He Had an Itch
As young girl I was not given the information or attitudes about sexuality that I have chosen to offer my sons. I would not really expect my parents to have done this. The only parenting manual around in the 1950s was Dr. Spock's Baby and Child Care. It was pretty standard for parents to make it up as they went along or perhaps consult their own parents.
And, I was an only child, so I did not get the benefit of an older sibling passing along some "sage" knowledge. So, I tried to find it in books — looking up words in the dictionary, scanning the index of any book that might have anything about body parts, and I looked at National Geographic (for information, not to get aroused) — just to figure it all out. And, I learned about sex in the most embarrassing way I can think of — hanging around other kids and trying to absorb what they were saying without looking like I was. I remember when I heard the word "screwing" and that I did not know what it meant — and it felt like I was the only one in the group of six kids who didn't.
So, here I am, several decades later, raising my sons. The book, It's Perfectly Natural by Robie Harris, gets digested in several-page bites every so often by my sons when the right mood is in the air — that feeling of some teachable moments. When we're not actively reading it, the book's still on the shelf in their room — in case they're in the mood to learn more when we're not around.
My husband and I try to include the clinically accurate terms for body parts, but I also have introduced and tolerated some common, generally not offensive, street language here and there. So, the kids might say that they need to go to the bathroom, have a bowel movement, or need to go poop. All are fine with my husband and me.
So, when we're discussing their bodies, the words "penis" or "genitals" tend to be used. And once in a while, one of them reverts to "my pee pee" or "my weiner" (one the oldest picked up on the playground). I don't make great efforts to weed out these last two because they will hear many more slang terms for "penis" before long.
The other day, however, I realized that there was still some work to be done on sexual vocabulary with my youngest (the four-year old). We were rocking in the rocking chair near bedtime. He was all zipped up in his toasty one-piece jammies with the attached feet. Suddenly he unzipped the big long zipper down past his penis and reached in and started to scratch his genitals. I said, "Looks like you really needed to scratch." He replied, "Yes, I have an itch on my generosity."
I thought to myself, "I'll teach him how to say 'genitals' again some other time." And smiling, also thought, "May he always have such a positive association with his genitals and may his partner(s) see it similarly."
Related Topics:
Technorati Tags: sexuality, parenting, sex education
And, I was an only child, so I did not get the benefit of an older sibling passing along some "sage" knowledge. So, I tried to find it in books — looking up words in the dictionary, scanning the index of any book that might have anything about body parts, and I looked at National Geographic (for information, not to get aroused) — just to figure it all out. And, I learned about sex in the most embarrassing way I can think of — hanging around other kids and trying to absorb what they were saying without looking like I was. I remember when I heard the word "screwing" and that I did not know what it meant — and it felt like I was the only one in the group of six kids who didn't.
So, here I am, several decades later, raising my sons. The book, It's Perfectly Natural by Robie Harris, gets digested in several-page bites every so often by my sons when the right mood is in the air — that feeling of some teachable moments. When we're not actively reading it, the book's still on the shelf in their room — in case they're in the mood to learn more when we're not around.
My husband and I try to include the clinically accurate terms for body parts, but I also have introduced and tolerated some common, generally not offensive, street language here and there. So, the kids might say that they need to go to the bathroom, have a bowel movement, or need to go poop. All are fine with my husband and me.
So, when we're discussing their bodies, the words "penis" or "genitals" tend to be used. And once in a while, one of them reverts to "my pee pee" or "my weiner" (one the oldest picked up on the playground). I don't make great efforts to weed out these last two because they will hear many more slang terms for "penis" before long.
The other day, however, I realized that there was still some work to be done on sexual vocabulary with my youngest (the four-year old). We were rocking in the rocking chair near bedtime. He was all zipped up in his toasty one-piece jammies with the attached feet. Suddenly he unzipped the big long zipper down past his penis and reached in and started to scratch his genitals. I said, "Looks like you really needed to scratch." He replied, "Yes, I have an itch on my generosity."
I thought to myself, "I'll teach him how to say 'genitals' again some other time." And smiling, also thought, "May he always have such a positive association with his genitals and may his partner(s) see it similarly."
Related Topics:
Technorati Tags: sexuality, parenting, sex education
6 Comments:
AT WHAT POINT IN TIME WILL AMERICAN PARENTS ALLOW YOUR CHILDREN TO BE KIDS AS LONG AS THEY CAN BE. I WOULD IMAGINE THAT IT IS FASHIONALLY/POLITICALLY CORRECT TO TEACH A 4 YEAR OLD THE VALUES OF A GREAT SEXUAL LIFE FOR HIM 15 YEARS OR SO IN THE FUTURE........GLAD ALL 5 OF MY KIDS ARE GROWN, I WOULD HAVE TO TAKE THEM TO THE STORE AT 3 YEARS OLD TO BUY THEM THEIR FIRST TAMPAX............
I learned most of my sexual knowledge from books that I had sought out on my own. Schools taught clinical and biological facts about our bodies. We did not have internet, just libraries. As a girl, I noticed boys were getting their sex eduacation from nude magazines, and this was a snickeringly acceptable form. While girls were tought to wait for love, don't be dirty, etc...
Now, there is access to a plethora of sex education, from birth to old age sexuality. Things are seen on TV in commercials and especially in music videos portraying girls as sexual beings, and yet, girls are still repressed to believe they should wait for love or marriage, while boys are still getting their education through porn.
I learned through esperience that boys lie to get sex. They talk about love, then they talk behind your back about how dirty a girl is for giving them the very thing they wanted.
I think sex eduacation was very one sided in my generation. Girls were taught how babies are made, boys were taught how to have orgasms. I don't understand why adults are so afraid to educate girls about sexuality. They would make better decisions, instead of hearing lies from boys who think they know it all from porn.
I was woefully ignorant of sexual things even though I grew up on a farm. It was mostly a non-working farm, as it was too small to support my parents.
When I was thirteen my father took me into the barn and gave me a technically accurate, but very boring presentation of how sex was performed to make babies. He made it seem less interesting than taking the husks off of corn. My hormones told me otherwise. My wife also was ignorant about sex.
We determined we would not let our son be so ignorant. We read him age appropiate books from age three, and honestly answered his questions in age appropriate terms.
He had a great advantage in not being so potentially dangerously naive as we were for too many years. This is necessary in today's even more sexually charged society.
Great article! I think I've heard just about every slang word used to describe the penis... but my new favorite is now "generosity"! lol
To the first respondee:
It would be greatly appreciated by those of us whom take the time to read a reply that you actually choose the right words, and don't capitalize every word - it makes you seem even more ignorant than your actualy rant.
Technical issues aside... what about sexuality does NOT constitute being a kid? How many 3-4-5-6-7-8 year old kids play "if you show me yours, I'll show you mine?" I'd imagine a good deal!
Sexuality is the essence of our existence. Why do we work? To make money... to support ourselves... to increase our reproductive success. Regardless of the circumstance, it is irrevocably the case that we are biologically built/driven to have sex. There is no "golden age" where the topic of sex should be discussed.
Your comment concerning the "I would [hate?] to take them to the store at 3 years old to buy them their first tampax" -- It's a "tampon" as, "Tampax" is a brand name, and second, that's absolutely absurd! Girls do, however, need some indication of the events that are to be, as I'd imagine bleeding out ones vagina for the first time is not a comfortable experience! Now, imagine that experience having never been previously informed.
I'd want to know if it was "normal" that my penis started bleeding once a month!
Keith, you're obviously an atheist and probably a fan of Nietzsche. But brother, I don't work to increase my "reproductive status". That's a less-than-unique economic view on sex. Unfortunately it's not true for all of us.
Actually, economics has little or no relevance to "reproductive status" as the richest man in the world can be completely impotent... and vice versa.
So keep dreaming that you're highly intellectual. In the meantime, let's remember that most 4 year olds don't play "doctor" (in the erotic sense) unless they're given some ideas from TV or parents. And many kids only discover their genitalia because it feels good to touch or rub it. They don't have the connection to sexuality from that. Simply that it feels good.
That doesn't necessitate a lecture on sexual education. Nor does it make rubbing your privates for pleasure in public a normative or even socially acceptable idea.
Bottom line: kids shouldn't be ashamed of their privates... but there is still room for modesty in a civilized and moral world.
Post a Comment