What Foley and Roberts have in common

Two events have dominated the news this week: Representative Mark Foley's apparently sexually explicit messages to Washington pages and Charles Carl Roberts IV's killing of five female school children in Nickel Mines, PA.

It seems that Roberts may have had intentions of sexual assault when he carried out his planned invasion of the Amish schoolhouse. Among the ample supplies he brought was lubricating jelly. It's a strong hint.

Shortly before he shot himself, Roberts told his wife on a cell phone call that he'd had recurring thoughts about sexual exploitations of two girls (ages approximately four and five) that he carried out approximately twenty years ago when he was about twelve.

Mark Foley, a 52-year old male who is presumed to be gay, apparently was reaching out to the pages in what at first glance seemed simple friendly gestures in a power-brokered world where they were at the bottom of the totem pole. Who would turn down pizza at their dorm? But, it seems that once the pages completed their junior-year program and were returning home, Foley attempted to contact some of the male pages that "caught his eye" and whom he hoped were also sexually attracted to him.

What do these two news stories have in common? Two main things. Both have distorted sexuality at their core. And both men could have benefited immensely by having unfettered access to sex therapy.

If the news stories are accurate, Foley has been attracted to males (no problem with that) who are more than thirty years younger (no problem with that either). Before you start clicking the "comment" box, hear me out. Can the heterosexual representatives to Congress claim that they were never attracted to the female pages that grace their hallways? I doubt it.

The problem is that Foley may have acted on those attractions in ways that are exploitive and potentially coercive. It's a matter of boundaries and respect for those boundaries. If Foley had attractions to nubile males, he should have stuck to the twenty-somethings who look younger than they actually are. Our culture considers them adults -- even if they don't always act like it.

I would venture to guess that most gay men are very upset and discouraged by yet another larger than life portrayal of gay men as predators upon our youth. If the allegations prove true, Foley will need intensive sex therapy to work through his compelling sexual preoccupation with teenage males.

If Roberts' final communications with his wife are substantiated (the alleged victims of his sexual exploitation have yet to speak publicly), then this becomes another horribly painful example of a vandalized sexual map. While sexual play as children is quite common and not in itself necessarily a damaging experience, when the sexual interaction occurs between children with seven years difference in age, it's a problem and should be addressed as one.

But the real problem is, most likely no one addressed it. Some news coverage sources doubt it happened because no one seems to have known about it. Is that the epitome of naivete? Because no one knew about it, it didn't happen? Many incarcerated sex offenders can tell tales of the ones that no one knew about.

Why might this be happening? Our culture has had so many ways to repress the reporting of sexual exploitation. And, similarly -- too few ways to treat both the offender and the exploited person. I actually place both of these problems at the feet of a sex-negative culture that is at the same time highly titillated by all things sexual.

Our culture desperately needs to relax about the process of sexual learning and, simultaneously, address it much more directly. We do not need more sex experts. We need wider circles of every day adults available for open dialogue about sexual matters with our children.

Perhaps if Roberts had access to such an adult when he was a child, he would not have cooked up his plan of sexual assault and terror. And, perhaps if Foley had access to open dialogue about his sexuality forty years ago, he would not have become fixated on teenage boys -- boys who should now have the benefit of sex therapy in order to come to grips with their own sexual identity and hopefully avoid the distorted sexuality of their admirer.

Related Topics: How to Protect Yourself Against Crime, 10 Ways to Spot a Liar

Technorati Tags: Mark Foley, Charles Carl Roberts, sexual repression