Top 10 Reasons Women Don't Want Sex
A common theme that runs through questions on the message boards, comments on the blog and other discussions across the Internet concerns the reasons that women are uninterested in having sex with their partners. In future entries at this blog, I'll be expanding on each of these ten common causes:
Related Topics: A Woman's Guide to Reviving Sex Drive, Guide to Perimenopause
- Use of oral contraceptives. Some women will find that their sexual drive is decreased by the Pill (or any of the other hormonal approaches to birth control -- patch, ring, and shot).
- Use of antidepressants. Not everyone experiences a decrease in sexual desire, but many do.
- Breastfeeding. Prolactin (the hormone that facilitates breastfeeding) decreases sexual interest.
- Lack of sleep. For most women, sleep comes before sex once the relationship has been established.
- Stress. Due to work, financial issues, educational stress, extended family, and other important issues in life. When stress is increased, many women do not see sex as a solution to it.
- Disagreements with one's mate. Any relationship will bring with it the challenges of conflicting feelings and desires. That can play itself out in sex.
- Low levels of free testosterone. While knowing the level of total testosterone in the bloodstream can be helpful, finding out the free testosterone is very essential to discovering the possible physiological causes of low sexual desire.
- High levels of SHBG. A woman with high levels of sex hormone binding globulin (SHBG), may have low sexual interest. This is because it combines with free testosterone (making it "unavailable") and that decreases libido.
- Fear of intimacy. The inability to handle the level of intimacy that sex brings and maintains in a relationship is a very common reason for a decrease in sexual desire for one's partner.
- Body image. Women who view themselves as unattractive to their mate and/or in their own mind's eye.
Related Topics: A Woman's Guide to Reviving Sex Drive, Guide to Perimenopause
1102 Comments:
After being married for 23 1/2 yrs. then divorced and in a relationship for 20 years, what purpose does sex serve other than to please ones self. In some cases mastabating can sometimes be rewarding in itself. In my opinion men have to have sex to prove to themselves that they can still function sexually to make them feel complete. Some men are only interested in their own sexual satisfaction. When a guy goes from one woman to another it can't be because a woman is not pleasing him. He, is lacking something in his own personality and character. He may even feel he needs a woman to impress other people that, "He has something." I know I may sound negative but I've seen this in too many relationships and not just my own.
I wonder if other women feel this way. I don't mean to sound like I am knocking it but truth sometimes speaks through negativity.
I would love to hear what reason number 11 is. Seems you have forgotten that sex is a physical thing between two consenting parties. In too many cases "the parts don't always fit" which generates: "I've got a really bad headache," "I'm too tired," "Haven't you had enough, enough!," or "Let's get some sleep first."
The remedies for such are usually simple and safe. Sex DOES matter!
Isn't it ironic! Oral Contraceptives decrease libido. The condom manufacturers could use that concept when marketing their product, plus they protect you from HIV and STs.
IF A HUSBAND HAS A NORMAL HEALTHY SEXUAL DRIVE AND HIS WIFE DOES NOT FOR ANY OF THE ABOVE 10 REASONS AND REFUSES TO SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP AND IS UNWILLING TO DISCUSS IT WITH HER HUSBAND, SHE ESSENTIALLY IS DRIVING HER HUSBAND TO SEEK RELEASE ELSEWHERE. SHE CAN'T HAVE HER CAKE AND EAT IT TOO.
Women don't have to have any reason to not want sex. I think it's in their genetic makeup. Oh sure they are perfectly willing before they marry you. Then after soem period of time, they don't feel the need anymore.
what about men who no longer interested in sex? their has to be 10 or a lot more reasons why they dont... other than the fact their gay !!!( no offence anybody ) that will be the next comment
I think a lot of the reason why women become less interested in sex after their relationship is established is because women tend to hold onto hurt feelings from previous arguments and men get over it quicker. With women, sexuality is a mental thing as well as a physical thing. Negativity tends to build up and even though you may have made up after a fight, women still remember the feelings they felt during the fight or words that were said during the fight and it subconciously turns them off towards that person after so many times.
The reason posted above was right on!
For me, I suffer from several of the 10 reasons in the list but I feel like it's actually caused by feelings of resentment toward him for many of the stupid decisons he's made and continues to make that affect us financially. I stress out about money anyway and I just want to whop him in the back of the head everytime he does or says stupid stuff.
The drs did a D&C and gave me CEBV I had no periods for over 2 years after having a child I bleed for over 2 mo so they did a D&C. I am ill all the time and it has been 47 years. The drs dont care. Sex makes me sick realy. But I do it for my hubby. The drs are lousy demonic realy.
My husband only wants to take the time to please himself. He won't spend the 20 to 30 minutes of foreplay I need to become aroused. He thinks it takes too much effort on his part, so he just gets on and goes. Yeah, I'm sick of having sex when I don't get anything out of it. Why should I have to lie there while he's already snoring and masterbate to satisfaction? I think he's just lazy and selfish.
It's not me, because I do everything he wants, (oral, etc.)
I've discussed this with him but it goes in one big ear and out the other. I'm 47, 5 foot 4 and weigh 122, in great shape and athletic, so what is the problem?
I as a 28 year old woman, with the same man for 13 years and 3 kids, have a little insight on why women lose interest in sex...It gets beyond boring for us thats why. It becomes a repetitive chore, akin to washing dishes. And even though my man works, when he doesnt want to help me clean or care for the kids, why would I want to spend energy I dont have doing something that is going to feel exactly the way it did last time. Theres no passion, no excitement, nothing. Sex feels like being poked and prodded like your some cow. Is boring, repetitive, and dont you men realize, that girls still just wanna have fun?!!! Pay for us to have a makeover, then buy yourself something nice and please, brush your teeth..Then maybe we would want it too.
I think all adult men should take a course on how to please women. Most women I know are fully unhappyin the bedroom. They wont speak to their mate for fear of their delicate egos. Listen up guys, theres more to sex than insert, thrust, repeat...Get a clue...
Well, I'm a 57 yr old man. Still working to support just me and the Mrs, house pmt, car pmt, this and that bills. She's a stay at home grandma with occasional day visits from the 2 yr old grandson, gets to play senior volleyball twice a week and I just need it at least once a week but why do I still HAVE to ask for it? I thought everybody stills NEEDS it! So I forget to brush my teeth..sorry but I NEEDS IT too.........
I would say #11 is control. Women can use their sexuality to assert power over their partner.
I know exactly how you feel. I have been married 24 years. Sex and arousal ALL starts in the brain. If you don't feel good about your relationship then you will not be turned on by your husband. Men don't understand that women need to feel special...When a man makes a women feel special then she wants to please her man.
I hate having sex. It is painful and unpleasant. In my last relationship I got to a point where I just wanted him to hurry up and climax so I could do something that was actually enjoyable.
often times men and women are in relationships for completely wrong reasons. when you are in a "right" relationship, the chances are much higher that you are communicating and lack of sex and/or sex drive is a non issue.
I believe that most of us started out in a "right" relationship. Most of us used to have a highly sexual relationship, but I'm emotionally turned off now and I know that many of my friends feel the same way. Often it's the little things that can make the biggest difference. We both work full time, but I get no help around the house. Lemme tell ya how turned on I get when he helps me clean the house!!!!!! He'll have the night of his life if he ever cleans the bathroom!!!!!!!!!!
My husband always puts me first. I am lucky in that respect. My reason for sometimes not wanting sex is my overweight body image.
Reason #11: Kids (young or grown) are sleeping in the next room. My wife has used many of these reasons on me--toothbrushing, cleaning the bathroom, and you can bet that if we just had a disagreement I will be cut off for weeks. Regardless, I have no sympathy for men who won't satisfy their wives. I make it a point to bring my wife to climax each time, usually before I do.
Marriage for 20+ years is hard in the sex department. Many time one or the other partners lets themselves go in term of keeping their bodies fit and attractive. Plus it's a total turn off for me to see someone lying around watching tv when there is so much to be done around the house. I agree with someone who posted earlier about what a turn on it would be if her husband cleaned the bathroom. A good marriage takes an extreme amout of work to keep things exciting. Sometimes people just give up because it just easier to do nothing...that's when the other man or women enters the picture. You need to work daily on keeping your marriage strong and exciting.....
How about the simple fact that most men are lousy lovers. And, there are plenty of women along the way who have helped them achieve that status by faking every emotion and physicality associated with good sex due to the fragile male ego.
Men's egos would improve if they knew they were ligitimately pleasing their lovers. Come on, ladies, don't ruin it for the rest of us. It's too late to train men in their 40s. By this time they should really know what they're doing.
I started a relationship with a man who said he would like to wait to have sex until so we could focus on getting to know eachother and making it all work out.
I though how awsome I found a dream man. Someone who doesn't pressure to have sex or think it's the most important thing in a relationship. We waited 3 months before we thought we were ready to have sex. We did it enough to show that we are physically into eachother (about once a week, if sometimes less), which I was totally happy with and he was too. I'm not a big sex person so I thought this was perfect for it to be okay with him.
Well now that our relationship is very "comfortable" after a year he thinks that we don't ever have sex, and that I must be getting it somewhere else, or I'm just not interested in him. I just want to tell him, remember idiot, we started with not having sex, and have been fine with a few times a month. So what's the deal now!?
I am 26years, been on the pill for 8 year old 3 years of marriage. Full time job, partime schooling, partime job. After reading some of your comments, its come to me that us women want to do it all. We want to be super woman when in reality it's not easy to goggle.
what more than to have sex when your tired, it makes it fun. What happens is that women do not get pleased when having sex, so why do it. Wrong, speak, tell your partner what things you like and make him work. Men come easly but for women (myself) it takes time, so I make him work. It's about pleasing one another not just the other. Some women think it is tabboo to talk to their partner on their performance. Why not?? Isn't it affecting you?? Well speak!!
Most of the problem is men want instant gratification, in the case of sex, it only takes them less than 5 minutes to achieve that release, for women, it takes much more time for climax, if a woman could achieve the same results in 5 minutes or less, a woman would be willing and attentive. Men get over the excuse that woman don't like sex, it is very enjoyable, it just takes longer and is frustrating for the woman to achieve what a man achieve's in 5 minutes. Why do men not like household chores-takes longer than 5 minutes, if sex took them much longer they would want it is less also. Ask a man to take out the trash everytime he wants sex, he would also stop asking so much and maybe start to understand the female point of view.
I am 26 yrs old, 8 years on the pill, full time and part time worker, part time student. What happens is us women want to do it all (superwomen) in reality it is hard to joggle everything. What more than to have terrific sex when you are tired? Alot of us try to please the other but tend to forget about ourselves. What about what we want to feel? We tend to keep it inside cause it is so tabboo. Please if you want to have a good time in bed make your partner work at it. Tell him the things you like, make him work hard for that dinner you did not want to make. Ladies what i am trying to say is that you should have great sex at least 3 times a week. if you have great sex then you forget about your troubles, that crankiness will go away. Love yourselves enjoy one another.
I am 25 and haven't had sex in 3 1/2 yrs. My last partner was awesome. Several times a week, and he always thought of me first. I am scared because immediately after I climax I get a headache- eye watering, throbbing, right above my eyes, and it lasts for days. I'm afraid that a future partner will run as soon as he sees how sex affects me. I need to go see a doctor, I know. Can anyone tell me what may be causing this before I spill my guts to a doc in person?
Perhaps it's because she has not experienced full sexual pleasure and satisfaction yet. She and her partner need to explore how to enhance her pleasure. If it's good, she will want it again and again and again...I also know stress can lead one to desire sex and drive another away from sex. Why is this? I want it way more than my husband but he is too often either busy, too distracted, too stressed, too tired, or already sleeping. Yet he really enjoys it when we do have it. Figure this out. Please give me the "Top Ten Reasons Men Don't Want Sex" and "What's A Woman to Do When She Wants It and He Doesn't" or "How To Get Your Husband To Do It More Often". And yes, a woman can still be very sexual after 50.
As a 45 year old male in a 6 year sexless marriage let me tell you, a lot of the reasons given here are just Bull.
Many, not all but many, of us men, help around the house, help with the chores, take our time making love, and still we are denied sex. We are loving attentive men who help in any way possible and do all we are asked, and still, we are denied relations with the women we love, and with women who profess to love us?
After years of therapy, message board reading, etc.. I've come to the unfortunate conclusion that as a species we are just wired differently and that we will never be on the same page sexually. I'm sure evolution has a lot to do with it. Once a female has her man and has procreated, there is no further legitimate biological need for sex, so in females, the drive evaporates.
What I have never been able to understand, is if you love someone, what is so hard about doing something - even sex - once in a while just to make them happy? ESPECIALLY, if the relationship is good in all other respects.
There are plenty of things I do that I'd rather not, but I do them because I know they make my wife happy, and having her happy, makes me happy.
I really just don't get it.
To the 45 year old man in a six year sexless marriage, I'm a female in a six year sexless marriage. Sex was great until we moved in together and then disappeared.
I have to tell you - what you and I live with is NOT natural at any age. We are being denied intimacy and marriage becomes hollow without it.
And there's no excuse. My husband doesn't suffer from ED or any other medical problem. If there's a problem, it's in his head and he has to get counseling.
I experienced not wanting sex because my bf of 3years didn't make me feel loved and wanted,nor attractive,so the sex life suffered and he never wanted to try new things. Heck he barely wanted to talk about sex. Thank god I am not with him anymore.
I am 40 years old and have been married to the same women for 18 years. I have four children and work for myself at home. I get upset when I hear women use the "I'm not getting help around here" phrase as a means to shut off the sex in the relationship. After a ten hour day of whining clients the last thing I need to hear is a woman blame me for the reasons shes not in the mood. I 've heard just about every reason why she can't or won't have sex. I have performed many "arrands and chores" to try and help the mood. I love sex and am whilling to pleasure her for hours before getting to it. She still does not take care of herself and chores and arrands get bigger and longer with each sexual session. When we do have sex I do all the work . Sorry but most of what I hear in this blog from women is a bunch of BS phsycobabal. It all about ME ME ME. Maybe if you would just forget yourself and relax you might have fun. When's the last time that happend.
I think the reasons can be simple or complex and may have to do with the husband, the wife, or both. Most likely it is the wife if the husband is trying to please her. It's a very individual thing. A couple needs to discover why. Any combination of physical, relational, emotional, mental, hormonal, attitudinal,or other factors can come into play.
ANOTHER REASON THAT WOMEN DON'T WANT TO HAVE SEX IS BECAUSE SEXUAL INTERCOURSE IS PAINFUL TO THEM ESPECIALLY AFTER A HYSTERECTOMY (SUCH AS MY WIFE HAS HAD). SHE WOULD RATHER PLEASE ME ORALLY WHICH IS FINE WITH ME. SHE ALSO MATERBATES SEVERAL TIMES A WEEK WITH A VIBRATOR. NOTHING LACKING HERE.
I once saw a cover of a book that sums it up very nicely "Your sexual satisfactions is YOUR responsibility". It's easy to point the finger at our partner and say "he's not doing this/she's not doing that", but if you're taking the lazy approach of not communicating, and if need be, seeking professional help, then stop bitching because you only have yourself to blame. Even if he is "too" large, that can be taken care of. See a doctor, or maybe you're not stimulated enough. The woman's body can stretch to any size. If you've tried everything and it's still not working then again, take ownership and get out of the relationship and move on with your life to a partner who will listen and understand your needs and fufill them. I know it's not easy to walk away from a marriage after however many years with a house, kids and so on, not to mention the fear of dating again, but people do it all the time and turn out perfectly fine, if not better.
In general I may not be in the mood because I am tired, I am ticked off with my mate, or I am hating my body. Don't get me wrong I enjoy sex and we do get together enough to stay satisfied. We have different schedules so it is a little more difficult but we try to get together at least once a week for a prolonged period of time.
I would like to add that sometimes men don't know or want to satisfy the woman properly and if this is the case why should we bother. The minute man, no foreplay, routine gets old after a while.
I'm a 48 years young man who has enjoyed sex for lifetime and have no problem maintaining an erection, ie. NO VIAGRA! But what I don't understand is why men don't take the time to please women; I LOVE to do foreplay and I have no idea why but I do not cum most of the time! Therefore intercourse last for a few hours! My 50 year young girlfriend enjoys every minute of it!
I believe many of you suffer from lack of "COMMUNICATION!" You may think that you have the perfect relationship but there may be something (usually her) one of the partners isn't discussing, possibly for fear of reaction.
Women forget, overlook, take for granite how much their man is doing for them and need to be reminded that hey he is doing things for me; as a mother of 6, full time employee, part time student; I know that I would be so busy or tired that I would forget this fact. However and this probably shouldn't be taken lightly, it's not about rewarding him, who's rewarding us? It's about saying hey we both took care of the work, chores, kids together and now let's go and enjoy time together, rewarding each other!
The headache person - you might want to look up post-coital headache or sexual headache, they do exist and you should speak to a doc about that.
To the person who is ill all the time after D & C/CEBV, you need to probably find a new doctor who listens, you'll kick yourself for not before now!
I agree with the person that said that women remember things a lot longer then men and it does effect whether or not we want to jump in bed and be intimate, occasionally we need time and reassurance to recover.
I can't say it loud enough, "COMMUNICATION" is everything!
men will never learn how to please a woman in the bedroom. they run out when the woman is just getting started. They will never learn. Oh they say they are good but you wonder who they are talking about. Men size does matter but you have to last for more then a few minutes also. Please learn how to please a woman
I have been with my wife for 26 years and sex is still a huge part of our life. We plan at least 2 days a week for just romps in the hay. Our lives have revolved around raising 2 children, terrilbe jobs, yet we are still very much in love and sexually active. Don't get me wrong, there are times when her or I don't not have the required energy to perform but that has to be understood and accepted at the time. I would not stray, I don't even think about it, why look for greener grass when you have it right here at home? Do you love your mate, if yes, then love him or her, not the extras that you are expecting from the realationship.It's not easy, but it is fun. May I add that we also work 8 hours a day together in our own business, side by side, and I never get tired of "checking her out ".
I am a female 20 years older than my male partner. We have great sex and a wonderful relationship. We assure that each of us experiences satisfaction. I love to please my man and he told me from the beginning of our relationship that he always makes sure that his partner is satisfied...no lies between us. He loves watching and talking with me as I climax again and again. We engage in sexual activities anywhichway most nights of the week or WHENEVER. From our first eye contact and flirtations, we couldn't keep our hands off one another and this same body chemistry has remained for the past few years! Actually, it gets better and better.
I think we all need to understand each other when it comes to sex. I have been with the same wonderful man for 13 years. He loves me, respects me, treats me as an equal and always makes me feel good about myself on days when I don't even want to look in the mirror! And he is the absolutely the best lover I have ever had in my life!But there are still days when I don't want to be bothered! And it has absolutely nothing to do with him or my feelings for him! How can you feel like making love when all day long you've given all you can give to other people? Your boss, your coworkers, your customers, the kids, your aging parents? By the time night falls , you just want to fall into bed and try to get those 4 hours of sleep that are left just for you so you can get back up and start all over again. But we make at least 1 day a week as our night for playing and if one of us is too tired? So what! It doesn't mean we love each other any less. We are both in our early fifties and make hugging, kissing, playful fondling and yes sometimes a quickie part of our daily lives. So ladies when he reaches out to you , it doesn't always mean he wants to drag you into bed. Sometimes he just wants you to let him know he can still make your toes curl. And guys, we don't always need moonlight serenades. Just look us in the eye every morning and tell us you love us more than once a week. Follow that with a hug(like you mean it) and a tender (not a 'I want you now') kiss. I bet you'll get a better response than even when you do take out the trash! The bottom line ...We all just need to be loved, wanted and appreciated!
Ladies, I am a male who has had a radical prostectomy, (due to prostate cancer) and can not obtain an erection. I have tried everything from penile injections to pumps as well as viagra but nothing helps. What in your opinion can a male do to satisfy his wife (other than oral- as she does not like it). Is there something I can do to satisfy "both" of us? I am at a loss and have not got any help from my urologist. Masterbation may be an option however she does not believe in it due to religious reasons. Help!!!!!
If your lady is not comfortable with oral sex or masturbation and you are having erectile difficulties, then I don't know what may be available to you medically. By masturbation, I am assuming that you mean she is not comfortable with self-masturbation. For most women, orgasm is only possible by clitoral stimulation. Therefore, why don't YOU try masturbating her to climax?
I have a wonderful intimacy with my wife. we are in touch with each other prior to the bedroom. The act of making love preceded bedroom foreplay. Plus, we tell each other what we want. We do not use sex as a manipulator but as a connector. If my partner did that, then I would seek pleasure elsewhere with another woman.
Marrage, single sex life, or a combination of married with affairs. It is all as complex as human differences.
Bottom line is we have to have the interest to make it a "good" relationship or do something else. Sex is great fun, and can help relationships. We can only make choices for ourselves.
If your missing sex at home why not ask if you can order out?
FOR THE LAST 10 YEARS MY WIFE HAS SAID THAT SHE HATES SEX, AND IT HURTS HER AND I AM AN ANIMAL. WELL ONE DAY I BOUGHT SOME ASTRO GLYDE SEX LUBE AND SHE SAYS THAT IT FEELS GOOD AND WE LOVE SEX ONCE MORE. I GUESS IT WAS HER CHANGE IN LIFE AND A LITTLE PMS TOO. THANX TO ASTRO LUBE!!!
anonymous.....-
I've been married for much longer than most comments listed. I agree with most of the comments.... I do definetly agree with the idea that the man has to learn to please his woman, not just 2 minutes and has pleased himself ,....I love sex, and I am over 50...
I've told him I want foreplay but it seems no matter what I say , it seems he doesn't get it....it is always him that doesn't want to.. or not interested or just a look or a comment that "I cant get it up" so I reply that there are other ways, like kissing and hugging, by the way he doesn't like to KISS, whats with that, , just MORE FORPLAY....It does take me much longer, which I thought that there was something wrong with me, and have come to realize that I am normal..
, but with foreplay !!!!!!!!!!..I do miss the intmacy but my man doesn't.... I am asking for sex, and like other comments I am afraid to hurt his ego.. ,I was giving him oral sex over and over and over again, and after a while gave up doing this, expecting him to return the pleasure, he just turns over and goes to sleep and not a thought about me..I am very frustated...he doesnt get the picture... so I stopped the oral. I have therapy, and I communicate with him but no communication back...I love him deeply, don"t want to leave him....but I want more sex...any suggestions...yes I have a toy...as I have told him it doesn't feel the same as he does....He has tried all the pills and says they don't work!.... so...
I am a 55 year old male that has truly enjoyed sex for a long time. I have always had a big sex drive but, can keep it in check when I am supposed to. One of the biggest pleasures that I get is the mental stimulation and enjoyment of making sure that my partner is happy, feeling good about being there, and thoroughly enjoying the time and experience. I too at 20 years old did not know what a woman wanted and therefore struggled with all of the problems of the excuses of why we didn’t do it. I guess I paid attention because it was only a very short couple years later that I learned what it took. I have seen far too many men that never learn and that are there for only 2 to 5 minutes with no fore play or pre game warm up. No wonder women don't want to have sex or choose to go find it elsewhere. Learn what they want and let them have it and you will never be with out. You better be ready to and able to give and give. Because once you do that, they will want more and more. I have always been a big pleaser and love to see my partner enjoy anything and everything. The best orgasm is the one that begins and ends in your mind. It can also lead to the biggest and best physical one you will ever have. If you do all these things and your lady still does not want any, it may be a medical problem or who knows what else. But why not give it a try, unless you are truly the selfish one way kind of a man that does not care about anyone but himself. Just remember, give and ye shall receive, you reap what you sew, the greatest gift is to give, and givers gain.
Signed, Someone With A Great Big Smile.
As a 45 year old woman and being still attractive mind and body...I have wondered so many times why and what would make me more interested in sex. I think god had big laugh creating man and woman and what stimulates each sex....crazy! Sex should be a very intimate part of the relationship...intimatacy is not of the physical, but a closeness in mind and emotion. So the way I see it, if a woman is emtionally and mentally (what moves us) stimulated we have more of a desire for the man in our life. "Stroke" our hearts and our minds....these are what make us woman melt. If I could put it this way...an aphrodesiac for me would be=the feelings of being in love/// nice foreplay?= court me. I think to a better understand in our female bodies helps too and wanting to "please" us senusally. A guy just being horney and just needing a body to get off on is a complete turn-off. Make a woman feel completely loved and desired for who she is?...will get you much farther in the bedroom...or anywhere esle ;)
Hey guys...read up on the subject.
I just learned how to touch that area to make her wild.
Of course, there will always be some females who just remain stubborn to working with you.
To the man with post prostatectomy impotnce, penile prosthesis work very well, ask your urologist to send one that specialises in that particular surgery.MD
after being married with myhusband for 3 years and always away from me he taught me how to do it myself from toy and masturbating, at first i felt so awful since my thought came that he is of course doing cyber sex, all the time, He is in the U.S and I am in Asia, but through that way we still have done our ways of loving, and true enough he is also doing the same to other women as he said he doenst have any satisfaction but so far its me that makes him so good from anyone else,. Now my desire for him is decreasing since he always fantasize a mistress whenever we do it and really it turns me off, and saying its just a helper to to turn me on,but it doesnt, really. I would rather play with the toy he brought me and enjoy it myself. and yes he has this ego and well trying to prove he can really do it for everyone, who is interested with him..
I'm a 44-yo woman who loves sex! I didn't know I could love sex while I was married though.... My ex didn't have the experience or knowledge or, and this is the real point of my comment - the INTEREST - to become a good lover. I was enthusiastic, but just as sexually illiterate as he, but I was prepared to ask and learn and read. My growing interest and suggestions were deflected and my enthusiasm was put down until it reached a sad and terrible low. He became defensive and began avoiding sex with me. Please, don't imagine I was aggressive or showing up in the bedroom with whips, chains, or pornographic literature. No, I was simply open and communicative.
Looking back, I can understand why he was threatened and hurt. At no point did I ever tell him he was bad in the sack, but I wish I'd been more, well, manipulative. Less open about what I was trying to do. If I'd been more casual, would we still be married?
Until the divorce, I'd never been with another man. My first lover after marriage was a true shock to my system! He was kind, honestly cared about my climax, and wanted to talk about sex in a funny and friendly way that erased years of long-held beliefs of my own supposed deficiencies and, for lack of a better term, unsexiness.
Talks with women friends over the years suggest that we females don't lose interest in sex at all. We just don't know how to cope with years of bad sex and lack of communication about our needs from our relationships. After so many sex encounters where our partners simply don't exert the effort to help up achieve our pleasure, we give up. Our requests sound like nagging to our own ears and we shut up inside ourselves, choosing to simply put up with bad sex to keep the peace.
Men, when you have an erection it leads to ejaculation over 90% of the time. We women get sexually aroused, too, but it takes more than five minutes of work to reach our peak. Sorry, we think it sucks, too, but biology changes for no one.
If you want good sex with one partner for a lifetime, both parties have to make the time and effort to please each other. There is no greater aphrodisiac for a woman than to know she's wanted sexually by the man she wants to be with. So tell her, for crying out loud. Let her know you appreciate all her hard work during the day and REWARD her with good sex at night. Make it fun for the both of you. Trust me, spending an extra half hour pleasing your partner will reap endless rewards.
Men complain about how women 'let themselves go' as time passes. I am here to tell you that this is a direct result of MEN getting lazy and not spending the time and love and energy to keep the love light burning. Don't complain that your wife's ass is getting wider, get on your knees and worship her like you used to. Trust me, this is the most effective way to happiness for both of you.
Women, you also need to respect a man's need for sexual inventiveness and adventure. I'm not suggesting anything dirty or obscene. Just remember that a simple blow job in the morning shower will keep him smiling all day - heck, all week. Not every encounter has to fulfill both of you. (Men, do you hear that?) If you're so tired you just can't participate, let the poor guy have his way with you. Just remind him that paybacks are hell and he's gonna have to pay up SOON.
Communication is key. Sharing is vital. It takes two to tango and there is a reason that the tango is such a sensual dance for both partners. Respect each other's needs and remember that the more you give, the more you'll get in return.
Good sex is incredible and human beings are incredibly sensual creatures. Touching, holding hands, smiling and looking into each other's eyes to see what the other is feeling are all just methods to gauge how you're both doing. Never stop asking how your partner is feeling and make it your goal to improve their day. Reaching out this way is key to maintaining a good relationship. And heck, if your partner is a dunce and just doesn't get it, it's a sneaky training method! Teach him or her to share and care.
So, if I haven't made it clear, women do NOT lose interest in sex IF the sex is good. If they lose interest in anything, it's hope. Hope that their partner will someday miraculously start showing interest in making sex fun and exciting again, like in the early days.
I cannot believe IT!!! This is the first time I have ever heard from another that really rings true. I've been married for 10 years and until I found out my husband was cheating and decided on a divorce, I have been faithful.
I'm saying all of that to say this: I recently began a relationship with a man 11 years younger and the sex is WONDERFUL. I literally forgot what it was like to have a partner that was actively trying to satisfy ME during sex!
So, if you are reading this and wondering what can I do for my partner? Remember to really try to satisfy your partner first. I recently was told that your partner should help you reach orgasm AT LEAST ONCE before penetration.... and I can say this has made all the difference in my desire.
It has NOTHING to do with work, kids, arguments, or being tired... when this man is available... I am ready and willing!!!
My first wife and I made dates for sex and did exactly the same thing. I brought her to climax and then I finished entering her. It never changed but it was somethng. Now,after my wife passed I have a second wife who frowns on nudity. She has a cute body except for her legs, beautiful breasts but I can't see them except in the dark. We almost divorced because her lack of interest in sex. Finally we made up that each Saturday we would make love. I really make love to her to her and she doesn't believe in oral sex although I do for her. Did I say I am 20 years older than her. We still have big fights over sex and I ended up accepting once a week, which is better than none. My drive, I feel is normal and she won't talk about sex at all. I love her and really am a great husband. I consider her, cook for her , clean etc.,etc. and no kids to come between. Don't say I am a jerk as I already know that but i knew this before we got married so I got what I deserved. I remember crying before we got married as she just was not there for me sexually. She claims it is due to being abused as a child but doesn't believe in doctors.
So all you guys out there, thank your lucky stars. I don't stray as I really love her.
One of the reasons that I've lost (some, not all) interest in sex with my husband of 11 years is due to the hateful, mean things he has said during arguments in the past. Even though we've gotten past whatever we argued about, those mean words hurt. Its like I told the hubby: "Those words ring long & loud in my mind & emotions", no matter what. Since I told him this, he has been trying to get better about it, & I must admit, I see progress. But, another reason is that he isnt too keen on trying new things, he's too conservative that way. When I see him put forth some effort to please me, then maybe that will bring back the desire.
For most couples, sex is a weapon used to reward or to control and that is plain wrong! Many people put themselves first and their own interests first, be it sport, TV you name it. Sex is a corner stone in any marriage. Take that away and you are flirting with danger. Relationships may be disfunctional but I can't understand why sacrifice sex because he won't help around the house. What if he works a demanding job and you are a stay at home mom, Unless you are carrying the kids on your back the whole day, could you really justify how you spend your day. Yes, housework is tough and so is working outside the home. It's time for couples to remember in every marriage, the two of you come first. It's that relationship that binds everything else. Take the time to have sex, dig deep within to find the energy to do it, cause it's probably the only things that only and I mean only the two of you can do for each other. You can eat out, hire a cleaning person etc but sex cannot be outsourced in a marriage unless you are skirting for trouble.
Why do some women enjoy giving blow jobs while others are repulsed by the thought of putting a penis in her mouth?
THAT" is the question of the month as far as I am concerned. My wife refuses to even consider giving me a blow job under any circumstance. My past girl friends loved providing this type of sexual relief for me no matter where we were. I can honestly say that I have greater climaxes by a woman blowing me than I do having sexual intercourse with her. I can not explain it but the climaxes are 10 times stronger when she blows me. Any ideas? Suggestions? Not that I'm complaining,(LOL) just wish I could get it more.
I am a 28 year old female and I have absolutely no sex drive whatsoever. Not even a little... none. I have not had any children, so that isn't an issue. When I was younger, I had a moderate sex drive and would give anything to have it again.
I am on Dilantin for my seizure disorder and am starting to believe that it is the problem, even though loss of sex drive isn't listed as one of its side effects.
I have been with my partner for five years and sometimes I think that maybe I have just lost interest in him physically, so I will fantasize about someone else to test if that will arouse me, but alas, it does not. I still find my partner and other men physically attractive, but when I think about sex with him or anyone else, I either feel nothing or feel repulsed by the idea.
Does anyone else here take Dilantin and if so, have they experienced any loss of sex drive? I do not feel like a normal human being anymore - I do not feel like a woman. Humans are supposed have a sex drive - without it, none of us would ever procreate.
As is it now, my partner and I basically live like roommates. We will go months with no sexual activity and this is so unfair to him, but I can't help it. When we do engage in something, I just secretly pray for it to be over with as soon as possible. I feel beyond guilty and I cry over not being able to make him happy. We have talked about marriage, but it's completely unfair to him to enter into what may be a sexless marriage. I feel like sometimes I should just tell him to leave me and find someone else because this may never change. What if it's not the Dilantin? What if it doesn't ever change?
As sad as it sounds, I am more than willing to be alone for the rest of my life. I would much rather be alone than to keep some guy in a miserable, sexless relationship. I love my partner, but I feel worse and worse about this every day. He quietly "deals with it" because he is a good guy, and that makes me feel even worse.
Comments are welcome from those in a similar situation and can relate to what I'm going through.
I have found that as a man, one must still be romantic and work on getting his wife in the mood. I have been married for 39 yrs. and I'm 63. It is a lot of fun for me to tease her and finally get her to want me. Yes, I do suffer from EDS, but the "big V" helps me out. I make sure that she is taken care of, first, and then I get my big reward.
I am a 45 year old woman who has been called "hot," who still gets the "looks" on the street, etc. I am living as married with my boyfriend after having been married 2 times before. I have been through it all. And through it all, I have come to believe this as true: women don't want sex because they stop trying to connect emotionally with their partner. They resent, and hold onto what they perceive as "wrongs" for days, weeks, months, years. They lose touch with the soft part of their heart that connected them to their man in the beginning of the relationship. Try this trick: look at your man, try real hard to think back to those first days, weeks of your relationship, dig up and polish off those old feelings, and you'd be amazed at what you start to feel again. DO SOME WORK ON YOURSELVES, LADIES! Its NOT all their FAULT!
Hi. The list forgot to mention chronic illnesses ad menopause which might require a litte pateinec on the man's part and some pitching in around the house.
All assume that there is something wrong with the women but there are many older women leaving to be with younger partners who are more willing to please.
Sex can me an amazing joy but men seem to get lazy after a few years and demand sex. They do forget to spruce up, brush their teeth, and try something sensual. Iv'e never met a man who thought he might actually be lacking as he stands there demanding sex. Sex it am utter gift and when men act like it's just another thing they are owed it gets boring and demoralizing to be with them. You can deman or expect it and neither of the sexes should.
Sex is the natural flower aftre sowing kindness, respect, playfulness, affection, and a high regard for one another. It's too bad so many reliationship slack that these days.
Women are pleasers, and even if sex is painful due to an illness, are all too willing to go to bed and have sex with a kind, man who is equally attentive outside of sex as when trying to get sex (what a trunoff to women when men are only playful when they want something).
Men want more sex, brush those teeh, cuddle for the sake of cuudling, help around the house, and don't blow off steam with mean words that hurt women deeply. We can't have sex with a man who cuts our spirits. Men, ask the woman what she would like or read one of the many books on how to please a woman. Sex is no one's "right" - it's what happens when two people are equally thrilled to be with the other.
The more sex you deman the less you actually get, no matter how many women you go through!
I am very fortunate to have a husband that enjoys pleasing me more than himself. We have been married for over 13 years now and our intimacy has only gotten better in time. I think it is because we spend lots of time together talking and commmunicating what satisfies us. He spends the time to caress me, talk with me, he never complains, and only makes me feel like a beauitful important person during this time. We try to spice things up a little by trying some new things. It helps. Yes everyone goes thru dry spells. We do on ocassion expecially if someone is sick in the house or some stress is overwhelming, but regardless of whether we have sex we always have time alone to talk and that will usually lead to other things. I personally think communication is the key to a happy love life.
For the person who said " I am scared because immediately after I climax I get a headache- eye watering, throbbing, right above my eyes, and it lasts for days", I had this happen to me several years ago whenever I would climax. I think there is a name for this condition, and it is not that uncommon. I was seeing a chiropractor who did adjustments and gave me some kind of supplement, I can't remember the name of it, but it helped make it go away in not too much time. I would encourage you to do this as soon as possible. It made a huge difference in my life.
After leaving a 24 year relationship with ups and downs in that dept (and IPA issues), I can tell you that I've experienced all those issues. Every last one. I read up and found that men generally need a release every 2-3 days, and with more or less activity and even other factors, might need it more or less. A man's need is not just a mental release - there are genuine physical factors. They do have choices on how to react, but sometimes they just need the activity. There is no single 'correct' average, either. My coming to terms is finding a partner that is kind, caring and patient with me, and therefore I become kind, patient and caring with him as well. I even do things I never thought I could do before :-) I guess there is something to having a good lover and partner, but the thing I see most of all is kindness, caring and genuine concern. I expect ups and downs, but I hope and will try to continue to work for the best in both of us and I expect the same from him. It's been 5 years now :-)
It seems curious to me that some of the male writers say that they make sure the female has been satisfied, and then they achieve their satisfaction. What would happen if the female did that? It would be over for that event I think. The 11th reason has to be that it is uncomfortable to try to enjoy sex with so many roles to fill and so little time. The home is still run by the woman even though she is out makin'bacon too.
Have read all the above and must say that I am surprised. I did not realize there were that many women out there that were not enjoying a healthy sex life. I am 50 years old, have been divorced for 15 year. Let me be the first to tell you that the older you get the better the sex gets!. I have come to the conclusion, that as men mature, "most" of them are more interested in pleasing their lady... to them that is a big turn on.
For a while after I was divorced, I lived with a man that preferred to masturbate to porn rather than make love to me. For a while it really got me down on myself... but I finally woke up and say.. Hey...it's his loss.
No, don't get me wrong... I am not out here hitting the sack with every Tom, Dick and Harry.. I could count on one hand the men I have been with in the past 15 years. But a true gentleman will ALWAYS make sure his lady is satisfied.
The comments were exactly right about communication. Men want women to tell them what feels good and what turns them on. And oh yes, guy.. a little romance goes a long way. Treat us like a queen and we will make you feel like a king in the bed!
Also, the fact that men are actually attracted to you is a big turn on. I think most women will admit that when the dress up a little, or wear something a little provocative the feel better about themselves. I know it works for me! Nothing boosts this old gal's ego more than have some younger guy give you the eye.
To sum it up... it's what you make of it.. I have a special friend that is 65... the sexiest man in the world.. and I must say he rocks my world... with loving like that... no excuses are necessary.. I melt just thinking about how sensual he is..
I have a good idea why women lose interest in their partner, and that is usually they are getting their sexual satisfaction elsewhere. Once the taste of forbidden fruit is experienced, it is only in the company of that other person that she can be satisfied sexually.
No, I don't have the sexual experiences I used to enjoy with my spouse. When she is constantly comparing you mentally to another man and in her mind you come up in second place, the relationship is basically over. I'm just around for the sake of the children and to pay the bills. The magic is gone, and I'm tired of not being the man she wants to be intimate with.
I'm a 45 y/o woman married for 21 years-->10 now sexless. My parter just decided he was no longer interested. I take good care of myself, stay in shape, and consider myself a great sexual partner. I talked until I was blue in the face--without results. Out of frustration, I had a 6 year extramarital affair and learned there is nothing wrong with my libido, nor my lovemaking skills. It was really important to know it wasn't me.
I'm still married but giving serious thought as to what role sex plays in a marriage after 20 years. Is it worth starting over at this age--or does sex just become such a non-issue in those golden years. Any ideas out there?
I have read many negative comments regarding sex between man and woman here, so I will add my positive perspective.
I am a guy who has been married 20 years to the same woman.
Sex is part of being intimate. Late at night, I love snuggling close to my wife and having pillow-talk for awhile. Hearing about her day and talking about mine. We usually have a couple of glasses of red wine in the process, so we are pretty loose.
On the nights we are both in the mood - ooooooohhhhhh baby.
Some nights, she is in the mood, and I am not, but I make sure she knows that I love her and that she feels that her needs are important and taken care of.....
Some nights, I am in the mood, and she is not, but she makes sure I know that she loves me and that my needs are important and taken care of.......
Love is about giving yourself to the one you LOVE,
Jack
At 49 i loved sex as much as i ever did and i really liked the sex! Even though it was becoming very painful we still had sex regularly. Then at 50 i had to have a radical hysterectomy. My sex life was gone much to my dismay and my husbands. My sex drive is nonexistant. I have wondered what happened to ME, since then i have gone through a depression and have finally stopped feeling like i died and someone i didn't know has taken my place. We still have sex but not very freqently and i almost never have an orgasm. I have tried to find some way to find a sex drive but to no avail. My doctor tried to help. I have tried hormone replacements even tried Viagara but still nothing. I am now 55 and we have been married for 36 years and have been together for 40. If i could go back to 50 i would say the hell with the hysterectomy.
What about the women who want sex from their husbands, and he is not interested?? He has some medical issues that require him to take medication, but I am willing to except any form of sexual contact. Foreplay, oral, physical touching. But is he is not interested in pleasing me if he can't get gradafication. It really is not fair. We have not had sex for over 6yrs. I am 47, and have recently had a hysterectomy, and the HRT is really triggering my libido. WOW It is amzing, but since I have a husband you is not willing, I just go without. Sad but true.
ok, here's the deal , a relationship is not about sex, that's only a small part of it, it's about to people caring for each other. Because when your both old, and things don't work no more, it's only love that binds you to someone, so sex really don't matter ,unless your shallow....
Just speaking my peace.....
I too have a husband who is too lazy to put more effort into foreplay. I bought a vibrator and now he wants me to use it before sex so that he doesn't have to do anything. It takes me longer, usually because HE doesn't understand that being nice to me during the day or days before makes a difference. He doesn't talk much to me anymore, stares at the TV...but then when it comes time to go to bed, wonders WHY I'm not in the mood. What has he done to get me into the mood? No kisses, hugs or even a kind word. I know his drinking is the cause of most of our problems, but he says he doesn't have a problem. I feel that when a woman is not in the mood, it has a lot to do with the man in her life. I sure get excited looking at other men and fantasizing. So I know I am capable of being aroused. Men always complain that their wife isn't in the mood. If there are no physical problems with her, then they should look to themselves and see what they can do differently to PLEASE their wife.