Are ALL Welcome?
A church in Carlsbad, CA recently faced a complex religious issue when a former inmate revealed to the congregation that he had been in prison for molesting children. He had been seeking a place to worship and liked this particular church.
His request pushed this close-knit congregation into a series of challenging discussions about how exactly they intended to live their faith in real, "this world" conditions. After all, they had a sign in front of the church reading "All are welcome." All means all -- or does it?
One might instantly say that all does mean all. But, imagine if you are a teen or an adult who had been sexually exploited earlier in life. Would you be able to deal with sitting next to someone whom you knew had perpetrated some similar act on others? How might that affect your endeavors to move on in your life? Might that impede your progress in therapy?
But, on the other hand, where in the world might we want a convicted sex offender to turn once released from prison having served their time? Doesn't organized religion and places of worship seem like a very good place to seek support, guidance and community? Aren't we seeking a world in which sex offenders don't re-offend? Isn't a sex offender likely to resist re-offending when counsel, compassion, and understanding are freely offered?
According to Rev. Debra Haffner, director of the Religious Institute on Sexual Morality, Justice and Healing in Norwalk, CN, congregations have always had sex offenders, but they have mostly not been known to the members of that congregation. Parole officers have recommended that offenders seek places of worship for support. It's been a “good fit” if the congregation just didn't know.
This particular man decided to be open about his past instead. Some members of the congregation indicated that they would leave the church if he were permitted to attend. Others indicated that they would leave the church if he were not permitted to attend. It's become a balancing act between fears and principles for that congregation.
As one church leader put it, can congregations serve the needs of all its congregants? This church is struggling to decide whose needs they are serving. For now, the former inmate is not attending the main church service and instead meeting with a small group of willing attendants from that church. (One other church, when facing the same question, held two services so that those who did not want to worship with a sex offender could attend the other service.)
Just where does a church draw the line? It seems easier for many to draw the line at sex offenders. Even prisoners (including those who have taken life) have their own skewed sense of indignation toward sex offenders in prisons -- as though death was infinitely and always preferable to sexual exploitation (in no way do I mean to minimize the potential effects of the latter experience).
Yet, in our culture sex has a unique type of phobia attached to it if it is unlawfully expressed. Politicians seem to hold a type of pride when vilifying a sex offender -- nearly always greater than other types of offenders. If a "Megan's List" for murderers exists, it certainly has not gotten similar publicity. It leads me to wonder if there is a Megan's List for murderers available on the Internet.
I think that places of worship will want to stop and think quite clearly about placing a sign in front which states that "all are welcome." And, if there's one out there, they should be ready to handle dilemmas like the one presented in Carlsbad.
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Technorati Tags: faith, religion, sex offenders, society, health and wellness
His request pushed this close-knit congregation into a series of challenging discussions about how exactly they intended to live their faith in real, "this world" conditions. After all, they had a sign in front of the church reading "All are welcome." All means all -- or does it?
One might instantly say that all does mean all. But, imagine if you are a teen or an adult who had been sexually exploited earlier in life. Would you be able to deal with sitting next to someone whom you knew had perpetrated some similar act on others? How might that affect your endeavors to move on in your life? Might that impede your progress in therapy?
But, on the other hand, where in the world might we want a convicted sex offender to turn once released from prison having served their time? Doesn't organized religion and places of worship seem like a very good place to seek support, guidance and community? Aren't we seeking a world in which sex offenders don't re-offend? Isn't a sex offender likely to resist re-offending when counsel, compassion, and understanding are freely offered?
According to Rev. Debra Haffner, director of the Religious Institute on Sexual Morality, Justice and Healing in Norwalk, CN, congregations have always had sex offenders, but they have mostly not been known to the members of that congregation. Parole officers have recommended that offenders seek places of worship for support. It's been a “good fit” if the congregation just didn't know.
This particular man decided to be open about his past instead. Some members of the congregation indicated that they would leave the church if he were permitted to attend. Others indicated that they would leave the church if he were not permitted to attend. It's become a balancing act between fears and principles for that congregation.
As one church leader put it, can congregations serve the needs of all its congregants? This church is struggling to decide whose needs they are serving. For now, the former inmate is not attending the main church service and instead meeting with a small group of willing attendants from that church. (One other church, when facing the same question, held two services so that those who did not want to worship with a sex offender could attend the other service.)
Just where does a church draw the line? It seems easier for many to draw the line at sex offenders. Even prisoners (including those who have taken life) have their own skewed sense of indignation toward sex offenders in prisons -- as though death was infinitely and always preferable to sexual exploitation (in no way do I mean to minimize the potential effects of the latter experience).
Yet, in our culture sex has a unique type of phobia attached to it if it is unlawfully expressed. Politicians seem to hold a type of pride when vilifying a sex offender -- nearly always greater than other types of offenders. If a "Megan's List" for murderers exists, it certainly has not gotten similar publicity. It leads me to wonder if there is a Megan's List for murderers available on the Internet.
I think that places of worship will want to stop and think quite clearly about placing a sign in front which states that "all are welcome." And, if there's one out there, they should be ready to handle dilemmas like the one presented in Carlsbad.
Related Topics:
Technorati Tags: faith, religion, sex offenders, society, health and wellness
14 Comments:
I totally agree with this. They must be able to attend therapy, which they do not get in prison. And if they have never been caught and are having inappropriate thoughts, they cannot seek help or they'll be reported by the therapist and thrown in jail.
Sex Offenders need therapy. I've tried to explain this until I'm blue in the face, but hate and anger is all people see. They cannot see beyond that, so therefore we'll always have this problem.
http://sexoffenderissues.blogspot.com/
http://sexoffenderinfo.pbwiki.com/
Is it not true that sex offenders have different pathologies? It seems to me that there must be differences in how "predatory" sex offenders behavior is. The sex offender lurking in the public park, or anywhere else, whose intent is the kidnapping and torture of a stranger child is one thing, and in the realm of sex offenders is actually very rare. Far more common is the parent, relative, or family friend, who exploits the trust of a child and makes the child an object of their sexual attention, usually through manipulation of the child's good intentions. These relationships often go on for months or years, primarily because the victims care about their victimizers, or they fear the effect that exposing their victimizers will have on their families and themselves.
Sexual hysteria works against the victims as much as it isolates offenders who may have a true desire to get better. There is a big difference between predatory and opportunistic offenders. The latter might benefit from a more compassionate society, and many of the former never get out of jail anyway. Over the years I have heard many clergy say something like "What better place for a sinner than in a church." This issue needs some real study, not more sexual hysteria, IMHO.
Then there's the question of what to do if the sex offender is the minister, anonymously moving from church to church with the blessing of church leaders, after his crimes come to light.
I am told by ALL professional therapists that sexual offenders can't be "turned around" so to speak and that they will always re-offend. It's sad to think that but I have actually known a few(we all have, maybe you just don't know it) and unfortunately they have ALL re-offended and are now back in prison for the long haul. But, they should be welcome in ANY church where they have not offended any parishoner's children. God is the judge there. Now, if they molest a parishoner's child, then they should not only be kicked out of the church, but they should go to jail! If you know of such a preditor "working" it's your duty to turn them into the police. It's a compulsion, not a disease. They don't HAVE to molest, they choose to. You don't HAVE to go to those porn web sites, you CHOOSE to.
One thing that many people fail to realize is that that title can go on a young man when he has had consensual sex with an underage girlfriend depending on what state they live in or where the act occurred. And some girls are quite provacative at a fairly young age and their parents never seem to see it and then if something happens, they always blame the guy whether it was totally his fault or not. I see girls wearing clothes that I won't wear and probably never would have worn not matter what my age and I am no prude. I think that any church that puts up a sign that welcomes all should do just that. I know the church that I attend doesn't seem to have any problems with that that I have seen since I became a member about six months ago. I also believe that once a person has served his/her time then there should help and forgiveness offered to them if they seek it.
The comment above that begins "I am told by ALL professional therapists" is foolish, and reflects the ignorance and prejudice associated with this subject matter.
Here is a link to a real study on recidivism. I suggest that this individual read it.
http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/pub/pdf/rsorp94.pdf
you know jesus didn't hang with the good people he went and found so called sinners so he could hel[p them save themselves who are we as man to reject a person to come to church just because he has done something bad, that is who jesus wants in the church not these self rightoues pious people i say let the guy go to church and if the people don't like it go find anothe church that sees things their way because they are not looking at it god's way
I would suggest that a church is the best place for a sex offender to "start over" and reestablish some normalcy in their life. Jesus taught us that. Further, I would rather sit next to a sex offender in the pew and visit with them at a coffee hour, then have them teach my children at school or drive their school bus.
I have wondered does sex offenders run in familes my father was one,my brother and my nephew. I think they are all sick.My nephew pulled prison time but not my father or brother.My mother knew about my father but she wouldn't do any thing she said she needed him to help raise the children. I wanted him locked up. He is dead now and my life is much better.I don't wish death on anyone but he was evil and I'm glad he gone.My nephew is out of prison he claims to be healed but time will tell he is not dating anyone so that tells me theres a problem.My brother I don't know since I don't associate with him. From what I know about my family I would have to say 85% of the males have had sex with a child.
OK, let me chime in as a "church guy". Are all welcome at our church? Absolutely. Even convited sex offenders? Absolutely. Is forgiveness of sin freely available to everyone? Absolutely. But we must realize that even a sin that's been totally and completely forgiven still has ramifications. If a bank manager goes to prison for embezzlement and serves his time, he's served his time, he's paid his debt to society. But when he gets out, to you send him back to the bank? That would be unwise, and unfair to him to put him back in that place of temptation.
This is a difficult issue, since the church is packed with children. Unfortunately, most offenders know that many churches are desperate for Sunday School workers, so they have a tendency to gravitate to the place where there is a lot of children, and where there is a need for someone to spend time with them, often unsupervised. Among the ranks of pedophiles, the church is considered to be the Mecca of easy pickings. As a result, we run FBI background checks on all of our nursery and Sunday School volunteers, and have a firm policy, (required by our liability insurance carrier), that no adult ever be allowed to be alone with the children, even after passing their background check. It's a sad commentary on the state of things that we have to carry a million-dollar policy to protect us against such possibilities, but the reality is that if an offender re-offends in the church, the church is completely liable unless they have taken all available precautions. As a result, we take photos of all offenders who wish to attend our church, and make certain that all of the children's ministry workers are aware of who they are. I'm sure you're aware that they are required to notify us of their status as registered sex offenders if they want to be in the same building as the children. Again, it's a difficult issue. We want them in the church, that's where they need to be, and they are certainly welcome, as long as they are willing to meet the conditions that are a direct result of thier past choices. These conditionas are put in place to protect the children, the church, and to protect them from temptation. Shame on us if we put them in a situation they couldn't possibly refuse.
It's much better for a sex offender to let the congregation know than to hide his past. If, as in this story, the whole congregation is told about the crimes, the other adults in the church will be vigilant about not letting their children spend time with him, etc. If churches refuse to allow known offenders to join, all it will do is cause the men to hide their pasts-- it won't keep them away from the church.
There are non-registered, unknown sex offenders in churches throughout the nation- very likely in your church. They are parents and they are respected community members. They are all kinds of people, and they can't be identified. The more urgent issue is how we assure that children- and all in our churches who are vulnerable to abuse- are protected while maintaining open doors.
I would like to say;That sex offenders are usually offended sexually in early childhood,mostly. Or they are born that way. In what right mind a man would molest a child or a woman. Ther's must be something wrong with this person. Brain dammage,Bi-polar,Autism...Society has a lot to do with this issue. Sexual preferences,that are not accepted,so therefore they diviate.
i wonder how many of you are supposedly christians that are judging and desiring suffering on people who had a past of a sex offence. you know jesus died for every sinner. but as long as you hang on to your hate you will be not in gods house. as a matter of fact sex offenders will be in heaven and you will be in hell forever. at least sex offenders only have to live in this hell temporarily is forgiven. not all sex offenders need to be treated this way. what will you do when one of your family members get caught? most sex offences happen by reletives.
these laws are wrong and you that hate people of any kind will burn in hell.sex offenders cannot even go to church where church is for sinners not the perfect in society. judge not lest ye be judged.unfortunately the scarlet letter placed on these individuals endangers you and your kids more instead of rehabilitation and support. registries have the opposite effect of helping. all this put on the sex offenders causes problems in thier life that can cause reoffence or even a act of mass murder. see how rediculous this is? its pretty bad when someone is treated like a pariah that molests a kid but someone who murders a kid and does not molest them is not treated as bad. god bless you and good luck, you'll need it sooner or later.
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