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Post of the Day: Husband & Online Porn
When one person in a relationship is addicted to online porn, how does it affect the other partner? What if the online antics appear to be headed offline?
WebMD member ygetmarried doesn't know what to do. Maybe you can offer her some helpful advice...
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ygetmarried
on line porn
I have read every concerns about porn. My husband loves to watch porn on line. I am not ok with that, now I notice he has asked one of the pron stars to meet him out of town. I do no understand what a man want with some one who show their body to the world. Can some one please tell me how to handle this problem?
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WebMD member ygetmarried doesn't know what to do. Maybe you can offer her some helpful advice...
~*~*~*~*
ygetmarried
on line porn
I have read every concerns about porn. My husband loves to watch porn on line. I am not ok with that, now I notice he has asked one of the pron stars to meet him out of town. I do no understand what a man want with some one who show their body to the world. Can some one please tell me how to handle this problem?
Related Topics:
Technorati Tags: WebMD, support groups
62 Comments:
I agree with you, i wouldnt allow my man to stare at a naked lady through a window so why allow him to stare at them online! I think you should talk to him and see what are his intentions or reason for doing it and maybe you will find maybe he is bored or unsatisfied when it comes to you being intimate, maybe you could work out something to spice things up! good luck!
He is a addict, just like a meth user. Get help...and get in NOW. You must understand that this is a very real and unfortunatly fast growing problem. Yes, it will escalate into meeing and having "sex" you can bet on that. The best thing to do is..talk about it. I also have a software program "coventant eyes" that monitor his internet sites..I get a report each week. I originally filed for divorce...he agreed to get help...with that I discoved the depth of this addiction...it is terrible...and not only for the spouse but for the addict also. Seek help....get test for sexual transmitted disease and again...get him and YOU into therapy...you need it to "understand" because it doesn't make since to you...so you need to find out "how did this happen" and "why". *Pray to GOD and ask him to help you and your husband..heal your hearts. THe best thing is pray...get in a good church...go to Sunday school...imurse yourselves in the word of God...and find a christian therapist...read all the books you can get your hands on..educate yourself...realize it is a sickness...he needs help, and so do you..or you will end up bitter and alone... I will pray for your family.
And now for the male perspective...
Yes, this can be an addictive problem, and just from what you said it sounds like it can be the case. You and your husband do need to discuss things, and at a minimum he should seek counseling, and while you are at it you both may want to seek some marital counseling - this will also help uncover if your husband is unsatisfied with the intimate aspects of your relationship.
As for the other two posts - of course they are entitled to their opinions too - but the enjoyment of the female form is not a bad thing. It doesn't automatically mean he will be unfaithful to you, and it certainly doesn't make him a bad person. Installing monitoring software is a bad idea IMO - it indicates a lack of trust to your partner and will only lead to negative confrontation. The best thing is not to pray - it is to have an open discussion with the man you married and get some professional help. Faith based counseling of course is an option, but please do not solely rely on prayer (BTW yes I believe in God).
If your husband is viewing content that is demeaning, abusive or illegal - there are other deep seated issues that should be addressed immediately, and again, professionally.
Good luck to you and your husband.
When I discovered that my husband drives the 10 minutes home at lunch to look at online porn for 15 min. every other day,I confronted him and demanded that he explain why on earth would he need to do this when we seem to have a healthy sexual relationship. He apologized profusely, said that he loved me and said that he was sorry but I was making more of this than it was and he would just buy a subscription to Playboy or something. He is a guy and guys do this-he said. The women online were sl*ts and wh*res and that he would never want to be with any of them...just look at them...so he says.
So why do I feel betrayed? I actually did try to spice up our sex life which was ok...I even said that I would check out some porn with him if he wanted...but he still does it...no evidence that he is actually cheating on me though. I felt it was the equivilent of me suddenly chatting/flirting with men online. however- since he won't stop and he isn't really hurting anyone, I shifted into not driving MYSELF crazy. I stopped checking the temporary internet files b/c it was just making me nuts. I wasn't comfortable with putting blocks or surviellance software on my computer b/c he is an adult- I am not his mother. So- I've stopped worrying about it...I actually tease him about it sometimes and he laughs. Some of the web addresses are hysterical...mind you, if he crossed the line by trying to meet one of them our relationship would be over. I don't know...this is how I am dealing with it. So far so good. I think if I had pushed the issue like spying on him or blocking the web pages or being mad it would have caused way more damage to our relationship and he would have become resentful- so now he looks at stupid women for about 45 min a week and I don't care- as long as it's just looking.
For the man who said that this was simply enjoying the female form, what an absurd comparison. This is not the Venus de Milo, it is women objectified and is a deviation of something that should be beautiful. My husband's addiction first manifested itself in disrespect, sexual demands, and cruelty and impatience to me and the children. It was completely consuming him. Everything had to be instant gratification to him. We got help and were separated for a year. We still go to counseling and I can tell you that this addiction was very real and interfered with every facet of his life, and ours as his family. It nearly cost us our marriage until he gave it up and went to addiction counseling weekly in addition to everything else. This was not a result of our sex life being insufficient. It was a result of lust and greed that went beyond what is healthy and normal. I know it is very available but so are many vices. Stay away and stay strong. This is a dead end street. The woman who suggested surrounding yourself with good things, i.e. church, helped us tremendously and reminded him to strive for something better, more lasting and important in life...his family. I am grateful I stuck by him but he was willing to change and that was key. Good luck to you. My heart goes out to you.
The man will wander if you don't take care of him on the homefront. A good way to start-----swallow his load, you will have a friend for life.
I use to think as long as he is doing it just via computer no problem. It went on for years and one day I found out it was not only on computer. My now ex husband was sexually abusing our daughters. Is it worth it?? Tell him to stop and get help now. It is addict behavior even in the least little bit. Don't let it go on. Confront him and make sure he understands this is not an option.
This is an addiction and unfortunately it is rooted in a completely different way than a chemical addiction like alcohol or drugs because the person is doing this in a solitary and private manner with no regulations. In fact, as the addiction progresses it can alter the connectivity of the brain leaving the addict craving more ilicit and risque behavior. So to speak, the internal monitor goes off when the person is consumed in the need to satisfy themselves. This is temptation on all fronts and do not be fooled by it. It is not healthy for a marriage. I am learning this the hard way with my husband's sexual addiction. He went to a workshop with New Life ministries last fall and things were better until he made me his accountablity partner and then started blaming me for all of his problems when he did not want to be responsible and do the necessary work to help himself. He just moved out over Father's Day weekend, which happened to be the day I was due with our 2nd child. He left his family to move back in with his mother. The roots of this addiction run deep and I pray for anyone who is on the brink of becoming vulnerable to its seduction. THis deals with false intimacy issues and addicted men looking at women as objects. It is difficult to attach to someone that does not interact in reality, it is a false world. FYI-I have a healthy sexual appetite, my husband wanting nothing to do with me and actually would use it to control, manipulate and play games with me. He is also emotionally abusive. The more involved the person gets the scarier they become from my experience and the worse it is on the children because the person becomes so selfish, almost narcisstic that the only person they have time for is themselves. I recommend if you have not had children and there is a "sniff" of a problem get help now to find the root before innocent children get involved. It is worth it to face it now then be in denial. My husband's addiction started between the age of 6-8 years old and he is now 34, We have been together 14 years and almost married 9 and he is willing to give up his family to keep his ill behavior. It is a true tragedy for all of us. Marsha Means has a support group for women and her book is "Mens Secret Wars." I also recommend Dr. Laura Schlesinger book on "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands." I wish all who struggle with this the Divine ability to overcome the temptation.
To the OP:
If your husband is really trying to meet out of town with other women without your consent, that, not the porn, is your problem. Address the real problem. As for the porn, share with him, it'll go a long way towards improving your relationship.
To (some) of the other respondents:
Anything, including porn, can rise to the level of an obsession (or if you prefer, addiction) if overused and/or misused. The mere use of porn does not constitute addiction, in fact in most cases is a healthy add-on to ones sexuality. As for those who don't "allow" their husbands to do certain things, I remind you that your husband is your peer, not your child, and you don't have the authority to allow or disallow anything.
To the whole world:
This whole porn issues irritates the snot out of me. It's only an issue because we've been taught to have an unhealthy relationship with our own sexuality, especially women. We have unrealistic expectations (that I will be the source of 110% of my spouses sexuality, including his internal fantasy life), and the notion that God is going to punish us for enjoying something that he gave us. Hogwash. Everything you've ever been taught about sex is wrong, reeducate yourselves.
If your husband or wife or partner is sharing thoughts and ideas with another individual that becomes sexual in nature, then that's cheating! If they are just viewing the occasional porn movie and masturbating, I see nothing wrong with it! Men have been using porn to masturbate with for hundreds of years. What always needs to be determined is whether his use of porn is considered "healthy" or unhealthy. When it affects his job, marriage/relationship, or becomes all consuming, then its a problem. Otherwise, treat it as the same thing as a woman using a dildo or vibrator and fantasizing. Every guy who looks at porn doesn't make him a deranged pervert!
i'm sorry that all this seems like a problem to you, and to your readers. i just have a couple of points that seem to be ignored. i used to work for the industry, and i personally never felt objectified. yes, many people do get addicted; yes, many more need professional help. many of us wrote it off as good money, but my husband and i loved what we did. not all women and men in pornography are nymphomaniac rapists. if you love those you are with, be happy. i'm sure there are guilty pleasures of your own that you need to hide.
I have been marrried for almost 7 years i have 2 kids ages 6 and 4 i have been struggling with this issue since we got married we argue alot and this is the #1 problem i dont think it is wrong when you are single but when you get married and commit to that person then it should only be that person that you want to see i dont have sex everyday but i ususally have sex about twice a week sometimes more i understand that a man needs to be satisfied and i try very hard to do that i have caught him several times throught our marriage and i am starting to feel numb i have made videos for him of me and have tried anything he has asked from me but he still says he feels like he wants to look sometime to see want others have !! i really dont know what i can do anymore i feel like there is no one that can help i really dont think he sees it as a problem so you cant really help someone that dosent think they need it. If there is one thing that i would want more than anything it would be that he could just want to look at me and not wander about everybody else !!! I am almost at my end with this and i am fixing to give up !!
My husband who is 57 and not realy good looking is on my space as a single man trying to meet young great .....and may ask them to marry him and have his baby he wants to extend his family .
To day i found nude and just bad photos of him on his computer I need to barake this marrige but financialy we will be destroyed plaes advise.
Does he ignore you and go for porn instead? If he does you have a problem if he doesn't then you don't. He isn't getting into another relationship outside your marriage so you're ok. I think you just don't understand his view. Also, I wouldn't call him an addict. I also wouldn't call someone an alcoholic just because they drank a beer or had a glass or wine. Also if this bothers you talk to him not to us. You and your husband are the only ones who can resolve this problem if it is a problem.
My husband and i have been married for 3 years. we recently got the internet and i started to notice he was going to the porn websites. it got to the point where i told him i would leave him if he continued. so far, it has been okay but since he works nights and me days, how do i know he isnt going to anywhere else to see this degrading material!?
Hey everyone! I need some advice on this topic. I have been dating my fiance for 2 and a half years. I found some porn on his computer multiple times, but I did not say anything. Tonight I finally said something because it was driving me crazy. He got really upset at me for handling the situation. I asked him why does he have to look at porn, am I not satisfying you enough. He told me that I was doing a great job in bed, but sometimes I am not home when he suddenly "has the urge". So, if I am not there, he will look at porn. He says that he enjoys it, but he will not tell me why he enjoys it (looking at porn). Any ideas? Also, he says that he likes to look at the female body; not a certain type of girl or whatever. I asked him what if he took pictures of me, would that help him to not look at porn, and he said yes. I understand that my pictures are considered porn, but I would rather have my fiance look at me rather than some sl*t on the computer. I am worried how our relationship is going to go. Can someone help me PLEASE?
Another male perspective:
Most men enjoy porn, and I would hazard a guess that nearly all have a stash somewhere. Most women are consumed with the "why" and that's totally understandable because it seems to threaten the stability of the relationship and their shared commitment. It will help you understand the lure and hold of porn if you have a better understanding of the human male's biology.
We're all essentially upper-paleolithic hunter-gatherers, which means biologically we're wired for sex at the primeval level.
Yeah, so what, you ask? At that level men are wired to seek as many females as possible in order to spread their reproductive code as far and wide as possible in order to better ensure the success of the species. Nature is replete with examples. Look around. To help accomplish that males are highly visual creatures, not just to help identify potential high quality mates but also to help identify prey, predators, safe dwellings, passages, etc.
Human males, like most other males, are programmed to seek out females that will give their genetic code the best chance for success; healthy, strong, young females, full breasts that will successfully feed and nourish, wide hips that increase the probability of successful delivery, etc.
There is a constantly running script telling the male to seek, seek, seek, and believe me ladies, it ain't always fun. I heard the male libido once described as being chained to a raving lunatic. LOL
Females are wired for successful regeneration of the species, too, and the wiring is practically the opposite of the male. The time commitment required to conceive, carry, bear, and rear human offspring successfully to self-sufficiency is generally accepted as eighteen years and nine months, at a minimum, by far the longest in the animal kingdom. So, selecting a male that will be there for the duration is absolutely critical for females, and is paramount in the primeval female mind. Consequently, many women react to the threat of another female moving into her territory with the potential to take the male's attention away from the support of their offspring to whom she is so devoted.
The complication comes when evolved humans don't understand or reject these simple biological facts, males AND females. A lot of men don't understand what they're dealing with in themselves and the biological impetus of their sexuality, and most don't possess the interest or capacity to understand. It's sad.
From this perspective, then, it is easy to understand the resulting behavior, male and female, as described on these posts. Ultimately, what separates us from the dull hunter-gatherer simply trying to survive is our ability to analyze ourselves, and our partners, and to respond with care and compassion, and love.
Men addicted to porn are on a very dangerous slope because of how well it satisfies the primeval needs we have little chance of altering. Thankfully, we are thinkers. When confronted with the issue by a confident, caring partner, the tide can turn. Some female posters have offered to factor it into their sexual time together either by watching it together or making it themselves. That's wonderful, and it will speak to their males on the right level. Fighting it not only represents ignorance, but an intolerance that will likely fuel any feeling of separation that has developed as a result of the porn and in most cases will only frustrate the situation for both.
Most males who watch porn a lot seek variety of experience and variety of partners. Most can reduce the desire for the latter if their partner can increase the frequency of the former. Don't be afraid of porn, ladies, try to consider it a form of education. It is interesting that in nearly every other aspect of our "evolved" lives the social norm is to learn by example, except when it comes to sex.
Is the Kama Sutra porn? Perhaps to some. But to others it is a learning tool used to greatly enhance the sexual experience. It might be a bit of a stretch for some, but I would bet if the ladies could orient themselves to porn in a healthy way and use it strategically in their sexual time with their males then they could redirect much of the lost sexual attention from porn to themselves, remove the "threat" of another woman's intrusion, improve their own sexual experience, and strengthen their relationships overall.
My husband of 39 years has ED for several years and is not addicted to one line computer porn. He apologizes and is going to seek counseling. I am paralyzed emotionally since he can't make love to me and has refused saying he has ED and has been seeing a specialist for this. How can I get up and continue through the day? I feel so betrayed and can't believe how this happened at this stage in our life. We have nothing to talk about right now until he seeks counseling. Should I still sleep i the same bed with him. I just need to keep moving forward.
i just found out that my husband looks at porn after he said he wouldnt three years ago. i have watched porn with him, bought toys, about everything, and he still looks at porn online. it hurts because he said he would quit three years ago and he still does it. it messed with our relationship then, and now we are married it has gottin worse. far as i know he hasnt had sex with anyone else but i need help about what to do.
Porn destroys relationships! There are no excuses for it. My husband is in in his late 50's and has been looking at porn since he was about 10 years old. He is an alcoholic, has a pot belly, he gambles, he is lazy and not a good catch for even a woman his own age.When I married him 8 years ago..I knew he watched porn and I was willing to watch it with him ever now and then. But the more I saw that he had a real obsession with it, I told him that it bothered me and ask him to stop..I would leave the house to go shopping or say that I would be going to visit my mom in another city and come back home early and he would be naked in front of the T.V...he would have out sex toys and the whole nine yards..I would feel so much disgust for him. I would light into him saying that I couldn't understand why he loved looking at those young girls so much because they would just laugh at him and find him to be repulsive if it was a real life situation. I would remind him that he had 2 daughters that were the age of the girls that he enjoyed watching so much. But he didn't care what I said..every chance he got he would sneek around and watch porn. I stopped trying to catch him doing it..it made me too sick!!
I am sure you are thinking..why do you stay with him if you feel that
way. It's because I waited too long to leave. The kids are grown up now..yes they know about their father and they are grossed out about it! I do love him and care what happens to him but I am not "in love" with him anymore. I do not trust him and I refuse to have a sexual relationship with him. He has killed all the romantic love I ever had for him. So if you are married to one of these addicts and you think he will ever stop..you are only fooling yourself. All men are not this way, leave now and find someone who wants a normal loving
relationship. I am not bitter, I just feel betrayed. He says that I am abnormal because I don't want to have sex. I guess he can't believe that I just don't want to have sex with him. One day that someone will come along and I will have a normal relationship that I want, until then, I have this cross to bare.
As far as getting help..HA! We went that route and he told the professional what he wanted to hear and then continued to order more porn while keeping all of our appointments with the therapist. He has just never gotten good at hiding things, I can find porn all over the house...I know him so well I know where to look for it.
I wish I had all the money he has spent on porn..then I would have enough money to leave him!!!!!!!!
Try being told he looks at it cause he likes the clothes!!! The girls weren't wearing any. Worse he would barely even kiss me when we found out I was pregnant. Yeah I feel like crap he looks at it instead of wanting to have sex. But I'll admit that's not just what makes me uneasy about him watching it. My child molesting father used to make me watch it with him while he did stuff. So I think sometimes I just don't want to be reminded of it by my boyfriend. Guess it just depends on the people
Porn addiction is real. my wife just left me because she found porn on the computer. i try to rationalize it by her not keeping herself up, pissing me off or some other stupid excuse. The truth of the matter is that the flesh is weak and min is the weakest. I am trying to break the addiction and hope to win my wife back through counseling
my boyfriend watches porn.. it makes me feel like he does not want me anymore.. i always ask him to have sex but he says he is too tired.. but then i find porn on the computer.. if you are watching porn.. think about how it would hurt your girl.. im crying now as i type this..
My live in boyfriend dont drink or cheat..but he would rather look at porn than have sex with me. He wont go to counseling cause he doesnt think he has a problem. We are buyin a house together. I cant move out cause he cant afford it on his own. I do love him. Any suggestions
i have the same problems for years i tried everthing to get ride of this addiction, and i will get this dirt nasty addiction out of my life. i think after watching it for too long it gives the brain a effect like illegal drugs. i sometimes cry and self torcher my self, i know how much it hurst my thought and life. i love this most beautiful person in the world and will probably die if something happens to our relationship. My problems stated about 8 years ago when i was single and all i wanted is to be loved but my luck was against me. also all hell got loose when my first girl friend got married. i have a very low self esteem. I will fight to get ride of this form my brain if i can i will kill myself.. ONe advice to all woman, talk to husband and keep him happy, go out more often. seperate the porn from his life. make him read books. the best thing to do is be a mentor and guide him out of this and take him to church that realy helps. I was off this addiction for a long time until the person i love the most hurt my feelings. but all it was a misunderstanding. I just watched porn for 20 or so minutes. i used spend lot of moeny for porn bt i don't anymore. i am getting better. and i will get ride of this addiction in very short time. Always showe the person you love that you care for him. don't leave him behind take him off the computer and slap him as hard as you can cand take him downstairs and point him the most beautiful thigs you two have brougt in this world and if not for u then for that child tell him to give up this maddeness and disrtuction.
i can't tell my partner about my addiction. it started years ago when some psych meds killed her drive. i needed the release. now that she has a healthy drive i can't stop.
i wish i could, but seeking help means she will leave me. she has said that if she ever caught me it'd be over.
ladies, i am hoping you will tell your friends to be understanding of a spouse who is living this turmoil. i am hoping other men who feel deeply convicted of this addiction might be asssisted by an understanding partner so they can seek help.
this is tearing me apart.
After reading all of the comments, I realize that porn addiction can be more harmful than I realized. My wife has expressed her dislike for internet porn as she feels I use the women(porn) to make myself arroused before intimacy with her. I have rationalized it so many times in my head. I have been watching porn since the early 80's. I want to stop before I am totally consumed. It has been difficult and I am always consumed with guilt after watching. I will do good for a while but there are so many "triggers" that will set me off i.e. TV, billboards, magazines, then the downward spiral begins again. My wife is very beautiful and we have three beautiful children, I do not want to lose her and all that we have made together. By all accounts we have a happy marriage, we communicate, we laugh, we have an active sexual life as well. Porn has been a part of my life for such a long time, it's almost the equivelent of a drug addiction. However it does cost much because I have found ways to download for free. This is my first step to recovery, admitting that I have an issue. Next I will talk about this with my spouse.
I've learned a lot about myself over the years, and in reading your posts I realize I thought many of the same thoughts. I'd like to share 2 things I've learned....
1) As a women, we can't be all things to our husband. We can't expect him to go from loving our nurturing traits to wanting to ravish us at will. He can't appreciate our ability to run our homes, kiss our kids, and create a life with them, then switch to thinkng of us as a sex toy!! Yes, they do want us...but are we the girls in the movies??? No...and when they sought out a mate, that is not who they were looking for. Further more, I enjoy my fantasy and my drawer full of toys, and I dare any women on here to say she doesn't. Does that make you a cheat??? Does that make you want your husband any less??? Be consistant, if he has no porn, you have no vibrator! Sorry...
2) Some people have fetishes, my husband is one of those people. And maybe just maybe your man doesn't want to admit, to you, that he is imperfect. That he has a bit of a fetish. Maybe because you make is so dirty he can't tell you. Maybe he likes something he believes you would think is too dirty to consider....maybe that makes him human?? Sex sells and people are buying, we've created this enviroment you have to embrace it. You have to become comfortable in your skin and unless you want to be his mother for the rest of your marriage...try understanding, not demanding!! Or...throw out your toys!! :)
This is a great site to offer information on this problem.
http://www.themenscenter.net/selfassessment/internet-addiction.php
I am in a relationship with a man who also enjoys watching porn. I thought it was harmless and allowed him to watch porn I even watched it with him. I have found out things that blew my mind such as him having a account on a singles site when I confronted him he said he just looks at the women pics and he says it's harmless, he has made advances on woman on face book. He has this account on a site where women post videos in which he has hundreds of the videos stored in files assorted.
The most bothersome addiction is this porn board where people go to to chat about sex and such where he actually met some of the women on there.. I told him how I felt about this board so he lied and said he'd stop going on but instead went behind my back and used another account name.I also found out he is a member of a erotic sex group with all women.
Now when I confront him he says I am being insecure and since I allowed him to look at porn then all the other things are the same.
I regret allowing him to look at porn at all..
I am feeling very betrayed iknow my husband is looking at porn not just looking but jerking off to it! I am married to this man and for him not to care how it makes me feel, it pi**es me off and when i go to talk to him about it he doesnt want to talk or gets extremely defensive. I to like most of the people on here am trying to spice things up but we have some extenuating circumstance i am HIV positive and he is not, so we have to use protection all of the time, so i have asked him if he misses the skin to skin contact, but i get no anwser. I am afraid this is just the beginning of this addiction and am afraid it is going to lead to cheating or meeting women in person. PLEASE HELP??
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I never know my husband searching pron online. I just found the site today. I am feeling very betrayed to found out about his pron searching while i am sleeping. I am married to him and for him not to care how it makes me feel, it makes me very sad and when i asked him about it that he get extremely defensive by saying " think whatever you want, do whatever you want"; " I am human"; " nobody perfect"; " so you say you NEVER search for things like that?" ect. What should handle this matter? Please advise me. thank you.
I am a guy. I watch porn very regularly. I am also married and have a very healthy sexual relationship with my wife. I love her dearly and can't imagine my life without her. If someone were to ask her how well I fulfill her sexually she would give me a 10 out of 10.
Here's where this gets complicated in my mind: I hate that I have to keep my enjoyment of porn from her. Actually I know she enjoys porn herself but she resists the urge because of her moral values. I also agree with those same moral values but I just can't break away. One thing that makes it difficult is that there is no accountability for me because I'm so good at hiding it and clearing my tracks on the computer that she has practically no chance of finding out that I'm still doing it.
All told, I think it's going to come down to my relationship with God. That is the only thing that will be able to get me to quit watching porn.
Bottom line, everyone knows it's kinda dirty. But the vast majority of men who watch it still love their wives and don't mean to hurt them by watching porn. It's no secret that men and women are wired differently in this regard. Men are visual while women are mental. Man watch porn while women read romance novels. In most cases, there is nothing wrong with you if your man watches porn. As long as you're not withholding sex, there's nothing you can do to change the fact that he likes watching it.
Well..I am a guy age 50. I like to have sex at least once a day, but my wife age 56 likes to have it if I am lucky once every 2 weeks. This has caused a great rift in our marriage. LOL..she is under sexed and I am over sexed you might say. What do I do now? On the porn bit..there is nothing like the real thing (wife) instead of looking at porn.
after a year of being married my husband started looking at porn after i leave for work. i have no problem with it but, when he makes me wait 3-5 months until we have sex it becomes an issue for me. it makes me wonder if he is even attracked to me anymore or if there is a chance that there is someone else he is involved with! we are both in our mid 20's!
i have been married for almsost 27 years. my husband has been secretly addicted to porn from the begining. i was a virgin when we married, so i did not have a clue what to expect of sex. and it was dry! it went from every few weeks, to every few months, to years without sex. to date it is now 9 years. he denies any problem, and won t go for marriage counseling. i finally had enough and left. in a normal marriage i believe there s no need for porn.. unless you are open to watching it as a couple. otherwise, it can destroy a marriage if an individual allows it...
I have been married for 15 years. We had a good intimate relationship that included lots and lots of love making. 2.5 years ago she had a radical hysterectomy and ever since our relationship and intimacy has taken a nose dive. In bed she gets angry if I even touch her. I have read all the books, seen therapists, etc. I do the dishes, clean the house and hold two jobs so she can stay at home with the kids. I try to "arrouse" her mind and everything else. Everything that worked for 12 years is met with cold indifference. She has recently told me she has NO sexual desires. None. I am 39 years old. She has gone through hormone replacement therapy, etc. but she still has no sex drive. It is almost becoming too much to lie in bed and be rejected every night. If I even want to just "snuggle", she is afraid I might want "sex". So anytime I touch her I am immediately rejected and told that sex is no longer an option. Well....I still want a sexual relationship. I don't consider myself a deviant but I still desire an intimate relationship. The more I am rejected the more I look at online porn. I don't consider myself addicted, but it looks like it is the path I am headed. Women say it is all the mans fault for being "selfish" or "non-intimate". Well after 2.5 years of being rejected I have had it. Why can't I look at porn on line if my wife shudders at my very touch? Explain that to me.
I clicked Anonymous but y'all may call me MAD AS HELL IN ESSEX MD AKA Diary of another MAD BLACK WOMAN...
Well here is my story...my husband is addicted to porn. Not just Porn but something called "BOOTY PICS" there is another name for it but I won't spell it out so that I dont offend others but is starts with A and ends with a double SS.
This last episode was Last night as I was in the kitchen putting somethings away he had his phone on the charger ( i did not know this) and it lit up, now the kitchen was dark so when it lit up I turned my head suprised because I was not expecting this. it lit up because some one was sending him a bunch of A*S pics from their phone to his! now in the recent past he I know that he asked women to email him pics and send to phone... he texts and calls other women too...He even has a crap load of pics on the laptop including some of his of his EX-WIFE and he REFUSES to get rid of it. I confronted him and of course he tried to turn it around & claim that his "male cousin" was sending him those pics... naturally I did NOT beleive him i saw thos pics with my own eyes and I know the difference between an online porn pic & some woman sending him her personal pics. He claims that he was going to delete them...lol what a laugh because he STILL HAD all that porn on his phone and you tube videos of booty shaking on his phone.
and for those that think that I was not doing ALL that he wanted and was not handling my (sexual)business, think again...I HANDLE MINE! Ladies & Gentlemen...(and for some of you men I use that term very loosely) PORN ADDICTION IS REAL and it is DESTRUCTIVE!
AND WHEN CONFRONTED MEN WILL TRY TO TUN IT AROUND AND MAKE IT SEEM THAT YOU ARE WRONG! in my case it was "why are you concerned about what is on MY phone"? Mind you I AM THE ONE PAYING FOR THE MAJORITY OF THE BILLS. but I have trick for him...I have a settlement that is coming very soon, as well as other financial things breaking through,and I am MOVING!
He does not really want help...
and yes for those who are wondering... I beleive in GOD and I have a relationship with HIM...
He wont seek help and he wont stop.
Ladies dont be fooled by these men and dont be fooled by the ones on here who will try to say things on here like it is just natural or it is just what guys do...
Let me tell you it WARPS their mind to the degree that the ONLY way my husband has sex because he does not make love to me is for me to be A*S UP FACE DOWN! he doesnt see my face just me bottom. WHO IS HE IMAGINING THAT I AM? and he does things that they do on porn i.e. patting my vulva shaving himself like the men do on those videos.and some other things I wont metion on here.
Well that is my story and even NOW as I am finishing this up my husband is getting texts on his phone as he is playing his wwf legends game.
He has a VERY RUDE AWAKENING COMING!
I found something disturbing last night in my husband's page history on his laptop, he had visited a porn site. Now you must know i have had ruined relationships in the past from porn which is why i don't want anything to do with it. I told my husband back before we started dating that he had to leave all of that behind him- he agreed and promised to have nothing to do with it- that was five years ago- and come to find out after almost three years of marriage he has been going behind my back to online porn sites. I feel sick, hurt and betrayed. In my opinion it is fine for people who are ok with it and want to do that together or for single people. I feel sick, so sick that i want to cry and vommit. I confronted him and he apoligized- our sex life has been dwindling for the last year and i asked him if that was why, because he had been looking at online porn and he said yes...i do not know what to do. He has not agreed to stop and i don't want to lose our marriage- but after this the question is can i ever really learn to trust him? I think it would have been better if he had just told me about his desires in the beginning instead of doing it all behind my back. I am hurt and feel your pain.
I hate when people use the excuse "it's a man thing". It stops being a "man thing" when their significant other despises them for looking at other women. If you say your happy and satisfied in a relationship then what's the issue?? You can't control yourself and pay your partner the respect that she deserves?? All the excuses are just a bunch of BS. Is it so difficult to make that decision? Hmm let me think, would i rather look at porn or stay in a relationship with the person that I so call love? Get real... Men are just too afraid to admit that they have fallen victim to society. Men out there need to realize that if their partner doen's enjoy looking at it and that is hurts them it will inevitably cause a major rift in their relationship. Me and my fiance have a very healthy sex life, in fact I believe I enjoy sex more then he does. I would have sex multiple times a day with him if i could and believe me I take care of him. I have caught him looking at porn twice now and both times I have warned him that if he does it again the relationship will be over. When confronted he cried and begged me not to leave. Literally crying and telling me he loves me and it will never happen again. Do I believe him? I'm not sure. That's the part that drives me nuts, the whole trust thing. How can there be trust if he's been lying. Without trust, there is no relationship.I unfortunately think about this issue all the time almost on a daily basis and it makes me want to hurt him as much as he hurt me. I know this is extremely unhealthy for our relationship but I can't get over it and it has been almost 6 months now. I guess I am waitining in a sense to catch him again so I can leave him and start over with someone who hopefully will be more considerate.
I have been with my husband for almost 2 years, he is 56 and will retire from the City in 5 years and is risking everything for porn addiction...yes, I knew he looked at porn soon after we met and I really did not have an issue with it, until...it became more and more evident that it was not soft porn (that's what he allowed me to think and see). You see everyone it only escalates until the addict is putting himself and everyone that loves him in jeopardy of loseing everything and the addict himself in prison. It is like a drug, it takes more and more of the drug and the drugs become harder and harder substances each time to get the same effect that it did the first time. The addit may never act on such things in real life, but how do you know that for sure? I sure don't!
He even went as far as giving me complete control of the computer, which I password protected which made me truely believe he was in control of this addiction. You do understand an addict is never cured they just have to take control of not doing it. Then I find a receipt that he bought another computer, which he refuses to tell me where it is, it's not in the house. I have tried very very hard to hold this marriage together. He has really become emotionally abusive and puts me down with every thing I do, even though I have always treated him with the upmost respect, understanding and love. I am in the process of getting into seeing a marriage counselor, I doubt that he will go, since he now is stating that he doesn't have a problem with porn addiction and that it is just my way of controlling him. But I will go without him because his addiction not only effects his life but mine also. I will need to learn how to deal with him possibly going to prison or how to deal with divorce from the man I love with all my heart.
Please everyone do not take porn watching lightly. Not only will it distort their images of real life, it also takes away their ability to have normal sexual relations with their wife. He is impotent not even viagra works and yes he has had his testostorone checked and it is normal. I truely believe it is from the years and years of porn. He no longer needs a real woman. There is not enough spicing things up or love that will help when it has got to this level of porn addiction.
Please if you even have a little bit of suspicion that your loved one is looking at porn start researching and stop it if you can. The book "The Porn Trap" is an informative book and after he read it with me he admitted having a problem but now he is back in denial.
Below is a site to purchase a computer watch system, it is completely invisible to the user and you can monitor the computer from any other computer. Do not feel that you are spying, you are not...you are protecting yourself and your family from illegal activity. No different than protecting your identity from thieves or your home from fire.
http://www.webwatcherkids.com/index.php
Good Luck and remember it will not be easy, probably the most difficult thing in your life you will have to deal with.
I understand how you feel (still working on it with my hubby), but advice from strangers with their own agendas won't help you.
Jesus said; “You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery’. But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."
This being stated, no one is perfect and Jesus loves us all. Talk to your spouse, get professional counseling if needed, and realize this is no longer just your husband's problem. Because of his behavior, I'm sure you have a huge list of issues to be dealt with including self esteem and trust.
You must work together and, if things get rough, remind yourself of all the great qualities that originally attracted you to each other.
Good luck and God Bless,
"The man will wander if you don't take care of him on the homefront. A good way to start-----swallow his load, you will have a friend for life."
Haha, some real humor here...at least I'm hoping this is just sarcastic humor otherwise you are an idiot.
A little background history:
I am married and have a 3 month old son. We have been married a little over a year and we couldn't have been happier especially with the news of being pregnant and afterwards the birth of our son. We have such chemistry in the bedroom and have a deep connection outside of it. I have always been a VERY open person and have loved and had relations with both sexes. I am a person who is attracted to the spirit and sexual chemistry of a person not the race or sex of that someone. I am very in tune with my sexual nature and have quite dominated men in the sack when it comes to sex drive. So even when I was pregnant and afterwards (even with a horrid lack of sleep and an infant to take care of) I still made sure I satisfied my husband and myself (well, myself as much as I could). I have always been an attractive and intelligent female and have enough self-respect to know that I am a damn good catch. So why is my husband looking at porn and actual real-life pics of girls? And EX-GIRLFRIENS? Oh, and not to mention looking into the ex's facebook account and other accounts of hers? One was an email account that showed a recent Victoria's secret purchase? Not to mention, his ex is crazy, and not even being jealous or spiteful (I am a realist), but quite hideous. This really creeped me out and at first he lied about it but finally when I showed proof (that he was a creeper and dumba@@) he finally admitted it to me. I was 8 months pregnant at the time and was very depressed and bothered during a time of joy. Since then he has told me he he's had trouble with lying in the past and to this day I still catch him in some lies and he continues to watch porn and look at pics of other women. The idiot today left in a hurry for work this morning and forgot to x out of an incognito window of google that was full of porn.
*In case you were wondering, and I didn't even know it existed until now, an incognito window is a way to look up stuff on the internet or go to websites without any tracks being left behind. No history will show up in the browser afterwards.
I mean really? In the morning at like 4 or 6am? Is this like his coffee? Is folger's going to be replaced? The best part of waking up is porn to get you up!
But not only does he lie and is super sneaky about the 'fun' he has he doesn't really do chores around the house anymore. So I get to take care of our son, pay bills, cook, clean and organize, shop, and really just try to get all our ducks in row every month. Along with satisfying him when he's horny. But when I'm in the mood and want to be frisky with him he says he's too tired. ARGH! Enough is enough I say. I want to trust my husband and I do love him but how can I trust him and try to talk to him when all he does is say he's sorry every time but keeps lying and not helping or tries to turn it around on me?
No matter how much I please him, in and out of the sack, he just doesn't seem to live in reality.
Help!
My husband looks at some of the most despicable garbage on the internet, and despite all our 'meaningful' talks and all his apologies, his behavior has continued. Interestingly, I think the fact that he has been looking at porn since he was a teenager has contributed to his near-ineptitude as a sexual partner. He's clueless about pleasing a woman. He wants real life to imitate porn, and it's all about him. I can't even tell you how many times he's just rolled over or walked away after his orgasm, without any regard whatsoever for my physical or emotional needs. He's pathetic. He expects a woman to be satisfied without any extra effort on his part. He wants the woman to be ready for intercourse immediately, he looks bored during foreplay, and he often cuts that short to get straight down to business! (Well, the chick on the Internet didn't require any foreplay, right?) He blames me when I'm not "satisfied" after sex, which usually entails less than two minutes of (very mechanical and impersonal) intercourse, during which he makes little to no eye contact. There's nothing loving about it at all; like being with a stranger. He has caused me physical and emotional pain because of his disregard for my needs, and he makes very hurtful comments to me if I suggest that we do anything differently. Maybe if he had spent a little less time jerking off to images of women online, and more time COMMUNICATING with real women, he'd be a more compassionate, loving partner. I've never had these types of problems with another partner. He has no respect for women, and I honestly believe his porn addiction contributed to the problem.
It is not wrong at all to look at porn and masterbate. Men and WOMEN both do it. Its currently just more socially acceptable for men. which im sure will change with time. There are limits of course to what is a healthy amount. And content. But everyone who is so negative and hopelessly closed minded to the thought of a guy watching porn now and then, STOP POSTING COMMENTS! AND STOP USING THE RELIGION AND OBJECTIFYING WOMEN CARD! Just because your husband watches porn doesnt AT ALL mean he is unsatisfied...... lot more to say on the subject but think im gonna watch some porn...
Not all men are like this, but those are the good ones. Men will sneak and look at porn and not really care how much it is hurting there marriage. Its all about them. Been going thru this also with my husband. But i have to come to realize that sad but my husband is one of those men who only cares about himself. We have two small children and been married for almost twenty years. And yes we only have sex when he hasn't been looking at porn because he hasn't had the chance. But when he has been into porn etc. he doesn't have intrest in sex with me. So it's easy to tell and do I trust him when he's on the computer no.. I caught him looking at porn one time and jacking off. Has he done this more than once yes i am sure... But at this point I have lost all trust with him and it's really don't see me ever trusting him due to he will lie to your face. I have said how he hurts me doing this and talked to him. He tells some line which is just a lie to get him thru. But I am focusing on my kids and self now. I am going to work out to get rid of stress and instead of being hurt or angry i will be healthy and fit.
I have recently experienced similar issues as many of the previous posts...here are some differences I have been with my boyfriend for a little over a year. Because he's in the military we've spent about 4 months of that apart (training and duty tours). Because we were friends for about a year before we dated, as soon as we paired up things moved quite quickly. Although he 'lived' on the base, he stayed with me (always). Due to my recent job loss and to take our relationship to another level, we recently moved in together at his new duty station. Similar to a few other women I ended up finding that not only was my boyfriend signed up for multiple online personal as a single guy, but he was also exchanging pictures with the girls he was talking to on those sites. He even went as far as talking about meeting up with a few women while we were going to be apart. Since he's not here right now, I can confront him face to face, but I called him out by e-mail. He has sworn what most of the husbands in previous posts had.. 'it means nothing', 'I get bored when you're not here', 'I swear I will do what it takes to fix this, you're the only woman for me'. He swears that he was never able to follow through with meeting any women, and instinctively I believe him. Obviously when he gets back we have a lot to try and fix in our relationship, but I just wanted some words of advice from woman who were successful in repairing these damaging relationships.
So how is our relationship... perfect minus this issue. You may laugh, and maybe I'm being naive, but all I can go by is how and feel and what he says. Our sex life is GREAT! He is not at all selfish; he's very intimate and considerate of me and what makes me happy. When we're together sex is not uncommon twice a day, when we're apart we send plenty of pictures/videos back and forth. I guess I just feel so crushed due to the trust issue he has now created. It's now to the point where I am considering leaving him so that I don't end up in this position when we are married and have kids. Besides praying and waiting until he gets home to talk things over I'm looking for resources to help me through this, for him to get help, or success stories. Thanks.
Giving oneself pleasure is a good thing - read Sex for One by Betty Dodson if you don't belive me. You are your own best lover - and the lover who will always be there.
That said, from a woman's perspective, there is very little good porn and a whole lot of bad porn. Men control most of the porn industry - it is not surprising that women are turned off by porn today. I suggest to women to take a look at vintage porn made with silent film in the early 1900's or read some good erotica. The romance novel is the average woman's porno mag. Perhaps women can lighten up a little.
I am a woman and I began looking at sexually suggestive material when I was 12 or so. Come on - it is just natural for all people to be curious, and it is natural for people to be aroused by viewing sexuality. Porn can be addictive, but the level of addiction must be ascertained by the individual. A person looking at porn should occasionally ask themselves the hard questions regarding whether or not they are addicted and what value, if any, looking at porn is bringing to their life. Why do they look at porn? Is porn a true pleasure, a curiosity, or a crutch? Do you waste time at porn - how much time per week do you spend looking at porn (keep a log). Stop taking your husband's interest in porn personally. It is not about you - the question is why aren't you about you? Focus on yourself, and make yourself the best you for you. Yes, you deserve to be the focus of attention, your own attention. What your husband chooses to look at is his business.
I am a 56 year old male, married to the most sexiest women for over 37 years and yes, I have looked at porn on occasion. The secret is to keep the spice in the marriage!. She dresses in fine lingerie that I purchase and we are always discovering ways to pleasure each other. I enjoy photographing here in the things I purchase, and she loves doing it for me. I love her more now than I did when we first married. I have only looked at porn to appreciate what I have sleeping with me every night.
My husband looks at pictures of young women. He doesn't dwell on this, but looks occasionally and i assume more when i'm gone. We have sex about 2x a week (he's 57, i'm 52). I'd like it more often, but he doesn't show interest in having more. I guess he's physically satisfied, but just likes to look at the younger women. I'm slender, same size as when we got together 10 years ago, wear my hair long and blonde and have lots of sexy lingerie that he shows not much interest in. But i'm old. I guess I have nothing to worry about. Still feel kinda bad though.
My husband and I have been married for 12 years we have 2 great kids and he is throwing it all away. We have repeatedly gone through this cycle where he first lies to my face and makes me feel paranoid, then admits it after I confront him for the 50th time and is soooooooo sorry, doesn't want to lose us etc. Then he will lie to me again. If you are at the start of this process and it is hurting you~then get out! He will never change. Get out while you are young and you can find an HONEST relationship. I don't expect him to be Porn Free but I hate being lied to. Neglected physically-no sex, no kiss, no hug, no candles, no dates. Oh and what a stupid time suck it is when I am doing everything around the house (LOL on the Folgers Post..watch your husband get up earlier and earlier and still leave for work at the same time-pathetic). Whether or not you think porn is wrong men...look at the PAIN in these posts...is this really worth it? Is it adding to your life? No I am not fat or nasty looking-I am
5'&7" and weigh 125 pounds, I am noticed when I go out, but no woman no matter the size or age deserves to be ignored if you have chosen to MARRY HER!!! I am totally into sex we...we have done everything under the sun but making love? hmmm....guys who are really into porn will not MAKE LOVE. Guys need freaking reality check at my class reunion the women looked great the men where mostly fat, bald, puffy, red faced! Give me a break! Will your wife wearing silky underware really stop you from being a lying stupid turd? Porn adds nothing to your life but it takes away so much. People think we are the perfect couple, nice house, beautiful kids, nice repoire with one another but it is just a big lie. Get in a relationship with someone who is honest and will understand the differnece between checking out a few pictures and watching a group of men violate a girl in an amateaur video. The titles on the videos are disturbing and he swears that they are just meant to get you to watch them. What if I wanted to watch a video in which a young male was being raped~and took time to justify it? It would not hold up! It is all disgusting. I have no faith in him overcoming this. I will wait until my kids are older but I am leaving him if he doesn't stop this time for real.
my husband is 58 and I am 56, we have been married 37 years. Over two years ago, he had surgery to correct a stricture to the uretha tube. He claims that has caused his ed, but I know that he looks at online porn when I am at work, not every day, but it makes me feel unwanted, especially since he so rarely touches me. the times we have tried to have sex, it is always because I have tried to get him to make love. I should add that I have struggled with my weight since my oldest child was born and my thyroid stopped working, so I have no metablolism. It is extermely difficult to lose weight, so I have very low self esteem. I am about 50 pounds overweight, but he claims there is nothing wrong with the way I look and it is a physical problem. if so, why the fascination for the internet porn when I'm not around? why the young women? internet porn is meant to arouse men. period, no other reason. since he doesn't like to be intimate with me, and looks at those other women who expose themselves like that, it makes me feel like he is using the surgery as an excuse to avoid me. I might also add that up until two years ago, he had been obese, but had weight loss surgery and is now at a normal weight. We have had arguments about the porn so many times and he continues to hide his history and temporary internet files on the computer, and doesn't make any effort to have initimacy with me. it depresses me and makes me feel unloved and like he simply has no interest in me. it is very difficult for me to try to approach him sexually when I feel like I don't appeal to him sexually. if he wasn't looking at the porn, I wouldn't feel so bad, but I can't compare to those other girls and women-I can never look like that. when we do talk about the ed, he claims it isn't me, that it is a physical problem since the surgery, but he has only tried a couple of times this year, with levitra and then without, but I think that the pills won't work if he has no desire for me. I don't know how he can expect to have sex when he keeps himself so distant physically. I have tried to get him to be more affectionate, but it really wears on me cause he isn't very responsive and rarely displays affection for me.
I have only been married for 3 months and hidden porn and lies have already been an issue twice.
I am heartbroken. Guys, when you do this it is like throwing your wife and your marriage in the garbage.
If my husband spent one tenth of the energy he's spent in hiding his porn and lying to me, in being truly intimate with me, both of our lives would be so much better.
Secret porn watching is not an "addiction". It is just the habit of a selfish man. Watching porn requires no communication, no intimacy, no skill, no giving. A real man can handle a real woman and does not require sex actresses to masturbate to.
Although I had suspected he was unfaithful, when cleaning the temporary internet files this morning I found that my husband has been visiting porn sights at least twice a week, if not three times a week, for the last 2 years. Like a lot of other women, I felt sick, numb, betrayed, angry and confused. This isn't just a simple matter of hopping on the computer, it is part of a life pattern for him. He is a 58 year old man with an addictive personality. He was a "heavy drinker" but now the alcohol is affecting him more than it used to --he slurs his words, got into a traffic accident where he left the scene and is either drunk or too hung over to help around the house. I hate being lied to and neglected physically-no romance, no hug, no candles, no dates.
I am posting for a friend who does not want to blog from her computer. Over the years, it is lies, denial, then deleting history and prove it tactics. It all goes back to the first time. Yes she tried to forgive and forget but then later it is something else to bust your trust. When confronted for the first time on viewing porn , he became very defensive, argued just normal, most men masterbate it is normal ..you think I some kind of evil person .Then accusing her of not wanting to have sex. Then it stops as he tries to be nice again but refuses guidence, still not very affection, never wants to do anything together, never a hug or kiss in months to years or emotional caring. Not sure what advice to give her. Then she found on their camera video of him masterbating and autofelliato. So is this the next step after porn, is it self made porn since he told her that , it was to be private, no one was to see.
I am dealing with the same thing with my boyfriend and he is looking at it on his cell phone. It is a big problem of mine because I have never had anything against porn until now. We never make love anymore and haven't in the longest time, but my boyfriend told me that he "relieves" himself in the most obsurred places and I have in fact walked in on him at home doing his thing. I have never dealt with this and it is very hard, and I have put up with the lies about it, the naked pictures from use to be CLOSE friends and now the getting extremely defensive when I go through his phone and find him looking at it. WHAT DO I DO?? Everytiime I bring it up that he has a problem he calls me jealous and we get into major fights about it. Please I am at my last resort can someone please help me?!?!?!?!
I am in a wonderful relationship with man who makes me laugh, makes me happy, and all in all satisfies me. we have been living together for over 5 years now and are engaged to be married. In a previous relationship, my partner masturbated to porn and was very open about it. I had no problem with this. In my current relationship, I found out that he has masturbated to porn since he was in high school. He has tried to hide it from me and lied to me about for the last 4 years of our relationship. We have tried counseling but he gave up on it only after 2 months. We have tried Covenant Eyes and he found a way to get around that. I love him and i want to marry him but not with this addiction. He tries to rationalize it, but I just dont understand. I am trying really hard to be there for him and help him through this, but all of my energy is gone. He says that he feels ashamed after he finishes. I am really scared of what this might escalate to. I am scared that our future children may walk in on him like i have many times. I just would like him to understand that this is killing our realtionship by making me cold and less intimate with him. He really needs some self control. I dont know what the next step is besides breaking off our engagement, which i would not like to do, but i dont want to marry him with this problem.
I found out my husband of 18 years was watching porn about two years ago. Who knows how long before this, but I was very upset. Women really have a very hard time with this. Men seem to "poo poo" it away, like no big deal, but it is to us. I confronted my husband and he said he would no longer do it. Well...he did. Almost two weeks ago I had a hysterectomy, and now I've noticed he's been looking at it online. Geez - can't he even wait until I'm healed? This is very, very hurtful to women. Why do we always have to try to understand and bend to how men feel - what about us?
SEX OUTSIDE OF MARRIAGE DESTROYS RELATIONSHIPS!
I have lived with and been married to and divorced from and lived with and seperated from and now living with the man I consider to be the love of my life here on earth for the past 15 years.
In the beginning it was a wonderful relationship, then our daughter was born, he lost sight of me then. The relationship become more and more physical/abusive. I allowed his wayward daughter to come and live in our home, I lost myself in his eyes completely and the physical/abuse became more than I could bare, and during this time I found out he was looking at internet PORN. He found out he is Bipolar, he went on medication, things were up and down constantly, medication is a patient specific trial and error. I could not take anymore, so I divorced him. We reconciled after several months and things were wonderful. THEN suddenly he came home (he is a truck driver) and announced he had found someone NEW, EXCITING and YOUNG, the WEEK BEFORE CHRISTMAS!!! He left me and our daughter for a truck stop Wh*re! TWO MONTHS later, he called and said he made a huge mistake and we reconciled again, I have STRUGGLED with forgivness and trust for the past 10 months...
I FOUND PORN ON HIS LAPTOP; I WASN'T LOOKING, I BORROWED HIS LAPTOP TO WORK ON MY HOMEWORK AT A FRIEND'S HOUSE, IT WAS COMPLETELY BY ACCIDENT...OR GOD SPEAKING.
SEX OUTSIDE OF MARRIAGE DESTROYS THE RELATIONSHIP AND NO RELATIONSHIP IS IMMUNED...
PORN IS ALSO A MAJOR PROBLEM, THERE IS NO EXCUSE OR REASON WHY HE NEEDS TO LOOK AT WOMEN THAT DEGRADE THEMSELVES LIKE THAT, IT IS LUST AND ADULTRY LOOKING FOR A PLACE TO BURROW...
I have read all of your posts and your words of WISDOM are helping me (the words that were wise that is). I know what I have to do.
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