From The Sex Files: More Fetishes
Here's another unusual, true story.About six years ago, I received an email from a prospective client who stated that he wanted my help in managing some discussions with his fiancee about a fetish of his before they got married. I replied that I would be happy to help him with this and we set an appointment.
I briefly thought to myself, "Hmmmm... what fetish will this be? Leather, lace, rubber, infantilism...?" (If you haven't heard the term, don't let your mind wander in a worrisome direction. It has nothing to do with actual children. It's the idea that one partner is a baby, dresses like one, and is cared for by the other person in that manner.) It's not that often that help is requested for the first two, but the last two (and other unusual ones) do sometimes require some assistance.
My new client and his fiancee came to their scheduled appointment and filled out their first appointment forms. Then he began to explain his fetish.
It turned out that he was very aroused by the sight of a woman having a hair cut. Yes, the hair on her head. Several thoughts instantly zinged through my mind. The first was somewhat personal: "Gee, even at the hair salon, there may be someone lurking and watching!" The second involved his fiancee; she had very straight hair that was cut in a somewhat stylish page boy. With some of her jawline showing, it was as short as it could be while still looking attractive. I thought, "I bet she used to have much longer hair!"
My hunch was correct. Quite often, as part of his getting aroused, he would cut a short amount of her hair. In fact, she had begun their relationship with much longer hair.
We spent some of our therapy time thinking through what might have led to his fetish. The only experience that seemed to contribute somehow was my client's emotional response at age ten to his parents' decision to have a large tree in their front yard chopped down. He was saddened by losing it and he had not had known before the event that it was scheduled to happen. He felt there might be some connection between his fetish and that event. Beyond that, we had no idea what had led to his erotic attraction to seeing women having their hair cut.
My work with them amounted to some "normalizing" (a term mental health professionals use to help clients feel less stigmatized about something) their experience together. I let them know that many couples create sexual patterns that are uniquely their own. There seemed to be no harm in their sex play. She was not upset by her hairstyle -- just concerned.
My client was quite helpful in "normalizing" this as well. It turned out that there were several websites that offered pictures of attractive women having their hair cut. My client had himself visited these sites when further cutting on his fiancee's hair would have resulted in odd looking hair (as well as prior to meeting her).
This client's interests again sent the message home to me that sexual arousal involves a wide array of possibilities. Websites for sexual imagery don't exist in a vacuum. There were probably lots of people viewing these images and finding them arousing. And I thought that I'd heard everything after twenty-two years practicing sex therapy in San Francisco.
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16 Comments:
I WISH YOU DRS.WOULD ACCKNOLEDGE THAT A MAN CAN INCREASE HIS PENIL SIZE.
I DID MINE AT THE AGE OF 67 IN ABOUT 3mo.I AM NOW 72 AND HAVE HAD BETTER SEX WITH A 2in PLUS HEAD THAN ALL THE YEARS BEFORE.MOST WOMEN SAY THEY HAVE NOT HAD ONE THIS LARGE.
SUE JOHANSEN ON talk sex TELLS EVERY ONE THAT IT CAN NOT BE DONE.
SHE IS DOING A DISSERVICE TO MEN ALL AROUND THE WORLD.
THANKS !
Am I the only person who thinks this is weird? Instead of "normalizing" the behavior, why wouldn't the therapist try to "normalize" the patient--as in help him grow to more normal arousal patterns. Wouldn't that be healthier?
I love watching a woman get her hair cut. I fantasize about it getting cut really really short. I love the extremely short nape cut with clippers. I fantasize about shaving a beautiful woman's head. I am not alone - there are many sites devoted to this. There are also many women who fantasize about someone cutting off their long hair.
Who are we to decide whats "healthier"? Trying to change what arouses you is near impossible. Think of it this way. Say you are aroused by the site of the opposite sex naked, ready and waiting for you. What if someone told you that this wasnt "normal" and you needed to find a
"healthier" way to be aroused. I'm sure your saying, "but thats normal, so why should i change". Each person has unique turn ons and sexual responses. As long as everyone involved is consenting why should anyone change what they find arousing?
m female and 39 and from what I know as far from readong the article on the fetishes, the hair cut thing is somewhat strange but I beleive it could be the idea of the chair , itself as the arousal tool , To imagine owning one of those I even fing to be a cool place to have my honey , when I meet him get his own personalized haircuts, Catch where the haircut thing might just be the same but not realizing its the chair ofr the situation and atmosphere that is the cause to the fetish. the idea.
Just my tought and opinion from a woman onreader.I
I dont think its about the chair. From what Dr. Weston wrote it seems this man finds the actual act of cutting the hair arousing.
Dear dr. I am 18 years old and have a penis thats very small. I have measured it while flacid and it is no more tna 3 inches long. my pubic hairs are longer than it. please help.
Speaking of fetishes, I would love to be able to share my story but not sure of where to go to post. I would like to get this off my chest and maybe receive some feedback. Sometimes I feel like I am going to lose it with all of my husband's fetishes. Can someone tell me where I should go to discuss this? Or should I do this more on a one on one basis?
To "Anonymous" (directly above this comment)" Try visiting our Sexuality message board to share your story.
Well, my boyfriend of 9 years is obsessed with this hair fetish "thing". I call it a thing because it has caused me great pain and harm to my esteem. He is absolutely unable to become aroused without some type of hair fantasy. This causing me to feel unactractive and unable to please him. What is one supposed to do? Especially when you deeply love someone who refuses to believe that you do unless you cut your hair and change your identity. The sex is an act done in private, behind closed doors. The hair cut is with the "victim" all hours of the day. The pain this has caused me is at times too painful to even put into words, leading me to believe that I am the one who needs the therapy in order to be strong enough to leave someone I deeply love and care about.
In one of our many arguments about this I will tell him that it's not normal. But his argument is that it is normal to him and that there are many websites to prove that it is normal. But my argument is that there are many pedophile websites. . .that doesn't make it normal or okay.
Anybody have any advise for me? Anyone else in the same boat as me? Please help.
I think it has to do with the idea of grooming and nurturing. I remember watching the movie "Phenomenon" when Kyra Sedgwick very tenderly cut John Travolta's hair to Aaron Neville's "Crazy Love" softly playing in the background. The haircutting was not a turn on, but because of the loving manner in which she did it, my own head started to tingle and feel comfortable in the movie theater. It just looked so relaxing. Maybe this guy can remember the tenderness of his mother's fingers along his head when she used to comb or cut his hair or he's simply reminded of a very tender and nurturing moment in his past.
Whenever I look for psychological information on my haircut fetish, it's usually set in the context of "Well now I've seen everything!" Not that I'm angry about it, it just makes me wish I liked big boobs like most American men -- things would be much simpler. Like this patient, I don't really know how it started for me, but I clearly remember being attracted to short hair by the time I started puberty. I've been very fortunate to have girlfriends that have been very accommodating to my fetish. Of course, it's something you can only engage in if you're in a committed relationship. Try picking a girl up at the bar and wanting her to cut her hair, and you won't get very far.
To the guy who is so interested in men around the world enlarging their penises and managed to make his bigger: How the hell did you do it?????? Don't leave us hanging!!!
I just wanted to tell mr. 18yr old that don't worry bout flacid size cuz the more relaxed the penis is the larger the erection. If you still worry bout it which u probably do. I'll tell u this my husband is bout the same size & he doesnt have a problem with how things work cuz he has become exprienced with using his hands & fingers to help during foreplay and intercourse(he's mr. g-spot dectector)there are vibrating rings that can help u and ur partner. O and another good way to make you get big and erect is to get your partner to give u oral before penetration. hope these ideas help you out.
I have this fetish too. However its very obvious from where this stems. As a child I used to be forced to get my hair cut super short all the time. Whereas other boys would wear their hair longer, I was always forced to have a crewcut. I however never did get aroused from the process of getting my hair cut short. Later however, I developed a fetish for women with short/super short/shaved heads. I don't enjoy the cutting part but I find the entire before/after makeover aspect very arousing.
On another note, as I grow older I am realizing something else: For some reason I try and force onto my significant other what I would enjoy sexually. Like if something would turn me on, I would try to make my s/o experience the same thing irrespective of whether she would enjoy it all, as I perceive it to be that she would enjoy it because I would enjoy it done to myself. In a way I get off on forced activities, I do not think she does. Is there a term for all this?
I would love to hear others opinions about all this.
I have this fetish too. I can trace it back to approx. the time I was going through puberty. I had a minor crush on a long-haired girl at school. She came to school with a new, much shorter hairstyle that transformed her. It was fairly normal bob hairstyle but the change was so dramatic, it aroused me. A few weeks later she cut it shorter and I found my self aroused again. Ever since, haircuts have been a turn-on. Shaved? Buzzed? ...not so much.
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