a issue that has been bothering me for a while. It is about the porn thing. I had asked my B/F why he likes to watch porn and he said so he can learn new things but not anything he would do with me, so is he wanting to do them with someone else or is it just a thing for him to have on his mind? I am very old fashioned and I beleive that intimacy should be from the heart and the love you feel for one another it should be your own thing not something you see other people doing.I have one hell of an imagination and can be very dirty minded. I let my man know that he is all I want and will ever need.But the porn thing turns me off to no end, I think it is discusting and very in pure. Sex should be a private thing between 2 people. Sex in my oppinion is 1 of the most stressful and emotionally filled things there is in life. And so many people have taken it places it shouldn't be. Every where you go everything you watch anymore is about "SEX" and i'm sick of it. I know that when I was growing up girls were just girls at the age of 15, 16, and 17 and now look all they are is into porn and letting men do the most discusting things to them and using them for there pleasures. "IT IS SICK" and people can't understand why so many young girls dissapear and end up raped and or dead well my guess would be because they put themselves in that possistion. I really feel sorry for the girls who think they have to make a guy want her by using her looks and sexiness. True love and the feeling of passion comes from within.Nobody likes being rejected it hurts. My man thinks that if he can't get it up then we shouldn't do anything well I tell you that pleasure doesn't have to always be intercourse.Just the touching eachother at times is enough for me the being caressed and kisses and being held. There have been times when he couldn't get it up that I thought he wasn't attracted to me but I tell myself that it is just a part of life that nobody will ever understand. He tried some Viagra 1 night and I asked him how he felt and he said he felt like he was high on dope and the next day he was hateful and crap and I told him I didn't want him taking it anymore that I like him just the way he is.He use to be a drug addict and I worked my ass off to no end and changed his life around and he hasn't used dope in almost 2 years and if the Viagra makes him feel like he is on dope then I don't want him to use it. That is the last thing in our relationship we need is for him to go back to using. I beleive that we look to far into things in a relationship its almost like we are dissapointed because we don't find anything wrong, its like we search for something to blame it on when in all reality there isn't a problem. I could be wrong about that but it is something to consider since nothing else is working. I don't even know if there is a real answer.
I know what alot of ya'll are going through. I've been with my fiancee for 6 yrs, 4 of which he was in the military. We use to have great, passonite sex. Now he never wants to have it, we've gone a month and not have sex. He loves me tells me all the time and gives me affection everyday, but no sex. I feel like it's me, I'm not in the best shape and I'm working on that, but I just feel like he doesn't want me. He says that it's him and that he doesn't know what is wrong. And we do happen to have sex there no feeling involved I just know the whole time that he is not wanting to do it. I don't know what to do.
I have been trying to figure out for months why my boyfriend does not like having sex nearly as much as I do. We have sex twice or maybe three times a week, which isn't bad, except that we have only been dating a year and a half and we are 25 years old. I thought maybe I was being too agressive, and thought maybe if I seemed to want it less he would want it more, but that didn't work. Often, when I try to initiate, he'll tell me he just wants to hold me, or that he's not in the mood and just wants to talk with me or cuddle. All his excuses are very romantic, but sometimes, I want sex, not cuddling. I know he is not cheating on me, I don't think he finds me unattractive or overweight (I am 5'9" and 125 lbs), I just can't fiure it out.
I have been with my guy for 12 years. We used to have the most incredibly passionate sex. We started not slowing down in the bedroom after I had to have back surgery. Even so, a few weeks after, we still enjoyed each other on a regular basis. Then a few years later, I had to have a stomach pump put in to help control the pain, and things started slowing down. Yes, I gained a lot of weight, but have since lost almost all of it. And I have good and bad days, on the bad I can hardly walk. At first, he said it was because when we did have it, that it was because he couldn't stand to be the reason why I couldn't feel my leg or walk upright. Then it was because of my weight. Now, he doesn't have a reason. Life has gotten better. I pay almost all the bills, so that is not a stressor. I also have like I said lost the weight and try to always look good, ie: make up and clothes, even jewlry. I don't overdo it though. So why doesn't he want me? Is it because it has been so long he doesn't know how to start up again? I have other people tell me how good I look, so that cannot be it, I have even had men ask me out, so I know that I am at least somewhat attractive. He says there is no one else and that he loves me. I don't think that he masturbates, unless it is in the shower. He has no medical issues at all. Any suggestions? By the way, I have tried to seduce him, but he didn't even get aroused. Please help, this is ruining our relationship.
A man I've cared about and I had been having sex with, friends with benefits, though I always wanted more in terms of a relationship. I knew I was getting used but he was always caring. I didnt see him for a few years and when he came back, he started coming around more and we became closer. We had oral sex a few times (both ways) but that was all. Now, I'm getting my feelings hurt because he DOESNT want to have sex. I don't think that he CAN'T, I think he doesn't want to. True, we are both older now, but he is still young enough to want it occasionally at least.
Nothing has changed as far as my appearance or habits. I'd have to laugh, if I didnt want to cry that the tables have turned. Can't I have a lover and a friend in the same person? I know he feels closer to me now, but the closer we get emotionally, the less he wants to have sex. God's little joke I guess.
Hello everyone! I have been doing a lot of thinking and I have a idea. I don't know if it will work or not but the way I see it you have nothing to lose considering what you think you are losing anyways. Ok some guys like doing the porn thing because it really turns them on more so then we do, so why not make a private video talking to your man sexy and doing little sexy motions and maybe that might help. I haven't tried it yet but I want to I just haven't put it into play yet. I am very over weight and it really gets me down and I have a very low matabulisum. I just don't feel sexy but yet I flirt with my man and say things that I didn't think I would ever come up with and all he can do is giggle at me. I have always heard people say that a man wants his woman to be a lady in public and a slut in the bedroom but define "SLUT" I don't get it.
my husband and I have been together for almost 4 years, married for one of those years. We only have sex maybe once a week. I try and come on to him, but he always rejects me. We only have sex when he wants to. And when he want's too, I don't always want to. But I give in because I don't know when he'll want to have sex with me again. I'm not overweight, I give him his space. He's in the military, so I handle everything with the household so he doesn't have any added stress. I just don't know why he isn't interested in me.
Lets get back to the Madonna/Whore thing. I've been researching it for the past severa weeks on the internet and although there are tons of references to it, there is NO treatment suggestions. Not even an indication if a treatment exists! A am a man who is losing a wonderful woman because of this affliction and I'm desperately looking for answers...And yes, I've already made an appointment with a sex therapist but he is booked until mid-May...I guess I'm not the only one with issues...
I would like to start buy saying, I have been with my fiance 4 1/2 years.We met in 2002. He was just the sweetest man ever, sex was never a issue, it was great. He enjoyed oral sex as well as giving it. About a year or so down the road he told me he didnt not really enjoy oral sex, giving or receiving. Another 6 months down the road, he enjoys receiving, not giving, I shower daily sometimes 2 a day. I am a very clean person. 2 years down the road he tells me he does not really strive on sex(now I am confused). He tells me he loves me and he could not make it through life without me, I just dont understand...Its been 4 1/2 years now, he wont touch me, Making love consist of him on and off in less than minute. He says he really wants to please me, but I am still waiting. If I speak to him about sex rectally he seems excited and seems to always ask if he can go here. I tell him later. I sometimes try to put his hands on me to make things happen, then just for him to pull away. He tells me its not my fault I am tired. I really do love him and I stay here to hope things get better, he ask mo to marry him, I know he is not cheating we are together too much for that...ANY ADVISE? CONFUSED IN LOST IN OHIO!
I get all the comments posted here. Social reasons, infidelity, or just lack of lust. So the main subject is to communicate how you are feeling... What if you have done that? What if you have changed your appearance? What if after everything he still does not touch you? You know he is listening. He tells you is in his mind, but he still does nothing. Claims to love you, but does not tend to your needs... How can he say he loves you if he is not trying to fix things? Everyone around you notices the changes, as a wife you still get hit on, so it is not that you are not attractive... What do you do then. Keep feeling unattrative, unwanted and unfufilled?
Is it possible to be 27 and have troubles in the bedroom? He tells me its not my fault. He sometimes seems(to me) like it is a chore to make love, yet tells me he is very interseted, then just to loose an erection. He acts like this bothers him if I am upset, but If I just roll away he will turn away and act like no big deal.He made a Dr. app for this telling me is was a medical problem. Only the day of this App: he canceled.(Did Not Go).He does not give affection, tells me he is going to make things better. I am ready to give up!
Lost In Ohio!
I have been happily married for 29 years. My husband just isn't interested in sex anymore, we can go for a year at a time without touching. He is my soulmate my best friend my other half and he completes me but i enjoy the intimacy and the feelings associated with sex. So i started looking and 3 months ago i met a wonderful man in the same type of relationship, we meet once a week for mind blowing sex. It has made me more loving toward my husband because i feel i no longer have to pressure him to have sex.
I have thought about having an affair to ease the tension.I just dont know that I could pull something like that off, because I will feel so guilty. I love my fiance, he is my best friend. But I just keep feeling lost and confused. Everyday I can feel the distance growing between us. I mean should I feel Guilty after I expalin the way I feel to him?(He does nothing to improve things)......Lost in Ohio!
I recently had sex with my friend. He was a 39 year old virgin. A week away from his 40th birthday. It was the best sex i had ever had. He was like no other man. We made love for 6 days. He looked me in the eyes,rubbed my body from head to toe, rubbed my face, I woke up and he was looking at me rubbing my face. I told him i loved him after a week. He left for work and called me that night telling me he wasnt coming back and i should burn his clothes. My heart is truly broken. He said it wasn't me that it was him. What is his problem and how do i get him back? I havent been eating or sleeping and all i think about all day is him. Should i keep calling him and getting rejected are what should i do?
I cant understand why he would have left like that, telling you that he wouldnt be back. It sounds like it wasnt you as I am sure it was not! Being a virgin it semms like you were amazing to him. Maybe he just was not ready for a relationship. I Love You are very strong words to a man. but I can understand how you feel... I always like to live by the saying( If you Love something, set it free, If it (he) is meant to be it will return...(Good Luck).
anonymous says...
I have been in a serious relationship for four years now. We have been together through everything, the good and the bad time, the whole nine yards. I left him recently for about a week and then we got back together. When i was gone we started dating againg like a fresh start, the sex was great like in the begaining now its like he doesn't want at all i find myself "handling myself" once or twice aweek. I miss him so much even though i see him everyday. I really feel alone. It also makes me feel like there is something wrong with me. Does he want someone eles. I have tried to talk about how it makes me feel to him and if there is something worng but he gets upset with me. I beleive that we need to be sexual intimate with each other its a big part of a relationship.
if anyone have any words of wisdom
i date with my boyfriend 3 months but i miss him alot....
whenever he chat with me i feel so happy but now i feel so idiot...
he always busy and don't like girl sms him and 24/7 hour sticking with him but...i no choice to be cold to him he treat me like friend that all that what i think. feel so sad...he wasnt the same as others guys so caring for his girlfriend.....
my friend said i was soft hearted say i need to be more fierce to him so that my boyfriend wont take advantage on me but i feel so lonely whenever he never sms me cause he hate ppl spam his message box :(
I broke up with my boyfriend yesterday. We haven't been intimate in 6 months. I'm 21, and he is 20. He told me he loved me, so i sticked around, being supportive. Waiting for him to start giving back, and not just taking. I realized he wasn't going to change. How can someone claim to love you, and not want to have sex with you? I think sex isn't just sex, but a pledge that you are mates. And if a guy doesn't wont to have sex, he is actually saying that he does not want you as a mate. I tried everything. And no response. Every time he refused me, my love started diminishing bit by bit. Until there is only resentment. Sometimes you just can't help the one you love. It just isn't your fate. It's time to leave.
I am the one who posted the comment about having sex with the 39 year old virgin and he broke up with me after a week. It has been a month and I still think about him everyday. I want to thank the person who left the comment after mine "if you love something set it free and if it comes back it's yours". By the way, my name is Natalie from Alabama and Thank you. That comment really makes alot of since to me.
Natalie
Hi Natalie, I am the one who left the message for you, My name is Missy I am glad my comment helped. I think sometimes life is tough for a reason and we all struggle sometimes.(each and everyone of us...I believe we are all beautiful in our own ways...though sometimes we hit that rough spot and we start thinking something is wrong with us. Thats how we work our way right into depression. I have my own troubles here @ home.I post here as well. I leave my comments as "Lost In Ohio" well hope to hear from you soon...Have A Nice Day!
Thanks for responding back to me Missy. I read your last post. From experiance...if you do happen to cheat...Don't tell him! Your relationship will never be the same. Just something I know from my Ex. I know I never was the same. Ofcourse men are so strange to me. I don't understand them. Guess thats why i'm still single. Oh yea, that guy that i set free..he only wants to be my friend. But I melt when I look him in his eyes. I don't understand why he wants to be alone and without me..hehe
~natalie
But dont cheat if you can help it..Get a vibrator..It helps! Trust me.
~Natalie
Lost in Ohio, the more you drill a man about sex makes him nervous and not be able to get a hard on. Sex is in the mind and men like a challenge. It turns them on. Pretend like your not interested. meanwhile, if you have a tingle down there and need some pleasing, play with yourself. If you have a feeling that he is cheating then he probably is are thinking about it. Atleast you know that he thinks of you as his best friend to want to purpose. Friendship is a hard thing to find. I wouldn't drill him on it. He could be over worked are something. Just my opinion. Just trying to help.
~Natalie
Natalie...Hi Thanks for chatting! yes I realize the more I drill the worse it seems to be. But however I believe that if he loves me the way I do him, he would walk that extra mile.(like I do). He finally did tell me that he just was not interested as much because sex is boring between us. I have tried everything in my power to change things (including me) for him. I dont believe he is cheating, do I believe he would? (in a heartbeat)! Now I have to Decide... Do I Marry this man.. Who has lost all intrest in me or do I put it off.He has no family here no where to go.(just me). I feel that I am just a conveince and for him to marry me would just mean he has a place to be....The companionship is another issue. I dont want to be alone, but I am only 34 years old...Do I do this or move on. I Love Him, when I met him he made me promise never to let love die between us, we would talk be honest with each other....Now he lies to me all the time, We dont talk when I try he jumps down my throat...What a decision I got to make...Lost In Ohio!!!
Lost in Ohio, Bless your heart. I know what it's like to be alone and it's a lonely place to be. I would not go into a binding contract with a man like marriage unless I had something to gain like Anna Nicole did with that really old man. Ofcourse thats another story. Divorce is really expensive.Noone wins but the lawyers. If you love this guy and he loves you..keep that bond and friendship and be eachothers rock.I believe you deserve for someone to love you enough to desire you like you desire them. Wish I could be more helpful. I'm having problems with my feelings towards the man I told you about earlier..He only wants to be friends and his attitude has changed since we had sex. Things are not the same like they use to be..I cant be the only one who has all these feelings. He has to have some to but he is so stuburn.
~Lost in ALABAMA, Natalie
Missy this is Who I am
http://www.myspace.com/natalieshae32
My boyfriend and i havent had sex in 2 months. I am very frustrated and really dont have that high of demands...once or twice a week would keep me happy. I work out 3-4x a week and although I have never been fat, I have toned up and lost a few extra pounds, I make decent money and always do really nice things for him. I dress fashionably and always wear make-up. Tons of guys I work with want me and why wouldnt they? I'm an engineer and am pursuing a PhD. When I ask my boyfriend he says he got used to being in a sexless relationship because his ex didnt want it. but that is BULL because after they broke up he had sex with like 4-5 other girls before he met me. I know he isnt cheating. But i know it will end our relationship and i love him very much and dont know what more I can do. I find myself crying all the time and feeling unattractive even though I have looked better than I ever have in my entire life. i dont know what to do...
Like I said in the past...Tell him your fixing to have sex and ask him if he is going to be part. If not, sex is wonderful doing it to yourself with a Porn tape are even better...Imagine doing it to one of his attractive friends..Whats better than that..Imagine doing it to his attractive brother...haha. It will get better. Just have some concern if you don't have sex in 6 months. If you haven't had sex by then..I'd get me something else! Theres plenty of fish in the sea.
~Someone in Alabama
My husand and I have maried 6 yrs. we have been separated about 1and and a half year. But we kept seeing each other. During this time he got someone else pregnant. I forgave him and we are trying to work things out. I think he got grossed out when he saw her hae the baby. He never wants sex anymore. He says he loves me and I believe him but I can't figure out the sex thing.
Well for me...
We've been together almost 2 years... We've both had previous partners, however, I am not very experienced. I've always been the one that recieved the pleasure... so now I'm not sure how to do things.
In the beginning of our relationship the sex was great, we had sex almost everytime we saw each other, and everywhere we could... it like we couldnt get enough of each other. Keep in mind the sex was mostly him doing all the work. I wasnt very good with oral... but now I do it to his perfection.. he loves it.
Sadly, thats the only thing I know how to do to his liking... I dont know how to ride... and now it's come to the point he doesnt really like to have sex with me it seems... I ask him to teach me what he likes, how I can improve, how we can spice it up... I ask him does he feel I'm not doing enough.. he tells me he doesnt mind doing all the work...
But now he doesnt really care to have sex with me... he'd rather have me give him oral, and I use a toy. It's sad.. it makes me feel like he's not really interested in me... Me stimulate my breast while I use a toy.. but its not the same... I basically had to beg him the other night and he said no... he promised the next day, then he said something came up.. and then the next day we had sex..
It just feels like he's not really interested in me.. and I dont know what to do. I want to do the things that please him but it's like he doesnt really care for me learning..
I just dont know what to do... I can get out of the shower naked.. and it doesnt turn him on... I feel like I'm not what he wants.. I love him soo much and I want to please him.. but I cant if he wont tell me what he wants...
Its mostly oral sex or nothing... its so sad and heart breaking... I love sex... I could do it everyday.. he thinks we have sex more than average... we barely meet once a week... I tell him it isnt enough... I need more... but he doesnt see like it matters..
He always wants to cuddle, and he kisses me and hugs me and tells me he loves me.. but we're lacking with sex... What do you recommend?
I have been dating my best friend of 5 years for about 8 months now. When we first crossed over to more than friends, the sex was great for about the first 2-3 months, then it stopped and would rarely happen, and when it does, its is just about him..i usually dont even get the chance to orgasm, it seems so selfish of him...We talked about it and he said that since i wasnt on birth control he was scared of getting me pregnant. Does anyone think that this could REALLY be the reason???
To those of you looking for help on your own sexual situation, please post on our Sexual Issues: Member to Member message board for insight and support.
My wife was a little hottie at 34 when we married. The sex was always fantastic and virtually non-stop. Once the kids came along, and her body went to pot, she cut her hair short and blamed her weight on an emotional eating disorder. For about 4 years I tried best I could to make her feel desirable, but she kept shooting me down with exuses about being tired. Finally, I just gave up. I don't even want to cuddle with her anymore let alone be seen in public with her cosidering how fat and sloppy she has become. I rely mostly now on internet pornography and chats with webcam models to satisfy my libido. I know she'll ruin me financially if I ever bring up divorce, so I guess I am stuck. Communication doesn't work because she always says I make her feel bad by saying I am dissapointed in her appearance. Any suggestions are appreciated.
All right, this probably won't be read because it's at the bottom of the page but here goes..I'm 20 and my boyfriend is 21, we have been dating for 6 months. I have a very healthy sexual appetite and we have sex once MAYBE twice a week. I am not overweight and I don't have bad hygeine or anything like that. My boyfriend frequently tells me how attractive and sexy I am. BUT he doesn't want to have sex even half as much as I do. We have awesome communication and he tells me he thinks about sex all the time and wants it, but when it comes to the actual act he doesn't want it. He also tells me that it's not me and he really feels bad when I want to have sex and he doesn't. He does offer to satisfy me in other ways but I want the closeness and mutual desire. I know he isn't afraid of intimacy and he has no physical problem. He also doesn't masturbate regularly or anything. I am at a loss as how I can get him to have more sex with me. The only thing that seems to be stopping him is himself, and he says he is working on it, but it really is the main and almost only problem in our relationship. My biggest fear is the fact that he IS 21 and his sex drive is already this low, I love him a lot and I don't know what to do.
Anonymous said..
My girlfriend has a great body and the sex was good until the order from her vagina began to be overwhelming.It almost smelled like feces. She wonders why I don't care about sex anymore I would rather masterbate. I don't know how to tell her the order can be compared to a toilet seat.
How is woman supposed to feel about herself when her husband informs her after years of marraige that fem dom is what he wants from me at fisrt I flat out refused then I tried BUT just CAN NOT I'm his Wife not a baby sitter! And also the only time he shows interested is if he high I resent that!!!
I am a 31 year old mother of two. I have known my huband for fifteen years and we have been married for three. Before marrying, we dated about two and half years total, and our sex life was mind-blowing and very regular. I got pregnant on our wedding night, and children is something we both wanted. i love this man like no other person on this earth! The sex stopped when i got pregnant, and after i had a healthy baby boy, it was non-existent as well. I have tried everything I know- toys, offers for various favors, etc, etc- and all he can do is tell me to be quiet and stop. He claims that the more I talk about it the less he wants it, and it usually ends up with me crying and him yelling at me. i told him i need to express how I feel to him, that he is my husband and I am dying inside- and he tells me if I would stop talking about sex (and the lack of) and quit moping around "like a 2 year old" he would "fix" his problem and would let me know when sex would happen again. OMG. I am so hurt, depressed, downtrodden, I just have no words to describe the pain in my heart. Yet he tells me he loves me, isn't cheating, and wants to stay married. He sleeps in a separate room beacuse of snoring. We have planned nights to go out and got a babysitter for the kids and nothing. If I try to touch him, he gets mad or laughs and tells me it tickels and to stop. He kisses me and hugs me, and when I get turned on, he gets mad and says he can never be affectionate with me without me wanting it to turn into sex. I am totally confused, can't go on this way, but I cannot leave, and truthfully, I love him despite this shitty and selfish crap he is doing to me. I am scheduled to see a counselor but he refuses to go. He says the reason he doesnt want sex is that he is stressed and tired, that he doesnt work out enough, he has gas, etc etc. He is not overweight, just got his dream job, we have a nice home, nice cars, I pay the bills, he only is responsible for one. So, ladies and gentlemen, am I being selfish? Is he being selfish? What the hell is going on and what can i do- solo sex isnt doing it for me anymore and I looked a porn last night beacuse i was craving something.............i feel depraved and perverted. can anyone offer some words of advice???? Please???
Hey that was a good article. Me and my husband used to have sex all the time like 14 times in 2 days. I felt like he wanted me all the time and now I dont feel like that at all. How do I get him to be more attractive to me?
I been with my Boyfriend for 7 months. At first the sex life was great and he loves me and everything was fine. Then one fine day he tells me that we need to cut out the physical stuff from our relatiomship because he loves me and is very serious about me and wants to stay with me for the rest of his life. He wanted to cut it out for some times sometimes saying like for 5 yrs. This has nothing to do with health or attractiveness. He claims the physical contact ( ANYTHING not just sex touch kiss hug etc etc) is not neccesery in a relationship because it ruins it in a way that we dont get to know each other. He siad he is doing this for my benefit and for true love and for things to go great. But i dunno at first we had a huge two week fight about it, now im better but i still want somethig and its constantly on my mind! And he keeps on saying its not the right time for it. He says it will be the "right" time when i wont make it so important, but i think everything is important. - Anna
There are lots of reasons he can't man can't do it. My husband had erectile dysfunction because of stress and had to take extagen to return his hard erection and stamina.
AMY HUSBEN WILL NOT GET INTAMENT WITH ME NOT MAKING OUT TOUCHING OR MAKING LOVE. I FEEL LIKE IT IS ALL ON ME LIKE I DID SOMETHING WRONG.
THE LAST TIME I TRIDE ANY THING HE MADE MY CRY!!!
MY HUSBEN WONT MAKE LOVE TO ME. NOT KISSING TOUCHING NOTHING.
THE LAST TIME I TRIDE HE HADE ME CRY...
WHAT SHOULD I DO!!!
What the hell is with men???? They want what they can't have, THEN when they HAVE you, they don't WANT you!!! What's up with that? They give you all the love and sex you want in the beginning, to get you hooked, to make you love and want them....then they take it all away and give you stupid excuses....I call that false advertising, the good 'ol bait and switch...it's not fair. You end up feeling like a total reject, which causes you to doubt yourself, to lose some of your self-esteem, and to feel heartbreak you can't even express with words. What makes me the maddest is that once they know you want them, once they know they've gotcha, then you're not a "challenge" anymore....so then, you have to play "hard to get" with your own man???? That's B.S. I don't want to have to play like I don't give a s**t just to be loved. I don't want to play mind games. Isn't it interesting that as soon as you act aloof, like you don't care, and like you're not in to them, ALL OF THE SUDDEN they are interested in getting closer to you....I've done this a few times purposely to see my husband's reaction and behavior...and of course all of the sudden he is tuned in again. I don't like to play games. How can someone say they LOVE you when they purposely leave you wanting, hurting, and rejected??? To me, that's NOT love....it's cruel.
I too wonder whether stress is related to low libido. My husband and I had sex previously quite often during our dating relationship, but our marital relations are slim at best. I wish things would go back to the way they were previously. Of course, I should mention that we now have six children after only two and 1/2 years of marriage (3 were from a previous marriage and 1 was before we were married).
I'm sure that low libido is connected with stress and weariness. Every time my husband has a hard day he needs help of drugs 9Extagen or Simnolix, Extagen helps him better)) to make his lil friend hard. That is axiomatic.
My husband and I don't make love as much as I would like, but I think men and women in any relationship can get complacent. Stress from work, money problems, and issues from family members and/or children become your foucs. Your Husband or wife is the most important person in the relationship because together you are the foundation of the relationship. Another explanation of the "no sex bug" that men get could be this. My husband tells me he loves me everyday, about 20 times a day but he doesn't chase me around anymore. He told me that having a lot of sex didn't make that much difference to him because it's just the phyiscal act. He said men can seperate themselves from the emotional part of sex, so to him, it's just sex. He would rather play a computer game, read with me, take a walk or something like that. I like the physical side of sex and the feeling that we are one flesh. On the grander sceem of things, I think that we has a soictey are over sexed. Sex is on the radio, TV, and in movies. Men are made to be visual creatures. No wonder men don't want to have sex becasue they have all ready had enough and slowly become jaded with all of the over exposure. The only thing I can say is that I have walked into the room with the sexiest thing I own on and get a smile but that's it and I have cryed myself to sleep many times. I have realized by talking to my husband that he feels like I'm loving him the most when I spend time with him and he knows that I feel loved when I am hugged and touched and chased. We must learn to accecpt our differences as men and women and learn how to serve and talk to one another without attacking the other person's personitily, bachground, and feelings. And when anyone learns how to do that, please let me know.
Ok so I admit it I have handled my husbands ED completely wrong. In the begining I tried the nighties, the toys, the new ideas, but nothing! I have cried myself to sleep, cursed at him, blamed him and more. He has said its because of me, my weight, he's not attracted, etc. I have stayed away with work for weeks on end and come back to nothing! I realize it is really not me, although it is my problem too. We tried viagra, but he has said to me very plainly he has no desire for sex with anyone! So I have a choice stay in a sexless marriage or not. I have to elvaluate the whole for better or worse and in sickness and in health. Because to be honest this is nothealthy for either one of us. My anger comes from my needs not beinf met and I realize his come from not being able to meet them. Cheating is not the problem ED is.
God, when i read some of those posts i see myself and all i do is "nod".
I am also for over 3 yrs with my boyfriend together,the first year was great sex.After that year it cut down from every day to once a week to once a month to never...
I also could walk naked infront of him and he wouldn't take notice.But of a BMW behind me he would go crazy for.
I have tryed communicating with him and i recive no answer.I even told him by those actions what he brings across to me by rejecting me makes me feel ugly and it actually depresses me.I told him to make love is a way i show how i love him,not the cooking and cleaning....
He say's at times he is in stress and yes i see that at times and back off but he has been rejecting me for over 2 years now and thats not normal.
He say's he loves me and just likes to cuddle,but i want more than that i want to be intamite with the guy i love.
Now it has come to me giving up on him and giving him the cold shoulder and i have to say "girl's back off,go on strike,go out with girlfriends and dont cook for him if he wants something give him the finger,leave his dirty undies in the wash basket ,be harsh to him and he will come crawling back to you unless his gay then he should be atleast honest and tell you so.
If he relizes that your not sooo interested in having sex with him anymore and things have changed with the daily chore's he will question it and maybe come to reality about what his doing to you as a person.Men just don't understand how important it is to us.It doesn't have to be everyday but atleast weekends would be nice.
I have given him the cold shoulder for 4 months now and he has questioned it once allready,then said something where my mouth just dropped open"wanna go have a bath with me"....i said yes started running the bath tub and got in and waited and waited and waited...
He fell asleep on the couch..I should have known.So got out and went to bed and am still giving him the cold shoulder.
This morning he said he would like to cook for me and have a nice intamite night..this time i answered with"sure,sure i will belive it once it's happen"...and went to work.
I lost my virginity to my current boyfriend. At first it was amazing. I loved learning what turned him on. I just liked sex in general. Now it's at a point where he never wants to have sex. He's told me that it has gotten boring. That weighs a lot on me. I cannot help but think that it is my fault. Ever since he has told me that I've gotten increasingly jealous. Whenever he introduces me to a girl friend of his I freak out and automatically think he's into them. The logical part of me knows this cannot be true. Still another part of me believes it. We've had many talks about this situation, but he still doesn't understand. I really don't know what to do. I gave this man a very important part of myself and now I feel very taken advantage of.
oh boy you guys don't know the half of it. My spouse hasn't EVER wanted it. From the begining I have initiated it. If I suggest anything he refers to me as a "sick woman" the only time he 'acted' interested was the begining. He was affectionate. Didn't like the sex part. The scary thing is his mannerisms are: female-his body language etc. He has never been interested in sex-from high school on. So I know it isn't me physically. Sadly enough he tells every excuse in the book why he won't do it. Everything is always on his mind...He isn't rewarding me with sex if he doesn't think everything I do is perfect, he tired, he's sick. And the sex itself isn't good at all. No touching or kissing no caressing during the act. Just puts his hands on both sides of me and does his thing for 5 minutes. Dr tested him-he is fine. Other dr said he needs to be more intimate. He doesn't even try. OR care. He claims he isn't gay. But he surrounds himself with women and even used to sleep with some of them and no sex. no inclination Sometimes he scares me, because he will say other guys are ut together well....I am at the end of my rope because we are always fighting -because I am so resentful and he had to always have everything his way and perfect.
oh boy you guys don't know the half of it. My spouse hasn't EVER wanted it. From the begining I have initiated it. If I suggest anything he refers to me as a "sick woman" the only time he 'acted' interested was the begining. He was affectionate. Didn't like the sex part. The scary thing is his mannerisms are: female-his body language etc. He has never been interested in sex-from high school on. So I know it isn't me physically. Sadly enough he tells every excuse in the book why he won't do it. Everything is always on his mind...He isn't rewarding me with sex if he doesn't think everything I do is perfect, he tired, he's sick. And the sex itself isn't good at all. No touching or kissing no caressing during the act. Just puts his hands on both sides of me and does his thing for 5 minutes. Dr tested him-he is fine. Other dr said he needs to be more intimate. He doesn't even try. OR care. He claims he isn't gay. But he surrounds himself with women and even used to sleep with some of them and no sex. no inclination Sometimes he scares me, because he will say other guys are ut together well....I am at the end of my rope because we are always fighting -because I am so resentful and he had to always have everything his way and perfect.
I am an 85 year old hot mama. Me and my 103 year old husband have not done anything in 20 years! 20 YEARS!! I am about to die! I need lovin! Why won't he love me?! I'm still sexy I swear! Never mind, I'm just going to go flirt with that sexy pool boy at the senior center. At least he LOOKS AT ME!!!!!!!
Listen hon, I had this problem a long time ago. The best thing for you is to get out there and hit up the young black boys! Those brothers are long, strong, and wanna get the friction on!
This is what they look like:
8=======D~~~~
So many reasons. My BF of nearly 7 yrs only wants sex certain ways and only 10 minutes. Now I have gained aprox 10 pounds. I feel more ugly by the day. The bottom line is he will eventually leave me when he finds "The One" I accept this but sexually/physically frustrated because I am "Here" and he isn't. Guys will say anything but I know heavy maybe unattractive women who have regular great sex. Hell one woman is balding, difficulity walking, had two regular BFs and married happily another. So I cannot believe any reason they give. I feel women need some more education about relationships because men use women also (help pay rent, stable sex etc...) Excuses... I feel like I'm dying inside and 2 kids from previous marriage. Just want happiness and a future with sex,connection, laughter.
Wow some of these women who posted comments are coming thru loud and clear as naggy, and lazy. I can tell you as a male who gets hit on regularly and doesnt cheat or take meds-I love sex but I turn it down with the wife quite often because its become like a chore. Men used to chase sex but alot of us are done asking for it or workng for it. I am 43 and workout and keep myself fit but I refuse to "wait" for my wife to decide to have it and I think most men have also. Sex has just become less imortant now. If you make good money and have a good career it enough for us we are not going to ask someone who committed theirselves to us for sex anymore. Just being honest as a male. I hear plenty of wives complain to me at work and I tell them the same thing-we just get tired of waiting for women to be in the mood.
One of the posts I read mentions that you should take into consideration that the man might be stressed or tired. With my man this is totally true, he works hard, he eats too much, etc...But shouldn't he still have some kind of sex drive?? I mean, I don't nag him and I stay fit for him and myself, and he is young and in pretty good shape, so any ideas on why he doesn't have a sex drive????
Wow. The tears are streaming down my face as I read all these comments. It all seems so hopeless. And yes, I have the same situation as many others here. Boyfriend of 6 months, when we have sex then it's fantastic. We respect each other, have fun with each other, can relax with each other. When we first met, we would talk about everything, also very personal things and it looked like we were compatible in every way. But after the first time we had sex, he suddenly turned cold, saying that he had second thoughts -- sex was something that really meant something to him, something he couldn't have with just anyone. he needed time to think. Well, that just about crushed me, but I gave him time -- I let him know how I felt and then left him alone. And wonder of wonders, he came back, saying he was sure and that whatever "blockage" he had was gone for good. HA. Now it's a few months later, and this blockage is back in full force. He won't even touch me - we don't even hold hands. If I try to initiate sex - or even a kiss -- then he'll stay as still as he can until I give up. I've tried to talk to him about it, and he's said different things. Mostly he thinks that I'm making a mountain out of molehill, that I'm just impatient, and that things will improve with time. I've told him that I feel lonely and sad, that I just don't understand. I asked him if he's just waiting for me to be the "heavy" and do the breaking up, but he says no -- he cares for me (yes, he has said he loves me in the past, but not for a long time). He's also said that if he doensn't think a relationship is working, then he'll say so and break up. He calls me, and we see each other regularly. If I didn't love him, then this would be the best relationship ever -- a best friend! As it is, I feel so drained when I should be feeling so high. I've never been in a situation where I've thought about breaking up with someone who I cared so much about and saw so much potential in. I don't know how I can stay in this relationship and at the same time, I don't know how I can break it off!
u no if u women no get so freekin weird after a couple of years than maybe us men would treat u better but no u only act nice in the begining then a messed up after that - no can
Wow, lots of frustration out there. No wonder everyone drives like maniacs..........
You know, I really do love my man, we've been together for six years, but I gotta say... there are so many women who don't want sex, I wish he'd leave me for one of them, so I can go find myself a nice, attractive, aroused, guy, like my last boyfriend. (it's been like ten years, and god, how I miss him!)
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i am a blonde hazel eye 36 nice looking young lady i am a little overweight not obese! my husband of 13 years hasnt had sex with me maybe 8 times in 13 years! I even thought oh my gosh he has turned gay but even if he did that was his problem but he assures me he loves me all the time and huggs me and kisses me but NO SEX i am really fed up with this crap i have tried to tell him i thought of fooling around,telling him he needs to see a doctor,ask him if i can help him at all!! we have no children i want some he says he does but if you r not having sex how cant you have children GOD i am soooo sick of this !! IS MY SOUL MATE OUT THERE????
I have read every comment here, and I feel connected to a majority of these women. I have been married for 11 years. We stopped having sex after two. It started after the porn enter our house and our relationship. First I would find DVD's all over the house, then the internet stuff started, then the lies, then the covering up. It's a never ending cycle. And the person that you once were that was happy, in love, starts to disappear and in her place becomes a vengeful, hateful person. I guess I just can't understand what changed so completely. We have no kids. I have a good job, I cook, I clean, I enjoy sex, what the hell is the deal. I always think I have the strength to leave, then I get pulled back in with the hugs, kisses, and affection. I remember how things used to be then time passes and it begins again. Somehow I seem to have shut myself down in that department, learned to live with my comfortable life, but foregoing (what I feel) is and essential part of a happy relationship. I once enjoyed making love in the sunlight and baking cookies naked with him. Now so much has changed and happened that when he's talking to me in the bath, I want him to leave so I can grab my towel. I remember when my last boyfriend couldn't wait to have me when I came home from work. Pratically tackled me, and that made me feel wanted and loved. Now, I'm just lonely in the same room with him. I'm not telling this for you to feel sorry for me. Obviously, it was my choice to stay. Eventually, I'll feel compelled to leave for good. But I wanted other women to see that I understand when those memories grab you and you see a glimpse of the man he was. Then you stop and wonder what did I do to change this? You didn't. He made a choice and it wasn't you. I guess now we have to decide how to handle it. I wish you good luck and the knowledge that someone "out there" is waiting to give you everything you NEED to feel that "loved, cherished, and happy to be alive" feeling again.
Wow! Gosh, I don't feel so alone in this cruel world..Well here is my situation. I have been married for 8 years. 2 children... I was unable to have sex up until a year ago due to something called vaganimus. So, hubby and I did all sorts of other things, but after the years past, that seemed to fade away...One year ago, I fixed my problem all on my own and had real intercourse with him for the first time, and since then we have only had sex 3 times, and those times seemed forced, like he didn't want too.. We waited all these years and now that we could actually have sex, he doesn't want it. So, I confronted him, and he said he wasn't attracked to me anymore b.c. I was a Bitch, and that is why he didn't want to have sex with me.. I have been through years of rejection with him, and now I can finally perform sexually I want too.. What do I do? He states he does not have a sexual problem and he is not gay, so could it really be he is not attracked to me anymore? and if that is true, do I stay, do I settle for a sexless marriage b.c. of our children? I need help and some advise. anyone please.. Thank you.
Married 15 years, sex for the first 2. After I got pregnant, no sex. After our beautiful son came, not interest. Lot's of stress, partly because he's a police officer. I exercise everyday and keep in shape but he seems to have not interest. He masterbates to porn. I'm just lonely and confused.
I thought that I was the only woman in the world with this problem. My husband of 24 yrs. Has not had meaningful sex with me in over a year. Up until last month we hadn't had sex in 11 mos. then it was because I got really pissed and said I was leaving. I am a very sexual woman, other men have even called me seductive, but from him there is nothing. I love him, I have always loved him. But I am thinking of having affair. I have asked him why we do not have sex, i have asked him to have sex. The answers are i don't know and I don't want to. Once he said it was to much work, and overrated, but yet he takes his laptop into the bathroom and masturbates to porn. I get very pissed off when he does that. I have gained weight, so at first I thought that was the problem, but I go to his laptop and the women on the porn that he watches and jacks off to, are extremely obesed. Yet he have the nerves to tell me I need to loose weight. He cheated about 4 years ago, and the lady he cheated with weighed more than I did. So weight is not the problem. I am seriously thinking about finding me a boy toy and let he take up the slack.
My bf is 17 yrs younger than I am and feels that sex once a week is plenty. He makes me feel like I am just oversexed if I try to get him interested more than that. He is also limited to 2 positions and not interested in trying anything else. In every other way he is so perfect...loving, giving, kind, patient. We are planning to be married soon, but I don't know if I can spend the rest of my life wanting more than he is willing to give sexually.
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I'm having this problem, he always turns to pornographic videos online than me which has caused major problems in our marraige. I have lost interest in myself I have gained weight and just stopped caring because all he wants is porn not me.
You never find it anywhere but can be a driving force behind the decrease in sexual desire for a specific partner. When any two people are in a partnership, both have a perception of the other’s responsibilities to that partnership. If one partner feels short changed because the other is not holding up what is perceived to be their end of the bargain, problems often surface in the bed room. I know I have experienced females who will stop cleaning the house or taking the laundry to the cleaners on time. Simple things like not shaving their legs often enough or not giving something sexual without the expectation of receiving something in return can be huge in a partnership. Something as simple as leaving things where they don’t belong or making messes and not cleaning them up can seem trivial to some people and bothersome to others. This type of behavior can actually be construed as a lack of consideration for the home I provide or taking the elegant environment I’ve furnished for granted. Some men may look at this and say “well, she’s a mess” and blow it off, others may be like me and get offended and feel taken for granted. Gradually, some men will begin to think that the “deal” is not good anymore. The relationship becomes more like raising a child than having a partner. No one wants to have sex with a child, so the relationship begins a spiral of resentment and ends in pain or doesn’t end and becomes an exercise in tolerance. A man has a pre conceived notion that taking care of a woman ought to come with its rewards. As a woman becomes more comfortable with a man she may begin to take being provided for granted. Women are socialized to be equals but receive considerations that make them special, not equal. Maintaining a woman can be taxing and require a lot of effort. When a man puts forth the effort and she does not hold up what he perceives to be her end, he can loose the sexual attraction pretty quickly. As a man improves his income or intelligence, he may expect a woman to improve her end of the bargain as well. This may be an unrealistic expectation but many men are socialized to see improvement as success. Once esentment sets in, you're doomed.
You never find it anywhere but can be a driving force behind the decrease in sexual desire for a specific partner. When any two people are in a partnership, both have a perception of the other’s responsibilities to that partnership. If one partner feels short changed because the other is not holding up what is perceived to be their end of the bargain, problems often surface in the bed room. I know I have experienced females who will stop cleaning the house or taking the laundry to the cleaners on time. Simple things like not shaving their legs often enough or not giving something sexual without the expectation of receiving something in return can be huge in a partnership. Something as simple as leaving things where they don’t belong or making messes and not cleaning them up can seem trivial to some people and bothersome to others. This type of behavior can actually be construed as a lack of consideration for the home I provide or taking the elegant environment I’ve furnished for granted. Some men may look at this and say “well, she’s a mess” and blow it off, others may be like me and get offended and feel taken for granted. Gradually, some men will begin to think that the “deal” is not good anymore. The relationship becomes more like raising a child than having a partner. No one wants to have sex with a child, so the relationship begins a spiral of resentment and ends in pain or doesn’t end and becomes an exercise in tolerance. A man has a pre conceived notion that taking care of a woman ought to come with its rewards. As a woman becomes more comfortable with a man she may begin to take being provided for granted. Women are socialized to be equals but receive considerations that make them special, not equal. Maintaining a woman can be taxing and require a lot of effort. When a man puts forth the effort and she does not hold up what he perceives to be her end, he can loose the sexual attraction pretty quickly. As a man improves his income or intelligence, he may expect a woman to improve her end of the bargain as well. This may be an unrealistic expectation but many men are socialized to see improvement as success. Once esentment sets in, you're doomed.
I just have one question that I would like to ask. My husband and I have only been married for 6 months and it seems like he doesn't want sex from me anymore. I find him locking the bedroom door so that he can masterbate to porn and i have asked him for sex. Or he would only want me to give him oral. I feel like I'm doing something wrong. Could anyone please help me and tell me if there's something that I can do to make my husband want to have sex with me again. Thanks
My so called man only wants WHORES. I don't get it at all. I give him every damn thing he wants. But I am not trashy or whorish. That's what he really wants. I am sick of this BS.
I am having the same problem and it is the first time in my life that it has happened to me. I've been with my boyfriend now for a little over 3 months and I almost have to beg him to have sex with me. He tells me he's not the type to have sex every single day but earlier in our relationship, we did have sex often. Now i'm lucky if we have it twice a week. I don't know what to do and I've already talked to him about it numerous times.
We have been married for 14 years. We use to have sex ALL the time. Now months go by............i have tried fixing myself up, pleasing him, losing weight,etc.....what else can I do? I am not into 'toys', would never consider cheating and I don't think that he is cheating....how can i boost his drive. When I have tried to talk to him about it, he tells me he is turned off by my weight, sex isn't important, etc. I am at a stand still. I have tried upteen diets, excersize, etc. I am great at maintaining my weight but not losing it. I medically can't take weightloss meds
My heart goes out to the ones who have felt the pain of this kind of regection. There's nothing worse than waking up everyday amd wondering whats wrong with you. Its definately a humbling experience for those who have never known rejection up to this point. Im 32 years old and a divorced mother of three. My ex husband had too many problems to mention,yet sex and intamacy was never a problem with us. Our relationship was short lived and I spent many years raising my kids alone as a single mom. Ive never even let another man into my childrens life. They are now 11,9,3. My 3 yr old was one last failed attempt of reconciliation. He hasn't seen our son since he was 6mths old. And before that we were apart for almost 5 yrs. I met a wonderful man a yr and 8 months ago. He's 33,no kids,and has never been married. I couldn't ask for a better father figure for my kids. He's cared for them when they've been sick,done homework assignments,picked them up from daycare n attended all the softball games,etc. The list goes on and on. We moved in with him about 5 mths ago(his suggestion) We have never shared one intimate moment. Has anyone ever heared of having sex and not kissing once? I feel like im his sister rather than his girlfriend. Ive been regected by him so many times that Ive scared to death to initiate anything. He says "let me be the one to intiate",well, im sill waiting..almost 2 mts later. I wldnt count 2 weeks ago when he went before it was even in all the way. Im the kind of 32 yr old that takes her kids in the store and the clerk asks me if im babysitting. Me and my 11 yr old can wear the same clothes. The years have been good to me. I constantly get hit on by men,yet the one man I want so despertly to see me..doesn't. I feel invisible. He'd do anything in the world for us, yet give me that one chance to feel close to him. Im the best friend his ever had..im certain of that. I guess ive been holding on all this time thinking that he'd eventually "let me in". I keep making excuses for him..yet noboby should ever have to be in a relaionship..and feel this lonely. He says he loves me..(only after a discussion),yet ive been in love one other time,and it didn't feel anything like this. I love him with all of my heart,yet the pain of rejection is killing my spirit. God knows,my youth wont be around forever. Everyday I stay I feel a lille piece of me is being chipped away. I'd rather struggle as a single mom again, then never feel the warmth of a touch. Id like 2 thank everyone for shaing your comments. It let me know that Im not alone,and it also made me realize that theres no way in hell I could live like this for the next twenty.
I am a guy who has seen this problem w/ my parents. they are divorced. there are many diferent reason why a man is not "into you" anymore. in my dads case, it was mental. he has severe depression. However, it can be physical health on either the guys end OR the womans end. I am currently in a relationship where we are open to eachother about any smells, odd feeling (physically), etc. I know that "us" guys usually dont like to talk about it with our partners, but you will be surprised at how much you'll find out just by talking about it with them. Unfortunately, if the guy is suffering from a severe mental illness, you might not get much from him. But it cant hurt to try!!! btw, my gf and i have been wondering about how to tame an overly-foul odor coming from her. both of us have noticed it (on her hand when she plays with herself, and me when we are having sex.) Planned Parenthood told her to see her regular doctor, but she keeps forgetting to set an appoinment, and i keep forgetting to remind her. any help is appreciated. Thanks!!!!!
Wow, reading all of these posts have really opened my eyes. My boyfriend and I had a wonderful (as it could be) long distance relationship. Whenever we saw each other, we couldn't wait to get into bed. I finally moved to be with him and the sex has virtually stopped. When we do have sex it's amazing, but it's only twice a month, usually initiated by me. We have talked about it more than once, and he assures me it's not me, but I have been rejected so many times it's hard to believe. He also has a habit of starting foreplay with petting and slight kissing and then stopping. I am very frusturated. Every other aspect of our relationship is great. I love him with all my heart I just don't know if I can live like this.
I have geen living with my bf for a year and a 1/2 and we have been together almost 2 years. In the beginning in the 1st month together, he wanted sex everyday, would make me feel sexy and attractive, talk dirty to me, 2 months later, he lost interest in me, did'nt want sex, and would'nt even really notice me or look at me, I would flirt with him and say sexy things to him and he would be distant. Now it is barely twice a month, I am so resentful and frustrated. He acts like he is not into me or interested in me. We argue and bicker everyday. I am so stressed. I don't know what to do. He makes me feel unwanted.
Hi everyone,
I have read all these post so far, and I find myself lost. I am a 40 yr. old male, and men should never give up on sex! I know that there are many reasons out there for us guys no to have sex, but when your in love, there should be no long term reason. I have been with only one woman in my life, and I would never ask for anything else. DEPRESSION? I can tell you about depression. I am disabled due to a heart disease as of 2001. I am lucky if I live another 10 years. I have been through 2 major auto accidents, and almost died in both. My wife has went from playboy bunny body to BIG and Beautiful over the years. So, I can truly say that I have went through both sides of the issues. Oh yeah did I mention that I am Diabetic, and have High blood pressure? Well factor that in there too. I feel that there is NO reason for a man to tell a woman that she is to fat, or that he is to depressed to make love to her!!!! As for the BP & Diabetic issues, there is Medicine out there. I love my wife as much now as I did back when we are young, thin and attractive. I should say, that I love her even more! Our making love sessions are not as often as they used to be, but they are still there, and in strong force! So ladies, please don't let these guys tell you that they can't, because they can!!!! Always remember, if you truly love or are loved, then there is no excuse to NOT make love. I would love my wife if she had no arms and legs, and I was depressed all the time. I still find the beauty in her, and make love to her the way that she needs to be made love to. I do this in the name of love, and so should every other person out there. So ladies, if you are feeling a little bit left out, become the other women if you have to. Treat him as though you are a stranger, and totally ROCK his world! Men, if your gal is not doing all things you like, remember, that God gave you hands, Use them sometime! They make all these little toys for the women, well guys we can do the same with our own 2 hands if we want. Just remember, it's how you make your partner feel each time you make love that insures your future sex life. Don't give up on each other, Give in to each other!
I've been married for over 22 years. And yes the sex was unbelievable right up untill a few years ago. I had him go to see his doctor. They found nothing wrong with him. His doctor told him that purhaps he had "lost interest". Great! I am 40, but I am still a very beautiful lady. Curves and right at the correct weight. My husband is about 80 pounds over weight. Although this has never been an issue for me. I love my husband. But after nearly a year of being told "I'm not in the mood" I began to make threats. ... I told him if he didn't make love to me soon then I would find someone who would. He would just smile and say, "whatever." Finally I found porn on his computer. I was very angry. Several months later I "found" my someone else. Needless to say. He fullfilled the needs I had. Friendship, loving caring arms to hold me, Someone who I could really talk to, and sex. This nearly killed my marriage. After my husband found out he was devistated. We came very close to divorce. I became pregnant during the time of the affair....OMG yes! However a DNA test saved my marriage and our sanity. ... If you think an affair will "help" it won't. The high you feel, It is only temporary. And the lives you destroy, my just be your own. We're still not having sex often. Once a month. It's mechanical. Forced. But I love my husband, my family. Tests show that there's nothing wrong with him BUT I know he loves me and hopefully one day his doctor will find what it is and I'll have him back again!
what about a she does not want me? my wife of 4 yrs. all of a sudden does not want to have sex any more! she said she resents me because i brought a dog into the house! she does not work or do grocery shopping i do all of it. please help!
I disagree with alot of this, I don't see why it's always the guys fault.
To have sex or not to, is sex really that big of a deal that you would leave your partner over?
If so you are a shallow person who never really got to know them at all.
I think people are missing alot of what makes a relationship work, yes sex is great but everyday? of ever week? of every year? .. That a little greedy, All your guy's prostates must be dieing. For a guy having to much sex makes sex it's self not fun. Sure cuddling is wonderful and kissing and all of that but really sex sex sex.. common, I think alot of you should read "men's health" for a change and realize to much sex can be a berdon to the guy, to the point where he just needs time to recover and get some feeling back.
Guys have sex because it feels good, over doing it makes it feel bad and bothersome.
What i'm reading here is that all the ladys are mad that the guy is looking at porn and not giving them attention. giving you what "u" need. maybe you should take the bull by the horns and rent the porno, then watch it with your guy, masterbate him for a change, fire him up. act sluty and rollplay, spice your relationship up.
With all the wasted effort you took to read all of this you could have been surprising your guy with one of his fantasy's.
To be honest if your relationship fizzled out maybe you and your guy are just wrong for each other or you both have no fantasy's or imagination and your just boring to him.
Spice shit up stop crying "he doesn't love me"
And I thought I was the only one not having sex or any kind of relationship -- my husband has completely deserted me, I believe. He's been gone for over a week now -- keeps calling -- last night he called said he was 200 miles away. I thought he'd be home by now, but, he's not. I getting tired. I just want to move on with my life -- not with "anyone" else. I'm tired of the drama. I've had two failed marriages and don't want to think it's me.
I am 20 nyears old i have been with my man for 7 years married for 3 years we have 2 beautiful children our sex life went down hill after the first and after the second it got worse but i figured out somthing i went to a place where they have sexy wear largerai kind of i started somthing called role playing for ex i bought a nurse costume sexy and sleek i pklayed a nurse and he was the patient it is so new and so fun to do he loved it. I know it costs money but its worth spicing things up also they have sex toys all diffrent kinds and one of my favorites is the sex swing u can do all diffrent positions so if your man is worth keeping try somthing new what can it hurt and ladies who are over weight just show them men that they just have more to love for crying out loud i weigh 230 no iam not always happy with what i weigh iam dieting now last month i weighed 258 so dont get discouraged about your weight just go with the flow make them begg!!!!
Its a touchy subject with my man:(
how about 4 times a month!:(
He doesn't have the ability to tell me why:(
i tried ask him in so many nice ways but he clamps up, I'v had my suspicions but i realize that that would be rediculouse. I'm certain that men don't know and don't appreciate what they have. They are cruel and emotionally limited:(
what kind of straight guy says no to sex with a beautiful woman anyway!
All I know is that it's very lonely to be in a relationship with someone who loves me but doesn't want me.
I agree with the above! I know my husband loves me very much,(as I do him) but his libido seems to be non-existent. We have talked and argued about this many times, and he usually gets very defensive and angry about it. He assures me that the issue has nothing to do with me, which I sometimes find hard to believe. He suffers from depression and blames that as well as the fact that he is slightly overweight. I know his depression is an issue, but I feel guilty that I have lost patience with that excuse. He is on medication to help it, but refuses to talk to his doctor about our dwindling sex life.I have stopped being the one to initate just to see how long it will take him, and it's been six weeks and counting! I am very aggrivated with the situation. While I live my husband with all of my heart, I think sex is an important factor in any marriage.
OK ALL OF YOU WOMEN OUT THERE! I read just about everyone's venting on here! Ha! Dude I haven't had *** in 8yrs! Wow! So am I crazy because lack of! I think so!!:)Would'nt you! We cuddle and have a blast together! What ever it may be! Doesn't bring me down anymore! I take care of myself! make sure I'm happy! This way I can care for him and make him happy! I don't want anyone else but him! If the wild thing isn't there for what ever reason it may be! I'm happy! Because I have stopped wondering why! Now I think that I have turned the table! I'm just not into it either! One night stand, in a year! ha I think not honey! So what ever happens, happens. I gave it my best! I'll still keep on being faithful and excellent wife, friend, and lover! Just not once a yr. thing! can't handle it and won't handle it! After reading all the comments on here! Maybe guys just don't have it in them, too have *** anymore! I'm a women! Totally different from a man! This is what helps me too get through this!Knowing were two individuals. married and love one another. Just don't do the Wild thing! How freaking boring! But what the hey! So what I'm trying too say! Be happy in your own skin!! You know your beautiful and loving and caring! Just be happy! Everything else is there! Just not this!! I never knew a married could ever be without. Mine is! Weird though! So I'm getting off of here because it's starting too depress me! That I will not allow! I'm really not the one who ( started acting in this manner) but I'm the one who will take control over my body and my life, total happiness! So if any guy out there thinks it's ok do not have *** with their wife! umm... just remember we are Female! Very strong and very happy, with or without ***!
...there are many interesting posts on this blog, I am a 33 yr old black man and have worked in and around the sex industry for a long time...and what I have learned is there is no right answer to any of the opened ended questions of both men and women, but I will try and provide my $.02 and hopefully it will help. I am a tangent writer, so I might be all of the board, but here goes:
sexual peak...anyone remember sex ed. when you learned that a man's sexual peak is 18 and a woman's is 36. That might have changed a little, but it probably still holds true. **viagra and the other drugs have helped to even the playing field and make some guy living in a $54 million house on star island in south beach very rich**..oh my bad and exercise too helps...lol. Women please keep this in mind the next time your feeling "randy" and your husband doesn't...I know, he looks at porn, I will get to that later.
Le petit morte...ah, french for the little death. While there are some men that break this stereotype...some with and without the help of suppliments...women please understand that while you can have MULTIPLE O's in one sex session. Most men are 1 maybe 2 and done. So your a marathon runner, running with a 200m sprinter...sometimes not compatible. For men, sometimes that 1 can hold you for a week, just depends on factors which I will get into below...I know, he is still watching porn during the week self-pleasuring and not taking it out on you. keep reading.
Stress. fatigue. desire. self worth. All of these things play a role in men and women's mental health. We live in a new day where men are expressing themselves more and women are taking the "bull by the horns" in more than one arena; home, work, social, personal, financial. We are past the days of women waiting for their man to "come and get some", they are getting theirs...lol..from him or someone else who is willing. Women are not used to the fact that men SOMETIMES need to feel desired or made to feel like a man by their woman. Women...be honest with yourself...do you think you have every talked to your man like he was a child? Like he was your child? Like you were his mother? Every asked him to cook dinner, but gave him exact directions like he can't think for himself.(brick) Men... ever look at your wife like she is related to a rock because she knows nothing about sports or does not have an internal navigation system or doesn't know the "Haynes" (car fix-it manual) by heart.(brick, brick) These and many more are AUTO mood killer for men and women. Ladies, you know how you can be having the best day with your sig-o and he say one thing wrong that is not in line with your opinions and views and your completely shut off; "no cookie for him tonight mister. You just had an alternate thought" (brick)...well men have the same kind of mechanism, believe it or not. Unfortunately for both sexes, no one really knows what are when some of those (brick) moments will happen with your sig-o and that is relationship game we all play.
Women, "Men build walls just like you". I will repeat, "men build walls just like you" and unfortunately they can be more difficult to tear down then the walls that you create. All the disappointments that men and women feel in a relationship, we stack them like...you guessed it; bricks and we create a wall...yes, men are a little more complicated than just "feed him, please him, leave him alone"...and we do remember and build walls and it does affect us in the bedroom. Everyday is a potential brick adding or brick subtracting day from the wall. Carrying an extra 20-50lbs around...can't find time for the gym, chores-dishes-trash-laundry-lawncare, Stress-work-home, financial responsiblities-bills-tuition-kids sports activities, agendas...all of these situations and more can contribute to the wall that either women or men build.
Now you can always walk around your wall if you choose for a little loving or reconnect, but once you finish, unless you have addressed those bricks in the wall, you or your sig-o(significant other) can walk right back around the wall and isolate yourself and them; making the relationship feel empty. Which leads for men at the very least to...alternative outlets.
**Quick note - ladies your men go to strip clubs for attention, sometimes to see a new naked woman, but mostly for attention. That is the unspoken essence of the strip clubs. Unfortunately, you could dress up like a stripper at the house, have a pole, dance floor, track lighting and all, but the attention he wants he will not get from you because your agenda is deeper than just attention to him.**
PORN...this beast of a subject and is too big to handle in this post, but is relavent, so from a man's perspective...that wall and those bricks that I mentioned above creates the room where porn: dvd-vhs-mags-internet are vehicles of choice for, well from what I am reading in this thread and know, men's sexual fantasy escape. Yes it is a BS outlet, but it is convenient and no different from you ladies grabbing Mr. Hitachi or your rabbit or pocket rocket for a quick blastoff. As unfullfilling/fullfilling as it is for women with their toys, it is for men with internet porn.
Also please keep in mind that I believe the average american or person while going thru puberty, develop their own self-loving routine, where the only real person that is judging you is yourself. Now, think about letting someone else into your world while you are self-pleasuring...feel a little wierd. Ladies, your man sitting watching you there with your eyes closed with your rabbitt imagining who?? Men, feel a little judged sharing your porn stash with wifey or embarassed when your have to explain your choice of erotica...kind of like your *women pay attention* MOTHER catching you as a kid.
I know my post will not solve your problems and for many women it will not increase your husbands or boyfriends sexual desire towards you, but I believe that your bedroom activities is an extension of your normal interaction. Every wonder why couples are so cordial after sex...at least for a couple of hours...my bad, after satisfying sex.
BUT taking all or some of what I have mentioned above into consideration, one think that everyone has control over in your relationship is...yourself, your free will. I know it sucks that it all comes back to you and looking yourself in the mirror and actually making a choice, but my parents divorced when I was 6. As a kid and a teenager, could not understand why my parents were not together, now as an adult who is married 10 years with 2 kids, I can clearly see why; birds of different feathers, oil and water.
LADIES AND GENTELMEN you choose to stay in a relationship that is not fullfilling for you. Yes my marriage is not perfect and we have our ups and down and "walls" built on both sides and we work on it everyday...some days are better some are worse, but choice...free will that is the 1 thing that each of us have that can not be taken from you. Because we are creative beings, humans, I believe that when we die we do not stop creating. Our souls, our essence, our spirits do not stop creating. So if you believe that you are going to hell or heaven, you manefest that and create that place for yourself when you die. The qeustion is what are you going to create here....heaven or hell. You choose.
...If someone has a gun to my head and I have a choice to either die begging for my life on my knees or fighting for my life standing....I choose to stand and fight with every last breath for my life. To not fight for your life would be.... *you fill in the blank*
I am one of those women that when they finally do get sex it's maybe 15 minutes max. What is wrong with this picture we have only been together 5 years, marries for 2 of those years, and he BARELY touches me. Everyone tells me that its a phase and it will pass well when does it?
I am 25 years old and so is he we do have 3 children but that should have anything to do with it, I should be the one falling asleep early to get sleep, and complaining of a headache. Yes, he does work hard and maybe too hard sometimes,but, in this day and age most me want nothing more than their woman to have something sexy on, or make reservations to go to a gentlemens club with them, why am I being left in the dark, hell I even had nudy pictures of myself made for him and all he sould say was " where did you get them developed at"? What kind of answer is that? Maybe they are right about the sleeping with other parteners. I'm not sure but I'm getting tired of tring to make him happy when all I get is turned down left and right..HELP!!!
ok,
I understand that men might think that all we care about is sex, but isn't that why you guys married us for? Some women are jealous and overbaring at times, so the women that aren't and want sex with their man shouldn't have to feel unwanted and unattractive. So why do they? And why don't men want sex after getting married. Hell I didn't even have sex on my wedding day. There's something wrong there. But I love him and I know that no matter what he will always be there but every now and again i would like for him to grab me and touch me without me asking for it or dtarting it.
THAT'S ALL
My husband and I have been married twenty two years. I am in my mid fiftys and he mid sixtys. After about 2003 we started drifting apart. He sleeps in his room and I in mine. His excuse is I snore etc. I still have the same strong feelings I did from the beginning of our relationship. He seldom gives me hugs, kisses, and so forth. It is taking an emotional toll on me as I am living with a man that basically I cannot have any contact with. He accused me just today that"all you want to do is get laid."
That really hurt. He just got his testerone levels done so we shall see what the underlying problem is. It is like taking care of a parent that is completely empty of any feeling inside. After 5 years of an empty relationship I am at wits end.
me and my husband have been together for 3 years now and at first the sex was great everyday. now we are expecting a baby and at first the sex was still the same. then maybe 1 months ago everything changed we would have sex maybe 3 times then slowly 2 times now whenever he initiates it. i asked why he doesnt want it im not big i look good to say that im pregnant for gods sake i still have people come up to me and want to ask me out. so i ask him why and he tells me he is tired or he doesn't feel like it. he doesnt even want me to perform oral anymore. whenever i ask he will say later. whenever i take a bath and try to put on something sexy he stops what hes doing and goes into the other room or goes to sleep to aviod me. what do i do. he says its not because im pregnant, he says he doesnt think he will hurt the baby, he says he is still attracted, and he says he looks at me the same but he just doesnt act like he wants me
First time on any site so please bare with me. I am coming out of a depression (med free) and during the nightmare my husband who has been working a very very stressful job out of town and coming home sometimes only for 3 days in a month started what I now know as E.D. But instead of him acknowledging that, he would make comments or not correct mine when I thought it was me. Which I may add has been horrible with a depression hanging overhead. I have been seeing a counselor and now know it is NOT me. And it is NOT my problem. But I have been conditioned through the years that the more he "got it" the more he loved me. So with a conditioned response like that and a husband who will not and does not communicate, how do I deal??? He acts like its not even an issue. He is home more often now. The dr. gave him "pills" but still hasn't taken any. I need a Man's point of view....is he thinking about it? Does he think he is a failure? What do you men think? We had a great sex life before this job and nightmare of mine. I just miss being touched.
The comment above saying that all we care about is sex, is just ridiculous to me.
Sure, sex isn't the only thing in a relationship but it is absolutely the necessary thing to separate a platonic male friend from a boyfriend. If our guys don't want to have sex with us or be intimately connected at all, what makes him different than our male friends? He should get put back into that category if that's the case.
If we're going to sleep in separate bedrooms and we're going to have separate sex lives with ourselves, then why label it a bf/gf relationship? It's called being "roommates"... because that's all it is.
I kiss and hug my guy friends and we might even say we love each other from time to time... but I don't have sex with them. If he doesn't want to have sex with me and refuses to talk about it or get help then goes and wacks off to porn after i'm asleep, then he's rejecting all the rights and privileges that the "boyfriend" label would normally entitle him including my fidelity. -Unless he's paraplegic or something and its impossible for him.
Leave as fast as you can. He doesn't care about you and you only have one life to live. He's getting his jollies while you're on the verge of suicide. What a selfish, selfish person.
WELL I HAVE A ? MY MAN AND I HAVE BEEN TOGETHER 11 YEARS ON AND OFF THIS LAST TIME I LEFT HIM FOR THE SAME REASONS AS B 4 NO ATTENTION ABUSE AT THE TIME JUST A REAL COCKY KIND OF MAN! THE THING IS ITS LIKE I HAD ASKED HIM Y WE WONT BE TOGETHER HE SAID AT THE TIME CUZ U DRINK WHEN UR AT WORK BARTENDER) HE DOESENT DRINK PERIOD! SO COMPLETLEY STOPPED THEN A FEW MONTHS LATER I ASKED AGAIN WANNA HAVE SUM LOVE? HE WAS TO TIRED ALL THESE EXCUSES! AND IM NOT A NAG I BEEN REAL PATIENT WITH HIM SO ANOTHER FEW MONTHS ROLL BY AND I STARTED TO KISS HIS FACE AND HES LIKE C MON I GOTTA GO TO BED SO FINALLY IM LIKE IM TIRED TO BUT Y WONT U B WITH ME? HJE BLURTED OUT HAVE U LOOKED IN THE MIRROR? MAN TALK BOUT HURT I WAS CRUSHED SO I SAID U SHOULD TALK HE 6''2 250 IN WEIGHT HE WEARS IT WELL BUT I NEVER CUT HIS WEIGHT DOWN OR ANYTHING BOUT HIM DOWN I AM SO GOOD TO HIM AND HES SO RUDE TO ME! SO EVER SINCE I REALLY DONT ASK BUT I DID GO ON A DIET I LOST 7 PNDS ALREADY GREAT FINE BUT HES STILL THE SAME! SO I REMEMBER BACK WHEN I LEFT HIM HE FOUND ANOTHER AS I DID TOO! N E WAY I HAVE LEARNED SHE WAS 98 PNDS 5''2 I MEAN PETITE WELL IM 5''8 168 PNDS ACCORDING T RICHARD SIMMONS I AM IN MY HEALTH WEIGHT RANGE 4 MY HEGHT LOL BUT HEY I HAVE SUM EXTRA SKIN I JUST CANT GET RID OF UN LESS I HAVE LIPO SO ANY WASY MY ? IS ITS LIKE OK 4 HIM TO BE OVER WEIGHT AND HAVE A BELLY ETC I AM STIL ATTRACTED TO HIM BUT HERE I AM NOT FAT BUT NOT THE THINNEST AND HE PICKS ON ME ABOUT IT? WHY IS IT OK 4 THIS? I AM DOING SUMTHING ABOUT IT BUT IT SEEMS HELL JUST FIND SUMTHING ELSE TO NOT BE WITH ME OR I AM GIVING HIM THE POWER TO KEEP BEING THIS WAY! I NEVER CHEATED ON HIM AND LEFT HIM A LOT IN THE PAST 4 REASONS OF THIS AND UN LOVING AFFECTION ABUSE U NAME IT HES DONE IT TO ME ALWAYS MADE ME FEEL SO LOW THEN WHEN I DID LEAVE A WHOLE YEAR I HAD GUYS HITTING ON ME LEFT AND RITE I MEAN NOT CREEPS REAL HARDWORKING GENUINE MEN SO I FINALLY STARTED TO C ONE IN GENERAL MY EX FOUND OUT BOOM HE WAS BACK A YEAR LATER SO THE OTHER GUY MADE ME FEEL SO COMPLETE AND WE WERE PAST THE POINT OF BEING BORED WE BOTH DIDNT LET THE SHINE WARE OFF WE JUST MESHED SO IM THINKING MAYBE ME AND MY EX THAT GOT BACK TOGHETHER JUST DONT MESH IM AFRAID I AM GOING TO LEAVE AGIN AND WANT ANOTHER I CANT STAND THE FEELING OF JUST BEING HIS SLAVE SERVING HIM BEING ON CALL WHEN HE NEEDS ME TO BE THER BUT IF EVER NEED ANYTHING WHICH IS VERY SELDOM I GET NOTHING ALSO THE GURL HE WAS WITH BACK THEN HAS BEEN EMAILING ME SAYING THER GETTING BACK TOGETHER THAT THEY TALK EVERY DAY ETC SHE FOUND ME ON MYSPACE AND STARTED TROUBLE WITH ME! HE DENIES ANY OF THIS ABOUT HER AND SAYS SHES FULL OF IT YET SHE SAYS SHES ONLY BEING HONEST SO NOW IM THINKING THE ONLY TIME HE GETS LIKE THIS IS WHEN HES TRING TO GET RID OF ME YET HE TELLS ME HE LOVES ME EVERYDAY AND STUFF LIKE THAT HE IS A GREAT PROVIDER AS I AM TOO BUT THATS ALL HE HAS NO LOVE AFFECTINO NOTHING MAYBE SHE IS COMING BACK HE SEEMS TO LIKE THE PETITE TYPE WHICH ILL NEVER BE BUT WHAT ELSE IS GOING ON? HES ALWAYS HOME OR AT WORK HE GOS NO WHERE HES HERE EVERY DAY CAN SUMONE EMAIL ME AT LISAMELODY01@YAHOO.COM 4 SUM ADVICE ON THIS I AM SO LOST AND HURT!!!
I HAD TO ADD SUMTHING ELSE TO MY PREVIOUS COMMENT OR ?
I WAS JUST THINKING I KNOW HIM OR I THOUGHT I DID ITS LIKE I SEE ALL MY FRIENDS GETIN MARRIED ENGAGED HAVING FAMILIES AND HERE I AM WITH NO KIDS HE FINALLY SAYS HE DOESENT WANT ANY WERE NOT MARRIED NOTHING HERE HE WANTS ME TO PAY HALF THE MORTGAGE WHICH IS FINE CUZ WE R PARTNERS YET HE OWNS THE HOUSE BUT ALL THE YEARS I HELPPED MAKE IT THE WAY IT IS AS FAR AS REMODELING HES HIRE THESE POT HEADS LOL DID GREAT WORK BUT I HAD TO SIT HERE AND BABYSIT THEM WHILE THEY WERE IN THE HOUSE DOING THE FLOORS PAINT ETC HE PAID 4 IT THEN I STARTED GETTING BETTER MONEY AT THE JOB SO I STARTED CONTRIBUTING IN HAVING THE HOUSE REDONE TOO NEW SEPTIC SYSTEM ALL THIS STUFF AND IT WASNT A VOLUNTEER THING HE SAID WELL WHERES UR HALF ON THINGS HE WANTED 4 THE HOUSE? IM LIKE WERE NOT MARRIED ETC HES LIKE WELL HOW DO U GET THAT WAY JUST RENTING LIKE I HAD TO PROVE TO HIM THAT THIS IS WHERE I WANTED TO BE
SO I DID I HELPD ALOT I MEAN ALOT WORK ALL DAY COME HOME STAIN THIS ACRE OF A FENCE HE BOUGHT JUST ABOUT ANY THING HE WANTED I DID! SO HERE WE R 11 YEARS LATER 1000 BREAKUPS LATER AND STILL NO COMMITMENT! SO LAST YEAR WHEN WE GOT BACK TOGETHER CUZ HE JUST ABOUT DIDED WITH OUT ME HE PROMISED ALL THESE CHANGES ETC AND THEY LASTED A GOOD 4 MONTHS THEN THE CHANGES CAME IN TO PLACE AGAIN SAME OL CRAP AND AT THAT TIME I WAS STILL THINNER THEN NOW NO SEX A KISS HERE AND THER HES ALWASY JOKING AROUND I NEVER HAD A BACK RUB FROM HIM A FOOT RUB NOTHING LIKE THAT WHEN I LEFT THAT TIME AND HAD THAT TREATMENT FROM ANOTHER IT WAS SO ODD BUT I WAS LIKE IS THIS WHAT LOVES SUPPOSDED TO BE? ANY WAYS HERE I AM AGAIN AND I AM HURTING AGAIN I TOLD HIM IF I EVER FELT THE WAY I FELT LAST TIME WHICH WAS SICK TO MY STOMACH ABOUT HIM HAVING ANOTHER OR JUST THAT FEELING EVER CAME BACK I WOULD LEAVE! SO I FEEL IT COMING AGAIN I JUST DONT WANT TO BE LEFT AGIN OR HURT ITS LIKE WE CAN BE WATCHING TV OR ANYTHING AND HIS EXS NAME POPS UP ON TV I CRINGE LIKE O GREAT NOW HES THINKING OF HER OR I C A PETITE BRUNETTE I GET SICK LIKE OH GREAT HES REMINDED OF HER. ITS LIKE WHEN MY EXS NAME COMES UP Y CANT HE GET HURT OR THINK THIS WAY?
I AM GETING OBSESSED IT SEEMS WITH NOT KNOWING WHAT HES GOT PLANNED SO NOW ITS BEEN A WEEK AND I HAVENT HEARD FROM THAT BROAD SO IM THINKING HES GOT HER MENTALLY SATISFIED SUMHOW TO WHERE SHE ISNT GONNA BOTHER ME LIKE SHE WILLING TO WAIT 4 HIM! Y THE HELL WOULD SHE WANT HIM BACK AFTER THE WAY HE LEFT HER TO GET ME? HE CALLED THE COPS ON HER CALLED HER A BITCH JUST TREATED HER SO BAD AND WHEN SHE CALLED ME UPSET I SAID I NEVER KNEW U EXISTED IF I HAD I WOULDVE NEVER CAME BACK I TOLD HER! BUT NOW IT SEEMS WHENEVER HIM AND I FIGHT HELL CALL HER ETC!!! THEN WHEN WE DONT HE LEAVES HER ALONE I JUST DONU WTF IS GOING ON HES THE TYPE THAT WONT TELL U HELL JUST TELL U TO LEAVE OUT OF THE BLUE SHE TOLD ME THATS WHAT HE DID TO HER WHEN HE WANTED ME BACK!
THE NIGHT I CAME HERE TO GET BACK 2 GETHER SHE CAME OVER RINGING THE BELL BANGING ON THE DOOR U NAME IT IM LIKE WTH IS GOING ON? HES SAYS THAT PYCHO GURLS HERE JUST STAY HERE ILL HANDLE IT IM LIKE WHAT? Y WOULD SHE B BACK IF U HANDLED THIS MONTHS AGAO?
COME TO FIND OUT SHES YELLING THROUGH THE DOOR A WHOLE YEAR Y R U DOING THIS U JUST FUCKED ME 2 DAYS AGO!!! OOOOOOOOO THAT DID IT I STARTED BUSTING HIM OUT IM LIKE U MAD IT SEEM THIS WAS OVER 4 MONTHS AND HERE IT WAS JUTS 2 DAYS AGO WTH IS WRONG WITH U? SO SHE LEFT WHEN HE CALLED THE COPS AND THE NEXT DAY SHE CALLED ME HERE AND SAID SHE NOTICED A CHANGE IN HIM AND THAT ALL HE HAD TO DO WAS TELL HER THAT IT WAS OVER IM LIKE MAN HE USED TO DO THE SAME CRAP TO ME BACK IN THE DAY SO ITS LIKE AFTER ALL THIS TIME SHE WANTS HIM STILL AND SAYS I TOLD U I CAN HAVE HIM WHENEVER I WANT AND I HAVE. SO HE ISNT SHOWING ME ANY KINDA SECURE FEELINGS OR ANY PROOF HE DONT WANT HER SO I TOLD HIM ITS OVER I WANT TO MOVE BACK OUT AND CANT GO THROUGH THIS AGAIN IT HURTS SO BAD HES LIKE IT BS I DONT EVEN TALK TO THAT GURL!
SO U C WHERE DO I TURN TOO WHAT DO I DO? ITS MORE THEN JUST NOT HAVING SEX ITS ALL THIS AND I AM SO LOST I MEAN I HAVE A HISTORY OF 11 YEARS TO HER 1 AND IF SHES GONNA TRY TO BE IN THIS PICTURE SHOULD I LEAVE JUST 4 THAT IT SEEMS WHENEVER WE FIGHT HE WANTS HER AGIN AND SHELL BE THER 4 THE TAKING NO MATTER HOW BAD HE HURTS HER O DID I MENTION SHE WAS A HIGH SCHOOL SWEETHEART? YEAH THEY DATED 4 A MIN IT HIGHSCHOOL AND SHE TOLD ME HE DID THE SAME THING THEN TO HER AS HE DID NOW SO WHAT THE HELL DO I DO?
ITS LIKE SHES ALWAYS HERE 4 HIM NO MATTER WHAT I CANT WIN WITH HIM AND Y THE HELL WOULD HE HAVE TO DIG SO FAR IN HIS PAST TO GET SUMONE BACK? NOW SHES HOOKED I THINK AND I AM TOO BUT I WANT TO LEAVE INSTEAD OF FIGHT CUZ I DONT WANT TO BE A CHILD ABOUT THIS I WANT TO JUST GO I CANNOT HANDLE KNOWING SHES KISSING HIM AGAIN OR SEX WITH HIM I CANT EVEN SLEEP IN THE SAME BED WITH HIM KNOWING SHE WAS IN THAT BED WITH HIM DIFFERENT BLANKETS WE BOUGHT BUT STILL I AM SCARD 4 LIFE I THINK CAN SUMONE PLZZZZZZZZZZZ HELP!!!????????????
To the husband who is having problems. Have you ever thought that the problem may be that you aren't giving her attention? Or maybe the problem is that you aren't making her feel attractive? Honestly, why would a woman fix herself up for you if you aren't starting the hugs, kisses, or sexual contact. And I don't mean poking her, I don't know why men think this works but it simply doesn't. If you want her to look better for you then give her a reason to do so.
I have read most of these posts and I have this advise from one woman to another. I was married to my first husband for 14 years. We got married young, but grew apart and remain friends now. My husband of ten years was very quick to say I love you, wisked me away and married me fast. When relationships are new everyone tries hard. Then he started making excuses, ie, something he ate, or the tv show wasn't over, had a headache, he was tired, you name it. It created quite an emotional rollercoaster. I found that I blamed myself and even started checking his phone. He did call lots of people, but that doesn't mean you are having a affair. He no longer spends any time kissing me or being intimate. We have had the talk, quite a few times. He is not active, and basically the more time he spends on the couch, the less inclined he is to do anything. I frequently go to bed alone. I could sleep naked all night and he would never know it. In the morning when he is getting ready for the work, he will give me a kiss on the lips, maybe kiss each boob and say bye. He will make overatures that maybe we can fool around tonight. - which will never materialize. I do love him and I believe he loves me. We are not sexually compatable. He is not a considerate lover and does nothing to improve his skills. I give this advise - if you are in this situation and your relationship is young - move on - it will not improve. Careful here - twice when I have tried to leave in the last ten years - he took viagra and was very focused on our relationship. This too always goes away. Next time around, take your time, get to know the person and their habits. If they weren't doing anything with their life before you and spent all their time in front of the tv, eventually that person will return. I extend my support to all the women out there who are hurting because of this situation. I never thought I would consider an affair - but unwilling to divorce again - I have considered this as an option. Medically, this person is fine, they do not have an overly stressful life. Having been in some very dark places from this emotional roller coaster - I will tell men that women taken your excuses to avoid intimacy very deeply. If a guy isn't willing to make the contact and effort with his spouse, someone else will. To women - it really isn't you. I say again and hear it from another woman - it isn't you. When this happens, set a goal for personal achievement and persue personal happiness - whatever that means in your world. Do not let this person create saddnes in your world. I hope this helps someone else out there.
I think that there are a lot of sides to a relationship. There is sex which is very important, but there are also a lot of other important areas too. I was never very interested in sex until I became 30 and then it was like my sex drive kicked in or something and now I want it all the time. My husband does his best to give me exactly what I need, and he always satisfies me. I want it like 3 times a day though and no man can do that. He uses toys on me, he gives me oral sex...he will do anything to make sure that I get what I need. In return whenever he needs me I am always there for him no matter whether it is sexual or otherwise....whatever he needs...I will do it. We have had rough patches but we always bounce back. I don't pressure him though. If he is too tired or too sore from work, then I will just take care of it myself...I enjoy it. Maybe some of these men are just not wanting to have sex and maybe some of them just feel too much pressure....It really could be anything.
well i thought i was the only one with this problem. i have been with my boyfriend fir almost three years. I am 23 and he is 33... when we first got together we had sex everyday and it was GOOD sex! now we barely have sex... i think that it has been a month since we had intimate contact- or at least a month since i stopped counting the weeks. I am a hot woman- i know so because many men i work with have made that clear, but my boyfriend will not make love to me...then again when we do it lasts like two minutes because he hasnt done it in over a month.
ive thought that maybe it could be because of his depression or past drug use (he is a recovering herion addict-five years clean)but he has no problem getting an erection and no problem seeming interested that is until he actually has to do it. i feel all alone and so badly want to have that human contact that i think about cheating- i wouldnt because im better than that, but if this is how it is now whats going to happen when we get married and have children? is lack of sex reason for letting go of a good relatonship?
Wow! I cannot believe how many people posted on this article! I wish I could say something personally to everyone but there's like 200 posts now?
I thought I was alone... no one has been able to give me any insight into my problem & when I found these posts... wow.
My story is like so many others, I am 19 years old. Me & my husband, who is 25, have been married for nearly a year. When we were dating you had amazing sex, every time we saw each other. When I got pregnant we had to stop because of a high risk pregnancy. Half way through my pregnancy I was given the go ahead but didn't really have any desire to. Towards the end of my pregnancy we started having sex more because I was desperate to go into labor.
About 2 weeks after my son was born my sex drive kicked into high gear. Its never been like this in my life! Of course, just my luck, my husband completely lost his. I had a c-section which he didn't see & he claims it has nothing to do with me being a mother now. He says he's just too tired... all the time.
He gets mad at me for asking about sex. he said he feels like the worst lover in the world & that I'm only rubbing it in. He doesn't want to make ANY effort any more. I'm attractive, I've lost all my pregnancy weight, & just the other day I had an old friend of mine tried to come on to me. I know guys still find me hot so I just don't understand!
I dress up in sexy lingerie, I try to be spontaneous. If we do have sex its only because I initiate it. I'm SO frustrated. People keep telling me its a stage that will pass but its been 7 months now & he makes me feel like so sex obsessed freak. I don't understand how his sex drive could have just completely disappeared.
I'm desperate to do anything to get back even a little bit of physical contact into our marriage...
I am in the same boat as you guys.
I'm a 21 year old and my boyfriend is 20 years old.
I have been with my boyfriend for over 1 year and a half now. I love him more than ANYTHING. We moved in together after a few months officially dating and its been great. We have had our issues here and there, but overall we're good. Well, during majority of our relationship my boyfriend always was all over me..he could never keep his hands off of me(in every way, kisses..hugs..sex about every day) and I loved it, it made me feel loved and showed me he did love me! Lately though (last few months) he has not initiated making love with me even once! Even when it comes to kissing and hugging or cuddling he only does so when I start it. It always used to be even'd out, we'd give each other the same amount of affection.Now though, I always have to start it when we do make love(maybe once a week now at most)..and he rarely touches me or looks at me the way he used to. I mean, the entire issue is just making me feel VERY depressed overall. I don't know what's wrong with me :-( I even started a diet to lose some weight (even though i'm ok right now)and get muscular...maybe this way he will be more attracted to me??!! It just does not make sense because I was not in the greatest shape when we started dating and he was always all over me. I don't know, i just feel so ugly lately and unwanted to the maximum. I know it's not that he doesn't have a sex drive..he does! Everyday in the shower he jerks off, I know this because it only usually takes him 5-10 minutes in the shower and lately he's always taking 20-30 minutes..and I found like semen in the drain of the shower multiple times lately after he gets out. It just makes my heart break...I haven't even been pleasing myself lately because I am craving my bf sooo badly. I am soo attracted to him and I wish we were more sexual because it brings people closer and it shows you have interest in each other. Also, whenever we DO have sex now (once in a blue moon) it feels like i am the one doing all the work. He will just lay there and now do anything anymore. It breaks my heart because he used to always not only START the sex, but he would be all over me doing everything to me! I loved it! Now, he NEVER does anything to me down there if you know what i mean and he closes his eyes or looks the other way.
I feel so ugly because of this and I feel like I can't tell anyone else about it. I have mentioned it to him and all he says is "everything isn't sex". I know everything isn't sex but he could never keep his hands off of me in the past and now he never touches me. Whatever, i don't know what to do anymore. I guess i'll just hope things get better and it's just a phase..BLAH! Maybe my ripped abs soon will help?
I started seeing this man @ five years ago, in the begining we got to know one another it was great, he even told me he had found what he was looking for also he told his sister and friends. I finaly have connected with someone and feel the same way, the greatest feeling in the world. With in a two month period afterwards he started pushing me away instagating figbts so he could leave beening controling and making me look like I was a psychotic bitch. I feel for this man hard and just like that he was pushing me away!!! Almost five years later and it finaly over with me, Even though we havent lived togetber for a few years now we seemed to connect ever so often just long enough for me to get my heart broke a again, My heart has finaly caught up with my brain, He was nothing but a player and of the worst kind, he played this very well I thought of nothing else but him. I wanted to be dead. I wasnt a ball and chain gal I fell in love with a player and I never have felt this kind of pain in my life. So ladies and or men watch out for these kind of people there real good at this your heart will break into so many pieces, and its very hard and painful
THERE ARE SOME GOOD ACTORS OUT THERE!! THEY PLAY WITH YOUR EMOTIONS BIG TIME. I'VE NEVER FELT THIS KIND OF PAIN I WAS 44 NOW I AM 49 THIS IS HOW LONG IT TOOK ME TO BE DONE WITH THIS MAN, WE ONLY LIVED TOGETHER FOR NINE MONTHS. I AM I THOUGHT WAS A SMART WOMAN OH HELL KNOW I ALMOST DIDNT MAKE IT THE PAIN WAS SO BAD. PEOPLE BEWARE OF PLAYERS THEY ARE OUT THERE AND THEY ARE READY TO USE YOU AND SPIT YOU OUT ...+
after reading all these posts and me being in the same boat, i would say MEN are just flat out PIGS, (not all men) but most of them are just down right selfish and want to come up with any excuss in the book on why they cant meet womans needs, woman arent asking much, it sucks that MEN effect us woman in the way its killing us emotionally,its tearing our hearts and its as if they could care less, yes it hurts when u love them,,,, we shouldnt allow these men do this to us, when is enough pain and suffering enough??????arent we all tired of going to bed all alone cring? i know iam not get any younger and i dont want to live the rest of mylife unfulfilled, i couldnt imagine living in a sexless marriage, but i see me headed there, what do i do?? MEN, it sucks they do this to us after we give so much of our selves to them...
wouldnt u think if u truely LOVE someone u would naturaly have the desire to please them?i dont feel like he has the desire to please me like i have the desire to please him, he cums all the time but he doesnt care about getting me there, and i shouldnt have to ask he should have the desire to want me right....what is wrong with the picture????
My ex and I used to have a great sex life. When we started living together everything got toned down a little bit... I could live with sex 2-3 times a week, ya know. Then it was every 2 weeks... then I'd ask what was wrong, if it was something I wasn't doing, etc. Several times I caught him lying about watching porn. He would watch porn everynight or just about every other night. See, I have no problem with him masturbating... but when I start to NOT get laid in weeks because he's masturbating all the time, then it becomes a problem. And I was also very hurt that he would look me straight in the face and deny the whole thing, like I'm an idiot. So, it got to the point where I didn't have access to his computer's history and I would ask him about it. Coincidently, he would always say no. And we'd get into terrible arguments because it became impossible for me to believe him or trust him. Oh yeah, and he always gave me a bunch of different stupid excuses, "Oh, my sex drive has decreased." but he's masturbating at least 5 times a week. "I feel like I'm not good enough for you in bed." yet I'm always ready and willing. "I'm stressed out." but he isn't too stressed out to relieve himself. "You gained weight." Okay, I lost 30 lbs and NOTHING. I'd offer to get him off... so I could at least feel somewhat satisfying but he would push me away when I would try to do him the favor. Then he couldn't even get off with me through sex... and I couldn't get him off any other way. Well, it got to the point where sex was once a month, I didn't trust him and I felt like the most undesirable woman alive. So, first sign of attention from the opposite sex... I cheated. I forgot how much I missed feeling wanted sexually. I told him about it... and he threw in my face that at least he didn't cheat on me. Well, I felt all the things you would if you found out your partner had cheated on you. I guess I kind of thought of it as payback. I made him feel the way he made me feel all those times. I used to love watching porn with him.. then after he turned it into his "private me time" I hated it. I still do. I'm very bitter towards all of it. I just still wish he would have told me what the real reason was for his rejection. So I could improve it. It really did make me very resentful towards him. I loved everything about our relationship aside from the lack of sex... but I just can't handle living under the same roof feeling like we're just roomates. (And I know there is no excuse for cheating)
As a man, I can only say that I really want my wife, but it seems that she doesn't really want me. I know that I have always had the stronger sex drive in our marriage of 21-yrs...that is if you consider what she has is a sex drive. I talk to her about it and it seems that she is more attentive for a short period of time, but she resumes her old ways and I end up being hurt. Then the cycle begins again and I do not want to give her what she wants and on and on it goes. I have thought about just having an affair, but that is too emotionally draining and I don't want to hurt anyone. My needs are not met and I have no desire to meet my wifes' needs. It's a Catch-22.
If you don't like where you are in your relationship, go elsewhere and get what you can't or dont get at home!
My husband and I use to have intercourse all the time,except for when my cycle was on . I noticed his testicles were heavey and hanging low before sex and after they would be light and hanging high (that's the first 2 years). Then he started making up excuses to not have intercourse with me and I've noticed that his testicles are always hanging high as though he's been having sex with someone-else . He wont even cuddle with me unless I beg him . He says he's not cheating . I don't believe him . I've covered his every excuse and having intercourse is still very little, almost non-exsistance . He doesn't work and is gone most of the day . What would you think? Probably the same as I think and feel . Please answer . THANKS!
okay ive read them all and I'll just say this...sex is not important when a relationship is just beginning, so just be happy to wait and not contract venereal diseases from ppl who aren't even gonna stick around for the pap smear okay?(that was for those who were whining about not having had sex yet) as for those who have been with the partner for a while and have had some great sex and now its gone, i see your problem. sometimes the focus should just be moved away from the sex to see what the issue is. sometimes my guy or I get annoyed with eachother and it can start a long fight that lasts beyond the fighting. As in, even when we are not yelling at eachother anymore it doesnt mean we want to hump eachother either. try making your partner feel more confident and secure in the relationship. If the love is there, the sex will come later. Then theres that last category of bloggers...the hoplesses i will call them...in some of these cases, it is just so obvious that the relationship should be over just by what was written. If you or your partner are just not happy and dont see any way out of that...there are other fish in the freakin ocean! if its not worth it anymore, move on to find a good match for yourself. Dont stick youself with the guy sneaking porn if thats not what you want! Dont be with someone who makes you feel like crap! if they dont want to talk or try to fix stuff, well you tried...feel good about that and move on! "I love you" is just such an easy thing to say that you cant always believe it. if you dont feel it, its not there, so get out. There are so many reasons in todays world to be in a relationship. in such a cold, cruel place we want a partner to help us out and hold us up, but just do a quick evaluation...is it helping more or just causing you more stress and conflict? one more thing...though this might be a bit crabby of me to say...to that girl who said shes been in a 2 1/2 yr relationship and the guy doesnt want her anymore cuz shes had two miscariages...o m g...the miscariages are sooo not the problem. are you kidding me? thats like a kid for each year of the relationship! maybe you should use some birth control and not worry about trying to have a baby with this guy for a while longer...that could be the problem right there.
I am a 50 year old man and i love sex with a PASSION!!!!! I didn't really masturbate a lot when i was younger,but after i got married at age 25 i am a SEX CRAVING ANIMAL!!! lol The real reason i think i am still going STRONG is that i am very athletic run vigorously and i am a vegetarian. I think that you ladies that have men that do not work anymore need to be more active with your partner. As in active i mean go to the gym or go for a walk. Just get his BLOOD PUMPING. If this doesn't work just sneak in some "Horny Goat Weed" (Viagra Herb) into his drink or something. Thanks for reading. :)
I believe all of your problems can be solved with prayers. There is a God and he answers all our prayers. I got married at 23 and a virgin, eight years and three children later, we are both happy, our sex life is wonderful and I know its because of the fact that we go to church on Sundays as a family. We spend family time together and we pray together. One advice I give to you all is read the Bible. All of your problems will disappear. It may not happen at once but eventually it will. It wasn't all peaches and wonderful for me. It took a lot of work. I did not like my husband watching porn and thanks to God, he does not watch it anymore. I think it also had to do with watching the movie Fireproof. That was a great movie. One I highly recommend. Place your trust and faith in the Lord and your life will never be the same. In case you are curious, I am not overweight, I work full time, and attending school part time. My husband works full time. He and I takes turn cooking and cleaning the house and help the kids with homework. He helps me and I help him. Some nights we massage each other, other nights we bath together and enjoy each other intimately, the whole nine yards. He likes when I dance for him in the nude or wearing almost nothing. There is nothing impossible for God. One year is a day for him. Give him all the honor and glory, praise him and love him. Place God first in your life. I know this is too much but its the only way the lack of communication, sex drive, boredom, medical reasons, cheating, sex problems and problems in general will fade away forever.
I am sure there are many reasons for all of this sexual disfunction. In most cases it is most likely the other person's problem and not those who feel hurt by it. The list is very long, but I am sure depression, inactivity and stress would come way before cheating, inconsideration or being gay. The people missing the sex are obvoiusly hurt, but try considering the more likely possibilites and how you may be able to help you mate.
I have been married for 7 years, Little downs in my marriage, a few little dry spells due to stress, lots of work, but mainly awsome, then one day, my wife just turned cold. She isnt cheating on me, She just says something is wrong, alot of its the stress of our teen son, but its not really the lack of sex, its the fact that she doesnt act like I please her anymore.We were always so intimate, now nothing. I know she is having a rough time, but it hurts all the same, even though I have tried to talk to her, and we have even gone to counseling. I just hope we can get things back to the way they were. Just one note, I read some of the earlier posts, my wife gained several pounds over the years, I always found her just as atractive at 160lbs as when she is at 120.
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