Pop Quiz: Who Sleeps Better, the Man or the Woman in a Couple?
I was amused last week when the media summarized new findings about how well men and women sleep when they share the same bed. If you're a woman, let me guess: you'd say your partner sleeps better. You have to contend with his snoring and abrupt shifting around, which awakens you easily. Now there's proof in the pudding. Men are indeed more likely to sleep better than you in the same bed. And here's the kicker: they also are more likely to be snoozing soundly because of your nearby warmth.
There were two items in the particular to read in between the lines from the study and that every woman should heed:
First, it's not surprising that women are more likely to be "light" sleepers and experience fragmented sleep throughout the night as a result. Researchers speculate that brain wiring differences can be the cause. Which could be rooted in evolution --ahem: historically, women are the caretakers tending to middle-of-the-night emergencies and cries coming from the children's dens. Okay, so I know there are some men out there who've taken on these roles, too. But in mainstream family circles, women often carry the caretaker's torch and feel obligated to stay semi-awake even while their teens, for example, are out on a Saturday night.
The new findings highlight something else that's worthy of lively conversation: how much we value our literal "bedtime" with our partners. Contrary to popular stereotypes, studies show that men are very dependent on close relationships, and men show much clearer benefits from committed relationships. Studies and anecdotal evidence also say that married men are happier and healthier than their unmarried counterparts. But this isn't necessarily the case for women. (I won't comment on that today.)
Granted, we all can agree that the quality of our sleep factors into the quality of our lives in general. But who knew we'd be able to say that unattached men could be taking on bigger health risks than married men (whose wives of course still bunk with them)?
I'd venture to guess that women who do have less-than-perfect bed partners would love to find solutions to getting a restful night's sleep without moving out. You shouldn't have to simply give up and become a member of the 23 percent club who sleep apart from their partner.
Sleep docs like me recommend conquering the sleep problems before taking desperate measures that can put a crimp in your romantic -- and dare I say -- sexual life. At the end of the day, there's something primal-y comforting about snuggling next to a beloved partner. Whether or not this behavior translates to better health for women or not, I think women can admit that sharing a restful night's sleep is an ideal to live up to. Don't you think?
PS: If you need help finding the right solution for your snoring partner, click here. (Yes, shameless advertising for my own site, but there's just too much info to replicate it here.)
Related Topics:
Technorati Tags: men, women, relationships, sleep, sleep disorders, the sleep doctor
There were two items in the particular to read in between the lines from the study and that every woman should heed:
- It's not abnormal to have fragmented sleep during the night; and
- seeking solutions to living with a bad bed partner -- without having to vacate --can be key to keeping the love. (As an aside, why is it the woman is always the one to entertain such a move? A topic for another day.)
First, it's not surprising that women are more likely to be "light" sleepers and experience fragmented sleep throughout the night as a result. Researchers speculate that brain wiring differences can be the cause. Which could be rooted in evolution --ahem: historically, women are the caretakers tending to middle-of-the-night emergencies and cries coming from the children's dens. Okay, so I know there are some men out there who've taken on these roles, too. But in mainstream family circles, women often carry the caretaker's torch and feel obligated to stay semi-awake even while their teens, for example, are out on a Saturday night.
The new findings highlight something else that's worthy of lively conversation: how much we value our literal "bedtime" with our partners. Contrary to popular stereotypes, studies show that men are very dependent on close relationships, and men show much clearer benefits from committed relationships. Studies and anecdotal evidence also say that married men are happier and healthier than their unmarried counterparts. But this isn't necessarily the case for women. (I won't comment on that today.)
Granted, we all can agree that the quality of our sleep factors into the quality of our lives in general. But who knew we'd be able to say that unattached men could be taking on bigger health risks than married men (whose wives of course still bunk with them)?
I'd venture to guess that women who do have less-than-perfect bed partners would love to find solutions to getting a restful night's sleep without moving out. You shouldn't have to simply give up and become a member of the 23 percent club who sleep apart from their partner.
Sleep docs like me recommend conquering the sleep problems before taking desperate measures that can put a crimp in your romantic -- and dare I say -- sexual life. At the end of the day, there's something primal-y comforting about snuggling next to a beloved partner. Whether or not this behavior translates to better health for women or not, I think women can admit that sharing a restful night's sleep is an ideal to live up to. Don't you think?
PS: If you need help finding the right solution for your snoring partner, click here. (Yes, shameless advertising for my own site, but there's just too much info to replicate it here.)
Related Topics:
Technorati Tags: men, women, relationships, sleep, sleep disorders, the sleep doctor
16 Comments:
Your article implies that men are a problem for women. It is a common theme. Men oppress women and ablolute equality is the solution is a common theme.
However, there are unintended consequences. More women graduate from High School and College today than men. More women have management jobs in genertion q than men. Many more men are unable to obtain jobs that make them viable partners for women now than in the past.
So in industrialized contries marriage and fertility is in decline. Populations of the vast majority of developed contries would be in rapid decline save for immigration by those with highe fertility. That fertility is supported by male friendly social structures that are under attack.
Disconnected, rootless males are becoming more common. Those men do not have th social networks and saftey nets that women have.
The most likely suicide is a single man over 65. Men fill penal and mental institutions.
Women live longer and are healthier longer than men. Yet, social structures that support men's health, fertility and productivity continue to be under attack.
So, I wish those like you who imply that marraige is bad for women and imply that they would be better off single, would consider the consequences.
The evidence is overwhelming that marriage is better for children. Can we feel secure about a bright future if only a few groups are bearing the vast majority of new births?
All I am suggesting, is that as we pursue these radical social changes that the long term viability determined by social structures which support fertility be considered.
Umm, wtf are you talking about? men oppress women? unintended consequences? radical social changes? Huh?
I understand what Anonymous is saying. I do not believe he/she meant that men are a problem; however, studies have shown that sleep deprivation contributes to physical and emotional health problems. If someone in the bed snores, his/her partner will suffer. I for one am tired of the constant noise my spouse makes, even though he does use something to cut back on the snoring. There's nothing less romantic than constant noise in what should be the quietest place in the house. I see nothing wrong with separate bedrooms!
This article says 23 percent sleep apart, but the linked article to your web site says 12 percent. Which is it? What is the difference in these two numbers (other than 11)?
Anonymous above:
I'm not sure which article you're referring to. The one linked under Related Topics, which is entitled "Sleeping Single in a Double Bed" says 23%, which is the most current statistic to my understanding.
I'm referring to the one that says "shameless...". It's to the author's site.
The first commenter sounds dreadfully sexist and racist (pathetic, too). He reminds me of the sicko who said white people should be making more babies in order to keep up with all the breeding minorities. That is not any solution!
In case he doesn't realize this, men are put in jail more often not because society discriminates against them but because they actually commit more murders and vastly more rapes than women.
He sees the act of trying to make things better for women as somehow making things worse for him by taking away his power.
We don't need higher fertility. We need better quality of life for the 6 billion + people who are already here, and for future generations. Improving women's lives is a huge step in that direction.
Anyway, back to the article at hand: I dealt for a long time with the problem by snuggling (and whatever else) until my husband fell asleep and began snoring. Then I'd slip out and go sleep in the guest room. I could not stay the whole night. When he yanked the pillow out from under my head, I woke up screaming, thinking we were being attacked! It is very hard to get a degree when you can't sleep.
The evolutionary root of women's light sleeping is no surprise, and the author is alluding to another article in which he'll tell us that women who are happily married fare better than single women, who are better off still than unhappily married women. Men are better off married whether happily or not because they still have a slave to pick up after them, cook for them, etc.
We are in the 23% of couples who sleep in separate bedrooms. We recently built a house and had two master bedrooms built so we would each have our own space. We will be married for 39 years in a couple of months and our marriage is sound. We just started sleeping separately 4 years ago. I was the one who suggested it as my husband snores HORRIBLY. He's had surgery, tried every other remedy out there and he still snores so loudly I can't sleep next to him even with earplugs. I know that he would prefer that we sleep together but I was considering leaving the marriage when I wasn't getting any sleep and would awake to his snoring in my ear, seriously considering smothering him with a pillow! It left me angry at him during the day and led to many fights. Now that we each have our own space the fights have ended.
We snuggle in his room at night watching T.V. and then sleep separately. It does interfere with sex, you have to plan but, in my opinion it is worth it. Another added benefit is we each have a bedroom that we can decorate as we please and keep as tidy (or in his case, messy, as we like). So that ends some of the nagging on my part (the neat one). I'm much happier in our marriage now and seriously recommend Virginia Woolf's advice about every woman needing "a room of one's own".
What planet is the guy on in comment #1? This article has nothing to do with a man-hating, inequality or inadequate social structures...it refers to sleep.
I'm married to a big, strong bear of a man (and gave birth to a few of our big baby bears!)...they sleep, eat, live and love more arduously than the Mama and Sister Bears of the house. I still sleep with my Papa Bear...but expect to be woken 2-3 x per night. ZZZZZZ. The trade-off is worth it...but OH thank God for a guest room on a few of those Big Bear nights!
Commenter #1 should find himself a nice girl, take her out for a nice dinner, a bottle of wine...and stop thinking so much!! Not everything in life is political, dude!
As a man, I am fully conscious of my snoring. I hear about it every day! My solution is to try losing weight. I need to, anyway, for my health. However, there is another side to this coin.
My wife snores, too. Rather than being upset and kept awake all night, I welcome her 'night music', as the alternative would be unthinkable. To me, it's very reassuring to hear her snoring, and I am thankful to have her beside me.
The problem here, for both of us, is that we both suffer from sleep apnea. THIS is what wrecks our sleep and rest; the continous waking when we stop breathing. Again, we BOTH need to lose weight to lessen this problem. When my wife moves to another room (why is it always the wife?) I do not sleep very well, waking frequently.
The closeness and intimacy has always been important to us. We have been married for 28 years, and while we aren't as intimate now as we were 28 years ago, it is still very much a part of our lives. Sleeping apart would pretty much end that, I'm afraid.
I'm glad to see so many people commented on the first bloggers bizarre attitude. While reading it I was afraid that his tone would be standard on this blog.
I have always had sleeping difficulties but with the years they have lessened somewhat. I actually left a partner because he grated his teeth. His flat out refusal to address the issue may have played a grater role even that the sleepless nights though.
I still need ages to fall asleep and my husband snores a bit...but mercifully I only need to give him a little nudge and he changes position for me. He doesn't kick, flail about or grit his teeth either. And, lucky for him, he doesn't try to steal my pillow! We have separate sleeping spaces but only use the option when one of us is up working late or being a late night busy-body around the house...
I sleep a lot better when I sleep alone, but I still prefer to curl up with my sweetie.
I'm glad to see so many people commented on the first bloggers bizarre attitude. While reading it I was afraid that his tone would be standard on this blog.
I have always had sleeping difficulties but with the years they have lessened somewhat. I actually left a partner because he grated his teeth. His flat out refusal to address the issue may have played a grater role even that the sleepless nights though.
I still need ages to fall asleep and my husband snores a bit...but mercifully I only need to give him a little nudge and he changes position for me. He doesn't kick, flail about or grit his teeth either. And, lucky for him, he doesn't try to steal my pillow! We have separate sleeping spaces but only use the option when one of us is up working late or being a late night busy-body around the house...
I sleep a lot better when I sleep alone, but I still prefer to curl up with my sweetie.
My husband has for years had trouble sleeping even with the help of medicine prescribed by his doctor, and I have a tendency to snore loudly when especially tired. My husband also snores but will not admit it. I moved out of our bed so that at least one of us could get some sleep. We shared a king-sized bed, and he at first would just shake me gently whenever my snoring awoke him and ask me to move over. One night he kept waking me up by shaking me not-very-gently and demanding that I move over. As I lay there silently fuming because he was on my side of the bed and I was barely hanging on the edge, he began to snore. As his snoring became loud enough to wake him up, he shook me rather hard and once again told me to move over. I did -- to the couch.
One poster mentioned sleep apnea. Many, many snorers have this condition and do not realise that they are more tired during the daytime than a normal person should be, because sleep apnea can cause hundreds of awakenings each night. For some people that means they get absolutely no REM slep (the part of the night in which you dream), and that can cause memory difficulties among other problems. Weight gain too!
If you can afford it, or have insurance to cover it, there is a solution that works for many, a CPAP machine (I think that stands for Continuous Positive Airway Pressure). Mine is a box the size of a shoebox with flexible tubing attached. The tube is attached to either a mask that covers your mouth and nose, or to a pair of prongs that go in your nostrils. In Canada, they cost around $1200, but our government health insurance pays most of that if you have a doctor's prescription.
I bought mine 4 years ago, and it took a few weeks to get used to the feeling of the prongs in my nose and the air blowing down my throat, but now I hate sleeping without it. It stopped my snoring and it lets me wake up refreshed instead of exhausted. And in an unpredicted side benefit, it also stopped my GERD (the horrible stomach reflux you can get at night with acid burning your throat and choking you).
I recommend the type of CPAP that has a "ramp" function, meaning it starts the night with a light flow of air and then increases the flow gradually as you get to sleep. You can adjust the timing to suit how long it takes you to get to sleep.
In my opinion, even without health insurance, this little box costs a lot less than a divorce or a new house with more bedrooms. I wish I had learned about it many years earlier.
What about us men out here who have wives that wake us up 3 or 4 times a night because of their snoring?
The reason that the wife is always the one to leave the bedroom is because: 1) Men snore much more often and much louder than women in general unless the woman is very overweight. 2) Women do NOT enjoy sex as much and in my opinion should not allow intercourse to take place unless the woman initiates it, if she doesn't then she doesn't want it!
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