From the Sex Files: What's Odd Homage?
Last week I was working with a young, married couple. He's had more sexual experiences than she and, along the way, has developed a fairly strong interest in BDSM (the current acronym that encompasses most aspects of playing with "power exchange.") Though she constrained herself sexually through most of her unmarried years, she has certainly shed those constraints and tried to keep pace with her husband's interests - mostly because she loves him.
At times, she has felt overwhelmed by what seemed his endless list of sexual interests. It seemed to her that he might never be satisfied. I encouraged them to make a list of behaviors that they might ever want to try - on either end of the power exchange. I recommended that they go online since some sites had such lists from which they could borrow. "Include some that you can imagine, but doubt that you'd want to try," I told them. They did.
They both filled out their list with responses that ranged from "This is essential" to "No way." Then they started looking at whether their own responses complemented each other's. There certainly were gaps. He dearly wanted to try vaginal fisting (yes, really) and she was firmly planted in the "no way" zone. We looked at what these things psychologically represented to them both and clarified what exactly would go on if they participated in any given activity.
I reminded them that, from the 20,000-foot aerial view, the submissive person ("sub") was really in charge. Yes, on the surface, the dominant ("dom") seemed in control, but the play list from which the dom was working included activities that they both knew were acceptable (if not desirable) to the sub. That helped her some and it put things in a new perspective for him.
When we got to one that involved the submissive person licking the other person from head to toe, he expressed little interest in it and almost seemed puzzled by it. We talked a bit further about the various forms of "worship" that could take place between two people. It was a bit of a new concept to him (despite the depth of his interest in some other BDSM activities).
At one point, he commented that this type of licking seemed like "odd homage." I smiled to myself thinking that everything on these lists likely would seem "odd" to someone somewhere - and yet emotionally very "on target" for some others.
Related Topics: Technorati Tags: sexual health
At times, she has felt overwhelmed by what seemed his endless list of sexual interests. It seemed to her that he might never be satisfied. I encouraged them to make a list of behaviors that they might ever want to try - on either end of the power exchange. I recommended that they go online since some sites had such lists from which they could borrow. "Include some that you can imagine, but doubt that you'd want to try," I told them. They did.
They both filled out their list with responses that ranged from "This is essential" to "No way." Then they started looking at whether their own responses complemented each other's. There certainly were gaps. He dearly wanted to try vaginal fisting (yes, really) and she was firmly planted in the "no way" zone. We looked at what these things psychologically represented to them both and clarified what exactly would go on if they participated in any given activity.
I reminded them that, from the 20,000-foot aerial view, the submissive person ("sub") was really in charge. Yes, on the surface, the dominant ("dom") seemed in control, but the play list from which the dom was working included activities that they both knew were acceptable (if not desirable) to the sub. That helped her some and it put things in a new perspective for him.
When we got to one that involved the submissive person licking the other person from head to toe, he expressed little interest in it and almost seemed puzzled by it. We talked a bit further about the various forms of "worship" that could take place between two people. It was a bit of a new concept to him (despite the depth of his interest in some other BDSM activities).
At one point, he commented that this type of licking seemed like "odd homage." I smiled to myself thinking that everything on these lists likely would seem "odd" to someone somewhere - and yet emotionally very "on target" for some others.
Related Topics: Technorati Tags: sexual health
