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The Love Choice
Having too many choices can be a bad thing.
by Barry Schwartz, Dorwin Cartwright Professor of Social Theory and Social Action at Swarthmore College, and author of The Paradox of Choice and Psychology Today's The Choices Worth Having blog.
It seems obvious that the more choice people have, the better off they are. Whether it's about salad dressings, places to live, things to order on a menu, or romantic partners, the more options there are, the more likely you are to find just what you want.
Obvious, but empirically false.
There is now ample evidence that although some choice is good, there can be too much of a good thing. And when people have too many options, they are paralyzed into indecision. If they overcome paralysis and choose, they make bad decisions. And if they manage to make good decisions, they are dissatisfied, convinced that another option would have been better. These phenomena have been observed in choices of consumer products like jams and chocolates, choices of mutual funds for retirement, and choices of potential partners in speed dating settings. And the problems are exacerbated in people who are out to find the "best" (we call them "maximizers") rather than just "good enough" (we call them "satisficers"). While there are probably not too many people in frantic pursuit of the "best" salad dressing, it's a whole other story when it comes to romantic partners.
So, counterintuitive as it may seem, the evidence suggests that people are more likely to form romantic attachments, and be satisfied with them, if the set of possibilities is limited. "Limit your options" is not easy advice to follow in modern America, especially when it comes to romance. But it may be worth your while to try.
Read more by Barry Scwartz on Psychology Today’s The Choices Worth Having blog.
Related Topics:
It seems obvious that the more choice people have, the better off they are. Whether it's about salad dressings, places to live, things to order on a menu, or romantic partners, the more options there are, the more likely you are to find just what you want.
Obvious, but empirically false.
There is now ample evidence that although some choice is good, there can be too much of a good thing. And when people have too many options, they are paralyzed into indecision. If they overcome paralysis and choose, they make bad decisions. And if they manage to make good decisions, they are dissatisfied, convinced that another option would have been better. These phenomena have been observed in choices of consumer products like jams and chocolates, choices of mutual funds for retirement, and choices of potential partners in speed dating settings. And the problems are exacerbated in people who are out to find the "best" (we call them "maximizers") rather than just "good enough" (we call them "satisficers"). While there are probably not too many people in frantic pursuit of the "best" salad dressing, it's a whole other story when it comes to romantic partners.
So, counterintuitive as it may seem, the evidence suggests that people are more likely to form romantic attachments, and be satisfied with them, if the set of possibilities is limited. "Limit your options" is not easy advice to follow in modern America, especially when it comes to romance. But it may be worth your while to try.
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Read more by Barry Scwartz on Psychology Today’s The Choices Worth Having blog.
Related Topics:
- Modern Love
- Looking for Love: Understanding What You Need
- Get the Sex & Relationships Newsletter delivered to your inbox!
Labels: choice, dating, modern love
4 Comments:
Great topic, and good advice. Thanks for the blog.
I observe in my clinical practice as a psychotherapist that "frantic" or extreme maximizing personality traits are complex. The person already knows how paralizing it can be and has accumulated a burden of self-criticism and criticism from others about it.
A paradoxical treatment is to find ways appreciate the intent of the the extreme trait so that it still has a place in the person's life but doesn't need to take up all the space and get in the way.
I talk a lot about this and welcome curious others to join the frantic fun at Talk Your Heart Out Forum
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Yeah that's absolutely right and I'm backing you up 100%. Listen guys, you have seeing one people at a time to see if this is the right one.
Great Post.
I TOTALLY AGREE THAT TOO MUCH CHOICE CREATES TOO MUCH CONFUSION ,SAD THAT SOME PEOPLE ONLY WANT THE BEST EVEN IF SOMETIMES IT WOULDN'T SUIT THEM.
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