If you believe the commercials, the holidays are filled with lovers kissing under mistletoe, exchanging sparkling gifts, and walking joyfully under moonlit skies. In reality, the stresses of preparing for the celebrations and parties, hosting family, cooking, and home decorating can take away from your time together and limit your opportunities for intimacy.
Here are three things you can do to preserve the closeness of your relationship during the season.
Be intentional about your relationship. We may tell ourselves that we’ll have time to focus on our partner again once the holiday stress is over. But the holiday rush is followed immediately by the back-to-work, more-behind-than-ever catch-up, which just continues to pull our attention away from the primary relationship that is supposed to nourish and sustain us. We take our relationship for granted, and in doing so, we miss the point of the holidays. In every tradition, the holiday season is meant to celebrate relationship. So, at the holidays, more than ever, we have to purposely prioritize a time to celebrate “us.”
Think about how you can nurture the three areas of your relationship – practical functioning, friendship, and sexual intimacy. Ask your partner to write a list of actionable, measurable, and time-limited ideas that would make them feel cared for and appreciated in each area. Choose and commit to doing two in each category each week during the holidays.
For instance: Kiss me under the mistletoe. Hug me in the kitchen when I’m doing the cooking for the holiday (and offering to help!). Give me lots of time to become aroused. Risk something new in the bedroom. Read one chapter from a sex book together. Draw a bath for me.
Grab some time away together. While you are managing the schedule for all the parties, school plays, cookie exchanges, and religious services make sure you put down one evening for just the two of you. Maybe it’s a date in front of the tree with music playing and fire roaring. Or a walk on a chilly evening to get away from the relatives and debrief about the family craziness. If you’re traveling to your hometown, book a hotel room and sneak away for an afternoon with none being the wiser to your whereabouts.
Give sexy gifts. It may be cold outside, but you can keep it hot inside with these popular presents: The Kama Sutra weekender kit – a bit of lotion, fairy dust and feathers to spice things up. A coupon for an evening of peppermint schnapps followed by peppermints in your mouth to make oral sex fresh and tingly. A lace thong and thigh high stockings that stay up by themselves (choose black). Boxers with a sexy message for him. Silky sheets or comforter for the two of you to slide around on. Tickets for a get-away to a warm beach.
You can find Laurie Watson at AwakeningsCenter.org.