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When Masturbation Replaces Partnered Sex
Should a man masturbate when he is in a partnered sexual relationship? Nearly everyone has opinions on this question and many of them are very strongly held.
I don't think that it's within a sexual partner's "right" to forbid a partner to masturbate. Not even when it leads to disappointment. My reluctance centers on the concept of it being a "right." Are there times when a man is substituting masturbation for partnered sex? Is it always a problem? No. Is is sometimes a problem? Yes.
Masturbation while in a relationship has its place. It's up to the couple to determine what that place is. One obvious place is when the other person is ill. Another may be during the time of recovery after the birth of a baby. Another possible time is when the two people are geographically apart. Most folks don't seem to have a problem with these instances of masturbation.
Many would go the next step and add: When one partner's sexual desire frequency is much higher than their partner's. It fills the gap.
Where it gets sticky is when there is a willing sexual partner who is at times turned down sexually and feels replaced by the masturbation of her/his mate. It's easy to offer an ironclad rule that this type of masturbation should stop, but it's not always that simple.
It's true, sometimes there are negative motivations underlying this choice. He wishes to anger or punish his partner over some conflict in their relationship. Sometimes he holds skewed expectations about sex with a partner: Perfectionistic images of what his partner's body should be, seeking acceptance of any level of his self-centered sexual behavior, and unrealistic ideas about the ease and intensity of his partner's sexual response.
Masturbation to two dimensional images both fosters and fulfills these skewed expectations -- unless the man fully realizes that this is fantasy material with little basis in reality.
Men who like to "visit" this fantasyland and truly "get it" generally have little problem with their expectations of their real life partner. Problems based on masturbation in relationships tend to take hold when a man does not keep the "fantasy land" in its place and allows it to overrun him and his relationship. Or, he cannot handle the intimacy of the relationship and decreases it by avoiding partnered sex. That's often when I'm called in.
My job is to have both members of the couple take an honest look at what mastubation by either of them means in the relationship, that masturbation is not always a tacit rejection of his partner, and that it often can serve a healthy purpose in a relationship. Once these topics have been addressed, many couples can come to a consensus about masturbation that basically works for them both.
Related Topics: Looking for Love: Finding What You Need, The Golden Age of Sex
Technorati Tags: sexuality, relationships
I don't think that it's within a sexual partner's "right" to forbid a partner to masturbate. Not even when it leads to disappointment. My reluctance centers on the concept of it being a "right." Are there times when a man is substituting masturbation for partnered sex? Is it always a problem? No. Is is sometimes a problem? Yes.
Masturbation while in a relationship has its place. It's up to the couple to determine what that place is. One obvious place is when the other person is ill. Another may be during the time of recovery after the birth of a baby. Another possible time is when the two people are geographically apart. Most folks don't seem to have a problem with these instances of masturbation.
Many would go the next step and add: When one partner's sexual desire frequency is much higher than their partner's. It fills the gap.
Where it gets sticky is when there is a willing sexual partner who is at times turned down sexually and feels replaced by the masturbation of her/his mate. It's easy to offer an ironclad rule that this type of masturbation should stop, but it's not always that simple.
It's true, sometimes there are negative motivations underlying this choice. He wishes to anger or punish his partner over some conflict in their relationship. Sometimes he holds skewed expectations about sex with a partner: Perfectionistic images of what his partner's body should be, seeking acceptance of any level of his self-centered sexual behavior, and unrealistic ideas about the ease and intensity of his partner's sexual response.
Masturbation to two dimensional images both fosters and fulfills these skewed expectations -- unless the man fully realizes that this is fantasy material with little basis in reality.
Men who like to "visit" this fantasyland and truly "get it" generally have little problem with their expectations of their real life partner. Problems based on masturbation in relationships tend to take hold when a man does not keep the "fantasy land" in its place and allows it to overrun him and his relationship. Or, he cannot handle the intimacy of the relationship and decreases it by avoiding partnered sex. That's often when I'm called in.
My job is to have both members of the couple take an honest look at what mastubation by either of them means in the relationship, that masturbation is not always a tacit rejection of his partner, and that it often can serve a healthy purpose in a relationship. Once these topics have been addressed, many couples can come to a consensus about masturbation that basically works for them both.
Related Topics: Looking for Love: Finding What You Need, The Golden Age of Sex
Technorati Tags: sexuality, relationships
162 Comments:
Have you heard of cases where a sexually active, married, male continues to have nocturnal emissions? Can masturbation occur unconciously during a wet dream/ while sleeping? My wife and I have religious beliefs against masturbation. She claims she has seen me masturbating in bed, at night, next to her. Despite regular intimacy with my wife, I do have wet dreams regularly (once every couple of months. I overcame the habbit of masturbation when I was a teenager and have not masturbated since. My wife is the only sexual partner I have ever had. I do not know what is going on or what I can do to prove to her that I am not masturbating when she claims that she has seen me do it. Help?
My husband is a very hard sleeper and he talks, makes motions and occassionally "feels" of himself during sleep. I think the subconscious is very powerful and perhaps you are unknowingly doing this in your sleep, (probally dreaming of your wife). I'm sure she has had similiar dreams and she should understand.
As long as she just wanted to address it once(?)and not holding it against you for seeing the seen, I'd think that it is just as good as leave it as it is.
I am so bittered by my husband's this so self centered e.g absorbed sexual behavior which resulted in my total resenment towards him.
This post is so unethical. Pornography and masturbation destroys relationships. It alwayscauses fantasy to prevail over a spouse. Just listen to the endless testimonies of destroyed marriages over it. Just, just horrible advice.
why does a man get soft while haveing sex,and dont cum at all
my bf and i can be makeing love and he gets soft.what wrong with him he 37.and iam 59 we been togather for 8 yrs.help
I dont know what to do me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 yrs...i have a very healthy sex drive and he regects me a lot of the time...and then i waljk out into the computer room to find him pleasing himself...i dopnt know what to do im hurt and confused. please help me
I had had a C-section and my OB stated that I was to lay off the sex for eight weeks.
I am a very sexual woman, my husband not as much. I am very liberal type with sex, will try ALMOST anything, and he knows this. I am still confused and a little disappointed when I saw him secretly masturbating. I don't know why we couldn't share that intamacy and he let me get him off orally or with my hands? We didn't have sex but maybe twice during the pregnancy and since he SEEMED to be conservative sex partner, I figured he could wait eight weeks. Why did he do this secretly and why didn't he let me help?
He is a very shy quiet man so when I asked he really didn't have an asnwer.
I quit pornography for a couple of years and noticed that for the first time in my adult life I was ejaculating sooner than I wanted to. It seemed like there was nothing I could do, psychologically or physically.
Trying a hunch, I used online porn to masterbate a few times and guess what... The next time I had sex with my wife I was back where I wanted to be, able to have intercourse with her until she had been completely satisfied and THEN I would allow myself to orgasm.
I am finding that occasionally I overuse pornography. I'll subscribe to a site and rub myself raw. I don't let it bum me out. I always return to my wife ready to go. And sometimes when things are really stressful and she has little or no energy for sex, pornography is often a great release. I don't feel rejected and horny at the same time. I can see how it can be a addictive thing, but if shared with your partner, pornography can be a great spice or addition to the relationship.
To the woman with the boyfriend who won't have sex with her, but will masturbate... try asking him to allow you to join him next time he feels the urge. Participate if you're comfortable with his online play. Don't apply pressure, but get him to allow you "in". If you can get him to trust you enough to join his plesure, and make him believe you enjoy being with him; he may transfer his attention back to you. Masturbation is fantasy and easy. Find ways to allow sex to be fantasy and easy together and maybe he'll leave the porn behind over time because you are definately more interesting and sexy than a 2 DIM image! Force won't work, and neither will guilt. You have to find a solution together, and build trust.
We discovered since many years coitus is not the only way to hapiness in a (married)couple.
If both partners love to masturbate it is possible to cultivate this to an art together masturbating.We are both trained masturbaters already before marriage,so we where honest with our partner and decided never to masturbate solo in marriage,and to masturbate always together.Since 12 years marriage life we consume our relation now by the way of pure masturbation together,masturbating eachother or solo together looking and talking and stimulating the practise of it.
We discovered by this mutual practises that there is a big difference between teener masturbation and the trained and developped possibilities by practising mature masturbation as sexual developped adults.We never use porno or vulgar things to stimulate the sensations,we use music and sometimes very nice model pictures to comment and enjoy.After long exercises and practise since years coit is no more interesting,the pleasures are much intenser in a trained masturbation relation,genitals become focussed on the plays and their sensations become intenser by the permanent developpement,squirts become massive for both and the playing goes on for hours when not orgasming.It becomes possible to train not orgasming,or semi-orgasms before the big one,or orgasming in multiple series one after another.
I WOULD LIKE TO STOP MASTURBATING IF I HAD A GIRLFRIEND ,I'AM LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO HAVE SEX WITH BUT IT HARD TO FIND SOMEONE THAT WILL TAKE ME ,I HOPE I CAN STOP I'AM 47 YRS OLD AND I'AM STILL A VIRGIN I HOPE SOMEONE CAN HELP ME WITH THIS
i have problems staying hard and not staying longer for my wife , after i ejucilate in her she wants me to finish her with a dildo then i get hard again and cum with her
Hello,
My wife and I have been married for almost two years. Now I hardly want to have sex with her anymore, my sexual drive is not there anymore. I really want to change because I don't want to hurt her that way, besides she's a very attractive woman and a wonderful mother and I love her very much. What I thought was depriving me from that was self masturbation, which I am trying to stop. I don't think is right that I masturbate because it probaly diminishes my desire for sex, but I like masturbating. I want to look for her to have intercourse just like she looks for me all the time. What should I do?
My addition to this post and one I think that has been foolishly overlooked is that sometimes the bottom line is that guys are guys. You're husbands aren't going to tell you this one, and maybe they don't even conciously haven't recognized it or are afraid to tell you.
It has been proven that, predominantly, males view a sexual act differently than females.
If you look back at the history of sex: sex is to make babies. Species need to have babies to continue their existence. Waaaay back in the day males would plant their seed in as many females as possible. The chances of one of those babies living was very small back in the day. Predators, disease, natural birth problems, etc. The more seeds the male planted the better chance the species would continue.
One could argue this has been passed down through the ages and it is only natural for a male to want to have other sexual partners.
So ladies, when your partner is masturbating don't be upset. If you are on the same wavelength sexually (open about fantasies and willing to try new things), he is not pissed at you, you're sure there was no mis-commmunication on whether or not you were in the mood, than maybe he is simply fulfilling his primal urges. Say it with me. "That's ok." It doesn't mean he doesn't love you. On the contrary it probably means the opposite.
If it is a serious relationship obviously he cares about you and is simply trying to fulfull this need without being an asshole and cheating on you. If he is trying to be sneeky about it he is trying to do it without hurting your feelings. If he is doing it in his sleep... come on, give the guy a break.
I realize that many of the people that take issue with this topic may be religious. In that regard I would say, these impulses were either planted by the god you believe in, or his worse half. If it is the first than it is to continue the species he has created. If it is the latter than hats off to your man for masturbating rather than hurting you, and others, by not getting physically (which bring on emotion no matter what) intimate with someone else.
Lifes to short to not experience as much pleasure as possible. Be safe and have fun.
Why is it all so hard to understand?
First up: seperate porn and masturbation, they are not intertwined.
A male viewing porn even though he is in a committed relationship is no mystery. Sometimes its about variety of visual stimulus - there are roughly 3 billion females on Earth; let's assume any given male is going to find 500 million or so within his criteria for attractive. The hardest part of monogamy is monogamy; by and large, we like (some say are hardwired for) a little variety. Looking at pictures of attractive members of the opposite sex is a safe way to fulfill this urge without actually doing anything. To women out there who think it means there's something wrong with them, or their partner doesn't love them any more: think of your favourite meal - pretend its fish and chips. How long could you eat fish and chips for without having an urge to eat some pasta? Does that mean you like fish and chips any less? Of course not. And if that urge could be sated by reading a menu or even - and I'm blushing here - a recipe, wouldn't that be an ideal solution?
And as for masturbation.. stop thining of it only as a substitute for sex. It isn't. It's something else entirely. And unfortunately, by definition onanism isn't something you can do with your partner. So long as your man isn't doing it instead of sex all the time, let it be and just don't think about it. Maybe suggest you give each other hand jobs - that might just be enough to satisfy the urge and keep both of you happy.
And for pete's sake: a lot of you need to stop bringing God to bed with you!
I am a married man. I've been married for almost four years. My wife and I used to have an issue with this. I still masturbate because sometimes I don't feel like going through the whole sex act. There is a lot involved with sex that we just don't think about most of the times. There is the foreplay, the actual movement itself which may take three minutes to thirty minutes, then the cuddling afterwards. Sometimes I just don't feel like doing all of that, even though I'm horny. So, I masturbate. It took my wife awhile to overcome the idea that my masturbation was a rejection of her. It's not, and it wasn't. It was just me being lazy at that particular moment.
Its just kind of awkward when I find my boyfriend looking at porn or other images he finds stimulating. At first, we did watch some porn together but we don't any more.
He says he masturbates every day because its a 'habit' and he's done it for who knows how long. He has quite a past too, with a child from another relationship and impregnating another. And he was pretty much a whore. That's not very easy for me to live with because when we met I was still a virgin.
By the way, our sex life is great.
My partner actual enjoys it when I masturbate in front of her and then ejaculate on her face. She says it's warm and makes her skin softer.
My significant other chooses the internet sex over me. He tells me he is just not that sex is not the most important thing in a relationship but that being happy together and snuggling is more important. I think he thinks to much about the X wife and how badly she treated him although he has said that he felt the same way about sex with her; that it did not mean that much to him. Why then does he pleasure himself on the internet with these women on the porn sites? someone give me a clue!
the exact situation as the female who commented above - claims to not be sexual - has issues with the Ex, was a former alcoholic/drug addict which often gives him "pains" and made him realize sex is not important - yet i uncovered a stash of trashy porn meanwhile he's not fulfilling my need as a highly sexual/ experimental female in love with him....frustrating.
my husband who is 30 years old would rather masturbate than give it up. I have never turned him down and want it all the time, what do I do?
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years. At first our sex was great, he would always want more. Lately it never happens. It's going on 4 months now since we've had sex. When I initiate, which I only subtly do, he pushes me away, walks away, etc. He usually sleeps in a different room. For instance, if I go to bed he "falls asleep" on the couch. If I fall asleep on the couch he goes to bed. He keeps a stash of magazines and I've caught him looking at online porn. He works from home, and he often locks his office door and says he just doesn't want disturbed. I am extremely frustrated, as I am curious if he is having sex outside of our relationship? I know that he still has contact with exgirlfriend(s) and he text messages frequently. He REFUSES to talk about the problem with me. I love him and do not know what to do. I'm seriously wondering how long this can go on. I am extremely hurt.
Please help.
my wife masturbaits in her sleep on a nightly basis and says she is not aware it is happening. help!
My husband starts "feeling" himself every night when we go to sleep. He even snores while actively masturbating. When I ask him about it, he adamantly denies participating in such an activity. I would like to have information on if this could signify a real health issue or problem, or how to handle it emotionally if that is all it is! We have been married for 16 years and he has a stronger drive than I do. It does not seem to matter if we have a large amount of sex or none at all-he still does this. It often times wakes me in the middle of the night. I have offered to participate and he acts like he has no knowledge of what he is doing. Help!!!!
I'm 51 years old and masturbate on a regular basis. My wife had a complete hystertomy 17 years ago and does not have the desire. before the introduction of the "intimate sites" on the internet (or porn to some) I would buy magazines and video tapes to satisfy my urge. there is nothing better than having solo-sex and experiencing a controlled orgasm. my wife is aware of my "addiction" but I think she would much rather me "jack-off at home" then with another women. if i had a penny for every time I masturbated, I'd be a millionaire. Funny - I'd venture to say 75% of the population does it but only 25% of them admit it.
I was wondering if masterbation is a problem when it interferes with my social and academic life? I masterbate about 4 hours each dayy leaving very little time for me to attend classes at StonyBrook University and sleep. I have absolutely no time to eat and have actually been starving myself, because I have a constant need to masterbate. I have also noticed that masterbating in my room is no longer enough for me, I now have the urgency to do it in public, in such places like the Student Activities Center, the SAC gym, the Wang center and in the parking lot. Can someone please advise me whether this is normal or not?
P.s. I masterbate to sneakers and/or pictures of sneakers...is this unusual?
Manual - masturbating to sneakers. depends - are the regular or the pump-up kind? LOL either way - yeah - that is really something you need to be concerned about.
I am 25 years old and my boyfriend and I have been together for four months and we have sex only about once-twice a week. I try to initiate it more often, but he doesn't respond. He has been a pot smoker for many years and I don't know if this is affecting him in the sexual arena. I spent the night at his place last night and figured out that he had masturbated in the next room even though I had asked him to "come to bed with me" (wink wink). I have rejection issues, therefore, it definitely hurt and I am not sure if this is something normal...
Anon. 1:27 AM
First - I've smoked pot for over 25 years and have never ever had trouble sexually. Second - a 25 year old women that intitates sex -where have you been all my life. LOL - well the first 25 years - you weren't even born yet and the next 25 - you've been growing up. I'm 50 but feel 25 and have been told that I don't look any older than 35.
Oh how I would love having sex once-twice a week and in your case even more. The way I see it - if he's masturbating in the other room - one of two things is happening. Either you are not that great in bed - which i doubt that's the case, or he's partially retarded!!
Don't waste anymore time with this guy is you are wanting more sex. Seems like he's happy with the current arrangment.
I can help!!
I was wondering, my husband masterbates in his sleep and when i tell him about it he says that he didnt and that he never had sex dreams to lead him to doing it, it frustrates me because im asleep and he wakes me up when hes doing it but he doesnt even know hes doing it at all... can u help me?? does anyone know how to prevent this?
i m horny all the time my clit is always needing stimualation is it from masterbating to much?
Anon - 3:07 - it's probably from a very inactive libido. are you ugly and overweight?
it's odd that only one person here has brought up the fact that actual sexual intercourse and masturbation are not interchangeable. of course, if you are getting the real thing you will be less likely to masturbate and vice versa. but as a man, i gotta say, they are quite different in reality.
i love sex with my girlfriend and would like to do it every day, but sex is a two-way street, it's not like i'm masturbating using her body. it's a contact sport! masturbation is video game, you do it yourself, to yourself. it's a simple stress reliever, it takes all of 5 minutes, whereas real sex takes somewhat longer :)
so what i'm saying is, a boyfriend/husband masturbating is not necessarily a red flag in of itself.
i am 52 and my husband is 36 the things is i want sex all the time so i masturbat my self while he is away. when he is home there is nothing with us . is this wrong i love the way it feels and it. makes me cum like never before. i do have a friend on the inter net that helps me cum.
i'm a 22 yr old female and my bf is 23. we've been together for 2 years, live together and for the last 9 months he denies me sex. we have had sex 1 time in the last month and a half.
when i found out he was masterbating to porn i confronted him about it. i was angry not bc of the porn but bc he was hiding it from me. before he told me he had a low sex drive. is it possible to have a low sex drive and still masterbate?
i used to think that i was the problem, like he wasnt attracted to me anymore, (i've gained about 20 lbs since we first started dating, so has he). but now i am starting to think it is just extreme laziness. this is really bothering me and every time we talk about it he has a different excuse or lately he just refuses to talk about it.
this isnt our only problem. he has stopped helping around the house, and considers him playing video games for hours and me doing something in the other room as spending time together. one of my friends told me to get out of the relationship.... i love him but i am truely unhappy. help
I think that anytime your in a serious relationship with someone and you cant be honest with each other, that is a problem.
I am going through the exact same thing as this woman noted below. We have been together nine months and I did not notice him doing this until this past month. I have confronted him on it and he is adament that he is not doing anything. He has done this snoring and at times moaning. This also happens after we have had sex and when we have not had sex.
As soon as he starts, I have said you are doing it again. He got so upset at me once stating why would he masterbate when he had me right next to him. That he loved me very much and would not do it. I have noticed this more and more. I have woken up feeling him. I usually curl up behind him and he usually stops.
One issue that has come up, is that the first time we have sex it is great, no problems. But if we do again a few hours later, he has
a very delayed orgasm or can't at all. He states that he starts to hurt and gets frustrated and feels that he is also causing me frustration. Before a month ago, the sex was not an issue.
He also said that he does not always want me stimulating him after we have sex the first time because he doesn't want to go through not being able to ejaculate. He actually moves my hand away. He holds me but that is all. I have even tried talking to him about masterbating and told him that I did not have a problem with it. But he is adament that he doesn't at all since he is with me. I unfortunately can not make that same statement.
My question, is he just comforting himself to fall alseep, replacing me?
He said that he is very attracted to me and that I do turn him on and he would not do something to hurt me.
I feel that he needs to get an exam, especially if he starts to hurt when we are having intercourse. He also states that he does not have the stamina.
Is this normal or could there be underlying issues. We both have been under more stress this past month. I am usually the one that brings up these issues, not him.
"My husband starts "feeling" himself every night when we go to sleep. He even snores while actively masturbating. When I ask him about it, he adamantly denies participating in such an activity. I would like to have information on if this could signify a real health issue or problem, or how to handle it emotionally if that is all it is! We have been married for 16 years and he has a stronger drive than I do. It does not seem to matter if we have a large amount of sex or none at all-he still does this. It often times wakes me in the middle of the night. I have offered to participate and he acts like he has no knowledge of what he is doing. Help!!!!
I have been married for 4 years and one day I left to go to work and my husband was in bed still sleeping, a few minutes later I came back to get something I forgot and he was watching porno and masturbaring...I have mixed feelings about this, I don
't know if there is something wrong on our sexual life; when I asked him about it he said that he is tired because of work ahd he also brougt up other things that are stressing our life right now...it's ok for married man to masturbate??? I want to know if married men do it possibly for those reasons he said to me or there is something wrong with me that I am not satisfing him...please help.
I am an older divorced man with grown children. Previously I had good sexual relations. However, I have not been in a relationship with a woman for over ten years. I am very happy with my lifestyle and freedom. Although I do miss female affection and being with a significant other, with masturbation I get the limited sexual pleasure, but none of the problems of a relationship. It's not too bad.
well me and my boyfriend have been together for about three years..hes 21 and iam 20..we have been living together for about 2 years...and we first started seeing eachother the sex was great...we had it all the tme..but now we might have sex once a week..if that..he works nights and i work days so we dont see eachother as much as we would like..and i tought since we dont see eachother would make him wanna have sex when he does see me but he doesnt.But i never bring up that i would like to have sex more,i have a couple of times but he tells me hes tired..or something like that...and we have watched porn together and he would rather masterbate then have sex with his horny half-naked girlfriend laying right beside him...it did hurt my feelings a little...and i sill get alittle angry when he watches all that porn...but i think of it as hes not out there haveing sex with another chick....and another thing is i want sex so bad...and i dont know how to tell him...i need it...i am sexualy stressed...i dont get the sex that i want i do get really ill...and i cant just masterbate and get it over with.. i want the real thing....and iam not that type of girl who wants fourplay and the cuddling shit...i just want to have sex and smoke my cig...and role over and go to sleep...i mean how hard is it to have quick quickie....come on man..i do sometimes like fourplay and stuff but not every time we have sex.
Hi,
I would just like to say that I have been with my husband for 3+ yrs married only for 7 mnths, and I was upset when i found out that he masturbated. But when we talked about it he stated that its his way of staying faithful in our relationship, he does not think I'm ugly or fat or just repulsive. We continue to have a healthy sex life, he just needs more sex then me and I would rather have him masturbating then cheating on me. I still get upset from time to time because of the frequency of it, but when it starts affecting our sex life then I'll do something about it. But for now I'd rather have doing that then cheating with a "real" female.
ok, so I met this guy who I really like but on our first intimate night he was not able to have an orgasm neither did I. He told me that he masturbates alot and that's the reason why he can have an orgasm while having sex. That intrigued me because I have the same problem. I haven't had an orgams while having sex in a very long time. However, I have my orgasms while masturbating. Is there anything weird about this and how could I fix this little problem of ours?
I have been married for 20 years and my husband is just now masterbating in front of me. WOW!! What a turn on!! I love it. It makes me so horny watching him touch himself. I LOVE IT!!!
I forget the exact numbers .. eighty percent of women masturbate, 60 percent regularly I think. If not exact, they're close and they're significant. Women do look for pornograghy on the internet and masturbate for a variety of reasons including ones that affect the intimacy in the bedroom. With a little effort it can be something both can enjoy and add to the overall sexual act.
Its plain and simple if a guy doesn't masturbate then he will find a way to relieve himself. Pretty girls are a dime a dozen and willing to have sex with a good hard man. I personaly love pornography because the beauty of watching people have sex is erotic and stimulating. If your jealous of your man stroking to a hot porn then maybe you should hit the gym.
My sex life has been slim to none in the last three years. Have the same bf for 5 years. He prefers to wank to internet porn.
Knowing that he would deny the porn (claims he went for over a year without masturbating- yeah right), I told him I need regular sex. Now we're up to twice a month, a step in the right direction.
When we do have sex we also masturbate together,btw. I know I'm a porn widow, that I'm playing second fiddle to the 2-D girls online. Bottom line is I've been replaced by a jar of vaseline.
My question is this-how do I have an honest conversation with Mr. Denial about it and make him face the music?
My boyfriend and i been together for 2 years.I had a very high sex drive and which my boyfriend doesn't.But it was fine when we just got together.And ever since we had stayed together,i find that he doesn't really like to have sex with me and will reject me at times by saying too tired and stuffs like that.At first i thought myabe was because of staying together and seen each other too often.but it seems like even sometimes when we had sex,he got difficulties in having a orgasm.And sometimes i will try to set the ambience but it feels like he will do it just because to pleased me and not because of his needs.And sometimes i'll gets horny after a few drinks of alcohol but to him is like he can't get a hard on after he had drink.So from twice a week and now is like once in two weeks.And i feel is just not enough which leads me to masturbation.And i hates it.Please help me!
i was living with my partner a year ago, i am a 29 year old male. we had a healthy sex life. we had sex once or twice per week. since we split up i been masturbating at least once every day and sometimes up 3 times a day. i can tell you i dont feel well!, i suspect masturbating is not a good thing to pratice everyday. i feel fatigue, tired, uncomfort in the testicle and penis area, puffy eyes, sudden appetite after masturbating. Im going to stop masturbating and restrict it to once or twice a week. I will post the findings.
-ben
Porn addiction changes the way the 'users' think, and changes how their brain reacts to simple ordinary stimulus such as a woman walking by. It's a trained response in the brain from the reinforced stimulus from the happy dopomine chemicals that result after orgasm. It's pavlovian.
So don't tell me anybody that porn is not adversely affecting men's sexuality, and worse than that--their relationships with their significant others.
Porn addicts are liars and losers.
I recently found out by looking on my husbands computer through his IM archieves that he is bisexual. We have been married for almost 2 yrs. He has set up his web cam and has masterbated for me. I haven't mentioned this to him as of yet mainly because I know it will cause a big fight and I don't really want to fight with him we use to have fights and I would end up walking or driving someplace just to get away so he didn't kill me. Can someone please help me.
Need Help
I recently found out by looking on my husbands computer through his IM archieves that he is bisexual. We have been married for almost 2 yrs. He has set up his web cam and has masterbated for other bisexual or gay men. I haven't mentioned this to him as of yet mainly because I know it will cause a big fight and I don't really want to fight with him we use to have fights and I would end up walking or driving someplace just to get away so he didn't kill me. Can someone please help me.
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I have been married for four years. I masturbate between 4-10 a week. My wife knows this. I always want sex and she doesn't. So sometimes she will tell me to "deal with it myself". I think that the most important thing in a relationship is what you both feel comfortable about or doing. If she/he doesn't feel comfortable about you masturbating you probably shouldn't or try to help them feel comfortable.
My wife started to masturbate while asleep several months ago. It is now increasing in frequency & intensity. She vigorously says she is not doing it. I see the activity and hear the orgasmic sounds that oocur. It is hurting our relationships. Need to know where to go for help.
My wife started to masturbate while asleep several months ago. It is now increasing in frequency & intensity. She vigorously says she is not doing it. I see the activity and hear the orgasmic sounds that oocur. It is hurting our relationships. Need to know where to go for help.
Communication typically solves most issues related to sex - if both partners are willing to speak openly about their feelings, desires, fantasies, etc. In my case, what is absolutely awful is that I am a very health, fit 38-year old female married to a man with bipolar personality disorder who prefers to masturbate to young teen porn than to have sex with me. He is a 40-year old man and I know the anti-depressants he takes may impact his sex drive, but what is up with the content of the porn he looks at??? They are all girls under 16? I'm pretty open-minded and I don't mind if he has his share of masturbation, I do too. Masturbation is, after all, making love with the person you love most. What I cannot accept is him not ever wanting to touch me... it's about control and maybe it is his way of punishing me for being a sane person. I have never felt so rejected and unloved in my life. I'd like to hear form men with the same interest in young teen porn, what's the deal?
I really need an answer! I have been married 3 years. As soon as we got married sex was giving out in rashings, like its on lay-a-way. Some spurts would occur for about a month or two when we would have sex like 3 times a week, (still wan't enough 4 me). NOw that I am pregnant its like taboo for him to even touch me. We haven't had sex in 3 months & I have 2 more months to go b4 delivery. I know he watches porn & has a thing for strippers. Do you think he is cheating on me? My sexual attraction to him is diminishing due to his sex swings. I feel like I can't trust him. Oh- and to talk about it, you would think I was starting WW III. Any suggestions?
I don't think it is okay for either partner to masturbate by themselves. The reason for this in many cases if you let something happen in your mind, like having sex with someone else or a porn figure, then it is easier for you to do this in real life. Letting your self “go there” repeatedly raises the chances of cheating. People are so selfish when it comes to sex! Sex is not all about getting off. Sex is something for you and your partner to feel good and to express yourselves. If one partner wants more sex than the other, then each person needs to learn a little sacrifice and self control. If each partner takes turns doing what I call “giving in or giving up”,(sometimes one partner gives in and has sex and sometimes one partner gives up and is understanding of the other person) each person gets their needs fulfilled for the most part. The problem in many sexual relationships is that one or both partners, from their single days, are so use to masturbation, getting off anytime they want, to any image they want, they have no since of control or sacrifice and sex becomes all about getting off and not about love and passion. Sacrifice is a major part of a relationship, even when it comes to sex. It is a beautiful thing when a partner wants to please you even if they don’t feel like doing it themselves because they love you that much, or when one partner is understanding of the other partner not being in the mood and saves their self for a different time. My husband and I sometimes help each other masturbate so that we are still being intimate with each other and one of us is getting what we need while the other one only puts out a small amount of effort. This has really helped are relationship.
I am a 56 y/o male and my wife and I have been married for 25 years. After having a complete hysterctomy, my wife's sex drive decreased dramatically. I began to replace that which was missing with masturbation. I soon became concerned that my wife was missing out on our regular sex life and we sat down and talked about my masturbating. She told me that she was glad that I do it at home rather than looking elsewhere, but with one stipulation - she wanted me to masturbate at night while we were together in bed. I asked her if I should wait until she was asleep or should I just go ahead when I was ready. She told me that if she was asleep enjoy, but if she was awake and had the energy, she would give me a helping hand (so to speak). I usually masturbate about 2-3 times per week and we might have intercourse about once per week. I'm happy and am glad she is too. On occasion, she will watch me jack-off and that is when I cum the strongest. We have a great relationship and all is well. Ladies, men do it - 95% masturbate and the other 5% are liars. It doesn't mean your husband doesn't love you - he sometimes just needs to release some energy and masturbation is the best way. It's what we do....
my husband and i struggled with this issue for years. he would turn me down for sex and then i'd either walk in on him looking at porn and masturbating or i would come home from the grocery store and find he had "snuck one in" while i was gone. it got really tough there for awhile and through it all he would always claim "it had nothing to do with me". i tried to get involved with it, suggesting that we could maybe go by a porno video and watch it together. he would never do it around me. it was destroying our marriage to the point where finally i told him he had to make a choice, either the porn or me. to me, masturbating and looking at porn while your wife is home or gone for a short while is just as bad as taking another woman into your bed.
having the same damn thing happen, i'm not religious but spiritual and masturbation after we have had sex is becoming a problem..at first i thught he was sleeping doing it till i noticed he does it even after sex and i still havent climaxed. i have asked him if i could help, he acs as if he was sleeping and then gets made at me, the only thing is now that it's up in the air and i have asked if he still fantsies me? he says yes but this is still an issue and has been persistant. im having to face towards him so that i can sleep b/c he wakes me up out of my sleep w/ he's jerking. i have mentioned to him before i dont care, just go to the bathroom or somewhere else, b/c im still wanting it, and have a high sex drive to go secound rounds. which we have never done, i try to get hime going again he ends up rolling over then saying he's asleep. i have tried to help, mentioned to go somewhere else so that i can get a ggod night sleep. i have stopped sleeping over at his house b/c of this. please help. if he would just do it in fornt of me that would be seksy, but he doesn't and denies. is he man or a little boy just playin' w/ himself?
Has there been a study of the normal output of a man's seminal fluids? Other organ systems create fluids in the body at more or less a constant rate and the body eliminates them. The question I have is if the seminal fluids are being created at a constant rate and the seminal vesicals can only hold so much, how can any man abstain from sex? Can the fluids leave the body without ejaculation? Is there a negative feedback loop that stops production when the vesicals are full? It would be like a woman deciding to abstain from menstruation or someone willing their kidneys to stop producung urine. I'm sure someone has an answer to this and I would guess the volume produced in the male population is a bell shaped curve distribution with some men producing a lot and some less. The reason I think this is so relevent to your web site is that if women had knowlege of this normal fluid production they would be put at ease by their husbands nocturnal emissions, night time touching and masturbation. These actions simply prevent unhealthy buildups of seminal fluids and may not be under the man's control as much as women would like.
I masturbate because my wife has no sex drive. We've been married 20 years, 15 without any sex. I got tired of begging for it. I won't leave her and I won't cheat with another woman. We waited until we were married. I wish we hadn't. If I'd known then how unimportant sex was to her, I'd have moved on. After our last child she just decided to stop.
Amonymous
My wife had a hysterectomey years ago. Gradually she lost her libido and now looks upon sex with disgust. She stoped using Estrogin because of bad side effects. Our sex life reduced to nothing. Is there any possibility that we can enjoy our relationshop again. I would like normal sex and not masturbation.
this is a good one. my husband won't have sex with me because i can't have kids. we've been married 6 years and the last 1 and a half years have been sexless. what now?
my fiance and I have been together for 5 years. I have a high sex drive and his is hardly there .I am 27 and he is 30. He'll only want to have sex once, maybe twice a month. But i feel like he's hiding something from me. He comes up with every excuse in the book not to have sex,but he's alwys feeling himself or going into the bathroom several times.I have told him how I feel about being rejected all the time,but he doesn't seem to care.what should I do?
im 32 my bf is 30 together 2 yrs lived together 1 yr i have masturbated since my teens but wouldnt choose that over sex my bf masturbates in morning when im at work which is fine but has started masturbating at night as well while i sleep ive tried not to let this bother me but i sometimes wake up and if hes not in bed i have trouble falling asleep all i can think about is him choosing that over me i never turn down sex! we do have sex 4-5 times a week and its amazing it also takes him 20 minutes to an hour to masturbate if i masturbate it takes less than 5 minutes sex is a very important part of relationship to me and if anyone out there thinks theres a potential that his love for porn (have no problem with porn)could ruin our sex life enlighten me...he's love of my life but i dont want to be with someone with problems
sometimes a man masturbates because he likes to. sometimes a man wathes porn and gets himself off w/ fantasy his other half is not willing to try.
sometimes all a man has to hear from his mate is a little encouragement in the sack,like that feels good or yes that's the spot or some thing along that line .some times his mate no matter how much they love each other is not willing to change just by even saying these few words that drives a man to porn.some times one partner in the loving relationship allways gets off and some tomes the man is left with a hard on and no releif is available because the spouce is worn out or will not help him by masturbating him or oral sex
what else os he to do?? I am deeply in love adn would never physically cheat on my wife but she seems to think if I look at porn by myself, because she will not watch it with me I am cheating on her. sometimes I feel I am the one being cheated because I am sexually frustrated with no releif is sight.some women need to help their patner more and maybe the watching of porn would decrease.yes love is a two way steet and each should share responsibilities around the house but so should sexual gratification as a couple or by them selfs
Okay i am 23 and i have a very healthy sex drive my fiancee is 20 and has very little sex drive.After i suggest that we fool around some,i caught him looking at porn on the computer and pleasuring himself I really dont know how to approach it at a safe level and let him know that it hurts me and makes me feel rejected. We dont even sleep in the same bed anymore. It is a fight just to get him to look at me let alone find me attractive enough to have sex with me. he has previously cheated on me and i didnt know how to take it. I just want to know if its me or is it a problem that can be fixed please someone help me.
I am a 24 year old male with a huge sex drive. I find myself masterbating twice a day, everyday while watching porn. Its almost like I needs it go get my day started and to get rest at night. I have a woman, but I know she can not "hang" with me when its comes to sex. I don't think its an addiction, because I can stop for a day or two, but soon after I am at it again.. any suggestions?
cross83dc@yahoo.com
My husband and I are highschool sweethearts. We have been together for a total of 5 years. We use to be very sexually active. But ever since I became pregnant and gave birth to our son he doesn't seem to have the passion and drive for me like he use to. I try to get him to tell me what he wants but he wont tell me anything. I still love sex and want it all the time but I keep catching him on the computer taking care of himself. I find it so upseting like I'm not good enough for him...Please help what do I do?
I wanted this very attractive girl for 2 years,she finally became my 1st girlfriend, we had sex, and I could not believe how dissapointing sex was,I was a 30 year old virgin, masterbating for 17 years prior. She was 21. Her previous BF of 7 years was 10",So shes pretty loose.He used to go in too far and hurt her. I'm far from 10" but received nothing but compliments from her. We had sex 14 times.The emotional connection during sex was nice. I'm an idiot for telling her that ("Sometimes I don't feel anything")I didn't tell her to insult her, and she knew that, but she decided that we wern't going to have sex for awhile,I respected her, and never asked her for sex. I think I made her feel inadaquit. Almost a month later I broke up w/ her,not due to the lack of sex issue, ofcourse it didn't help. I would start to lose erection while having sex,then it would come back, and I could go until we HAD to sleep,Because I knew I wasn't going to climax. I did once, and that took alot of concentration. What I'm wondering is WHY COULDN'T I HAVE AN ORGASM? Was it because she was loose, and my penis had lost sensation due to 17 years of abuse? Was it because I thought sex was going to be the greatest thing ever and I expected too much? Was it because I had conditioned myself to only ejaculate to pics,videos and a soft cloth,(no I can't use my hands,too rough)Which I stopped my self gratifying while we were together so I could save myself for her.Was I thinking too much or trying to hard? Or all of the above? I am afraid that if I ever have sex w/ another girl,the same thing will happen,nothing.Would anyone happen to know whats wrong?
There's a point where masturbation becomes more frequent and he leaves his partner feeling neglected, undesired, and her self esteem diminishes...but what is a girl to do??? start masturbating herself??? I feel it's not fair!!! From my part, my partner prefers masturbation and leaves me "fending" for myself and I ask him but he makes up excuses about this, that, and the third...I can't take it any longer so now I don't ask him for sex nor any other of his husbandly duties...My boy-friend satisfies quite well...lol his selfish need to pleasure himself was more important than putting a smile on my face he ruined my marriage and now I am pleased with a man that satisfies me in every aspect of the word and enjoys every part of my femininity. While, my husband has his hand and porn...lol
i'm 48 yrs old.my wife and i haven't had sex in a long time. i love her and want her, but the past couple of times i haven't been able to maintain an erection. however, when i look at internet porn, there's no problem in that dept.my wife is very attractive. i need to know how to reconnect with her sexually.
Reading these entries was some of the most entertaining 20 min. of the new year! Sex should happen naturally, if it is not there is a problem. Those with weak drives should be with others who have weak drives as well, so not to deprive anyone. As far as masturbation, who cares as long as no one is being neglected, deprived or feels rejected. Just my two cents, good luck and happy sex
I want to know the effect of not having sex with actual woman. In other words what will be the effect of masturbating forever? Help me please????
My ex preferred masterbating to transgendered porn OR wearing panties and having me rub him in a certain spot - while he masterbated. We were together 8 years. Sex was fairly normal for the first few years. I tried, he tried. I felt for him. But I was desperate for intimacy. We had an amicable divorce. Has anyone here heard of this type of situation? It has been several years and I still feel so confused. It is hard not to wonder what my role was in the whole thing.
My guy and I both masturbate all the time in addition to our shared sex life. The poor guy has to squeeze in his masturbating time nowadays. Used to be it was his only form of sexual release before he met me, and he still likes doing it for its own hedonistic alone-time pleasure and for the sake of nostalgia. Usually he does it right after we have sex, so that he can recharge in time for my next attack.
I feel bad for all the people out there who need to work the kinks OUT.
i would feel upset and hurt when my husband watch porn and masturbate on the computer of all hours of the night instead of being in bed with me. Then he keeps it as a secret from me which made me hurt even more and caused trust issues. He does it when im not home also. when i talk to him about it he would always say that he did not know i wanted to have sex....it really hurt when he said he didnt notice... and told me if he would had known he would of joined me. But i know when he doesnt mean what he saids, because i always knew if he wanted sex with me or not. which hurt me much more and we would start to argue. It has got to the point to where i was turned off from what he was doing and didnt feel the need to have sex with him anymore. I did not know what to do. But i knew we were in trouble when i started to masturbate with myself most of the time as a replacement as my sex life instead of being with my husband.I even thought about looking for sex els where. To me my marriage was falling apart little by little. But im doing the best i know how to make it work for the both of us and so far its going better but he has to do his part as well, I cant do it for him i can only do mine. Wish us the best of luck!!
My husband of two years has had a orgasm with me only a handful of times. He can only achieve orgasm through masturbation. He blames it on lack of frequency although I have not seen any evidence. The last two nights I have interupted "our" having sex by trying to get him to have it with me, this stopping him from orgasming. He says he enjoys being with me but it still makes me feel like crap. I am starting to want to avoid the whole process because it makes me feel like a failure and that "we" don't have a sex life together. We are trying to have a baby and skipped straight to IVF due to his vasectomy. Reversal isn't an option because the ejaculation with me is rare to say the least. Any advice?
I am 55 (physically fit, secure)married 30 years and have masterbated regularly for most of my married life. My wife (not fit, overweight and aging quickly 55 also)doesn't know and I have never even suggested she know. I masterbate and have done so because she had low libido and now has none. Got sick of the arguments over no sex and just started to take care of myself after about 1 year into marriage. Lack of the intimacy thing though has changed my feelings for her. While she is my wife and I care for her, I now view her as someone who shares the house and chores. Also, if we try to have sex I cannot get erect with her, no turn on factor. The last time was 3 months ago. She will only perform standard sexual acts, no desire to experiment, change things up, just lays there and expects me to satify her which I do, not exciting. Masterbation basically has provided my only avenue of sanity. I should have divorced her many years ago but loved her and have stayed with her. What a life....eh.
Well im 20 ,just turned 20 about 4 months ago, and my boyfriend is 34, he also just turned 34 this month. We have been together for about 2 years and we have sex ALL the time. Literally he has a VERY, no more like EXTREMELY high sex drive. The thing is I've never had an orgasm while hes in me. He'll give me manual stimulation, not in me either. He'll do it on the "other spot" and I'll have mind blowing orgasms that way, but never while hes inside me. I always fake it. I dont want to make him feel bad and tell him, the things is I've never had an orgasm that way. Even if i do it myself it just doesnt happen. Is there something wrong with me? My friend has told me that sometimes it takes time for that to happen, but i mean we have sex constantly, he wakes up in the middle of the night and wants to have sex, or like i'll wake up and hes on top of me. lol i dont mind i'll do anything to please him. I love him, its jut that one thing. I dont know if theres something wrong. Can someone help??
oh ya and he'll only masturbate if i do it with him, or he'll want me to masturbate him. He doesnt want to do it on his own. I know its not his size because hes pretty big. I've never really measured him and its not that im loose either because when i met him i was a virgin. I dont know whats wrong with me. Is it ok that I dont have orgasms that way? And if so how can I get them that way. I would absolutley love to have one that way to share with him, but i dont know. Please Help.
My husband is 57, I'm 52. I want sex more than he does and, he isn't the touch feely type either. The intimacy scares him I think. He's an electrical engineer so that should tell people alot. His mind is NOT in the bedroom. He will manually stimulate me and, I go through the roof BUT, it isn't the total package, if you ladies know what I mean. We've been married 13 years. We used to have sex 3 times a week. Now, I'm lucky if I get it once a month. It's usually much longer than that! HE WILL NOT TALK ABOUT IT EITHER. It's as if sex is dirty or something. When we dated, he was a wolf! He was all over me.
To the married men that are too lazy to have sex with their wives and would rather lay there masturbating. That's just horrible and you don't deserve to be married. Your wife doesn't deserve a sloth for a husband. Sex is a part of marriage. If you are too lazy to include your wife. There's no excuse for you. She needs to dump your couch potato ass and get with someone else and guess what? She probably will. Cheers!
I think masturbation is a good thing. How can one expect their partner to know how to pleasure them if they themselves don't (or even won't) explore their own body to find out what pleases them? I have to admit though at times I have issues when my husband masturbates. I don't have a problem with the fact that he does it fairly often (I have a much lower sex drive then he does). I understand that men are visually stimulated. My problem it that the pictures he looks at and videos he watches (I occasionally watch with him to boost my sex drive) have women that look nothing like me. He looks at redheads, I have brown hair. He looks a extreamly small framed women (short and petite), I am mid height and have a little extra cushion. You get the idea. I wonder why he married me if he would obviously wants to look at someone completely different from me. I find myself getting jealous sometimes. So I can see why one partner would want to ban the other partner from masturbating. He of course says that I am overreacting.
"Have you heard of cases where a sexually active, married, male continues to have nocturnal emissions? Can masturbation occur unconciously during a wet dream/ while sleeping? My wife and I have religious beliefs against masturbation. She claims she has seen me masturbating in bed, at night, next to her. Despite regular intimacy with my wife, I do have wet dreams regularly (once every couple of months. I overcame the habbit of masturbation when I was a teenager and have not masturbated since. My wife is the only sexual partner I have ever had. I do not know what is going on or what I can do to prove to her that I am not masturbating when she claims that she has seen me do it. Help?"
You're not alone...
I'm 34 with a wife and 3 kids and still have "wet dreams." I don't masturbate as my wife and I have a healthy sex life, but my drive is a litter stronger than hers, which is why I think I have the "wet dreams." My assumption is that the body needs a release either trigured manually (masturbation) or unconsciously (nocturnal emissions). I get the sense my wife feels disappointed when she discovers I had another wet dream. It seems to me the lesser of the two evils, since these are out of my control. Am I correct in my thinking? Does the body need a release, if you're not having sex often enough?
When I think of masterbating I get very excited and cum very quickly.My imagination goes wild. However,I have been married for a very long time to the same man whom I love very much and can not reach an orgasm for the duration of our love making session. my husband is very willing to finish getting me off, but i just want to roll over and go to bed and not worry about it! What is wrong with me?????
what is wrong with you people. oh ya'll are crazy. staying with people who make you unhappy and won't satifiy you sexually. if your partner is jerkin and you want sex and he's not puttin out, then you need to get out. if your partner is jerkin it and your not puttin out then they have every right to satisfy their sexual needs and yes i say needs we are all human and all need sex and masturbation it keeps us healthy and happy and what is the deal with porn it's porn. it's purpose is to provide visual stimulation for the purpose of masturbating if you can't handle the porn you need to be with someone who thinks the same as you. again if your partner is saying no to sex and chosing to jerk it instead then your realationship is going to work out don't suffer through it because you love the other person that's you "loving" the other person and the other person not loving you. let it go and save yourself the years of suffering. and no normal jerkin off isn't saying that your partner doesn't love you or thinks less of you it just part of life to jerk off. if you don't do it then maybe you should it would help you lern about your body. and as far as partnered sex goes if you and your partner don't talk about it during it how the heck do you know if your pleasing the other person? get to know each others turn on's and what gets them off. seriously people and women if your man gets pissed ant you cause you confront him about jerkin it consider this stop being a nag about it. he knows you don't like it and your confirtation probably was rude to start with. if you and your partner have a poor sex life talk about it. if one or the other is unwilling to help things change then leave the realationship you will only hurt yourself by staying. i am not trying to be rude just blunt so people get the point to get there acts together. if i haven't answered your question i'm sorry try and figure it out by talking about it with your partner and not with strangers
oh and if your partner is seemingly to masturbate while they are sleeping they are not doing it on purpose. trying having sex more if that doesn't work then your partner does unconsiusly like for example snoring can't be helped annoying yes but that's just is life.
I don't mean to sound likely like whats been said so often already..but. I've been with my finance for about two years now. And things were wonderful when we started out, I was so happy to finally be in what I thought was the best and likely the winning relationship of my lifetime. But...now that months have passed..and I think a year has come and gone. His old habit's he's seemingly gone and brainwashed himself with are rearing they're ugly heads. Mostly I have the big issue with his masturbating to porn and wanting to lie and be extremely secretive about it... And he does it..very often. I caught him once..and was so infuriated I called him at his work and yelled at him asking him why he'd done it(mainly because he knows it makes me feel self conscious, forgotten and hurt). He comes up with the same excuse every time, he doesn't know why he does it...he says he's supposably happy with me and doesn't want or need anyone else. I'm not so sure anymore..seeing as he's broken his promise of not doing it anymore three times...and lied to me more times than my heart can take. I've thought about it, and I don't mind helping him masturbate and supposably when I have, he says it's much more enjoyable than pornography and other such trashy things. Yet he keeps going back for more.. His sex drive is really high by the way, if he could he'd have sex three times daily every day for the rest of his life. But..I just don't have the stamina and lust for it..maybe I'm too out of shape...maybe. But when we do have intercourse I usually lose myself in the moment and want it so roughly that I end up in a good bit of pain afterwards. I mean, I enjoy sex, just..I can only handle it about twice a week, and sometimes just once, which...much to my dismay doesn't usually appear to be enough for most any man. But I'll be honest, I think my chosen sex drive is just fine the way it is, I shouldn't have to push beyond the limits. In my relationship I want to be comfortable, liked for who I am, trusted..not lied to...and not forgotten. Basically I want to know if maybe I should try and get more used to and comfortable with the idea of masturbating or even playing with myself for him so he can masturbate? or Stick to my all but iron clad hatred for porn and punish him if I see him looking... I'm really at my last nerve for porn..and I fear that if he lies to me again..(I loathe being lied to) and can't be trusted more so than I already know he can't be trusted....that we might break apart..and I'll have lost the one man that could make me smile again after all I'd been through in my past.. Please, help me???
my husband & I have been married 6 years. he is 53 and I am 48. the first year of marriage was great in bed....since then, we may have sex 4 times a year. It has been 8 months and counting this go around. He always has some excuse or he says he doesn't want to talk about it. He masturbates at least 1 time a day (that I know of). We have had fights over this because he will not talk to me about it at all. I am about ready to have an affair or leave him.........any suggestions?
Hi im a 32 year old women and Ive been in a relationship with my bf for 6 years know. And im going threw the same thing as some of these women on here are where my bf Replaces Masturbation for sex.Im not fat ugly or anything for that matter. Im great in bed hes told me that im the best hes ever had so im not sure why he denines me all the time and then gose right for the porn right after he said no to me. He waits for me to leave the house or tells me to go on errons just so he can watch his porn. We do it togeather as well so i dont know why hes wants this over me its hurtting our relatetionship. I tell him how i feel about this with out trying to nagg at him but i find myself getting more upset when he gose for this over me more and more lately. He said to me so what if the porn comes before you. Ive done alot of things that some women dont do with men. Now im startting not to like that now either cause of this matter.
I really dont think its fair since hes getting want he wants witch is the porn. But that seems not enough Im hurt lost confused and i cant sleep eat and know its getting to where i feel like i cant ask him for sex because i know what the answer is gona be. So i have tried going at it by myself because thats the only sex im gona get. And thats not working for me any more i cant get myself off any more because of the stress from this.
Im startting not to care about sex any more and im only 32 years old its gotten to where i dont look at other men or even have sexaul feelings about anything anymore.Ive tried to spice things up and all i get is ill pass.I just dont know what to do.I love him so much that this is stressing me out really bad. And i think thats what is hurtting me the most not the masterbation. Any tips help lol ty
I am in a relationship like this because there is no sexual relationship and there hasnt been one for as long as i have been with this person. What do i do i want children he says he does to but then we end up not having sex. What do i do? Help Do you think he could have erectile disfuntion or possibly be gay?
I,am 44 yrs old never married and never had a girlfriend.I,ve had sex alot in my life but at a message pilor with S. Koren women, my problem is that my penis is small and i,am worried and shy that women won,t like this, I get a good size hardon, but when I don,t i,am small,Why is this? And i,am afriad to show or ask my Doctor.
I,am a good looking guy and women always wanted me from high school till now. but because of this my friends both that i grew up with and got to know over the years kind of think i,am gay but i,am NOT.
Please Help me know why i,am like this?
I just wrote the last letter and forgot to sign up . Now that i,ve had can you plz send myself some help.
Thx. 44 yrs old
I'm a 50 year old male who out of fear of humiliation and embarrassment, isolated myself socially as an adolescent. I refused to go to dances & avoided parties for the same reason. Through my own research, I've come to the conclusion that my self imposed isolation not only prevented me from learning all of the basic skills needed to interpret non verbal cues & signals as well as verbal communications from the opposite sex. This adolescent isolation also prevented me from developing any kind of close relationship with females in my peer group, girls were acquaintances, not friends. This further prevented me from becoming comfortable and at ease when speaking with women and made it much more difficult to cultivate any female friendships for the remainder of my life. The isolation also reinforced my social phobia especially in a social situation where a lot of women are present. The only safe & private outlet I had for my sexual needs was adult magazines. Pornography. As I aged, my preferences for relieving sexual tension went from magazines to Video Tape & now DVD's. Studies have proven that some masturbation and pornography for people with sexual partners actually increases their sex drive and allows them a method for determining on their own what gives them the most pleasure. Banishing pornography from ones llife does NOT guarantee a better sexual relationship with a partner nor does it increase one's aggressiveness with the opposite sex. Of course I'd much rather have a live partner and I have had on several occasions but my social weaknesses make that very difficult as I really have no idea how to go about finding one and am still quite worried that my limited experience would disappoint and my lack of confidence would likely scare a woman off anyway. It's been I think, about 11 years since I had sex with a woman...though I've missed quite a few opportunities because at the time they occured I wasn't aware of them.....it was only later when I'd had a chnace to think about what had happened. One woman, after spending a whole night sitting with me and talking alone in my apt. kept asking me "What would you like to do tonight? and I kept responding, I don't know...I can't really afford to go anywhere. When she finally left about 7am she said to me..."You haven't spent much time around women have you?" Later a mutual friend said this woman came over specifically to have sex with me but...I never suggested we have any kind of sex or even seemed to have any interest, though she waited all night.
I apologize for the length of this comment. It's likely too long to post.
I hate it... I hate knowing that my husband watches porn and masturbates. It has cost over $2000.00 in movies on TV this year alone. My son's girlfriend caught him doing this. I am so embarrassed and disgusted.
I don't think it is normal. I think it is an addiction.
So glad that I found this article... This past weekend I found my boyfriend masterbating to pay per view porn. It's Tuesday and I'm still sick to my stomach. After the "what the heck are you doing" storm cleared I found myself feeling hurt, neglected, alone, unimportant and fat. We have a great sex life and used to have sex every day sometimes twice on sundays. However with work, school and other duties it's slowed to 2-4 times per week. I feel like there's an underlying problem that has caused him to "drift" from his sex life with me. I'm 117 pounds with a boob job and I was very confident with myself and our sex life. Is it normal for him to need to do this? It seems selfish to me... why not involve me or wait for me. Does this mean that what I thought was a wonderful relationship is headed to the rocks because of my now resentment?
Ok I have read enough testimonials on here to arrive to this conclusion. It seems that everyone seems to be having the same problem with their partner not wanting to be have sex with them and they need to resort to masturbation. I notice that the four play is missing and there seems to be a lack of romance. My bf and I are both 43 yrs old and have been together for 6 months and we believe in romance and there is alot of love in the air when we are together. We like to prepare for sex/intimacy every time we are together 4x/week. We shower together before having sex and that puts us in the mood, seductive body lotions and he puts on his body splash, our scents really drive us mad, he lights up the candles, dim the lights and I dress for the part or sometimes wear nothing at all. I do all of the things that he has onyl dreamed about and I try to make it a reality for him every time. We love to explore eachother's bodies. It is important to show your partner that you care about them enough to go out of your way for them. We love to role play and there is alot of talking and four play involved. I can be naughty or nice it all depends on the role I am playing. I sometimes act like a massage thereapist and I will massage him all over with body oils and suck him until I get him really hard and start riding him and he loves that. It is important to be any character that he wants you to be and vice versa. When you fantasize your mind travels to places where you only dream about and you do things that you can not imagine your partner ever doing. Tell your partner what you want them to do and if they love you they will do it. This can be a real test in your relationship. I could be that your with the wrong person and why should you deprive yourself of that pleasure. If you do not want to take the time for your partner then why are you with them? We have to be eachothers fantasy. I don't think that it should be a one sided thing both parties must be satisfied or otherwise you are not in a committed relationship. It is not right that the internet and mag have to substitute for our partners. They should not want to have those other replacements if they have you in their life. We all have special partners that we are neglecting. Stop taking eachother for granted and show them you care. You will be amazed how wonderful and how fullfilled your relationship will be. You have to want to pleased by one another. Masturbation could be a selfish need and it doesn't have to be that way. Tell your partner what you want and they will love to do it because they care about you. Have great sex and masturbate eachother...Life is Great!
I think a lot of men don't admit that pornographic images are affecting how they view thier spouses appearance. I'm a very attractive, loving wife, but my husband is always tired and not in the mood. I know it's the frequency of porn he looks at, but he thinks it's absolutely harmless. I also think porn is a lazy way for a man to get his kicks.
My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year and we have a very active sex life. Sometimes, we have sex four or five times a week, and we're a young couple so I assume it's natural. We've never had any problems before, but I recently woke up to him masturbating in his sleep (or so he says he was sleeping), and he claims it had nothing to do with me and that nothing was wrong with our relationship, because I automatically blamed myself. So, to make a long story short, is it really normal for men to masturbate in their sleep as well as continue to masturbate while they're in a relationship? I've never really understood the signifigance of masturbating or even the point, so can someone help me understand this, altogether? Is this really normal?
I didn't know where else to post this, but here goes.
I'm in a relationship that I am quite happy with. My soon to be husband is hard working, devoted, humorous, serious, and a handsome guy. He's a real man too, loves games, girls, guns, sports, the usual. I take interest in some of his stuff and he takes interest in mine as well. We may not understand each other's interests half the time, but we're getting there.
Children are not a problem, we plan on living our lives together for each other since I had an H-op due to severe bleeding and fluctuations in my period. He was not upset by it at all and stays by my side and supports me still since we promised to live for each other for the rest of our lives.
My husband to be is a big pervert. I don't have a problem with him looking at other girls or fantasizing or looking up porn and masturbating. In all honestly, I don't even mind if he goes online to roleplay with other girls so long as he isn't being dishonest about his life. He never has cheated on me and he never will, that I believe in him due to the fact that he has a vivid enough imagination and we've been together for nearly 8 years now (met in college and never stopped). We've also been in a long distance period for 2 years. It was hard on us, but we both stayed true to our word for each other. The bottom line is, I want him to be satisfied and I want him to be happy knowing that I will love him on a "looser leash" He always tells me he loves me and he is always open to me with how he feels.
Sounds too good to be true on both our behalves, right? Here comes the hurricane. I have nearly no sex drive and I HATE it. I thought having an H-op was going to help, but all it has done has calmed my mood swings and it has been about 7 months now. We started out so well, but now it has become so difficult for me. My husband to be is concerned and disappointed, but he will still be by my side. I know he isn't lying to his partners online or having affairs on me (I do read some of his chat logs with him for fun so he can show me what turns him on), but I do see him online more. If I ask him to do something with me, he puts it down instantly and watches TV or a movie or takes me out and so on, but when we have our separate time, which every couple needs, he has been online instead of playing his WWII games or reading books on the subject or even going out with his buddies for a beer. I asked him if he was ok and he said he is worried about me and he said he is sorry that his sex drive is 24/7. He feels guilty about it and needs his release. He even said he wishes it could be more often with me. That made me happy, yet so sad at the same time.
I asked him what he wanted from me and, well, it was really hard and rather embarrassing for him to say. He admitted these past months, he has lived in a fantasy world of loving those busty video game girls and even some from that Japanese Animation stuff (He's 25, I'm 31. I'm into some geeky stuff, but he is into a lot of different things he is really passionate about). I remember watching some with him and how he really enjoyed those girls with the cat ears. I asked if he wanted me to dress up as one and he said only if I would be comfortable with that. Being a rather dominant woman, I demanded a yes or a no and he gave me the yes. So, we gave it a try and I really liked it. I felt cute and the object of his desire again. Sadly, it only happens once a week for about 30-60 minutes and it's just not enough for him. He never demands it, but I know that he wants more and so do I, even though my urges rarely rise. I want to be his fantasy and have him come to me instead of him having to solely rely on masturbation. I want that balance back, but I don't know what to do. I sometimes question why he ever stays with me in the first place. He is so good to me and I feel like I am just letting him down. Any advice would be appreciated.
oh good lord..i am sick of the "primal urge" defense stating that a man's need dates back to "spreading his seed".
if you asked men if they would have any trouble marrying a woman who did not want to have chidren.. majority would say "no". as a matter of fact, they'd prefer not to. it's funny that men use the "primal urge" defense to explain pornography use and rubbernecking and then go on to use other excuses of why they won't settle down and have chidren.
for males to say they have no control over their head down THERE when in the next sentence, they claim to be smarter than animals, is contradictory. it seems different excuses are used when it's convenient.
the bottom line is that if it hurts your partner, stop it. love your partner more than the porn. i hate it that some people say that it's no big deal, etc etc... women have not been primed to deal with this phenomenon. for thousands of years, porn may have been an image or two by either painting, statue, or drawing...and now, it's gone crazy-- completely life like interactive games to strip joints to interactive web cams-- this is all really too much for a woman to handle.
we were barely getting used to playboy. good lord.
I am 38, and within the last year my sexual drive has drastically decreased. I dont seem to have any interest, and it is harder for me to get an erection, especially in the morning. I went to my doctor and he tested my hormone level, and he said everything was fine. He prescribed viagra. I have not tried it yet though. It is really concerning me.
please help
Hello
Well i,v been married for 7 years and my husband and i have a great sex relationship.. We are very kinky and we do things that most people would,nt, it no lie we go for hours with a break here and there vut for months now he never wants sex and i find him on the computer looking at porn pleasing him self while i,m sleeping right there in the same room when i have to beg and fight with him for sex... I dont under stand I,m thin with a great shape i,m very pretty with long hair that he likes , if there is any man out there who can tell me why he does this please let me know... For i would do any thing to please him
I have been married for a little over a year and can count the amount of times we've had sex as a married couple on one hand. I have a very high sex drive and feel cheated. I know he masturbates daily to porn, prefers it even. I have given up and considering separation. I would rather split and keep my self esteem in one piece than remain in this destructive relationship.
I need help with this. I married a man 42 years ago. We never were sexually compatible and I caught him masturbating right after the honeymoon. I have since learned that he sexually abused my three daughters by having them masturbate him. They are grown now and have told me of this and I want to leave him. We have not had sex for over 13 years even though he says he loves me. I use to awake to discover him masturbating while he thought I slept; when I turned to him to let him know I was ready and willing to have sex he would stop and pretend to be asleep. There were a lot of things going on that leads me to believe that he preferred masturbation to normal sex, for example he said why did he always have to make love to me, why didn't I make love to him. I didn't understand that statement until now. He was very passive in the bedroom, really never had any passion and often lost his erection. I have caught him peeping into other people's windows. I feel he is a pervert and don't know what to do at this point. I do not love him and do not want to continue the marriage, but since we are both on social security, I do not have enough income to support myself. My daughters want me to leave him. It must be a trying thing for them. I had three daughters when we got married. Are there any comments out there that will help me figure out what to do? Is he a pervert?
My problem started about 3 years ago. We had been together for a year when I found out that my fiance had a pornography problem. It steadily increased in to a huge problem where he would spend an hour to an hour and a half in the bathroom on his phone looking at porn and masturbating. We had had a very healthy relationship before this having sex between 3 and 5 times a day. Then all the sudden it stopped and then I found out why. He would hide porn magazines all over the place and just random porn paraphanelia. This went on for quite a while and he kept denying it, until one day I had had enough. He spent hours a day with porn and masturbation, but when it was time for me he did not want it at all. Porn got all of my attention. I tried things to help. He did not want help. Then we got a computer. I became suspicious of his nightly activities when I found him late night at about 2 or 3 in the morning looking at porn getting ready to masturbate. He always became VERY defensive when he got caught and even when I tried to talk to him about it. I decided to do a history search on the computer and recovered thousands, like over 3,000, porn web site links in the history and even some files he had renamed after I informed him of my findings the first time. We have since talked about it and he said he had a porn addiction and he would work on it. He said he has not used the computer or his phone for that purpose since. How can I believe him? This went on for 3 years and I still have suspicions of his activities. Especially on his phone since he has an IPhone. What should I do about this? Does he need professional help? What can I do?
To SEX IN THE CITY-
Your comment really angers me because there are plenty of us that try to get our partners interested. I am so sorry that your relationship is so much better but you know what mine was fantastic at 6 months too. There were several of these people that said they have made attempts to help, or to offer alternatives.How dare you come in and criticize people that have an actual problem and then offer your expertise from 6 MONTHS of experience. You may be 43 years old but you need to grow up. It is much different for the people that have been together for years, not months. It is all hot in the beginning. My fiance and I cannot always have sex due to my medical conditions, but I always make sure to offer him something whether it be orally, by hand, or something much more creative. Believe me, I know how to be creative. I try to please him. I even have sex with him on days that are not so good for me because I am in severe pain. But I will gladly go through that pain if it will please him. SO like I said, grow up, it takes more than that and in most cases it has absolutely nothing to do with what you do TO him or for him. Sometimes HE just has a problem.
What about those of us who are single, attractive (or so I'm told) and just not getting any? Is there any correlation between depression and lack of intimate contact?
I am 30 and my husband is 48. We met three years ago and When we first got together I thought he could bring me to climax so I wanted to hold off climaxing on my own. I did take care of myself after about a week. He knew that night. I was amazed he was that intune with me. Ha. So anyways I have a really high sex drive and him not so much. We have sex about 3-4 times a week now. I do take care of myself once in a while. I do not believe he masterbates. He did have to one night he told me about. He said I started messing with him in the middle of the night and rolled over and went to sleep. Sorry hunny. We do it to eachother. Fun times.
Reading all the comments are very interesting and very helpful to me personally. I wish my wife was that open and honest about our sexual relationship. I am 44 she is 50. If we have sex once every 3 months it's a treat. I am starving for affection and intimacy on a deeper level. I know that sex is not the means to end all, but it is an essential aspect to a loving and lasting relationship. We have been married 18 years and are very committed Christians. I jus do not know what to do? We have gone to counseling, I have talked to I am blue in the face. I feel shameful and very wrong that a 44 year old man that is married should have to masturbate when he has a partner to love and be intimate with. I do not know, maybe I am the one that is wrong?
My husband & I have been together for 10 years now and have included mutual masturbation in our relationship. But lately, he has been unable to complete a "typical" intercourse session without masturbating at the end. I am wondering if he is preferring it over what I have to offer. A side note, he is about to deploy to Iraq for 12 months...yeah a soldier. So also wondering if he is programming himself to prepare for the long year ahead? BTW I know he will also do it on his own now, but yet gets upset when I do it for myself? What a strange web we weave!!
The truth is that there is absolutely nothing wrong with masterbation while engaged in a partnership/relationship. To give one's self PLEASURE!!!! I am a healthy 40 year old man, prior military and I enjoy masterbating my penis three times a day while in relationships with multiple partners. Especially in the military every guy jerks off every day. Especially when using the head, at night on his bunk, or in what was called the "spank tent". I work out on a daily basis and have a very large testosterone level. I enjoy sex a great deal. I refuse to be like a couple of guys I know at the gym that have told me on many different occasions that they do not masterbate since they have gotten into their relationships with their women. Less than two years later both of these two guys have said that now they cannot wait for their other halves to go shopping or to work. I have been told that the "spanking of the monkey" or "the chocking of the one eyed snake", starts as soon as their partners are already in the drive way and starting the car. I told both of these guys that 100% of men masterbate in the shower on a daily basis. We have been doing that since we were teenagers. It is the best time because we are alone and naked. Plus you get one hell of an orgasim with the pressure of the shower. Then I found out that they both had the same reasoning behind it. Their families told them this garbage. "you need to save up her her!" Bull shit!!!My two work out buddies from two different parts of the U.S. had similar stories. They say that alot of people admire my type of lifestyle. I am at a point in my life that life is just to short!!! God made me a man and gave me a penis, foreskin, testicles, and the ablity to reproduce sperm on a daily basis. There is nothing wrong with either a man or a woman unjoying one own body and what it can do for them. I have heard all kinds of stories. I have facilitated several sex support groups over the years and I am an adult educator on the subject. I have been on the other side as well. I have been in bad relationships where the misuse of sex was used or not preformed at all. I say to all reading...., enjoy masterbating. It is the way to purify one's self!!!!
I'm not married and I masturbate EVERY DAY! It lowers my blood pressure and releases my tension. Men masturbate because well, they're lazy. You know how I know? I'm lazy-well, emotionally anyway. See, I can't be bothered with going through the 'motions' or all that work only to possibly, maybe or not even have an orgasm with a person who seems to not even be on the same page much less the same BOOK as me. So, if they masturbate and still do everything else-it's okay. But if they don't do anything else AND they don't put out I'd trade him in as soon as possible.
I see all the postings regarding MEN masturbating, but what about us women? I am 37 years old and it seems that my sex drive is higher than its ever been. I have two male sex partners and I still HAVE TO MASTURBATE AT LEAST twice a day. I think I might be addicted to orgasms. I will do it whether Im alone or with either of my partners. I even masturbate immediately after having intercourse. Im starting to feel abnormal. any reccommendations?
is there a case where you masterbate to much to the point you can't have sex with a partner?
I can strongly, anguishly, hurtfully, and personally say that i don't understand why my man feels the need to masterbate then has no energy for me knowing that i'm ALWAYS willing,ready, and able to do what ever he wants of me. Thats like having another woman. He shows me that he loves & appreciates me, makes sweet tender and/or lusty love to me,with me,and for me, He shows me that i'm his only love of his life. Then WHY?!! Am i making myself too avaiable? Do i have to find another man just so he can feel that he's not the only man that desires me? Am i too easy for him, or does he want new pussy? We really love eachother but if the virtual fantasy is better, then i'll keep my dignity and leave him while still loving him. I already swallowed my pride and begged him NOT to keep ,me waiting everytime i want & desire him. Help me understand, Brenda.
I honestly don't masterbate and can't find a good enough reason to. I've tried it and did absolutly nothing for nor to me. I'm all woman and i extremely love to be touched by a man, preferably mine. I'm very selfish with him because i don't share and won't be shared. One on One always. I love feeling my man's warm flesh with mine. I love penatration, not rubber nor cold rock hard plastic machines. We play lovers games, we strip dance for eachother, wine & dine, pretend that we don't know eachother, reverse rolls, dress up, travel & vacations, surprises, spatts, then steamy lusty wild wonderful make ups. He satisfys me in every aspect. Brenda.
I can strongly, anguishly, hurtfully, and personally say that i don't understand why my man feels the need to masterbate then has no energy for me knowing that i'm ALWAYS willing,ready, and able to do what ever he wants of me. Thats like having another woman. He shows me that he loves & appreciates me, makes sweet tender and/or lusty love to me,with me,and for me, He shows me that i'm his only love of his life. Then WHY?!! Am i making myself too avaiable? Do i have to find another man just so he can feel that he's not the only man that desires me? Am i too easy for him, or does he want new pussy? We really love eachother but if the virtual fantasy is better, then i'll keep my dignity and leave him while still loving him. I already swallowed my pride and begged him NOT to keep ,me waiting everytime i want & desire him. Help me understand, Brenda.
I honestly don't masterbate and can't find a good enough reason to. I've tried it and did absolutly nothing for nor to me. I'm all woman and i extremely love to be touched by a man, preferably mine. I'm very selfish with him because i don't share and won't be shared. One on One always. I love feeling my man's warm flesh with mine. I love penatration, not rubber nor cold rock hard plastic machines. We play lovers games, we strip dance for eachother, wine & dine, pretend that we don't know eachother, reverse rolls, dress up, travel & vacations, surprises, spatts, then steamy lusty wild wonderful make ups. He satisfies me in every aspect. Brenda.
I don't think the long range effects are healthy! Relationships are healthier!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d4oyTI0YlBU
Larry Clockwant
Well I am a 27 year old female that enjoy sex with my partner, but start to realize that he wakes up at night and goes to the bathroom and be in there for at least 30 to 40 minutes and gets back in bed and holds me close while his penis is on hard and gets me to the point where as i'm ready to have sex, but he pulls away. So when he leaves for work in the morning, I find myself going in the bathroom and finishing what he started, by masturbating myself. Once again I love sex, and feel that he not taking advantage of what he has. He bought me a seducing outfit, but he hasnt seen me in it. But the real question I want an answer for is.... if he bought me that, and he masturbates, is he thinking of me?
I have been in a relationship for 7 years and my husband decides to masturbate before he has sex wit me. Im far from being an ugly woman, but something is wrong when he never ask for sex but I always find myself arousing him, whether its fourplay or just rubbing on him. But then its like he'll come home from work with some alcohol and something to smoke and from what I've seen, goes in the bathroom for 2 1/2 hours and once he's out I go in behind him ( to use the bathroom)and get this familar stinch of semen! Do you think he's masturbating?
I'VE BEEN WITH MY BOYFREIND FOR 2 YEARS AND OUR SEX LIFE WAS GREAT. LATELY FOR ABOUT 1 WEEK NOW..WHEN HE EJACULATES ITS A SMALL AMOUNT OF SPERM I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHY THIS IS HAPPINING TO HIM. HE ALSO SAID TO ME THAT HE HAS NOT MASTERBATED IN 1 WEEK SO I DONT KNOW....
That "sex in the city" comments about lack of foreplay prior to sex. Hell I've given up on that. My wife won't even kiss me. I'm mid 50's and it takes me a little time to get johnny up, she wants me to go down on her, I do, but when I need attention she lays back and says here it is come and get it. Then she says I'm just going to lay here you do the work. WOW how am I supposed to get johnny up with that. I know its not all me, I've slept with another woman and johnny comes to attention when she goes to work on it. I need the foreplay and I also like the shower together, my wife won't, don't, don't ask and no I'm not going to do that attitude just leads to my only sex and that's masterbation. I like it she thinks its gross and perverted. She doesn't know about my masterbation and I won't ever tell her.
being a guy who's had enough time in therapists' offices to self-analyze to an extent, I can offer most of you this insight.
My beautiful wife and I had insane amounts of sex when we were younger. For the first year together, the sex occured every day we saw each other. Often it would repeat minutes after I was finished. I loved pleasing her (or sometimes trying). I even tried experimenting with new things.
But then we got more comfortable with our lives together; I felt safer in our relationship and therefore felt less of a need to make an effort, which was a huge mistake on my part, and as we became more sexually distant she trained herself out of love for me and as a defensive measure to be okay with that (which was a huge mistake as well). Sex somehow slipped from being an intense contest where we would silently compete to see who could pleasure the other best to being boring missionary style, altogether too infrequently for either of us.
Over the years, she steeled herself to the lonliness, and when abstaining from sex became her choice, I increased the frequency and intensity of masturbation and created scenarios in my fantasies that my wife couldn't possibly live up to. Although she has always been my fantasy, I changed her attitude and her in-bed demeanor, not to mention that I never inserted smells, the taste of sweat, the sounds of the real world or full body and unintentional contact. I also increased the amount of outside influence (porn) that I allowed myself to partake in. This in and of itself wasn't a problem. It became a problem when I slowly changed my ideas of what was sexy and what turned me on. In pleasing myself, I lost touch with how much I loved pleasing her, and being pleased by her in the real world.
Ten years later I almost lost my wife to another man who I outwardly hate and inwardly thank for trying to replace me; she hasn't been this sure of loving me since we were kids, screwing like animals, and loving like soap opera stars. Also, it brought back a vigor and need to please inside of me that I haven't experienced in a very long time. She's my angel. For eleven years she has been, but for nine of them, we both forgot to give each other what we deserve so much.
Today our sex life is regaining momentum. I slowed masturbation from one-a-day to twice a week or so, and currently find porn pretty boring and uninspiring. We are tearing down walls in our heads that have NEVER been down and are eagerly looking for new ways to make each other's many fantasies a part of our realities in the bedroom (and many other places around the house).
To sum it up, there are several possible causes that can lead to sexual separation: cheating, laziness (which it seems is the biggest offender), indifference, etc. The list goes on and on. The point is NOT that my wife cheated on me and you should too. The point is that we were forced to talk openly and honestly about things that the world tells us to keep inside; demons that we were too embarassed to talk about, deviant fantasies that the other never knew existed, things that felt too awkward or too frightening (performance/confidence issues can destroy a person) to talk about previously.
If the two of you are determined to live a long happy life together and want a healthy sex life to be a part of it, then drop all of your training; all of the 'rights' and 'wrongs'; drop everything for the moment except for the one goal of talking to find a way to achieve sexual bliss together. If you have a man who is sensitive to you and your needs and is intelligent enough to want your happiness as well as his own, a means to an end of this problem (or possibly a new beginning) should certainly follow.
If not, maybe you ended up with the wrong man for you.
PS. There is nothing wrong with masturbation. As a whole it is a self centered act, and if it is not affecting your sex life together then you're worrying for no reason. Who cares if he's 'happy' without you as long as he's 'happy' with you and no one else?
I'M a 57 year old man.I masturebateat atleast once a day.My wife does not enjoy sex anymore.So I please my self.I would like to have a partner,But I don't thank anyone would be interested in a old man like me.So once or twice a day it's not so bad.It feels good.
Denial just ain't a river in Egypt, ladies! What you want is control, and you can't control your man in this arena. I have been married for 7 years. We have two kids ages 4 and 6. We both work part time (me 4 days per week, she 3 days) and stay at home the other days to raise the kids. I do my fair share with the cooking, cleaning, household maintenance, chores, all that stuff. The problem is I want sex more often, she doesn't. There is no compromise; my request for more sex goes unfulfilled. No oral sex, no sexual touching of any kind other than straight intercourse. I'd like to have sex every day, I'd settle for once or twice a week, but once or twice a month is about it. So, masturbation and porn is where I get my satisfaction. When the kids are grown, I'm gone!
One question....WHY WOULD A GUY WANT TO SPANK HIS MONKEY WHEN HE HAS A PARTNER???
I understand if your partner is too tired from work or even losing sleep because of something important,or they're dying, but when you are always available to your partner and together under the same roof when not at work, then WHY THE MASTERBATION?! there are NO!reasons NOR! excuses for it AT ALL! EVERYTHING ELSE IS A COP OUT! Having the flu is NOT a good reason because everyone knows that good love making/sex is the best workout to sweat and motorvate your muscles.
I had a boyfriend that used masturbation instead of sex - he rarely wanted to have intercourse and when we did 'engage' he would have one speed during, it was like masturbation and then he would pull out and finish himself off from sex, and even oral sex he would take over, or masturbate after getting off on my chest. We got along in every other way, but I much prefer a fulfilling sexual relationship, even if he masturbates on his own, I don't care about that, but to prefer that totally to sex when he was with me left me so empty it was really an issue - don't get me wrong, my ex husband and other ex-boyfriends and I had great physical chemistry so I don't think it's me in this regard...I think this one had intimacy issues...he did also like porn, maybe that really does change them, but it is so sad because we got along in every other way and are still the best of friends, but I need more - is it wrong to want it all? I don't think so but it's hard to throw away the rest of the relationship...oh well...next...
my boyfriend refuses to masturbate...which i am fine with. we have a very healthy sex life, but i refuse to have intercourse during menstruation...and he refuses to masturbate. i find it amazing that he would rather have me satisfy him in other ways than to do the job himself...because trust me, it would be a lot easier and faster for him!!! i think that there isn't much need for masturbation in a relationship. there are so many other alternatives that your partner can do for you...why not make it an enjoyable experience for both of you?
so we are a young married couple (21, 23). I have a way higher desire for sex than him. I am pretty much the reason why we have sex. I would crawl up to him and start going down on him so his penis gets hard. Then I would do my thing or he would. Only a few times he has started the sex. I really really have never turned him down. Never ever. So I wonder why he is like that. he knows I love to have sex with him. He knows he can please me but why wouldn't he start it? At the beginning of our relationship, we were in different states so we would have to talk on the phone and talk about us masturbating. I wouldn't mind him masturbating. Now that we live together, every time he tells me that he masturbated, it makes me very upset. I work evenings and he works day shifts, so while I am at work he tells me that he masturbates. What makes me super angry is when I am in the house and he still does that. he would go in the shower and masturbate. It makes me wonder if I am not good enough. I think I am an attractive woman. The guys at work flirt with me and tell me that my husband is a very lucky man... I just don't think that my hubby knows that. I try to please him in every single way but he wont ever start the "sex time". Is there anybody that can give some advice? Please? I feel very unattractive. I feel like a failure.
Manuel mate, I masturbate with sneakers too. In fact I prefer to do that than I do actually having sex. To be honest I conceed that it isnt normal to be like this but I cant really change it nor do I want to. I have a really strong fetish for it and I really do enjoy being the way I am and Ive come to accept that and be happy with myself. If its causing you to be depressed or anything I would reccomend seeing a councilor, you can get therapy to help control your desires so your not masturbating for 4 hours a day and things like that. I would say that wanting to masturbate constantly is a pretty big problem and you should seek help. Masturbating with sneakers IS kinda wierd especially if like me you prefer it to anything else. Still I know that im not normal but I dont really care and I dont feel depressed about it. Im a student and study mostly at home so the temptation to masturbate is enourmous sometimes but you just got to control yourself.
I am a 25 year old male, and I used to love having sex with my girlfriend. Sometimes I still do, but now most of the time I would rather masturbate. My gf isn't the hottest chick on the block and I got with her truly for her mind. She is very smart. The thing is that she is 80 pounds overweight, her boobs sag like a 50 year olds, and her vagina smells nasty. All this turns me off. I can't stand the smell of her vagina and she will NOT clean it. Well you don't want to keep up on your personal hygiene, then I don't want to have sex with you.<----Period!! I don't mean to sound brash but I have been with much hotter women than her. She knows this and knows something is wrong with us. I don't know what to do about this but I might just have to get with her older sister. She is actually closer to my age(gf=21,sis=24,me=25)Much hotter, a little bit more demanding, and just as smart. I can handle the demanding part as long as I get to come home to her sexy ass every night. It may sound wrong but ladies if you don't keep up on the hardware no one is gonna want to buy a lemon, they would rather buy a reliable "beater". And save and wait for the certified used. Ya got me?
these are the funniest posts I've ever read in my life..I am laughing so hard.. Thanks for letting me inside of your sex lives..its freakin funny that people paint this picture like everything is picture perfect from the outside, but the inside, my goodness..all these dam problems..Hilarious...
any time i have sex with my partner i don't climax ,but when i masturbate i get a certain felling that i don't get when having sex.
Unless you are looking at it from a religious view, there is nothing wrong with masturbation. I would greatly prefer that my husband masturbate (even to porn) than go out and be with someone else. So in my insignificant opinion, most of these women need to be honest and either get over themselves or do something different to make their husbands want to be with them intimately. If it is just a case of the guy wanting something a little different, it can be a turn-on just watching him. I love to watch a guy masturbate.
my wife and I (40 years married) regularly masturbate separately, together, for each other - what ever the mood calls for. People make way too much of this practice as a "sin" or perversion. We have great sex at nearly sixty years old thanks to T therapy and cialis for me. It is great and masturbation is a most enjoyable part of it. We don't talk it to death or analyze it. We just LIKE it and DO it frequently!
My wife and I are very active sxually and masturbation plays a role in that. After 35 years of marriage we are very active and uninhibited. Our strong religious background has nothing to do with our enjoyment of anything sexual. I don't for one minute believe that Christians can't enjoy active sex lives that includes masturbation within or separately from a relationship. Lighten up! God gave us life to enjoy - including sex!
My husband masterbates everyday! I have no problem with that because I could not physically keep up with him if we had intercourse everyday. My body couldn't handle it.
I would like to have sex at least twice a week, but my husband could not do it due to his back issue. He would do all the stuffs but sex. Each time we have sex only last about 10 mins. max. I didn't know what to do..
I think masturbation is something that everybody uses it can be for good or bad. But for myself I wouldn't want my husband masturbating because im he's partner and if we really care about eachother and love eachother we would shot it by having intercourse n showing our love to one another that's what I think. And, if he would ever masturbate i wouldnt feel women and loved. I'm a mother of two kids and it's hard but, I think everybody deserves love n some caring.
my wife and i just spent a very enjoyable 45 minutes indulging in masturbation together. For all you naysayers, you should try it. It was great fun, and a great way to wake up in the a.m.
My husband and I have been married for a while now and he has never had any sex drive at all. I have tried everthing with him but to no avail. I caught him masterbating many times, he has no idea that I
know about what hes been doing. IT IS A VERY SERIOUS PROBLEM and I find myself wanting to go out and have affairs.
Your man needs to get to the dr. and be checked for low testosterone levels. Has nothing to do with masturbating, it has to do with low desire, depression, and mood. I went through this for three years. Now our sex life is better than it was when I was 30.
I FEEL SORRY FOR ALL OF YOU WHO DON'T OR CANNOT ENJOY THE FEEL OF A WOMAN. WISH I COULD HELP.. FOR ALL THE WOMAN WHO HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THEIR MAN MASTERBATING JUST CLIMB ON TOP ESPECIALLY WHEN THEIR SLEEPING....
I LOVE TO SEE GUYS/WOMAN MASTERBATE. IT MAKE ME WANT TO BE RAVAGED. SOME PEOPLE ARE SO LUCKY, LADIES, MY MAN WON'T DO IT... I WANT HIM TO STEP OUT OF THE BOX AND GET A CLUE SO I'M THINKING ABOUT CHEATING. JUST TO GET SOME EXCITEMENT IN MY SEX LIFE.
isn't it funny how we can be so kaught in the finite, horizontal plane we miss the eternal? God bless you.
Ok, so I am not as alone as I thought...But my problem is my husband gets out of work before I do and he'll go home and mastubate, but doesn't seem to have any interest in making love or having sex with me. Hes always tired, body hurts, or whatever the seasonal excuse is at that time... Im a healthy 43 yr old female, and still want to feel like he desires me... Is there some thing wrong with this?? I do love him, and dont feel the need to masturbate, It just doesnt satisfy me the way my husband does, so I end up being unsatisfied for weeks at a time, while he rushes home to masturbate every chance he gets... I just don't get it (more ways than one). HELP PLEASE
Ok 2 quick statements/questions
1) no matter how aroused I get or how turned on my partner is I can only have an orgasm when i masterbate.. I dont even get close when I have sex. I don't like oral sex being done to me so thats out!
any pointers??
2) When I do become aroused and I am penetrated I give off extreme amounts of lubrication WHY??
My husband is the one that doesn't want it. We just recently got married and he doesn't masturbate. His sex drive is gone because he's too busy playing computer games. Masturbation no longer helps me and the "urge" doesn't go away. My thing is I NEED SEX! I'm not getting it so I need a way to decrease my sex drive.
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I have been married 31 years and am a regular user of internet porn. My relationship with my wife is OK but limited to once a week at best. Maybe a little more on vacation. Our sexual experience is almost always the same each time with little variation. Some things that do not happen are, 1. any sort of "dressing up" for the occasion, 2. oral sex on me to completion, never, yuck, 3. light bondage, 4. oral sex on her, it hurts her back to lie there on her back, "it's too much like the doctor" and she won't take the top position, 5. we have not watched any porn for 25 years either. My bigist gripe is that she NEVER instigates a sexual experience NEVER.
So if it wern't for masterbation.....
Persoally there is nothing wrong with masterbation while in anykind of relationship with a partner. Men or women! Speaking for the men, we have been "Spanking the Monkey" since our infancy. When we first developing public hair and masterbated to ejeculate semen and sperm for the first times, was a first starting and enjoyable sexual release of tension. As young adults to adulthood, it is a great way after the build up of testosterone in the testes from working out at the gym, to release multipule ejeculates to relax and fall fast asleep to repair the boby after over excertion. Masterbation is still utilized during all relationships for ones own gratification and self pleasure. We were taught as men from older generations of men, that "Playing with yourself or Jerking off" should be done in private and no one should know about it. Believe me, everybody knows about it. If any of our parents did not know what we were doing in the bathroom for such a long time, than our parents are a bunch pod people. Water running all the time to drown out the "Spanking Noise". Taking longer than ususual in the shower or having a pile of crusty gym socks under the bed or shoved at the bottom of the hamper so mom doesn't see them. And don't forget used underwear/T-shirts and used kleenix/bathroom tissue found around Dad's favoite loung chair. It should be used as "Practice before the big game!" That's what we were told. (And you know something, that used kleenix/tolite paper around Dad's favorite chair did not always come from me!!!) Coming from an athletic background and using masterbation hidden references comparing it to football may not be a bad thing! Any athelete reading this knows that practice is much harder than any game you are preping for. I have jerk off harder and more frequent than any sexual activity I have done with either a one night stand or in a relationship setting. And why not? I was born a male and given a penis and tesicules that reproduce sperm on a daily basis. Masterbation feels great and ejeculating multiple times per week is medically proven to help Prostate issues and rid the body of toxins that are secreted from the prostate gland. I have worked in the medical field for too many years and have seen way too many men suffer from Prostate cancer in Oncology. Every male patient I have spoke with has the same story in regards to sex with their wifes or girlfriends/partners, or lack of I should call it. Over the last few years to seven to ten years of their relationship was only a few times a week of sex to a few times a month, then a year. All stated that they would masterbate in the beginning of lack of sex but the other half did not like it. The masterbating would develope less frequent and eventually end up in Oncology and miserable. I say follow your natural instincts to masterbate and not what someone tells you not to do with you penis and testicules. Life is too short.
im 24 and my fiance is 45. At first i only talked to him because he spoiled me. he doesnt do that any more because hes layed off .now we have a 1yr old. he never tried to have sex with me and i started thinking it was because he was older, then i found a like 7 porn movies, i broke them all and was p-o- ed. he says sex once per week is enough. but he doent even try that. he never wants any. I want sex and i want to be licked and i want him to play with my boobs. but hes not interested. I woke him up in the middle of the night naked & got on top and humped him and rubbed him and licked him, so he let me have some. but the next night i started to try to do it again and he wont let me and says hes tired ever time i try. hey im tall skinny nice boobs and butt, what going on? when i met him he always wanted me ?
My only comment about "masturbation" is that it is neither immoral nor unethical, whether one has a partner or not. We all have the freedom to do with ourselves what we want.
I was wondering if to much masturbation or sex make a guys testis become sore or hurt?
Why would a man continually leave his underwear on during intercourse with his wife? He has not engaged in intercourse without his underwear in over a month.
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