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Sexual Humor, Part 2
Some of my favorite jokes involve kids and their innocent portrayal of seemingly adult topics. At Back to School Night last fall, my son's kindergarten teacher told a few jokes. He, a former Marine teaching kindergarten (yes, really), peppered his presentation to the parents with four jokes. Of course, the one I remembered was:
Many of you know that I support early childhood sex education and may have thought that this story was headed in that direction. I actually prefer that parents be the ones to talk about how to make babies to younger elementary age kids who inevitably ask, "But how did I get in there in the first place??" (That happens to be the title of a great sex education book by Deborah Roffman to help parents with such discussions.)
One of my other favorite stories about sexually related matters centers around the process of giving birth. This story, called "The Middle Wife," came to me from an attorney friend who was also once a nurse and a preschool teacher. (Yes, I know some folks with very interesting job histories.)
I know that adults often get so nervous when children express their interpretation of "adult topics." If this story is told exactly as it occurred, then clearly this was a household with an acceptance of the natural events of life. And, even so, Erica's misunderstandings were many. Nevertheless, she had a healthy dose of child-sized optimism because even though there was a lot of "yucky stuff," her mom must have had a lot of toys inside there!
Some jokes are about senior-aged men and their desire to cling to their sense of virility. These jokes ignore the plight of possible or real victims and plow full speed ahead - just to make their point.
Of course, this joke takes senior sexual abilities (and the desire to have them) to a ridiculous level. And, the judge's ruling puts Rodger back in his place. You can almost hear the gavel bang deflating his sexual ambitions.
There are many jokes about lost sexual opportunities. I find that 20- and 30-somethings merely moan at this joke for its play on words, but older folks (particularly men) tend to wince and let out a sigh of resignation.
I've never been a fan of categorizing men and women when it comes to sex in that sort of Mars/Venus manner. It oversimplifies and attempts to tidy up that which is so complex. Yet, there are times when the male/female dichotomy is funny particularly when an off-the-wall spin is added.
Certainly I have met many a woman who (though she wasn't offered a teddy bear for her "performance at the arcade") found herself making inflated meaning of a sexual encounter relative to her partner's assessment of it. This joke hits my funny bone because it points out how differently two people can interpret the same experience.
Stay tuned for Part 3...
Sexual Humor - The Series
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Related Topics: Technorati Tags: sexual humor, sex jokes
Little Susie comes home from school one day and proudly says, "Mom, I learned how to make babies today!" Mom's eyebrows went up and she said, "You did??" "Yep," said Susie.
Mom, nervous about where this was going, ended the conversation and called up the teacher the next day. She said, "Susie tells me that she learned how to make babies yesterday. Is this true??" "Yes," replied her teacher, "it is." At this, Mom replied, "Do you think that's appropriate?" "Yes," said the teacher, "When she comes home today, why don't you ask her."
So, Mom anxiously waited for school to end and when she picked up Susie, she took a deep breath and said, "Susie, you said yesterday that you learned how to make babies. Would you tell me about that?"
"Oh sure, Mom. You change the "y" to "ie" and add an "s."
Many of you know that I support early childhood sex education and may have thought that this story was headed in that direction. I actually prefer that parents be the ones to talk about how to make babies to younger elementary age kids who inevitably ask, "But how did I get in there in the first place??" (That happens to be the title of a great sex education book by Deborah Roffman to help parents with such discussions.)
One of my other favorite stories about sexually related matters centers around the process of giving birth. This story, called "The Middle Wife," came to me from an attorney friend who was also once a nurse and a preschool teacher. (Yes, I know some folks with very interesting job histories.)
I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade classroom a few years back.
When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that.
And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.
Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant. "This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday."
"First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord."
She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.
"Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. "She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!'" Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.
"My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this." Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.
"And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty. And it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!" This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!
"Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe.' They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center, so there must be a lot of toys inside there."
Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another "Middle Wife" comes along.
I know that adults often get so nervous when children express their interpretation of "adult topics." If this story is told exactly as it occurred, then clearly this was a household with an acceptance of the natural events of life. And, even so, Erica's misunderstandings were many. Nevertheless, she had a healthy dose of child-sized optimism because even though there was a lot of "yucky stuff," her mom must have had a lot of toys inside there!
Some jokes are about senior-aged men and their desire to cling to their sense of virility. These jokes ignore the plight of possible or real victims and plow full speed ahead - just to make their point.
Two old guys, Rodger and Chuck, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems. One day Rodger didn't show up. Chuck didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something. But after Rodger hadn't shown up for a week or so, Chuck really got worried.
However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park Chuck didn't know where Rodger lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him. A month had passed, and Chuck figured he had seen the last of Rodger. But one day, Chuck approached the park and lo and behold there sat Rodger!
Chuck was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then he said, "For crying out loud, Rodger, what in the world happened to you?" Rodger replied, "I have been in jail." "Jail?" cried Chuck. "What in the world for?"
"Well," Rodger said, "You know Judy, that cute little waitress at the coffee shop?" "Yeah," said Chuck, "I remember her. What about her?"
"Well, one day she filed rape charges against me and, at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pleaded guilty. The judge gave me 30 days for perjury."
Of course, this joke takes senior sexual abilities (and the desire to have them) to a ridiculous level. And, the judge's ruling puts Rodger back in his place. You can almost hear the gavel bang deflating his sexual ambitions.
There are many jokes about lost sexual opportunities. I find that 20- and 30-somethings merely moan at this joke for its play on words, but older folks (particularly men) tend to wince and let out a sigh of resignation.
I've never been a fan of categorizing men and women when it comes to sex in that sort of Mars/Venus manner. It oversimplifies and attempts to tidy up that which is so complex. Yet, there are times when the male/female dichotomy is funny particularly when an off-the-wall spin is added.
A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk. They connect. They end up leaving together.
They get back to his place and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears. There are three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears carefully placed in rows, covering the entire wall!
It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display. There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf.
She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large collection of teddy bears. She is quite impressed by his sensitive side, but doesn't mention this to him.
They share a bottle of wine and continue talking and after awhile, she finds herself thinking, "Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be the one! Maybe he could be the future father of my children?"
She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips. He responds warmly. They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he romantically lifts her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they rip off each other's clothes and make hot, steamy love.
She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more creativity, more heat than she has ever known. After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow.
The woman rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly, "Well, how was it?"
The guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes, and says: "Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf."
Certainly I have met many a woman who (though she wasn't offered a teddy bear for her "performance at the arcade") found herself making inflated meaning of a sexual encounter relative to her partner's assessment of it. This joke hits my funny bone because it points out how differently two people can interpret the same experience.
Stay tuned for Part 3...
Sexual Humor - The Series
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Related Topics: Technorati Tags: sexual humor, sex jokes
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