“Obamalot” « Modern Love: Sex & Relationships

A cool, new brand of marriage that may just inspire young men.

by Paul Dobransky MD, clinical psychiatrist, and author of The Secret Psychology of How We Fall in Love, The Power of Female Friendship and Psychology Today’s The Urban Scientist blog.

The Obamas are without a doubt, exemplars of “coolness.” This isn’t a scientifically definable term. But as the torch of leadership gets passed from generation to generation, the youthful term coolness is no less real as an assessment of one’s character, social value, and behavior to be emulated by the masses.

After September 11, it was well noted that a resurgence of committed relationships came into favor with even the least likely stragglers to walk down the aisle – young males. Cut back to the present. Recently, a New York blogger bemoans the ongoing trend toward being “caught between responsibility and a perpetual adolescence. Now one wonders what happened to the young single man’s interest in commitment.

Enter the Obamas: The new Camelot. They are the cool, hip, rad, in vogue, royal couple. The husband represents not just a celebrity rock star, nor the serious role of a world leader, but both. He is the Rock Star President – the likes of which we’ve never seen before. With unhappiness in committed relationships, the divorce rate, and the high number of abandoning fathers out there, one has to ask what Obamalot will do to glamorize marriage, as well as what kind of positive effect the new president may have on young males who would rather avoid commitment.

How will this happen?

By dividing a man’s behavior into:

Masculinity
Character

It is clear. Often, today’s young men seek role models who exude masculine identity, regardless of the questionable character in their dalliances with women, their ethics in generating an income, and their raison d’etre sometimes amounting to nothing more than money as an end unto itself.

The masculine drives for ambition and power we see in male celebrities – the coolness that appeals to young men – is something Barack Obama displays in spades. Yet while he has that appeal for the young, Obama also has the high character and maturity required to lead the free world. And if anything, maturity is needed in a lasting relationship – as well as patience, wisdom, equanimity, and empathy.

It is these two forces – masculinity and character – that equip a man to have both the coolness that feeds healthy pride, as well as the maturity to commit to lasting love in the arms of another.

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Read more by Paul Dobransky MD on Psychology Today’s The Urban Scientist blog.