Creeping Toward Full Civil Rights for Same-Sex Couples

In November 2006, South Africa made a bold step by joining the Netherlands, Belgium, Canada, and Spain. What do these countries have in common? They all have legalized same-sex unions.

By signing The Civil Union Act, Deputy President Phumzile Mlambo-Ngcuka made South Africa the first country in Africa to protect the civil liberties of couples that are not heterosexual. The bill provides for "voluntary union of two persons, which is solemnized and registered by either a marriage or a civil union," without specifying whether they are opposite-sex or same-sex partnerships.

The passage of this bill, it turns out, is very much in keeping with South Africa's progressive legislation in addressing the civil rights of lesbians, gay men, bisexual men and women, and transgendered people. South Africa's post-apartheid constitution (1996) was the first in the world to specifically outlaw discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation. Talk about a radical turn-around from an extremely oppressive history.

Also in November, Israel's Supreme Court ordered the government to recognize same-sex marriages performed abroad. What will that do for these couples? They will get the same tax breaks as a married couple and be able to adopt children, since Israeli law requires that a couple be married in order to adopt a child. So, marriages performed in places such as Canada, Spain, Netherlands and Belgium will be "registered" as married in Israel though not "recognized" (a religious acknowledgement). Not everyone is Israel is in favor of this ruling, but for now that is how these couples will be treated by the law.

As the United States heads towards another presidential election in 2008, it seems inevitable that the candidates will be questioned about their position on same-sex unions. Doubtless, many aspersions will be hurled at anyone who fails to take a stand in opposition of civil rights for these couples. Yes, that's what it is -- it's a matter of civil rights, not religious entitlement. It's one of the key reasons that America was founded in the first place -- to separate church and state.

Related Topics:

• Study: Same-Sex Parents Raise Well-Adjusted Kids
• Teenage Kids of Same-Sex Parents Fare Well
• Adoption in Same-Sex Couples

Technorati Tags: same-sex marriage, civil union, civil rights, gay, bisexual, transgendered, lesbion, adoption

How Internet Pop Ups Destroy Lives

About seven years ago, a couple consulted me in my therapy office concerning their sexual relationship. They had both been divorced and in their early sixties. She had settled into their relationship emotionally much sooner than he had. He had resisted sexual exclusivity at first, but was gradually turning in that direction.

They did not live together and due to some of his behaviors early in their dating relationship, she did not have a great deal of trust in him. Yet, they were most definitely involved with one another.

One day she decided to "poke around" on his computer. To her surprise, sexual pop ups appeared on the screen. She made the assumption (somewhat common in 1999) that these types of ads didn't show up unless you've sought them out. And, while she didn't expect him to never look at sexually explicit materials online, she was upset about the type of sexual content that appeared. In this case, it was for females who were portrayed as "underage."

My sophistication then about computers did not include the level of understanding I have now. Nor was software to block these intrusions as effective. My client firmly declared that he never looked at that type of material, but she was unconvinced. I honestly have to say that I just didn't know. He seemed very sincere, yet...

The pop ups ultimately drove the level of distrust too high for their relationship to survive.

Yesterday, another case of malware damaging a life was brought to my attention: Julie Amero, a seventh grade substitute teacher in Connecticut. She is facing 40 years in prison after sexually explicit popup ads came up on her computer screen during a middle school literature class in 2004. When the offending windows started popping up, she'd close them. The more she closed them, the more they popped up. Not knowing how to stop them, she turned the monitor away from the students and tried as hard as she could to keep them from seeing the images on the screen. You can read more about it here. The jury convicted her of 4 counts of willfully and unlawfully endangering the morals of a minor.

The issue of trust is woven throughout in these two cases. In the first case, this couple most likely went on to other relationships. But, in the case of the teacher, most of the rest of her life is potentially at stake -- all because of the meaning that people give to sexual images.

The female client in my office was offended that the man with whom she was romantically involved might have eroticism toward females made to look very young. It was distasteful to her on a deep level and this man had not earned a high level of credibility in her eyes on topics unrelated to sex.

In the case of the children, apparently the parents of these young teens did not want to trust that the appearance of these sexual images was not intentional on the part of the teacher. They also did not trust themselves to explain the images that their children accidentally saw. And, they did not trust their children to authentically bring up their concerns or voice reactions to them to alleviate any psychological damage that they might have incurred.

Instead, they trusted in the legal system and in attorneys who thrive on building their reputations as the prosecutors of smut.

This accident was an opportunity for parents to explain that there are many sexual things that go on in the world -- and that there are people who want to see pictures of it. And so, there are people who try to make money from what some people want to see.

Parents who think that their young teens have not thought about sexuality are kidding themselves. And, many of their children have seen sexual images -- granted, not in the middle of English class. Parents would be shocked at the creativity of their children when it comes to seeking sexually explicit images online.

At times like these, I always hope that parents will reach for the "teachable moment" and connect with their kids rather than go into high speed fretting about psychological trauma. It is my suspicion that more trauma has been done to the community in which Amero taught due to the specious trial than the momentary glimpse of sexual activity her students accidentally saw.

I find myself wondering if the images had been some graphic photos of a murder scene that some peddler managed to get through the filters if Amero would be facing the possibility of 40 years for that.

Related Topics:

• Internet Porn Reaches Most Teens
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• Virtual Sex: Threat to Real Intimacy

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Sexual Satisfaction Tied to Smell

You may remember the experiment in 1995 in which female (presumably heterosexual) college students were asked to rate the "pleasantness" of the smell of several unwashed T-shirts that had been worn for two nights by several different male students. It showed that the more different the woman and man were in their genes (in particuar, the ones that cause immune responses), the more "pleasant" she rated his T-shirt.

In other words, the less they both had genes that serve the protective function of causing immune responses, the more likely the woman would be sexually attracted to him. On average, heterosexual couples share only about 20% of their immune system genes. So, when it comes to immune system genes, opposites do attract.

More studies have occurred on related topics. Male odors that a heterosexual woman subconsciously recognizes may have a powerful effect on sexual attraction. In Psychological Science, Oct. 2006, researchers found that woman appeared happieset with their sex lives when their immune systems were not similar to those of their male partners. Women whose immune systems were similar to their male romantic partner's were also more likely to have sex with other men -- or at least to think about doing it.

The men and women in this study answered questions about their relationships. Each person rated their partner in terms of thoughtfulness, attractiveness, support, intelligence and other similar attributes. They also answered questions about their enjoyment of sex and their level of attraction to others.

There was no correlation between the immune system genes and the nonsexual factors of their relationship, but there was a correlation with the sexual factors. In fact, the greater the similar immune system genes, the greater the likelihood of dissatisfaction with the woman's sex life with that partner.

Interestingly, there was no correlation between men's gene and their enthusiasm for sex with the partner they had nor for interest in having sex with other women.

What might be driving the women's response? The researchers speculate that women, on an unconscious level, may be seeking to produce healthy children and therefore respond to men with very different sets of genes from their own. Children with different sets of immune system genes may have a greater ability to fight off a wider set of diseases.

This "scent of a man" certainly is not the entire explanation for heterosexual women's attraction, but it does offer an evoluationary perspective on some attractions that otherwise seem indescribable.

Related Topics:

• WebMD Video: Human Pheromones: Our Love Scents
• WebMD Video: Exercises for Better Sex

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Lavender and Unwanted Breast Tissue in Boys and Men

A recent article in the New England Journal of Medicine noted that there may be a connection between the development of breast tissue on male children and the use of lavender and/or tea tree oils on them. The researchers found that the oils had both estrogenic and antiandrogenic properties. This means that the oils fostered estrogen (a primarily female hormone) and suppressed androgens (a primarily male hormone).

The researchers speculated that these hormonal effects may have led to the development of the unwanted breast tissue and they cautioned parents to be on the lookout for these products in products such as diaper wipes. In the three children who had the gynecomastia, once the use of these oils stopped, the extra breast tissue did go away.

How else does gynecomastia develop? When a male's estradiol blood level is high enough, the glut in this female hormone can cause him to have breast enlargement. Males may notice this breast development during their teen years. The sudden surge in adolescent testosterone and its spillover that converts to estradiol seem to overwhelm the body at first.

The temporary glut of estradiol changes the hormonal balance and alters the teenager's testosterone/estradiol (T/E) ratio. For a brief period of time, the relative excess of female hormones in the teenager's bloodstream stimulates his breasts to start growing. Gradually the T/E ratio tilts in favor of the testosterone. Then, as estradiol levels dwindle, the stimulus to further breast development slows down and eventually ceases. Innovative hormone treatments with dihydrotestosterone (DHT) may provide a nonsurgical alternative for treatment.

I have treated several men in my practice who have had gynecomastia and had one friend who also had it. From my small sample alone, I can say that this can occur regardless of sexual orientation. No matter what zone of the world a male inhabits, gynecomastia can be a challenge to live with.

Young boys tend to resort to loose fitting clothes and the avoidance of public swimming. For some, it is so upsetting that they try to distract themselves with unhealthy habits like overeating (which can inadvertently add breast tissue) and self-numbing with substances as teens and later. The seeming feminization of the male body can lead to confusion about gender identity and/or orientation -- among other types of psychological discomfort.

In the gay male culture, where there may be a strong emphasis on physical appearance, gynecomastia can place additional burdens on a man who may already be struggling to figure out where he fits in. Only men who are interested in transvestism and transsexualism seem to find gynecomastia a "blessing." No matter their sexual orientation, some men do turn to liposuction surgery to remove the extra tissue -- an option with some risks (as with any surgery), but not an unreasonable one. I look forward to a time in which differences are noticed but not made a source of humiliation or embarrassment. I hope I live that long.

Related Topics:

• Body Image and Your Kids
• WebMD Video: Talking to Teenagers

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