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When the Little Head is Thinking Better Than the Big One
For several months, I have been working with a man who was engaged to be married to his fiancée. They were in sex therapy because she was unwilling to go forward with the wedding until he was able to ejaculate in her vagina during intercourse. This had not happened yet for them, though he had done so with some other women.
He had not had many long-term relationships in his life and there had been some casual partners. In his main long-term relationship, he'd been unable to ejaculate at first, but after about four sexual experiences together things changed and there was no problem. She turned out not to be the right partner for him despite their sexual compatibility.
He had met his fiancée online and they began dating. She had many attractive features and was very appealing physically. She was about ten years younger and in her mid-twenties -- and still living at home.
My client abided by his fiancée's father-imposed curfew of 9 p.m., but over time, he began to have some misgivings about the level of independence that his intended bride would truly have, even once they were married. He had discussed this with her, but she did not see the situation similarly.
After several months of therapy that included low-dose use of Wellbutrin to facilitate orgasm for my client, they seemed no closer to reaching her requirement for marriage. So the wedding date was cancelled. They tried to continue to date and be sexual, but she dropped it down to about one date per week -- still with the 9 p.m. curfew.
My client's sexual response still did not change, despite addressing several issues that may have contributed to a lifelong pattern of being somewhat less likely to have an orgasm than many men.
Then, in one appointment that he attended alone, it all came tumbling out. He realized that his penis, the "little head," was thinking much better than the "big head" that had wanted to marry her. By not reaching orgasm, he was preventing himself from stepping into a very strict patriarchal in-law family structure -- and from all descriptions, probably a wise move for him.
Sometimes sexual dysfunctions have an unseen purpose that permit people to make better choices for themselves. This isn't the first time that I've seen this happen -- and I am sure that it will not be the last time.
Related Topics: Technorati Tags: sexual health, relationships, sexual dysfunction, health-and-wellness
He had not had many long-term relationships in his life and there had been some casual partners. In his main long-term relationship, he'd been unable to ejaculate at first, but after about four sexual experiences together things changed and there was no problem. She turned out not to be the right partner for him despite their sexual compatibility.
He had met his fiancée online and they began dating. She had many attractive features and was very appealing physically. She was about ten years younger and in her mid-twenties -- and still living at home.
My client abided by his fiancée's father-imposed curfew of 9 p.m., but over time, he began to have some misgivings about the level of independence that his intended bride would truly have, even once they were married. He had discussed this with her, but she did not see the situation similarly.
After several months of therapy that included low-dose use of Wellbutrin to facilitate orgasm for my client, they seemed no closer to reaching her requirement for marriage. So the wedding date was cancelled. They tried to continue to date and be sexual, but she dropped it down to about one date per week -- still with the 9 p.m. curfew.
My client's sexual response still did not change, despite addressing several issues that may have contributed to a lifelong pattern of being somewhat less likely to have an orgasm than many men.
Then, in one appointment that he attended alone, it all came tumbling out. He realized that his penis, the "little head," was thinking much better than the "big head" that had wanted to marry her. By not reaching orgasm, he was preventing himself from stepping into a very strict patriarchal in-law family structure -- and from all descriptions, probably a wise move for him.
Sometimes sexual dysfunctions have an unseen purpose that permit people to make better choices for themselves. This isn't the first time that I've seen this happen -- and I am sure that it will not be the last time.
Related Topics: Technorati Tags: sexual health, relationships, sexual dysfunction, health-and-wellness
Labels: relationships, sexual health
