When I asked my client Caroline if she has orgasms during sex, she shook her head, “No.” She then said, in an apologetic tone, “But I can if he touches me.” So, she was able to climax with clitoral stimulation, but she seemed to think that a vaginal orgasm is the only REAL way to have orgasm.
Here’s the truth about clitoral vs. vaginal orgasms, and a few more orgasm facts:
1. Only 15% of all women can reach orgasm solely through penetration. Even within this statistic, most of these women likely had plenty of foreplay that prepped them for orgasm. Then, intercourse pushed them over the orgasmic cliff by the pulling, tugging and smashing of the clitoral tissue during thrusting.
2. Many women prefer clitoral orgasm and find it more intense. Foreplay is sex for most women. The caressing of her body and stimulation of her clitoris is what she loves. Oral sex may feel exquisite and be the easiest way she climaxes.
3. Men can’t tell if she has orgasmed. For instance, client Jake claims to have had over 30 previous lovers and swears to me that all of them had climaxed with intercourse alone. No touching necessary! But, the odds are likely that the women Jake was with were more concerned with wanting to please him than be truthful with him. Or, a man may think his wife has been climaxing because she was lubricated, sighed during intercourse or had a sudden tension in her body. Without enough communication, a man really doesn’t and can’t know if she reaches climax.
4. Many men think that giving her a vaginal orgasm means he’s a good lover. Unfortunately, a man’s ego may rest on his ability to give her an orgasm with his penis alone. Most of what he sees in porn or even romantic film shows a women easily climaxing in short order with intercourse alone. He may even fear his penis size is inadequate if she can’t orgasm “vaginally,” adding pressure to both of them. In reality, we’ve theorized that the possibility of vaginal orgasm is more about her anatomy – how near her clitoris is to her vaginal opening.
5. Vaginal orgasm might happen with good G-spot contact. The G-spot is on the roof of a woman’s vagina – if she’s on her back about 2 – 2 1/2 inches inside her canal. Two reported favorite positions for best contact:
- Woman on top and leaning forward toward his face at a 45 degree angle
- Man on top with her legs draped over his elbows or his shoulders if she’s especially limber to rock her pelvis slightly backwards.
The best and real way a woman climaxes is her way – not what happened with his previous lovers or what the media insists. Her responsibility is to openly communicate how/where she likes to be touched and when/if she prefers intercourse. A good lover gives her plenty of touch, tunes into her body, and respects her unique route to orgasm.
You can find Laurie Watson at AwakeningsCenter.org.