Mom, What's Sexy?
A few nights ago, my seven-year old son crawled into my lap near bedtime. (He usually gravitates more toward my husband then.) And, happily, my youngest sought out his dad about the same time.
We're a two-rocking chair family, so I headed for the one in the boys' room and my husband to the one in the family room. We rocked for a few minutes quietly and then my son said, "Mom, what's sexy mean?" I thought, "Oh good, another teachable moment." I inhaled to formulate where I was going to start -- and in doing so, made a common mistake. I forgot to make sure that I really understood what his question was.
So, off I began with, "Well, it's a feeling that you get in your penis (if you're a boy) and in your brain. It's a good feeling to both places. That's what makes your penis get hard sometimes. Does that make sense?" At least I was following my own advice to stop every so often and make sure that your kid is tracking along with what is being said.
My son said, "Well, yeah Mom. But, what's sexy?" I realized at this point that I did not understand his question but, in knowing that, I was no closer to knowing what he was really asking. I said, "Sweetie, I would really like to answer your question, but I think that I'm not really figuring out what it is that you want to know."
He said, "Sexy, Mom. Like pregnant." Phew! Finally a clue I could work with. "Oh, you want to talk about how women get pregnant again? Sure, we can do that."
I described the usual way when a man put his penis in a woman's vagina and rubs it in and out -- and that eventually semen comes out inside the woman. And, since fertility treatments were an essential part of the story of conceiving both this son and his younger brother, I reminded him of the other way. We drifted off into masturbation and whether that could cause a woman to be pregnant. And, yes, it could if the man did it into a special container (and later the semen was put in the woman by a doctor), but that usually he would do it just because it felt good.
"Where would someone do it with his hand?" "Oh," I replied, "in bed, in the shower, into a toilet" -- naming some of the more common locations. "Does everyone have to do it with their hand?" "No, only if you want to." "Why would someone do it?" "Mainly because it feels good and it helps some boys relax."
And, that was it. The questions stopped. We had covered how the egg meets the sperm and masturbation -- not at all where I thought we were headed with my son's opening question.
Kids (even in sexually fluent households) don't always use sexual words in the way that adults typically tend to interpret them. So, I'll be heeding my own advice next time and making sure that I know what a question really means. And, I'll be leaving Robie Harris' book, It's Perfectly Normal, out in the boys' room again in case they want to revisit the topic with its wonderful cartoon-style illustrations.
Related Topics:
Technorati Tags: sexuality, sex education
We're a two-rocking chair family, so I headed for the one in the boys' room and my husband to the one in the family room. We rocked for a few minutes quietly and then my son said, "Mom, what's sexy mean?" I thought, "Oh good, another teachable moment." I inhaled to formulate where I was going to start -- and in doing so, made a common mistake. I forgot to make sure that I really understood what his question was.
So, off I began with, "Well, it's a feeling that you get in your penis (if you're a boy) and in your brain. It's a good feeling to both places. That's what makes your penis get hard sometimes. Does that make sense?" At least I was following my own advice to stop every so often and make sure that your kid is tracking along with what is being said.
My son said, "Well, yeah Mom. But, what's sexy?" I realized at this point that I did not understand his question but, in knowing that, I was no closer to knowing what he was really asking. I said, "Sweetie, I would really like to answer your question, but I think that I'm not really figuring out what it is that you want to know."
He said, "Sexy, Mom. Like pregnant." Phew! Finally a clue I could work with. "Oh, you want to talk about how women get pregnant again? Sure, we can do that."
I described the usual way when a man put his penis in a woman's vagina and rubs it in and out -- and that eventually semen comes out inside the woman. And, since fertility treatments were an essential part of the story of conceiving both this son and his younger brother, I reminded him of the other way. We drifted off into masturbation and whether that could cause a woman to be pregnant. And, yes, it could if the man did it into a special container (and later the semen was put in the woman by a doctor), but that usually he would do it just because it felt good.
"Where would someone do it with his hand?" "Oh," I replied, "in bed, in the shower, into a toilet" -- naming some of the more common locations. "Does everyone have to do it with their hand?" "No, only if you want to." "Why would someone do it?" "Mainly because it feels good and it helps some boys relax."
And, that was it. The questions stopped. We had covered how the egg meets the sperm and masturbation -- not at all where I thought we were headed with my son's opening question.
Kids (even in sexually fluent households) don't always use sexual words in the way that adults typically tend to interpret them. So, I'll be heeding my own advice next time and making sure that I know what a question really means. And, I'll be leaving Robie Harris' book, It's Perfectly Normal, out in the boys' room again in case they want to revisit the topic with its wonderful cartoon-style illustrations.
Related Topics:
Technorati Tags: sexuality, sex education
7 Comments:
I do like that book "Its Perfectly Normal' and i ordered it for my kids. But its so difficult to know how far to go with these descriptions...the straightforwardness that you spoke with your son...would never happen with my kids (well, not in that detail). but I'm not sure what the right way should be.
I think the author of this articla went way beyond what the child intended to ask. Sexy..is an adjective! She spoke to the child as if he wanted a graphic description..of a verb (having sex.) A Simple answer is.. when a person looks and/or acts in a manner that attracts attention to his/her gender or mode of dressing. Clothing can be sexy hanging on a hanger. To go beyond the simplest explanation without clarifying what is really being asked is just strange. No I am not a prude...just a cautious parent that doesn't like to give information before a child really wants to know the graphic details.
Careful quizzing is appropriate before we go into a full fledged explanation of the facts of life. Yeesh! I am still not sure the pregnancy details needs to include all that information. Quite this early! Seven years old!?
I hate to dis-illusion the previous commentor but 7 is just about right since I know for a fact (having scrubbed as assistant) that even 9 year old girls can get pregnant and have babies at just barely 10. Teach your children as much as possible as soon as possible.
Reread and decide what sexy means. A kid needs only the minimum until you quiz back and forth until you discern how deep the child intends to go with their questioning. I am not saying never but be careful with too much that may increase his curiosity beyond what you want the child to discover and don't create more than even you can handle. Do we need to go into oral sex and other deeply personal and just too much for a little mind to believe. Come on and get real with your willingness to detail too much.
I would never want this therapist to be near my child or for that matter any children. My husband said when I asked him what sexy was said...looking good and attractive to other people. Not pull out my penis and use it on the person. Christ! Woman where is your brain.
Because I was so sexually ignorant as a kid, even though I lived on a farm, I decided I would answer my son's questions to the best of my ability and still respect the privacy of myself and my wife. We started reading him age appropriate books when he was 4 years old, and always tried to determine what question he was asking. He is much older now, and we have been able to talk to him about sexual responsibility many times over the years. He is still a virgin at nearly 20 years old, although he admits he wants to have sex---but only with someone REALLY special.
The key is finding out what they really want to know....
I think the man who said "sexy" means "looking good and attractive to other people" is all the child wanted to know. It was a simple explanation of the word. That's all he asked! Going into all that other stuff was "ridiculous" and more than the child could digest.
Post a Comment