Are You Hot or Not? « Modern Love: Sex & Relationships

I am awesome for unspecified reasons.

by Matthew Hutson, Psychology Today News Editor and contributor for Brainstorm.

A few years ago, when I was a HOTorNOT profile moderator, I painfully read over 1,000 profiles. I could have written a sociology dissertation on it. One of my peeves: Why would anyone present herself with such sentiments as “I really like hanging out,” or “I’m into pretty much anything.” Best of all, “I like to have fun.”

Really? Me too. We’re a perfect match.

One guy actually listed “Anywhere in the world” among the things he finds “hot.”

Anywhere – I love “there”.

According to a paper in Computers and Human Behavior, these milquetoast daters should not expect success. In one study, the researchers compared the effects of emotionality in introductory emails.

So while JimJ789 exclaimed “Travel excites me since it allows me to see places and people that I read about,” FrankXYZ summoned only “I also like to travel. After I go on a vacation I feel very content that I have done something I like.” Unsurprisingly, Jim was seen as more confident, happy, enthusiastic, cheerful, energetic, excited, interesting, proud, determined, strong, bold, and daring, while Frank was seen as more calm, relaxed, at ease, shy, and nervous. I assume most people would choose the more “interesting” man.

The researchers also looked at self-disclosure. Sample emails included lines like “I would tell [my ex-wife] that I was lonely and she would change the topic.” The imaginary man who shared the most was seen as open, and the most discreet man was considered strongest.

Psychology Today has covered another study that bears on the issue of TMI: The less you share initially while dating online, the more easily others can fill in the blanks with high expectations, which may score you that face-to-face meet-up. So maybe saying that you’re “into pretty much anything” is hot after all.

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Read more by Matthew Hutson on Psychology Today’s Brainstorm blog.