Sex, Intimacy, Sleep Apnea and the CPAP
I very seldom say much about my own life on this blog or my message board, but a recent question on the message board about being intimate with a partner who has sleep apnea and uses a CPAP machine has drawn me out.
My husband sleeps with a CPAP also. He began using one when my youngest child was about two. It was quite an adjustment for me. Before my children were born, I could sleep through much noise. I lived in San Francisco for many years and it's sometimes tough to find total quiet there.
But, once my two children were born, my sleeping habits changed. My first child had a very bad case of colic that lasted four months. If he wasn't actually crying in the middle of the night, I would think that I heard him -- even when he was not crying. It got to the point that I could tell (by listening to the monitor) when he was making the preliminary noises before a crying episode. I was learning to "hear more" while sleeping.
Then, at the age of two, he began crying in the middle of the night again -- as much as five or six times. We finally discovered that adenoids and tonsils were blocking his breathing when his throat relaxed during his sleep. Surgery corrected that.
When my next son was born one year later, he was born with laryngomalacia, a condition in which the cartilage in the throat does not stiffen sufficiently. It causes a rattling sound. Sleeping vertically in my arms would stop the rattling for my son. The cartilage hardened at about four months.
At three months, he developed pneumonia. I slept with him (propping him up in my arms for yet a new reason) listening for his breathing. I could not distinguish the laryngomalacia rattling from complications from the pneumonia. I half-slept always with one ear open. This later led to asthma attacks for him.
You get the picture. All of this added up to my now being a generally light sleeper.
Then my husband got the CPAP.
I understand the hissing, the leaking, and the air blowing on one's face. I also understand that once the mask goes on, that is it for the night. Snuggling spoon fashion with my front to his back works. The other way does not.
And, it has made our communication about sex quite distinct. Less "just happens." We talk about it. We get our two kids to bed and have our time. Then we take our positions and fall asleep.
Yes, on some nights I give up and go to the couch because of all the noise. That occurs less now because after six masks, my husband seems to have found the one that fits his face best.
If you're reading this and are experiencing similar changes in your relationship wiht your partner, I want you to know it doesn't have to feel like you've lost something special. Try a few sessions of sex therapy where you share your feelings of loss with your partner.
I suspect that with some creativity and some willingness to communicate very directly, you can revive some aspects of what once was. It won't be like it was, but it can be much better than it is now.
Related Topics: WebMD Video: A Solution to Sleep Apnea?, 10 Tips to Get Better Sleep
Technorati Tags: sleep apnea, CPAP, intimacy, relationships
My husband sleeps with a CPAP also. He began using one when my youngest child was about two. It was quite an adjustment for me. Before my children were born, I could sleep through much noise. I lived in San Francisco for many years and it's sometimes tough to find total quiet there.
But, once my two children were born, my sleeping habits changed. My first child had a very bad case of colic that lasted four months. If he wasn't actually crying in the middle of the night, I would think that I heard him -- even when he was not crying. It got to the point that I could tell (by listening to the monitor) when he was making the preliminary noises before a crying episode. I was learning to "hear more" while sleeping.
Then, at the age of two, he began crying in the middle of the night again -- as much as five or six times. We finally discovered that adenoids and tonsils were blocking his breathing when his throat relaxed during his sleep. Surgery corrected that.
When my next son was born one year later, he was born with laryngomalacia, a condition in which the cartilage in the throat does not stiffen sufficiently. It causes a rattling sound. Sleeping vertically in my arms would stop the rattling for my son. The cartilage hardened at about four months.
At three months, he developed pneumonia. I slept with him (propping him up in my arms for yet a new reason) listening for his breathing. I could not distinguish the laryngomalacia rattling from complications from the pneumonia. I half-slept always with one ear open. This later led to asthma attacks for him.
You get the picture. All of this added up to my now being a generally light sleeper.
Then my husband got the CPAP.
I understand the hissing, the leaking, and the air blowing on one's face. I also understand that once the mask goes on, that is it for the night. Snuggling spoon fashion with my front to his back works. The other way does not.
And, it has made our communication about sex quite distinct. Less "just happens." We talk about it. We get our two kids to bed and have our time. Then we take our positions and fall asleep.
Yes, on some nights I give up and go to the couch because of all the noise. That occurs less now because after six masks, my husband seems to have found the one that fits his face best.
If you're reading this and are experiencing similar changes in your relationship wiht your partner, I want you to know it doesn't have to feel like you've lost something special. Try a few sessions of sex therapy where you share your feelings of loss with your partner.
I suspect that with some creativity and some willingness to communicate very directly, you can revive some aspects of what once was. It won't be like it was, but it can be much better than it is now.
Related Topics: WebMD Video: A Solution to Sleep Apnea?, 10 Tips to Get Better Sleep
Technorati Tags: sleep apnea, CPAP, intimacy, relationships
50 Comments:
Thank you for posting this. I was just looking for information about something unrelated and saw this.
I have had the same experience with my husband and his
CPAP. It has been eight years and every new mask comes with its own strange sounds.
I love his improved disposition, but I still miss the surprise moments. The noise gets to me some nights.
So thanks again for posting--it's good to know it's not just me.
Dr. Weston,
As a sleep specialist I think it is fantastic that you were willing to share about this experience. Obviously it is a large problem with many of my patients. I have two areas that we might try to discuss for everyone to gain some insight in this particular situation.
1) There are now many new smaller and quieter CPAP's on the market and over 16 masks.
2) Who says sex needs to happen in bed?? With several of my patients this has actually been a liberating experience and they have sex outside of bed ( even outside of the bed room !)
Your thoughts??
Dr. Mike Breus- WebMD Sleep Blogger
I use a CPAP and know what you mean: when the mask goes on....that's it for the night. Is anyone surprised that guys don't want to put it on? For noise problems, I can recommend getting a sleeve for the tube that connects the mask and the machine. The fabric sleeve + a rubber band at the end can eliminate tube noise and might also quiet hissing noises between the tube & the mask. Have a good night. -- john
Dr. Weston. You are right that this topic is never mentioned, but it out there. I am a 46 yo male who has been married for 16 years, w anniv. on 8/4! However, while intimacy and spontoneoty were better in the early years, my wife was kept awake by my snoring, and worried constantly when I stopped breathing!
However, through all of this we had great sex, and 2 boys and a girl in 5 years!
However the stress was getting to me, I went for sleep studies, and got fitted for my CPAP. It has made life easier, if not intimate. My wife needs the sound of the machine to go to sleep, but she does not like it blowing on her face. Our sex life has suffered, but most of that is due to my issues.
Thank you for bringing this issue out into the open.
Sex hints from wife will start before bed time. She will meet me in the shower are be ready in bed before hand, the mask can always wait and when I want sex the mask will have to wait.
I actually noticed my husband's weird way of NOT sleeping, if that makes any sense. I have a horrible case of Fibromyalgia and am a very light sleeper, despite taking 150mg of Amitriptyline a night. Yes, you read that right, 150mg,
as well as a couple of other medicines to help keep me asleep. Even with all those meds, I still am a "light" sleeper. So, when he began snoring,it began waking me up and I noticed that he was gasping, taking small, short breaths, and then one big breath and then nothing, nothing, nothing, for about 10 to 15 seconds or so, and then a BIG breath. It was really scary. So, he's FINALLY going in for a sleep exam and will probably be put on the CPAP. He is already aware of these units as his father has one. The noise of it is like "white noise" which will help me sleep I think, and do him some real good and help him get really GOOD sleep.
I (FEMALE) SLEEP WITH A CPAP MACHINE. I HATE HAVING MY HUSBAND SEE ME WITH THE MASK ON, BUT SOMETIMES HE HAS TO HELP ME GET THE STRAPS ON. I FEEL LIKE A MONSTER WITH IT ON AND CERTAINLY DO NOT FEEL SEXY WITH IT ON MY FACE BUT I HAVE TO WEAR IT TO GET THE 4TH STAGE OF SLEEP. I CAN GO ONE NIGHT WITHOUT IT. WHEN WE GO AWAY FOR 1 NIGHT--- THAT'S OUR CHANCE.
So happy to see this condition on the net. My husband is 41 and was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma almost 3 years ago. That was the end of our sex life. He takes several powerful drugs that induce sleep apnea.When I noticed his sleep disorder, I discussed it with his oncologist. He went for a sleep study. The doctor determined that the apnea was drug induced & a CPAP would not help.So now I watch him closely & often awaken him so he will breathe. Thank you.Loree Wray
There are other things that interfere with sex too. Like prostate surgery. My husband had this on 03 and since that time sex has become a very planned event. Sex for us now requires a shot in his penis, a pump to pump it up to some stiffness, vaginal lubrication for me, etc, etc, etc.
We were always a very sexual couple with lots of spontaneity until a few years before his surgery when he began having ED problems, we think now due to blood flow issues. After the surgery I had to request that he go to the Dr and find out about how we could continue to have sex from time to time. His desire had diminshed to the point of nil although mine had not. So we began the search. Most of it was initiated by me, but he is grateful. We have sex only once a month or so, but the fact that I still wanted him was enough to bring some closeness that seemed about to disappear after his surgery.
S, guys and gals, it could be worse than a CPAP machine and at least we all still have our partners. Right?
I am 56(female), and have been divorced for 12 years. Due to circumstances, a couple years ago my daughter and I rented a house together. I knew I snored, but my daughter brought it to my attention that it was on the loud side. When I asked my family doctor about possible solutions, he suggested a sleep study.
I was always tired, but I had no idea that it was related to my now diagnosed sleep apnea. I've had my CPAP machine for 5 months and I do feel so much better.
However, after 12 years of being alone, I'd like to seek some companionship. But the thoughts of embarrasment of snoring or looking like an alien with my mask on attached to a machine with a tube has me hesitating. Who in their right mind would or could look at a new relationship with someone in my circumstances?
I know once you get to this age, things start to hurt, droop or sag, but, what do guys think if these are the circumstances? I know nobody is perfect, but do you have any recomendations or advice?
Thanks very much for sharing this article. My husband was recently diagnosed with apnea and he too has to where a CPAP and mask at night. Since it is still relatively new to us, he is having a hard time adjusting to the equipment at night. Our sex life has suffered a little because I have more of the desire and he is too tired. We have our moments when his energy is high and we do share great intimacies. I am frustrated often but I try very hard to be understanding because I too have a sleep disorder - narcolepsy.
Try the CPAP as a single! Talk about making it nearly impossible for meeting someone special in your life.
After a few years, I finally broke down and had an entire UPP surgery done. No machines for me. I don't snore anymore. No more trying to explain to others. If I was single and used a CPAP, I'd be suicidal.
My husband had became a total zombie from not getting the correct sleep at night. We thought it was due to his heart problem but finally I asked the doctor to run a sleep study. He failed in the first 15 minutes. The nurse came in and put a mask on him because she did not want him dying on her shift! After the fist night of wearing the mask I could see a new man! His energy returned and he was his old self again. This is just another bump in the road to aging and I am so glad he will be alive and rested, hopefully for many years to come.We never know what lies ahead but it is always easier if you face it with the person you are in love with! No regrets here.
I Hate my vpap. I have a beard and cannot get a mask to fit my face without leaking. I have to use vaseline on my face in order to get a halfway decent seal. I am told that the vaseline being a petroleum product will attack the mask seal eventually. I don't care. I have to have the mask so tight that it leaves lines on my face and causes my teeth to hurt. I am electing surgery to have my condition eliminated so I don't have to use the infernal machine again. Those of you who snore might check into surgery also. I found out that I had a sleep problem because because I snored. After her hysterectomy my sex life went down the tubes anyway.
Thank you for addressing this issue. I do have to say though that now that my boyfriend had his cpap machine it has helped our sex life. He now has more energy, and because he's in a better mood, I want to be intimate with him more often.
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I have been on a BI-PAP for about 9 years with no option for surgery. My sex life is bad, but I can't blame my mask. I blame my hysterectomy. Why do people have sex issues when you only have to where the mask when you go to sleep? We have sex and afterwards I put on the mask. Wow not to many women with sleep apnea.
Ten years ago I had surgery to treat my sleep apnea. I was told the surgery was successful 50% of the time but I thought it worth the risk. It didn't work for me. Last year during a conversation with the doctor that performed the surgery I was told that the surgery hardly ever worked and that most surgeons agree that the treatment was a mistake.
I have used a CPAP for ten years. They have gotten progressively quieter and more comfortable. You can hardly hear my current unit and I have just received information on a unit that is supposed to be even more quiet. My CPAP makes life better everywhere except the bedroom.
My husband was put on Zoloft and lithium, because he is bi-polar and has post traumatic stress disorder from fighting in Vietnam. We used to have great sex before he was put on the medications but he always initiated it because I was usually mad at him for something awful he said or did. But anyway the sex was great.
Now unfortunately he is wonderful and I want to have sex all the time but his penis doesn't get a full erection. One night we injured his penis and now it is bent. The doctor suggested the surgery that the man with protate problems had above, but my husband chickened out.
So now I am lucky if we have sex once a year. Really I can't remember the last time we had sex. We used to have sex at least 5 times a week before all of this.
Depressing. I wish we were young again.
THE MACHINE IS DRIVING BOTH OF US CRAZY,JUST THIS MORNING MY HUSBAND TRIED TO GET SOME,AND OF COURSE I HAD THE "MASK" ON, BUT BECAUSE I WAS STILL KINDA TIRED I KEPT IT ON CAUSE USUALLY MY HUSBAND JUST GOES IN ANYWAY, THE MASK CAN BE FUNNY THOUGH, MY HUSBAND ALWAYS IMMITATES ME, TALKING WITH THE MASK SOUNDS LIKE YOUR PINCHING YOUR NOSE, AND IT'S LIKE A ICE BREAKER, AND LAUGHING USUALLY MAKES THE MOOD FUNNIER AND IF YOUR HAPPY YOU WANT SEX, WELL AT LEAST THIS WORKS FOR US. THE MACHINE IS TOUGH BUT IT KEEPS ME HERE, AND SO WE JUST ADAPT, SEX WAS GREAT BEFORE, YEARS AGO, SO HOPEFULLY HE WILL KEEP THOSE GOOD MEMORIES, CAUSE HE'LL NEED THEM. Ha! Ha! jokes really on him cause he cheated years ago, and well to bad to sad.
I understand everyone's opposition to the CPAP noise, but given my husband refusal to even use his in 3 years of having one, thus meaning we are basically platonic roommates. His snoring is more evasive and loud throughout our entire home with each passing year, and of course he thinks it's a conspiracy against him that the kids and I have all complained about it. Also, due to his denial of even having Sleep Apnea and not doing anything about it, he suffers from many of the other problems (impotence, irritability, forgetfullness, no energy, etc.) In short, I much prefer the ocean-like sounds of CPAP, compared to the undescribable sounds that comes from him on the rare occasion he does come to our bedroom. He chooses to use his CPAP for perhaps 2 hours every 4-6 weeks. I do worry about the health concerns, not just the snoring, but you can only lead a horse to the water...I would however, love having the choice of choosing NOT TO SPOON FORWARD with my husband, as opposed to NOT SPOONING AT ALL with my husband.
I use a cpap, only problem is my wife rarely initiates sex and I feel like I am bothering her - as I feel like I am always the one who wants sex. I usually jump into bed and wait a while to see if anything happens then put it on. Most night I put it on and go to sleep frustrated. The cpap isn't the problem .. The problem is the incompatiablity of our libido's.
My husband and I have been sleeping in separate rooms even pre-Cpap due to my restless sleep and sitting up choking. Since the Cpap he has not returned to the bed....a few times but he still claims my "thrashing" wakes him up. The problem now is I am used to having bed to myself and probably stretch out but not wake from apnea. My blood pressure is very low and my nasal pillow cpap is the least obnoxious, it seems. Sex has to be initiated and mask on is quite the signal of "no". so just adapt. We never spooned anyways, sleeping without touching. Have been married 36 years.
I had been dating a man for awhile when the time came for him to confess that he used a cpap machine while he slept. He was so anxious about telling me, thinking that this would definately put on damper on any sex life that we were contemplating. Imagine his surprise when I explained that I wore a cpap also! Now, we joke about it...laughing when we put our masks on and occasionally switch machines just for fun. Finding humor has helped. We still are able to spoon, and both of us understand that the mask goes on right before going to sleep. Believe me, the "white noise" is much better than the roar of both snoring. Our energy is higher, and our mental awareness is hightened. Well worth it in our book.
My wife and I have been married for 11 years. Before my CPAP, sex was infrequent. Now that I'm using it, we've had sex 4 times in the past 2 years, 3 of the four I initiated while waking her out of a dead sleep.
We've decided I should start looking elsewhere for sexual gratification as she has become uninterested. It took a long time to have that conversation because I was too cowardly to risk losing my family, but eventually enough was enough and I expressed my desire to keep our marriage but also my desire to have a willing partner instead of having to "surprise" her. We are still a great marital team, but now I have a more satisfying arrangement. Not everybody starts or stays with the same libido.
COMMUNICATION is key! Decide if you wish to remain a couple, and if you do, be open to all possibilities. Marriage should never be a trap, it should be a flexible, giving partnership.
I was using a CPAP and then was introduced to a snore guard. It is a mouth piece that I wear the keeps my lower jaw in a forward position and when I open my mouth it pushes the jaw further forward. This has been the best thing for me as no more CPAP.... My girlfriend was calling me Darth Vader in a cute way but no more and it made sex and spooning easier.
Sleep Apnea/CPap Machine/Narcolepsy
I thought I would die!! I had 2 sleep tests....finally gave in and found a real good machine. It has no mask, just a small finger type bar with 2 nasal spouts that fit in your nose (like an oxygen tube you would use in the hospital). The machine is quiet.
Then after that I found out I had narcolepsy. God help you if you ever get IT!! Yes, my hubby and I laugh about it. My dog won't even get near me at night...she knows Darth Vader is coming. I really thought I was getting better - till I finally diagnosed myself. And I did have NARCOLEPSY! So I take 3 pills in the morning to keep me awake, and one trazadon pill to sleep at night. Anyone else think they have a problem? Sex. what is that??? It has been a while. Want to talke about cost? The pills (provigil) I take to stay awake cost over $500 every 30 days. I'm still working so my insurance pays it all but $20. So I'm a lonely married lady, drugged to the hilt, broke with a hubby who loves sex. Any suggestions? I've given up. Bama Gal
I just stumbled across this article looking for other info. But the new man in my life has sleep apnea and uses a CPAP so it did get my interest. After our first date he emailed me about it (and a few other things) in case it was a deal breaker. I couldn't imagine what the problem would be and said so.
I've now experienced sleeping next to him wearing it several times and it is a non-issue. He puts it on before he goes to sleep. It doesn't prevent us from touching or sometimes even spooning as we drift off. We have a very healthy sex life. Sure, there are those times when I wake up at 3 or 4 in the morning and am tempted to wake him up for another round but the issue is that he needs his sleep, like anyone else, not that he is wearing a mask.
Maybe things would be different under different circumstances, e.g. if we were living together and sleeping in the same bed every night. But I would hope we would be able to communicate around it. Just means I need to speak up before he gets out the afrin and tape.
I guess the reason I'm writing is that I would hope that any single people using a CPAP won't let it stop them from venturing out into the dating world. And any single person who is told their date uses a CPAP should be assured it does not mean an unsatisfying sex life.
Thank you everyone for your comments. I'm reading them with interest!
I just married a great woman who was diagnosed with severe sleep apnea two months before our marriage. It makes no difference to me. I still married a wonderful woman.
Aloha from Hawaii
I was diagnosed with sleep apnea about 3 years ago and FINALLY, within the last year, have discovered a more quiet and direct way to get the air I need. I learned through the supply company I use, Apria Healthcare in Redmond, WA, that available now are "nasal pillows" which are very similar to what you might get for oxygen at the hospital. There is a plastic "bar" with 2 openings for your nostrils and the suction is very good and the noise almost vanishes. Seriously! I now recommend this instead of the mask over the face. I have not had the usual mask problems of sliding around my face and waking up to air in my eyes with the nasal pillows! I have had many mask adjustments and these pillows are a God send! If your area does not have the pillows to offer I would go to Apria's website and see if you can order them to be sent to you. You will not regret it!! Jeanette--Issaquah, WA
Dr. Weston,
That was a wonderful post. I have Sleep Apnea and Congestive Heart Failure. I figured out what most did, you have to plan around the CPAP machine and have sex outside the bedroom or at least get frisky before putting the mask on. I now have another problem. Due to the CHF, I may have some mild ED on from time to time. The medication I am on makes my erections weaker and sometimes they will deflate mid-course, even though I am excited and she is aroused, it just fades, making it a real frustration. So, my doctor prescribed Levitra. That removed the ED but caused another problem. I can't feel much down there when we are intimate. That is great for her, but not good for me. She now loves the erections (bigger and fuller) but now I last too long. I never climax and after she does several times, she eventually tires and we need to stop. The only answer the doctor had was to reduce the dosage of Levitra, but that did not change the numbing effect. Do you have any ideas Dr. Weston?
CHF in Cincinnati asks. . .
Dr. Weston,
That was a wonderful post. I have Sleep Apnea and Congestive Heart Failure. I figured out what most did, you have to plan around the CPAP machine and have sex outside the bedroom or at least get frisky before putting the mask on. I now have another problem. Due to the CHF, I may have some mild ED from time to time. The medications I am on make my erections weaker and sometimes they will deflate mid-course. Even though I am excited and she is aroused, it just fades, making it a real frustration. So, my doctor prescribed Levitra. That removed the ED, but caused another problem. I can't feel much down there when we are intimate. That is great for her, but not good for me. She now loves the erections (bigger and fuller) but now I last too long. I never climax and after she does several times, she eventually tires and we need to stop. The only answer the doctor had was to reduce the dosage of Levitra, but that did not change the numbing effect. Do you have any ideas Dr. Weston?
I ANOTHER FEMALE WEAR A CPAP AND ITS AWFUL FOR OUR SEXLIFE AT THE AGE OF 28 I WONDER IF WELL HAVE SEX MORE THAN ONCE A YEAR. I HATE PLANNED SEX AS IVE TRIED IT AND ITS JUST SUCH A TURN OFF FOR ME AND I CANT SEEM TO GET PAST IT, I LIKE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT OR MORNING SEX AND NOW THAT IM STRAPPED TO A MACHINE I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO SLOWLY CREEEP INTO SEX LIKE MY HUSBAND AND I LIKE WITHOUT MAKING A BIG THING ABOUT IT - ITS AWFUL.
I can't understand why, once you've put on the mask and switched on the machine, "that's it" for sex. Why not just take off the mask and push the "off" button?
My partner uses CPAP and it's never been a problem with regards to "surprise moments", although I do have to admit that mask problems (leaks, hisses, and parts breaking) can be annoying at times.
IF YOU HATE CPAP THERE IS AN ALTERNATIVE. ORAL APPLIANCES ARE PREFERRED BY MOST PATIENTS WHO HAVE TRIED CPAP AND APPLIANCES ND THEY ARE CONSIDERED EQUAL TO CPAP BY THE ACADEMY OF SLEEP MEDICINE. MAKE YOU SEX LIFE SPONTAOUS AGAIN
GO TO WWW.IHATECPAP.COM
I was diagnosed and began using a CPAP machine 11 years ago. I was so tired for years before being diagnosed that sex was not a big part of our lives even then. It is hard to feel and look sexy with this contraption and while imitating Darth Vadar! Again, after a good night sleep and a morning invite, sex is an occasional part of our lives.
I am interested in the snore guard concept. My mouth doesn't remain closed with the cpap, and I must wear another contraption to hold my chin closed. As a result, I fight it and push my lower jaw forward, loosening my lower teeth. Does anyone know about what the snore guard is/does, and how to get one? Also, I have had to show the cpap to our grandchildren so that they are not frightened in the night if they come to our bedroom after a bad dream! They think it is cool.
An annonymous lady
Thank you so much for this wonderful blog, answering many frustrated people's concerns. Just after posting, i spotted the IHATECPAP.com and found many options. I will definitely persue this with an area dentist.
A long time ago I read a book on folk medicine written by a doctor who recorded what his pts did for themselves (pre-1959).
What helped most of them was very simple and inexpensive - no worries either...
Simply take a teaspoonful of ACV apple cider vinegar in a glass of water with honey, or in grape juice or orange juice or even coffee (NO SUGAR THOUGH ! sugar is a no no)...
In the last 23 years, 99% of the people I told about this who tried it were very happily helped, some right away, some within 3 weeks(taking ACV 3 times a day with meals). Still, no regular drs are talking about it that I know of. Oh well. Maybe google (vinegar diabetes) for examples how good it is for some things. SMILE !
i am a female and i use a c-pap i guess i am lucky it dont bother my husband
I am a 45 year-old male, and at 43 I had a sleep study and was diagnosed with sleep apnea. They fitted me with c-pap on that Summer night of 2005 night, and since then there isn’t a night I have not worn it (and I travel twice per month)!
My energy has been better and sex life has been better ever since. My wife and I had decided in 2000 to sleep in two separate beds next to each other because of the snoring. So we have a large sleeping area in the same bedroom before I had the c-pap. So the air from the c-pap doesn’t reach her (and I always fit the mask so the air blows upwards so it does not reach me).
I have a Respironics and it is relatively quite. It never bothers me. It may bother her a little but much less than the snoring I used to have…
I don’t see issues with the c-pap and our sex life. Our real sex issues are: a) timing, I like to make love in the morning, she likes it in the evening; b) frequency: I want it more than she wants it (she is 40). C-pap has never been an impediment to sex for me. I can take it out anytime I want to have sex (usually on a weekend afternoon, while having a siesta, I take it out and initiate when both of us are rested). In evenings when we have energy left after a long day (my not putting on the c-pap is an indirect invitation for sex, if she wants to). Remember she is in bed adjacent to mine. We always hold hands before we sleep and, God-willing, the hand touch can evolve into something more…
Yes, I can imagine why a C-pap can be unromantic for singles couples on their first dates. However, marriage is much more complex and a good marriage is made better by a c-pap (more energy, less fussiness, and better driving without the risk of sleeping on the wheel, etc.)
Yes, C-paps are a sign of aging, and aging isn’t sexy. But so is impotence and low performance. C-pap has renewed my energy, and improved my sex life. You got to weigh everything, and in the end, in my opinion, the benefits of the c-pap far outweigh its negatives. Attributing sex problems to the c-pap is hiding aging problems on a machine instead of blaming it on human nature: our aging.
Anonymous
if you love your man/woman the cpap shouldn't matter. My boyfriend uses a cpap and
it doesn't bother me, I'm more concerned that he is sleeping well and rested, the only way that happens is if he wears the mask.
I don't think it will put a damper on our sex life when we decide it's time. I love him with all my heart.
I would love for my lady to give me more oral sex......Is there some special favor I should use?
MoHead
My husband has just started the CPAP, and I hate it more than I have ever hated anything in my life. As much as I know he needs it for his severe apnea and snoring, I feel as if I am in bed w/ a martian monster. It is ugly and totally turns me off. I miss the snuggling, talking, spontaneity of normal intimacy. I hate the visual of hose, machine in the bedroom, and feel as if I'm in a hospital or nursing home. I feel as if our life as I knew it is over. I doubt I will ever adjust, and it is yet one more in a long list of medical issues that have invaded our lives.
I crazy idea to doctors and engineers out there. I wonder if there is any existing/future method to make the soft palate magnetic -- then the solution for snoring would be to carry a strong magnet under your jaw while sleeping. The jaw magnet would pull the soft palate strongly against the base of the tongue, in similar fashion as the CPAP does pushing. No face mask needed.
I am a 44 years old male. I have very little or no libido. Tried Testasteron patch (testastrim), prescribed by an Urologist. Didn't work. What kind of specialist I should see now?
There are dental appliances available to treat mild to moderate sleep apnea, and severe apnea if you will not wear the CPAP machine. Depending where you live, look for a dentist that has been trained in dental sleep medicine and seek their help. Ken Novak DDS
I guess I just don't understand some of the comments above. I live with a wonderful man who was very worried and anxious about telling me that he used a CPAP. I didn't have any problems at all with it. Why on earth would I have a problem with something that is going to help him live longer? When we go to bed, we cuddle and talk for a while, sometimes have sex (sometimes not), and then he puts the mask on. We can spoon with him behind me, even with his full face mask. We have a fabulous sex life. Like someone said above, if you want spontaneous sex, just take the mask off!!! As for the noise, we have an air cleaner in our bedroom, and it actually makes more noise than the CPAP machine. I fail to see what the problem should be, here.
CPAP as a single isn't a big deal if you are willing to wait for sex until the other person really cares about you. I was in a relationship when my girlfriend asked me to be checked for apnea. She made the transition to nCPAP very easy.
As easy as that was, though, the relationship ended after a few years.
A little later I met someone very special who is now my wife. When I first mentioned my apnea she asked quite a few questions, but she has never complained about my CPAP. It's just part of the nighttime routine.
I haven't experienced this issue of "once the mask goes on, that's it for the night". My wife can definitely communicate to me that she wants some attention.
I suggest that all couples talk about the CPAP, why it's needed, how it impacts them, and how find mutually satisying solutions to the negative impacts.
You people are total wack jobs! You are using CPAP as an excuse not to have sex and blaming it on CPAP when that is not it at all. I was diagnosed with sleep apnea a month ago and too have the nose pillows and it is great! I am claustraphobic and would recommend this set up for anyone. I also have a REMstar M series machine and it is very quiet and my wife cannot hear it at all.
We have great sex quite often and quite frankly when it is time to sleep, it is time to sleep. When it is time to have Sex we have it and a lot of it and then are ready to go to sleep. Quit blaming CPAP for your sexual inadequacies.
My partner and I both use CPAP. How sexy is that?
Actually, she is much more worried about not being sexy with it on, but I try to assure her, she is much HOTTER to me well rested. And I know I am better off rested as well. I think you gotta look at the big picture.
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