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From The Sex Files: More Fetishes
Here's another unusual, true story.About six years ago, I received an email from a prospective client who stated that he wanted my help in managing some discussions with his fiancee about a fetish of his before they got married. I replied that I would be happy to help him with this and we set an appointment.
I briefly thought to myself, "Hmmmm... what fetish will this be? Leather, lace, rubber, infantilism...?" (If you haven't heard the term, don't let your mind wander in a worrisome direction. It has nothing to do with actual children. It's the idea that one partner is a baby, dresses like one, and is cared for by the other person in that manner.) It's not that often that help is requested for the first two, but the last two (and other unusual ones) do sometimes require some assistance.
My new client and his fiancee came to their scheduled appointment and filled out their first appointment forms. Then he began to explain his fetish.
It turned out that he was very aroused by the sight of a woman having a hair cut. Yes, the hair on her head. Several thoughts instantly zinged through my mind. The first was somewhat personal: "Gee, even at the hair salon, there may be someone lurking and watching!" The second involved his fiancee; she had very straight hair that was cut in a somewhat stylish page boy. With some of her jawline showing, it was as short as it could be while still looking attractive. I thought, "I bet she used to have much longer hair!"
My hunch was correct. Quite often, as part of his getting aroused, he would cut a short amount of her hair. In fact, she had begun their relationship with much longer hair.
We spent some of our therapy time thinking through what might have led to his fetish. The only experience that seemed to contribute somehow was my client's emotional response at age ten to his parents' decision to have a large tree in their front yard chopped down. He was saddened by losing it and he had not had known before the event that it was scheduled to happen. He felt there might be some connection between his fetish and that event. Beyond that, we had no idea what had led to his erotic attraction to seeing women having their hair cut.
My work with them amounted to some "normalizing" (a term mental health professionals use to help clients feel less stigmatized about something) their experience together. I let them know that many couples create sexual patterns that are uniquely their own. There seemed to be no harm in their sex play. She was not upset by her hairstyle -- just concerned.
My client was quite helpful in "normalizing" this as well. It turned out that there were several websites that offered pictures of attractive women having their hair cut. My client had himself visited these sites when further cutting on his fiancee's hair would have resulted in odd looking hair (as well as prior to meeting her).
This client's interests again sent the message home to me that sexual arousal involves a wide array of possibilities. Websites for sexual imagery don't exist in a vacuum. There were probably lots of people viewing these images and finding them arousing. And I thought that I'd heard everything after twenty-two years practicing sex therapy in San Francisco.
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34 Comments:
I WISH YOU DRS.WOULD ACCKNOLEDGE THAT A MAN CAN INCREASE HIS PENIL SIZE.
I DID MINE AT THE AGE OF 67 IN ABOUT 3mo.I AM NOW 72 AND HAVE HAD BETTER SEX WITH A 2in PLUS HEAD THAN ALL THE YEARS BEFORE.MOST WOMEN SAY THEY HAVE NOT HAD ONE THIS LARGE.
SUE JOHANSEN ON talk sex TELLS EVERY ONE THAT IT CAN NOT BE DONE.
SHE IS DOING A DISSERVICE TO MEN ALL AROUND THE WORLD.
THANKS !
Am I the only person who thinks this is weird? Instead of "normalizing" the behavior, why wouldn't the therapist try to "normalize" the patient--as in help him grow to more normal arousal patterns. Wouldn't that be healthier?
I love watching a woman get her hair cut. I fantasize about it getting cut really really short. I love the extremely short nape cut with clippers. I fantasize about shaving a beautiful woman's head. I am not alone - there are many sites devoted to this. There are also many women who fantasize about someone cutting off their long hair.
Who are we to decide whats "healthier"? Trying to change what arouses you is near impossible. Think of it this way. Say you are aroused by the site of the opposite sex naked, ready and waiting for you. What if someone told you that this wasnt "normal" and you needed to find a
"healthier" way to be aroused. I'm sure your saying, "but thats normal, so why should i change". Each person has unique turn ons and sexual responses. As long as everyone involved is consenting why should anyone change what they find arousing?
m female and 39 and from what I know as far from readong the article on the fetishes, the hair cut thing is somewhat strange but I beleive it could be the idea of the chair , itself as the arousal tool , To imagine owning one of those I even fing to be a cool place to have my honey , when I meet him get his own personalized haircuts, Catch where the haircut thing might just be the same but not realizing its the chair ofr the situation and atmosphere that is the cause to the fetish. the idea.
Just my tought and opinion from a woman onreader.I
I dont think its about the chair. From what Dr. Weston wrote it seems this man finds the actual act of cutting the hair arousing.
Dear dr. I am 18 years old and have a penis thats very small. I have measured it while flacid and it is no more tna 3 inches long. my pubic hairs are longer than it. please help.
Speaking of fetishes, I would love to be able to share my story but not sure of where to go to post. I would like to get this off my chest and maybe receive some feedback. Sometimes I feel like I am going to lose it with all of my husband's fetishes. Can someone tell me where I should go to discuss this? Or should I do this more on a one on one basis?
To "Anonymous" (directly above this comment)" Try visiting our Sexuality message board to share your story.
Well, my boyfriend of 9 years is obsessed with this hair fetish "thing". I call it a thing because it has caused me great pain and harm to my esteem. He is absolutely unable to become aroused without some type of hair fantasy. This causing me to feel unactractive and unable to please him. What is one supposed to do? Especially when you deeply love someone who refuses to believe that you do unless you cut your hair and change your identity. The sex is an act done in private, behind closed doors. The hair cut is with the "victim" all hours of the day. The pain this has caused me is at times too painful to even put into words, leading me to believe that I am the one who needs the therapy in order to be strong enough to leave someone I deeply love and care about.
In one of our many arguments about this I will tell him that it's not normal. But his argument is that it is normal to him and that there are many websites to prove that it is normal. But my argument is that there are many pedophile websites. . .that doesn't make it normal or okay.
Anybody have any advise for me? Anyone else in the same boat as me? Please help.
I think it has to do with the idea of grooming and nurturing. I remember watching the movie "Phenomenon" when Kyra Sedgwick very tenderly cut John Travolta's hair to Aaron Neville's "Crazy Love" softly playing in the background. The haircutting was not a turn on, but because of the loving manner in which she did it, my own head started to tingle and feel comfortable in the movie theater. It just looked so relaxing. Maybe this guy can remember the tenderness of his mother's fingers along his head when she used to comb or cut his hair or he's simply reminded of a very tender and nurturing moment in his past.
Whenever I look for psychological information on my haircut fetish, it's usually set in the context of "Well now I've seen everything!" Not that I'm angry about it, it just makes me wish I liked big boobs like most American men -- things would be much simpler. Like this patient, I don't really know how it started for me, but I clearly remember being attracted to short hair by the time I started puberty. I've been very fortunate to have girlfriends that have been very accommodating to my fetish. Of course, it's something you can only engage in if you're in a committed relationship. Try picking a girl up at the bar and wanting her to cut her hair, and you won't get very far.
To the guy who is so interested in men around the world enlarging their penises and managed to make his bigger: How the hell did you do it?????? Don't leave us hanging!!!
I just wanted to tell mr. 18yr old that don't worry bout flacid size cuz the more relaxed the penis is the larger the erection. If you still worry bout it which u probably do. I'll tell u this my husband is bout the same size & he doesnt have a problem with how things work cuz he has become exprienced with using his hands & fingers to help during foreplay and intercourse(he's mr. g-spot dectector)there are vibrating rings that can help u and ur partner. O and another good way to make you get big and erect is to get your partner to give u oral before penetration. hope these ideas help you out.
I have this fetish too. However its very obvious from where this stems. As a child I used to be forced to get my hair cut super short all the time. Whereas other boys would wear their hair longer, I was always forced to have a crewcut. I however never did get aroused from the process of getting my hair cut short. Later however, I developed a fetish for women with short/super short/shaved heads. I don't enjoy the cutting part but I find the entire before/after makeover aspect very arousing.
On another note, as I grow older I am realizing something else: For some reason I try and force onto my significant other what I would enjoy sexually. Like if something would turn me on, I would try to make my s/o experience the same thing irrespective of whether she would enjoy it all, as I perceive it to be that she would enjoy it because I would enjoy it done to myself. In a way I get off on forced activities, I do not think she does. Is there a term for all this?
I would love to hear others opinions about all this.
I have this fetish too. I can trace it back to approx. the time I was going through puberty. I had a minor crush on a long-haired girl at school. She came to school with a new, much shorter hairstyle that transformed her. It was fairly normal bob hairstyle but the change was so dramatic, it aroused me. A few weeks later she cut it shorter and I found my self aroused again. Ever since, haircuts have been a turn-on. Shaved? Buzzed? ...not so much.
I have been in a relationship for 5 years, shifted into his house after 2 years, only to discover that he has this strong fetish with women long hair, and talked me into growing mine long, which i did, since time has gone by I have lost all my confidence and feel let down, I hate going out with him because he studies all attractitve girls intensley, the staring embrasses me, he enjoys going to female shops, supermarkets etc I can see in his expressions he is in heaven, he has no desire to have sex with me, he looks up the hair fetish sites behind my back, he gets an erection when trimming or cutting my hair, always asking to cut my hair, if I go to the hairdresser to have it done he wont speak to me for a couple of days, he is constently looking out window of home and car and magaines to enjoy this fetish, I love this man but it is killing me slowly what can I do, I have tried to speak to him but he is in denial and we argue about it.. where can I get help
Thanks for reading my story.
Yeah, this fetish is quite annoying. My boyfriend has it and he used to compulsively go on websites and drool over bald women and mostly celebrities who got their hair cut. I had to ask him to stop because it was really hurting my feelings. I was okay about it when he told me and I still am but sometimes I just get so aggravated. I shaved my head to please him and I have been wearing a pixie for some time now but I want to grow my hair out and do so many different styles. I just don't want to lose the sex life and have him sneaking around clearing the history of the browser! I don't have proof that this happens, let's just call it a woman's intuition. Ugh, sometimes I just feel loads of resentment! He really could have been perfect for me. I guess it's just something that has to be dealt with.
After reading your message, I feel better to know there are people out their going through the same emotional feelings as me. My man is in denial about the subject, he says im imagining things and silly and stupid. Trying to deal with his problem I have turned to drink which is not helping the relationship, I have been to 2 different counsellors for relationship problems, and both just dont understand my situation, I live alone and have no one to discuss this with, anyone got any ideas where I can get the right help.
Ok everyone couple questions here I just met a man and he recently asked if I would ever cut my hair short? I told him i liked my long hair. then asked why? and he replyed what if it involved me giving u an erotic haircut. Ok this is a first for me I've heard alot of things but an erotic haircut from a man I can imagine myself cutting a mans hair while being erotic, but how exactly does it work the other way does he want just chop off all my long hair or is it an actual haircut? I like my long hair and couldn't deal with a chopped mess. What are the websites I could get info from?
i am wondering how it is that a man can increase his penil size where would i find this out? can anyone tell me?
I to also have the same haircut fetish similar to you guys, but I'm not a fan of girls with bald heads. Short hair is cool but not a deal breaker for me. I like to cut womens hair but its not a must. I think I mostly like the women to cut MY hair, almost in a dominating type style. I want her to really want to cut my hair, that is the biggest turn on to me. Would this fall in the same category as the others? Any ideas for acting out my fetish, I can't get my hair cut as often as I'd like to.
I have this Fetish as well, I have never told anyone about it. In fact, I feel very ashamed of it.
The Exposure it gets on the internet usually involves pornography and other vulgar fetishes. I have never asked a girl friend to ever cut her hair short or shave her head for me. I will admit that the sex would probably be better because of it but I have respect for the person I'm with and try to love and care for them for who they are and not change them. I know now that this fetish will never go away and one day I might share with someone special in my life that I have this fetish, I just hope that it doesn't scare them away or cause them to act out and use it against me.
This is a private matter and I think normal people like me are afraid to come out and tell anyone because of all that bad exposure, that goes along with this particular subject, on the internet.
I just wish I could meet a nice girl that is the counter part to this combo and has the same fetish as me so I wouldn't feel so alone or be so scared about the subject. That's all we really want.
Well, I can tell you what my hair fetish is all about. For me it's the sight and sound touch and the transformation of a women making a big change in her life with a hair makeover. I've been turned on by ladies hair since I was five y/o and the cutting part developed later after puberty. I have tried my damndest to live without this and it always gets the best of me. I'm married now and thanks to an understanding spouse have finally come to grips with it even though I know that I'n not normal. Fortunately for us, all she really has to do is talk about cutting her hair or take part in my foreplay by playing out a hairdressing fantasy. I do go to the stylist with her occasionally and enjoy the fact that she knows I'm getting excited. I would be the happiest husband in the world if she would grow her hair out long past her shoulders only to let me cut it off every few years. Her coping mechanism has been to finally tell her other girl friends. I'm sure that they think I'm kinky but ladies today have seen and heard of a lot weirder things I suppose. I think it's cool when she tells me that they think it's kinda cute and that they wish their husbands were so attentive to matters of their appearance. To other guys who have this affliction, I can only add tat you need to make sure that the context of your hair fetish is always about her hair so we won't feel threatened by other women or the specter of unfaithfulness. __Richard
I also have this fetish, but it does not involve bald women or very short hair, but rather the act of cutting the hair and the before-and-after "transformation" I guess you could say. I'm not ashamed of the fetish, and I do have to say that it would just be easier to be aroused by large breasts and tight butts (not that I don't find those things attractive, but haircutting makes everything else pale in comparison). And it IS somewhat difficult to live with while trying to conceal it because it's not "normal," and I feel as though I would be ostracized because of it.
I have ruined a couple relationships because of this, but it can definitely be handled in a positive and even beneficial way. The way I see it is that the woman in the relationship needs to take most of the control of the fetish. And I know that's easier said than done. But with one of my ex-girlfriends, we came to a compromise after some time that if I asked to cut it, I wouldn't get to. Instead, she would suprise me once every few months and ask me if she could have a haircut, which I found to be very seductive and arousing, especially since I knew that she knew exactly what she was doing. However, it was never a lot of length that I got to cut, maybe a few inches at most or cut some bangs, but that was enough for me.
The other girlfriend decided after a few trims that she would let me cut more and more of her hair over time as long as I did some research and learned how to point cut, layer, etc. This actually worked out very well, because I got to cut her hair, and she typically was very pleased with the results.
However, the point at which both relationships fell apart was when this balance fell to pieces. This happened whenever I knew that it had been a while since the last cut or that she was wanting a new style, and then she would go get it done professionally. I would honestly feel betrayed. From there, things would just spiral downwards...
Anyways, for those of you out there looking for advice, I would say this:
Women - try and gain some control over the whole thing (I know, easier said than done). This might involve giving a little bit at first to hook, line, and sinker. I have to tell you that the element of suprise made it that much more fun for me as well. And I have to tell you, for me at least, it's about MY girl's hair (whenever I'm in a relationship) and no one else's. So don't lose self-confidence over the thing.
Guys - be sensitive to your girl's needs too. Just imagine things the other way around. Try to work out a compromise so that both parties win. And for you guys that are nervous or ashamed, don't be. There are plenty of people out there like you. But I empathize for your attempts to conceal it, it's tough.
To the girl that wrote this: Anonymous said...
I have been in a relationship for 5 years, shifted into his house after 2 years, only to discover that he has this strong fetish with women long hair, and talked me into growing mine long, which i did, since time has gone by I have lost all my confidence and feel let down, I hate going out with him because he studies all attractitve girls intensley, the staring embrasses me, he enjoys going to female shops, supermarkets etc I can see in his expressions he is in heaven, he has no desire to have sex with me, he looks up the hair fetish sites behind my back, he gets an erection when trimming or cutting my hair, always asking to cut my hair, if I go to the hairdresser to have it done he wont speak to me for a couple of days, he is constently looking out window of home and car and magaines to enjoy this fetish, I love this man but it is killing me slowly what can I do, I have tried to speak to him but he is in denial and we argue about it.. where can I get help
Thanks for reading my story.
Jul 21, 2008 5:40:00 PM
I too "WAS" in the same type of relationship. I ended up leaving. Things got strange. Help!
I am a woman who fantasizes about chopping off my hair. I have had the same hairstyle all my life and the only reason I don't do it is I don't think short hair would look very good on me. Everyone always tells me how pretty my hair is and how they would die to have hair like mine. Today I had a trim and let the stylist blow out my long locks. Once I had a boyfriend who asked me in bed if I had any fantasies and I didn't feel safe bringing it up because he was very conservative. Sometimes I think it would be nice to shave my neck and have very short bangs or at least a very short bob. Sometimes I think there is something wrong that my sexual arousal is tied to this.
Wrong is hard to classify...But I know how you feel. I'm also a woman with this fetish, and I also wish I could get over it, mostly because it's gotten difficult to be aroused when I'm not imagining having my hair cut. I wish there was more information and help available for women who have hair fetishes, rather than just men!
I just suffer with fantasies, not the actual desire to cut my actual hair. I've had long-ish hair most of my life, but 2 years ago I tried a chin-length bob for a while and really liked it. If you're curious about having a shorter hairstyle I'd encourage you to just go for it. You don't have to go extreme, and you can see whether or not it suits you. I grew mine back out because I have really straight hair and getting the ends to curl under was just too much work...
I found this site by searching for haircut fetish sites and I had to post. I have had strong haircut fetishes since puberty. I once found a girl in high school that had the same fetishes but before I got enough nerve to share mine with her, she move 900 miles away. One long term girfriend let me cut her hair just trimming it while we were going out, and she cut my hair a few times but never liked doing it. My wife let me cut her hair short (well short for her) into a below the chin length bob twice then once showed up with a similar length haircut when I got home from work one day but that wasn't the same as cutting it myself. but that was several years ago. She has recently been getting shorter cuts but not as short as before still touching the shoulder. She has been very supportive of my fetish and has offered to help me get over it, as there are now ways to do that. No thanks, I like it, is what I told her. I am the sort that likes the full boat. ultra short, shaved, bobs, shaved nape, longer hair (because I can imagine me cutting it). I also fetish (a new verb!) about my wife cutting my hair which she used to do years ago. instead I cut it myself now. I'm getting pretty good. anyway, I can imagine there are many men and women out there now that fantasize about shaving hair with the recent growth (pun!) in clipper sales.
I have thought about trying to start a local haircut club for fetishists for free haircutting of each other, but don't want it to get weird, so I haven't.
what I have noticed is people that have a haircut fetish are impossible to pick out from other "normal" people in everyday life. we are caring thoughtful smart human beings that would not want to hurt or embarrass anyone on purpose.
I did warn my wife before we got married that I had a haircut fetish. she married me anyway. I found that a decent way to manage it is to use the internet a bit and not constantly bug my wife to let me cut her hair or for her to cut mine. cutting mine myself helps, but it would be great to find a female hair fetishist in the area I live so we could share free haircuts and nothing else. You may think what I have to say is weird but I am a loving father that would never subject my kids to any of what I am saying here, or anyone else for that matter. But since this is the discussion well...
I think it started this way. I never really liked girls until just before puberty, the first girl I really liked had a bob haircut. Then I started noticing women that were really pretty with pixie haircuts, you can really see their features. I think it evolved(devolved?) into shaving from there. Then I had to go to get my haircut with my mom at the salon. My dad never took me to the barber. so I was always around women getting my haircut. did I mention I like women? Yeah I'm normal that way too. but I'm a legs and butt man not a boob guy. weird. I think not going to the barber had a play in it too. Part of the reason I love the clippers. My wife has let me shave her nape before. now thats a thrill for both of us. I'd say just let us enjoy it, unless the fetishist is going weird on you, then they need to chill. and you need to tell them that. establish a line for them not to cross. normal loving relationships, people won't cross that line. if they do it once, warn em. if they do it time and time again, they may be sick. or they may just be way beyond you in their level of fetishism. if thats the case it may be time for you to get out. and by all means if you can't stand this fetish, you need to split with that person, so you can both be happy.
Hey, don't knock it until you try it. My husband and I shave each others heads on a regular basis, and sex afterwards is unreal. He wears his bald head openly, but I cover mine with a wig in public. Frankly, I can't ever see myself wanting my hair.
I'm actually surprised so many people have the same fetish as me! I, too, have had this hair fetish since I was about 12 or 13. I constantly fantasized about cutting a girl's hair almost daily when I was younger. This fetish has come into play in every relationship that I've been in...and I'm now 28. Most of my girlfriend's thought it was strange at first, but they all ended up letting me give them haircuts. I was in a relationship for 6 years from the age of 18 to 24 and she let me cut her hair monthly, only going to a professional about 3 or 4 times in that period. I've now been with my wife for 3 years (we just got married 9 months ago) and she let's me give her haircuts every now and then as well. I LOVE shaving the nape...it's my favorite part. Using a #2 or sometimes even a #1 clipper guard and shaving halfway up the back of her hair. I also like to cut her hair over her ears and have the little sideburn parts short. Basically she gets a professional haircut every 6 weeks, and I do my haircuts in between those like 3 weeks after her salon haircut. The obsession part of it has definitely caused some arguements over the years with the various women, but I strongly feel there's nothing that I can do about it. It arouses me beyond control, and the act of cutting my mate's hair or watching her get it cut is all I seem to think about it...and always have.
I read somewhere that the hair fetish develops from lack of intimacy in childhood. any thoughts on this?
Good point. Everyone here is talking about the effects- what about the cause?!??!?
I have discovered that the man I've been seeing may have a hair fetish. I first thought he may be suffering from "ED", but now I'm not so sure. I have been seeing him for about 14 months and we have never had sex. He claims a lot of reasons for this, from it's too soon, to telling me I have not been divorced long enough, to that women tend to want him for his body and he feels used. I've noticed when he gets turned on, that it is never for very long. It also seems like he really gets turned on when there are hair clippers involved. He likes to talk about his hair alot and we have identical conversations over and over again. He also refuses to discuss that he has a hair fetish. I'm just trying to understand but I'm getting no where fast. It seems to be all about him. He has never offered to pleasure me, it;s always about pleasuring him. I'm really frustrated and don't know what to do. I think he is embarrassed. Anyone ever hear about this?
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