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Part 6: Relationship Conflicts

This is the sixth in a series of “Ten Reasons Why Women May Lack Sexual Desire.”

Many times in my practice I’ll encounter a person who will want to resolve conflicts and dissolve unpleasant feelings with a mate by having a sexual connection with that estranged mate. Some women do turn to sex to work out negative feelings that they may have from disagreements with their mate, but many — if not most — don’t. This tends to be true most often in long term relationships, though it shows up with some frequency in rather new relationships too.

The women who can turn to sex to, in part, bridge the gap of disconnection tend to be women who are able to “objectify” their partners in a fairly healthy way. Even though they may be angry or frustrated with their partner, their personal enjoyment of their partner’s body or way of expressing sexuality can be so great that objections are set aside. In other words, a healthy case of lust wins out over hurt or anger.

When the squabbles are small lust has a better chance of succeeding, but when the problems are sizable the chances are nil for most women. In my experience, the primary exception to this is women who have erotic attachment to anger. They like having sex with an angry edge to it. They may even sometimes provoke a conflict in order to have a sexual session to “make up.”

When the sexual relationship between two people has taken a serious hit from their relationship conflicts, it’s often a good time to see a sex therapist to sort out the issues and see if the sexual aspects (as well as the others) can get back on track.

Related Topics: Want a Happy Marriage? Be Nice, Don’t Nitpick, Newlyweds’ 5 Biggest Pitfalls

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